Learning a lot from myself as a person and an actor...
...this summer, from working a food service job, reading up on my various acting books, observing people, and living my life on my own.
From working on average forty-two hours a week, spending all day on my feet, I have found the most profitable way to observe people at their most vulnerable. I can see true human nature in how they treat me versus the people they surround themselves with. Some people make me happy to be able to serve them ice cream, and some people make me seriously consider giving up on humanity's morals and intelligence. I am also learning how to keep my energy up, something that I have always struggled on in my acting, and now, I understand what I need to do to transfer surviving a six-hour shift of constant moving and stress into thriving as an actor on stage.
Reading up on books such as Antony Sher's Year of the King has only served to show me that all actors have once, and will continue, traveled along the same path that I am now, with their self-doubts and judgments. No matter how "accomplished" an actor is, with their many accolades and roles, the true and enduring ones are the ones who continuously watch and learn from the people and things around them. Talent can only go so much, it is the dedication and constant evolution that makes the journey so fresh and rewarding.
I am learning to accept a lot of things about myself this summer, such as my need for order and control, my arrogance, and my realistic view on life. By accepting parts of myself that I once thought of as "dark", I believe that I have become less delusional in regards to myself. I know now where my strengths and weaknesses lie; I now know that while I strive for working hard, I do settle for taking the easy way out, stopping before having to pull the trigger, giving up on my impulses. Along the way, I believe that I am learning to leave things up to chance more, allowing myself to not preconceive, and letting there be a compromise. I find that I am happier now that I have begun to take in every moment as something to be excited about.
