Accepting and Accommodating
Outside temperatures had been falling as the snow quietly drifted down. All the channels were featuring a “storm watch” as an arctic blast of weather approached. What a difference a year makes; last year just the possibility of inclement weather would have made Laura a nervous wreck! She would have been shutting blinds and curtains to keep the storm out, murmuring and worrying aloud as she either peeked out a window or paced about. We didn’t even have to have the snow or rain locally; if she saw a news report for any area of the country, she would start worrying.
Now, a year later, she was sitting snugly under a comforter on the sofa without a twinge of fear as the snow mounted on our deck. If Laura was nervous she certainly didn’t show it. Don’t get me wrong; there was no way that I could get her to go out in the snow, but at least she wasn’t trying to hide in the dark. Calmly tossing a toy for the dogs Laura appeared as if she didn’t have a care in the world. But I realized that tomorrow all that could change and she might try to hermetically seal our house against light and bad weather.
That’s the way this journey has been. Behaviors ebb and flow, some to greater degrees than others. Changes in appetite, clothes, music, even her déjà vu syndrome come and go. Often a behavior disappears long enough that you think it’s gone for good, but then it raises its ugly head out of the blue. Changes in behavior occur just often enough to remind me that a symptom is still lurking and ready to cause confusion and frustration.
In a previous post, I know I talked about the challenges of keeping up with Laura’s food preferences. Nothing is more frustrating than to have her agree to a favorite meal and then, as I set the plate in front of her, have her turn up her nose and whine “I wanted peanut butter and jelly!”. Broccoli, once a favorite, is often shunned. Salads were always once a welcome entrée, but now they’re mood dependent. Pork, once taboo, is now welcomed and considered tasty. But I don’t dare stock the freezer with pork chops because I know that tomorrow pork could be out and chicken back in.
Clothes, colors, even jewelry all fall in and out of favor. For a while it was “pink, pink, pink”, then “red, red, red”; then “red-white-blue”. Sometimes it’s not a color but a particular sweater or pair of pants gets the nod; whatever is ‘in favor’ becomes a wardrobe staple ‘must’, at least for a while.
Truthfully it’s a good news / bad news scenario. The ‘bad’ is of course that it is frustrating to have deal with inconsistent behavior or to be constantly managing changing quirks. But the ‘good’ is my patience has grown and I have learned to shift on a dime, keeping alternatives at my fingertips to placate a confused but loving wife. Overall I have a much better idea how to deal with things the second time around. “Oh, you don’t want the chicken? We can have this tomorrow. Let me make you that PB&J.” Wardrobe preferences often makes laundry a night time chore to be sure she has her favorite piece in the morning. If I stop and think about it, very few things are a huge deal. Besides, if it makes her happy and no amount of logic or reasoning will change her mind, why not give her what she wants?
The truly sad part is that although behaviors come and go, her abilities are only going one way. There is nothing I can do to change that, besides accepting it and accommodating her the best I can.
