(I promise its cardiophile-related)
So like, my relationship with my sexuality has always been weird.
When I was a kid it was "oh, I have the same amount of attraction to everyone! I must be pan!"
That "attraction" was zero lol
Or at least I thought it was...?
But like..I realized so recently that the entire time I was feeling attraction, I was just stifling it. I always saw women as the "default" and that "of course they look better than men, that's how it's supposed to be" (sounds so stupid looking back but it made sense to my dumb brain).
Now here's where the cardiophile part comes in:
Every single gender's got a heart, and to me for so long it just wasn't a gendered thing. I always had a leniency towards fem presenting hearts but I never noticed it until I went back and looked (also the YouTube scene where I grew up with the cardiophile stuff was riddled with mostly men's content).
But like, when most of the time it's just a black screen with audio, a heart's a heart lol.
With the gender neutral-ness of the fetish, it...confused me, I guess. Thought I was just lying about liking women, which made me supress it even more.
Being almost completely sex-repulsed besides my cardiophilia made things so damn confusing for me.
Now that I'm finally letting myself feel what I want to feel, it's becoming so much easier to just...be. To love what I love.
Man, am I having a good time with all this. What a feeling to let go and just 💕 love💕
Thank you for coming to my TED talk
