Nilou: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.
Cyno: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Paimon, jumping out of Traveler's closet: BOO!
Traveler:
Paimon:
Traveler:
Paimon: *makes a sad face*
Traveler: Ahh! Oh my god! You scared me!
Alhaitham: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are.
Traveler: Okay?
Alhaitham:
Alhaitham:
Alhaitham: Actually it's gonna bug me if I don't, so-
Tighnari, to the others: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you're doing it all wrong.
Alhaitham: Italics.
Traveler: Yeah, Italians.
Wrong world, Traveler
Kaveh: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Alhaitham: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Kaveh: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns???
Alhaitham, deadpan: Is it working?
The poor guy just wants to sleep without hearing someone building shit all night
Alhaitham: Don't worry, I have a permit.
Cyno: ... This just says "I can do what I want".
Tighnari: Hi, I'm Cyno's emergency contact.
Counter Person: You're here to pick him up?
Tighnari: I'm here to remove myself as his emergency contact.
Traveler: Do you even, cuddle, bro? Do you even lift, bro... each other up with kindness? Do you tell your loved ones that you care about them regardless of who is listening? DO YOU EVER RESOLVE CONFLICTS, EMOTIONAL ISSUES THROUGH COMPROMISE AND COMPASSION RATHER THAN ANGER AND DENIAL?!
Traveler after witnessing the 100th homosexual situationship of Tevyat
Tighnari: Are you drinking enough water?
Kaveh: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
Alhaitham: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Kaveh way.
Traveler: Isn't that the wrong way?
Alhaitham: Yes, but it's faster.
Cyno: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.
Tighnari: The big five licenses?
Cyno: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and... license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.
He probably already has that last one but let's pretend
Kaveh: There's no meeting today because Alhaitham is at the police station.
Cyno: He's in jail?!
Tighnari: We have to get him out!
Dehya: Jailbreak! I'm in!
Nilou: I'll dress up and distract the guard!
Traveler: Ooh, I'll bake some food to help distract ALL the guards!
Cyno: I guess I could bring my frying pan in case we need a shield to keep us from being shot-
Kaveh: No! Alhaitham wasn't arrested! He's undercover, taking the system down from the inside. He doesn't need our help!
Someone messed with his vacation schedule, maybe
Traveler: A banker? Me?
Cyno: Yes, Traveler.
Traveler: But I don't know anything about running a bank!
Cyno: Good. No preconceived ideas.
Traveler: I've robbed banks!
Cyno: Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money should be on the inside.
Traveler: We have heart?
Tighnari: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to his chest*
Tighnari: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.
Dehya, to the Traveler: Please, picking locks is my specialty.
Dehya: *throws a brick through the window*
Dehya: Okay, let's go.
Alhaitham: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*
Traveler: You can't just skip to the happy ending!
Alhaitham: I don't have time for their problems.
Kaveh: The results are in, I'm afraid you have updog...
Tighnari: What's updog?
Kaveh: Alhaitham! Get in here, I told you I could do it!
Traveler: I would let you ruin my life.
Kaveh: Sorry, I'm busy ruining my own. You'll have to wait.
Traveler: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.
Tighnari: ...what happened?
Traveler: I made a VERY bad mistake.
Traveler: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable......and also assault with a deadly weapon.
Alternatively it could be feral Nilou or regular Tighnari, but I think it fits the Traveler better
Tighnari: I hope you have an explanation for this.
Kaveh: We have three, actually!
Alhaitham: Pick your favorite.
Tighnari: You gotta slow down and smell the flowers... appreciate life's miracles.
Tighnari: Like me. I'm life's greatest miracle.
Kaveh: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born.
Alhaitham: Aw... that's not true.
Alhaitham: It'd be exactly the same.
Alhaitham: You're not important.
I mean, he's not wrong. None of us are important in the grand scheme of things
Traveler: What are amphetamines?
Tighnari: Drugs that can go on land and water.
Traveler: Ohhhh.
Alhaitham: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that. I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.
Kaveh: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together*
Tighnari: What are you making?
Kaveh: A mistake.
Nilou: Cool, any other secrets?
Dehya: I still sleep with the blanket I had as a baby.
Nilou: Awww-
Dehya, stern: I use it as a gag when taking people's pets hostage.
Nilou:
Nilou: There's no punch line 'cause it's not a joke isn't it?
*On a hike*
Kaveh: It's beautiful out here.
Tighnari: And quiet.
Kaveh: Too quiet.
Tighnari: Did we lose someone?
*Cut to the Traveler with a bear in a headlock*
Traveler (as Lumine): You don't think I can fight because of my gender!
Kaveh: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Cyno can fight in that dress either.
Cyno: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.
Alternatively:
Traveler (as Lumine): You don't think I can fight because of my gender!
Kaveh: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Alhaitham can fight in that dress either.
Alhaitham: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.
All lines are Alhaitham lines if you read them in the most deadpan matter of a fact voice possible
It torments me every day that I later realised Teyvat IS flat, quite literally the geography would make no sense otherwise, AND Alhaitham confirms it in a 'hidden' message
Sometimes i get annoyed that my takes and favourite fanfic ideas don't exist or I cannot find them, but then, instead of raging, I remember I am, in fact, a seasoned fanfic writer
And then I get annoyed because this means I have to write
Achilles: How could Heracles not recognize his wife?
Chiron: That is the nature of madness.
Patroclus’ inner monologue: Sounds like a skill issue. Couldn’t be me. Truly pathetic to be honest. Personally, I would recognize Achilles in the dark, or in disguise. I would know him even in madness. But that’s just me I guess.
snowghoul
romaincrisis
stormborns
kaledo-art
gummygunk
2087
kianamaiart
izzy806
