2 Years...
I can not even comprehend that it has been two years since we were last able to be in your physical presence and hug each other. I don’t even have to close my eyes to be right back there.. This is so surreal and I keep waiting to wake up - two years later. In some ways it’s almost worse as time goes on - the reality of the permanence of everything. I am beyond grateful that you are no longer in any pain and are up high with the angles watching over all of us. We know you are with us. I try to let that thought comfort me but I still get angry, sad,and depressed that I will never hear your titter in real life real time anymore - never get fro yo with you again - never hear you say on my machine ‘you don’t have to call me back just wanted to say hi’ - never ever will I ever see your hilarious emojis that you sent everyday - the conversations we had without saying a word - only those characters! You were so fast and quick witted with those things - if there was a game show making a story with them you would win hands down everytime -
I try to find peace by envisioning you with a smile on your face. When I feel you around me I try to just stare and keep you there as long as I can. I wish I could put into words how badly I miss you and want you back. We are not complete without you car car. Are you laughing hysterically when you see AC and Roman??? I think about that all the time. If Carly was here what would she be teaching them to do? Are you tittering when you hear AC say some crazy things that he hears us say? He repeats everything and it is HY-sterical!
I know you are still spreading your love and strength from above. Please help Rubens heart. My heart breaks for him and I wish I could fix it for him. I can’t thank you enough for bringing him into the family Car - really and truly don’t know what we’d do without him. Sometimes I feel like an outcast and Ruben never makes me feel that way. He always checks in -
Alexis and James miss you too - I know they do. When I’m sad they give me a hug and they love hearing all our old Bradley (Farkel family) stories. I am so happy that you were able to come visit us here and spend time with them at the holidays.
Carly I could go on and on - I would just keep saying - I miss you - those are the only words that I keep coming back to. I want to ask you so many questions. What is heaven like? Do you get to see God? Are you with all our family that is there? Are you meeting all sorts of new people? Do you get to travel all around? Do you eat? Do you sleep? Is there music? I know I must sound crazy and I think part of me is anymore.
I have to keep faith that one day we will be able to see each other again - I just so BADLY wish that you could just come back from time to time and just poke your head in and say hieee! I just want to see your face and smile in real time - I can’t help being selfish - I’m trying to work on that.
Carly two years and two nephews later I would want nothing more now or ever for you to see them in real life and give them a hug. You are watching them and watching over them from above as they grow up. I just hate that they will never meet you in the flesh. It is not comprehensible that this happened - is happening and will continue to happen for the rest of our lives.
How many sleeps until we meet again for some fro yo? Please continue to watch over all of us and from time to time if you can continue to send your signs it will be much appreciated:)