#captain xiao

[dizzkie]

Yk what I want to see in s3? More Xiao Li. He's so underrated. I love him. He's goated.

I wanna see him bond with the trio and act like their dad and worry over them and try his best to help them and carry one of their half dead bodies, crying, telling them to hold on and uhhh, yeah cute stuff like that!

[sylvanfreckles]

Gehenna: Chapter Two (Link Click)

A stranger recognizes Lu Guang from his cosplay days, but his intentions are far from honest when he drags Lu Guang into a desperate situation with his survival on the line.

...

Fighting to ignore the man, Lu Guang shoved himself back up, and managed to lean against the wall beside the mattress. He met Zhen Wuying’s gaze with his own heavy stare, tilting his chin up and letting his expression freeze on his face.

No matter how the drug pulled at him, he had to stay conscious now. Had to find some way to gain the upper hand in this situation.

“You know I can just push you down again,” Zhen Wuying said, breaking the silence.

“Then I’ll just sit back up.”

(@juneofdoom 2026, Day 24: Drugged)

[raddestrose]

I think this is the last episode

its like bro WANTS his family to be messed up

poor girl, her life been nothing but awful then this

YOU MORON

XIAOSHI NOOOOO

now look, you’ve got an angered his boyfriend and this is what happens

you get tag teamed in the subway lines

oh god everything is going so so wrong

shes saying shes scared, my heart

NOOO LI TIANXI

YEAHHHH CAPTAIN XIAO LETS GOOOO

noo she’s saying thank you she’s dead dead

DID SHE JUST GIVE QIAO LING HER POWER

never mind just her super sad memories

OH SHOOT, THE BROTHER DID IT

oh that’s just SAD

BRO I CANT DO THIS

talking about his daughter

I WILL CRY

WHAT

THEMMM

THOSE GUYS, THEY’RE GREAT

this whole sequence is just BRUTAL

who’s this cat with the fancy hat?

OH MY GOD ITS MYSTERY KID ISNT IT

where’d they get that random picture of Lu Guang?

WHAAAAAAAAAT

WHAT WHAT WHAT HE DIED

theres an alternate timeline where Cheng Xiaoshi DIES

WAIT, so does that mean Lu Guang..

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

LETS GOOOOO WANG JUANG’S NOT DEAD

I thought she was cool

SHOOT, we have an evil duo now

WHAAAT

OH I SEE, I WAS RIGHT

YOU HYPOCRITE

BROOOOOOOOO

I AM SO NOT READY

ohh this new song is a VIBE

hey, we ever learn about those numbers, his phone password

im just curious

[heavenlyshadow]

I'm on S2.E4 and Captain Xiao and the gang ruled out Qian Jin so fast just because the captain knew him in the academy and his wife died??

Classic misdirection or is the villian actually someone else?!

My guesses right now are that it's someone in Qian Jin's law firm, and someone connected to Xu Shanshan and Qiao Ling, cause Shanshan took a lot of photos of herself and her and Qiao Ling together.

So is it Shanshan's bf?

[rubilune]

Cheng Xiaoshi: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?

Lu Guang: Did you just make that up?

Cheng Xiaoshi: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.

Lu Guang:

Cheng Xiaoshi: A really long fortune cookie.

Lu Guang: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Lu Guang: *waves his finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*

Lu Guang after seeing Cheng Xiaoshi die once again:

Cheng Xiaoshi: Why is Qiao Ling making me do the dishes again? You haven’t washed them in a week, Lu Guang!

Lu Guang: It’s because I’m Qiao Ling’s favorite.

Cheng Xiaoshi: I hate you.

Lu Guang, also known as a universe destroyer for his 100% platonic bff: Why would you wanna save the galaxy? It's full of idiots anyway.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Because I'm one of the idiots that lives in it!

Lu Guang: Are you sure

Cheng Xiaoshi: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Lu Guang: It was me...

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

This could work either way but I have you know what in mind

Lu Guang: I have an idea.

Qiao Ling: A good idea?

Lu Guang: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Lu Guang after deciding he's not going to be left hoeless

Lu Guang: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?

Qiao Ling: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Qiao Ling: Only as their rodeo clown.

In my defense all I'll say is that they are so siblings, your honor

Someone irrelevant, to Qiao Ling: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!

Qiao Ling: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*

Lu Guang, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Qiao Ling cute or small.

I support the feral and armed with medical equipment Qiao Ling Agenda

Qiao Ling: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Captain Xiao: Wasn’t Cheng Xiaoshi with you?

Cheng Xiaoshi: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once (several times) and it offends me.

Is the following one in character? No did the idea make me laugh? Yes.

Captain Xiao: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Qiao Ling: Hot dog costumes!

Captain Xiao: I’m sorry, what?

Qiao Ling: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Lu Guang, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Lu Guang hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us.

Captain Xiao: Are you saying that Lu Guang would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Lu Guang: I do hate hot dogs.

Qiao Ling: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.

Cheng Xiaoshi: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Lu Guang: I’m worried about you.

Cheng Xiaoshi: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Qiao Ling: Strong.

Captain Xiao: Weak.

Lu Guang: An idiot, is what your are.

Lu Guang: And here we see Qiao Ling and Cheng Xiaoshi in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.

Qiao Ling: Gaelic bread.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Grueling brad.

Qiao Ling: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

Sibling behavior

Qiao Ling: Seriously, all you do is bitch.

Lu Guang: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

He actually does

In my mind Captain Xiao is actually now their parent

Captain Xiao: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.

Captain Xiao: Ask me to kill for you.

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...First of all, calm down-

What I will always love about this man is he didn't even know them for more than a couple times and yet he never hesitated on helping them

Cheng Xiaoshi: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Cheng Xiaoshi: And I started thinking.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Cheng Xiaoshi: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Captain Xiao: Are you ok?

He isn't

Lu Guang: We all have our demons.

Lu Guang, grabbing Cheng Xiaoshi: This one’s mine.

And he isn't letting go

Cheng Xiaoshi: I regret nothing!!!

Lu Guang: I regret everything!!!

*insert the same old joke*

Cheng Xiaoshi: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Lu Guang!

Lu Guang: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Lu Guang after the 3rd time travel:

Qiao Ling: You need a hobby.

Cheng Xiaoshi: I have a hobby!

Qiao Ling: Fawning over Lu Guang isn’t a hobby.

Cheng Xiaoshi after calling Lu Guang handsome for the 100th time

Qiao Ling: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

Here I am again with my feral Qiao Ling agenda. I regret nothing

Cheng Xiaoshi: Lu Guang, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break.

Lu Guang: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

I don't even have to repeat the joke do I?

Cheng Xiaoshi, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??

Cheng Xiaoshi, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!

Tbh, I don't think he'd ever get a driving license in the first place, it would be too much of a hazard, but it is nice to dream

Captain Xiao: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?

Qiao Ling: Exercise more!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Set yourself on fire.

Lu Guang: There are two kinds of people.

Captain Xiao: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Captain Xiao: *turns around and helps Cheng Xiaoshi through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Cheng Xiaoshi.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Okay.

*out grocery shopping*

Lu Guang: *takes a free sample twice*

Lu Guang: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

I find that to be a bigger crime than breaking the entire universe tbh. At least in that he hasbhis homosexual tendencies to back him up

Captain Xiao: How do you type so fast?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Anxiety.

Lu Guang: What do I get?

Cheng Xiaoshi: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Lu Guang: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Cheng Xiaoshi: It won't be me.

Lu Guang: I'll get my coat.

The joke will never get old will it? (It has, like 4 jokes ago, but I'm so unfunny I can't think of another one)

Qiao Ling: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Ok, Qiao Ling, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?

Qiao Ling: 1917.

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...You're ready.

I love them a healthy amount

[raddestrose]

Ohh sneaky plan

OHHHBTHEY PUT A TRACKER IN HIS COSTUME

gahhhhhh

you know you don’t literally have to bring the house down to metaphorically bring the house down 

what?

oh poor girl

OH IT WAS HER

oh nevermind

dude stop talking he’ll- there it is

Are you sure this is ALL because of your dead wife?

poor everyone actually

daaaang, he killed her and they weren’t even cheating

bro, they’re ACTORS

YEAHHH HENCHMEN GET HIM

maybe aim better though

Or just like move on

Yeesh,

THATS JUST LOW, messing with his stab wounds

Oohh tazing his hand

OH she’s talking

god a flashback

OH SHIT DUDE

SHE JUST DIED😦

[raddestrose]

OFFICER XIAO LOOK OUT (maybe, probably)

oh nevermind

uhh, that was fast

I knew it was gonna kind of be like an energy shift in between the seasons cause of like the opening, but I did not realize it was gonna be this crazy 

HE DIDNT GO

WHAT

nonoononononono

nooooooooo

bro was kicked

oh soo

THEY BOTH GOT IT?

sneaky sneaky sneaky

this show legit has me freeaking oout

ohh you evil eeeevil

that poor guy, and his wife and child

oh Glasses, you’ll get what’s coming your way and you better believe it

if its such a shame then don’t kill him

this is what happens when you make your four year old sister kill people

Li Tianchen’s threats genuinely make me laugh

OH MY GOD HES LOUIS ENGLISH VA

HES ON FOR WHAT

oh god what is going to happen

what weird theater kid fantasy is this?

OH NO LU GUANG

oh this is so a trap, oh wait its a swap

what are you planning Cheng Xiaoshi

They disappeared him

OH TRAP DOOR

NO OH LETS GOOOO

OH SHOOT THEY GOT BLOWN UP

CAPTIAN XIAO NO OH SHOO

[sylvanfreckles]

Canon in M: Chapter One

My entry for @juneofdoom!

Day One: "Where am I?"

When Captain Xiao asks for help identifying a suspect who's been assaulting women, Cheng Xiaoshi dives into the body of the perpetrator to gather what evidence he can (and make sure the victim survives in one piece...if Lu Guang lets him get away with it).

Chapter TW: implied violence against women

(If anyone can tell me why I can't get the link boxes anymore I'd appreciate it. I can't figure it out, I keep having to just put the title down and hyperlink it and I don't want to open this up on chrome or something)