#caquita

[seadance]

PMDD can go fuck itself

[seadance]

I want her back. It's unbelievable for me knowing I won't ever be able to share her warmth, to tease her, to cuddle her again. It still doesn't feel real.

[seadance]

I wish to not overthink anymore. It only ruins my life and everything and everybody around me.

[seadance]

Her death doesn't seem real. Feels like something reversible. Something temporary, something that can be fixed, something not definitive. But it is. She's gone.

[seadance]

Estabas tirada en el suelo

y yo me tiré contigo.

No me mirabas a los ojos

y al rato apartaste la cara,

demasiadas caricias.

Estabas triste, y yo también.

Dejé de mirarte y rompí a llorar.

Entonces te diste la vuelta

y me miraste a los ojos

hasta que me fui.

Tu cuerpecito yacía en medio de esa sala

y yo me aferraba a ti

sabiendo que sería la última vez.

Una hormiga se paseó a tu lado

y yo la lancé lejos

porque ni ella ni nadie podía tenerte

porque tú eres mía, eres nuestra, eres mi amor.

Te amo.

[seadance]

I guess I don't wanna be loved cause of my gender

[seadance]

Feels really hard to talk about myself or my thoughts these days. Feels complicated to voice my fears and my past. Everyone's pretending, everyone's hiding their insecurities and that works well for them, so I should too, right? It's hard to believe I'm deserving of love and happiness. I am trying to start believing in it. I've been trying to not sabotage myself, and it's been really hard. I have a lot of feelings, and they're confusing and I never know what's the best thing to do. I'm so scared. I don't want a distraction, and I'm not sure I'm ready to let go. But I do enjoy it, and it makes me happy. It just really scares me.

[seadance]

Feels like being honest will only lead me to pain. Feels like pretending is the only way.