Normal Horoscope:
Aries: The canyon of your soul is filled with things that bother you. Be the river that washes it all away.
Taurus: The tiny and panicked parts of yourself are at least worth listening to. Acting on their advice is not.
Gemini: Your penchant for eavesdropping may get you in trouble when you overhear something very illegal being planned. Remember that illegal does not mean immoral!
Cancer: Think straight! Plan from point A to point B and react accordingly as things go. The thing about surprises is nobody can plan for them.
Leo: You have been placed under siege! This will not effect your life in any way!
Virgo: The snapping of the leaves you step on is caused by the tiny minefields placed along your path in an attempt to disable you. Snap all the leaves you want.
Libra: That fire in your belly should not be quenched! Dont even think of chugging the stuff in a fire extinguisher. The stars say to remember what happened last time.
Scorpio: Your natural drive and ambition will lead you to some interesting places! Who knew a person could even fit in that small a hole?
Ophiuchus: There is movement in your future. Specifically the movement of your liver, moving outside your body. A hostpital should be involved at some point.
Sagittarius: Your feelings towards coffee are mutual.
Capricorn: Be prepared for an interrupted morning when you awake to find someone has driven a railroad spike into your brain while you slept.
Aquarius: Rest and pacing is important in any activity. For you, it will be enforced by the tiny man with a tiny candle who burns you when you work too hard.
Pisces: Finally! You’ll finally figure out what your weird pointy teeth are for!
