#caryl metcom

[mindibindi]

Rewatching DD cos I have tasked myself with retelling the whole mess in snarky textpost form (which is, imo, the best way to experience this story). And I noticed another parallel with the main show that I think is pretty telling. Again, it's probably completely accidental since Daryl's spinoff bares v little resemblance to the flagship show and his character/arc in particular. But the scene in the jail, when he and Isabelle are captured and conversing, sitting on the floor with a partition between them closely resembles a scene during the Reaper arc with Leah. In that scene, there is chain link between Daryl and his previous love interest/woodland hook-up/loner gf/canine co-parent. Daryl is the only one jailed, altho he believes at least, that Leah is equally trapped by Pope's regime and seeks to save her from it. The vibe of the two scenes is similarly despondent. The major difference is that the OG show seems to understand that, while joining a paramilitary cult may be somewhat understandable given the desperate state of the world, it does very much put you on the wrong side. Despite her initial relationship with Daryl, Leah is reconfigured in s11 as a baddie, someone who, for whatever reason, chose the wrong side, chose a destructive path. Isabelle is NOT, however, perceived as a baddie or even someone who was cruelly manipulated into choosing the wrong side/path. Isabelle is a true believer. An angelic figure. A religious warrior who challenges our hero to believe. But believe in what?

"The Walking Dead" takes a balanced, complex, human approach to religion, touching on, if not fully exploring why, when the world crumbles, some people find comfort in it and some use it as a tool of power and control. Why some cling to it desperately and some abandon all faith and belief. The OG show doesn't take a stance either way on whether God exists or religion is a force for good or evil. It merely depicts how human beings respond, how their beliefs can fail or warp under the pressure of global change and disaster. (Pertinent theme, no?) Such themes are mostly explored through Father Gabriel, but also via other groups (the Termites and Wolves etc) and characters (e.g. Carol). On the other hand, "Daryl Dixon" starts from a less balanced, more conventional place. We are supposed to simply accept that yes, God does exist, religion is good and believing in a child Messiah is a romantic cause....uuuuntil it's not. At which point, we start to differentiate between the good believers and the murderous nutjobs. Unfortunately, there were a whole lot of good believers -- Isabelle included -- who enabled the murderous nutjobs for upwards of a decade. But we don't have time to deal with that reality...during two ponderously slow seasons....

Neither the Reaper arc nor the first two seasons of "Daryl Dixon" manage to accurately, intricately or intelligently depict actual cult dynamics, which are far more sinister and screwy. The Reaper arc is too rushed and everything in DD is over-romanticised. (It's i-fucking-ronic how adverse they are to a Caryl romance because literally everything else is romanticised: the clothes, the city, the countryside, food, music, religion, cars, bikes, the past. The whole endeavour is sickly sweet but heaven forbid Daryl and Carol share a romantic moment after 85 years of yearning). "Daryl Dixon" had the time and space to properly depict a religious cult and how it functions, how it twists people and ideas, how it might flourish in an apocalypse, but it understood such beliefs as legitimate, rather than problematic. The show gave them credence, even as they abused a child. Isabelle was martyred rather than in any way held to account for her role in abusing her nephew. (Yes, it's true, a pretty, blonde, soft-spoken woman can get caught up in an ideological system that leads her to participate in heinous abuse! Other shows have understood and even depicted as much right here in the C21st!).

Anyway, I've already written about how Daryl's spinoff romanticises religious abuse rather than critiquing it. The point of this post is to say that Leah and Isabelle were both active members of a violent, insular high-control religious group. But one is seen as a baddie and therefore no longer a viable love interest for our fave hero and the franchise's best boy. The other is seen as a glorious goodie and completely deserving of Daryl's love, loyalty and admiration. Not only that, she's seen as someone he should listen to, someone to challenge his lack of faith, to expand his worldview. When Daryl meets the Pope he is very clear that he is a non-believer. And this is a v Daryl moment, similar to, tho not on par with, him telling Negan he is Daryl. When Daryl tells people who he is, we as an audience generally respond: yeah that's our boy. He is who he is and we like him that way. The only way Daryl is able to survive the Reapers is to pretend to be someone else. Much like Carol does. Or Eugene with the Saviours (?). Pretense is not Daryl's strong suit. It could be argued that his pretense in this arc is OOC...or maybe it's just under-explored. What we see him do tho, in order to fit in with that cult, in order to survive, is take off his angel-wing vest (important visual cue!) and reluctantly assume the role of an abuser, a physical and psychological torturer. We see elements of Merle, elements of his father come out in him, as well as other arseholes we have known (Negan). This tells us that Daryl knows exactly who these guys are. They are NOT the good guys. And they are NOT the guys HE wants to be. They are the type of men he has been actively avoiding turning into since season 2. The difference in how Leah and Isabelle are viewed by the two shows is just another inconsistency between the two worlds. As is the difference in how Daryl responds to these highly controlled, highly explosive cultic environments. The Daryl we know on the OG show recognises bad guys instinctively, he knows abusers and knows how to survive them. He does what needs to be done, he tries to save who he can, but he does not buy into their bs. That's what makes him our Daryl. The Daryl of the spinoff doesn't exactly like Losang, but nor do we get him eyeing him like the manipulative bully he is. The Daryl of the spinoff questions Isabelle's deifying of her nephew but he doesn't recognise it as child abuse and nor does the show. The Daryl of the spinoff wavers in who he is and what he believes and where he belongs. And while that may be understandable in a foreign context, there needs to be enough Daryl left that we can recognise him thru his wishy-washy mid-life crisis of faith/identity. For that to happen tho, they need to look back at who Daryl has been, who he has become, and how he responds to different people/dynamics that are so clearly dangerous. The shows also need to share some kind of similar ethical stance. At its core, TWD is about power and control, who rises up in a power vacuum and what they do with that power. How they treat people. How they view the world. TWD makes noises about everybody being the good guys but, in fact, it's very clear in the OG show what is and isn't an acceptable use of power. "Daryl Dixon" doesn't seem to have the same ethical conviction. It bathes psychological manipulation and spiritual exploitation in soft light, in romantic language. It's critique of religious doctrine used for power and control is weak and watered down, if it can be said to exist at all. And right now, is NOT a great time to be underplaying how religion can be weaponised during a worldwide crisis.

[mindibindi]

The "Carol is too old and ugly for Daryl" "argument" only works if:

you don't have eyes

you don't have a brain

you don't have a heart

you're mean

you mistake physical attraction for deep love

you think only young and beautiful people deserve love, sex and romance

you think beauty is objective (not subjective)

you mindlessly adhere to narrow, fleeting, superficial, misogynistic and culturally constructed standards of beauty

you think "ugly" people (or those who diverge from such standards) are unlovable and/or unworthy and/or less human

you think all old people are unlovable, less worthy, less human

you expect to be less loved as you age

you expect to be less loved if you reveal your dark, weak, "ugly" and "unlovable" parts to another

you think that love fails with age, fades over time when in fact love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wand'ring bark whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom...

[mindibindi]

So obviously there are A LOT of parallels between Caryl and other couples on the show, mostly Glaggie and Richonne. But one Caryllel I haven't seen mentioned anywhere is this one in "Twice As Far" (6.14).

The ep starts with this scene of Daryl and Carol on the steps of no. 101. Carol is coming off her abduction by and subsequent destruction of the group of Saviors led by Paula. Daryl is about to lose the sister figure they took all of two scenes to establish but is nevertheless a super meaningful relationship for him. Cue more glorious manpain. We haven't seen these two talk or interact in a season or so. And later, he's gonna be so wrapped up in grieving for Merritt Weaver (who's adorable and utterly wasted on this show) that he just doesn't notice the most important person in his life slipping away...

They share a cigarette and talk obliquely about how they have no choice but to kill any unknown human on sight. Carol muses morosely that they are stuck with who they are. Daryl says no. They ain't. The episode ends with the scene below between Abraham and Sasha. And honestly, I was so confused by this relationship when it happened. I did not get what was going on or why. Sasha had just lost Bob. Abraham seemed happy with Rosita. I didn't get any sense of a connection between the two characters or even a whiff of chemistry between the actors. Even the dialogue was so fucking oblique that I had no clue what they were meant to be saying to each other. In retrospect, I understand that they only did this to heighten the impact of Abraham's death, to bring him to this place of wanting to start a new life, a new family, finding a new love and life purpose... just so that they could then take it away in the most brutal fashion imaginable. Course, they could've done that with Rosita but sure, let's establish a new relationship that nobody called for and cares about.

Anyway, this is the culmination of the dull-as-dishwater Abraham/Sasha romance, the coming together of what we're supposed to believe are two like-minded individuals with similar temperaments and histories (???). And it happens one door down from where Daryl and Carol speak. Coincidence? I think not. Daryl spends quite a bit of time with these two during s6, while Carol remains confined to the suburban grounds of Alexandria. This pairing get their own 'Consumed'-esque interlude while Daryl is abducted by Dwright and Sherry. We get Sasha saying: "I'm trying" (a la that ep) and Abraham asking Daryl about settling down. But what worked for Carol and Daryl does not work for these two randomly plonked together supposed soulmates. Every time I rewatch this ep (as I did the other night), I think about the emotional impact this scene could've had if it were given to a couple viewers were actually invested in. If it were Daryl standing at the bottom of those steps (or Tobin's steps where Carol is seen sitting and thinking on the verandah). If Daryl had just lost his sudden sister figure, who had gone out yelling about telling the person you love how you feel. So he stood there, spine straight, voice bold despite his anxiety. And when Carol offered condolences, Daryl simply said: "You said I got choices. You have 'em too. Could be 30 years for us here. That's still too short." (Then they go inside and have some excellent, much-deserved sex).

There are no shortage of romantic plot lines and scenes on "The Walking Dead", good and bad. Other couples get moments like this. But not Caryl. Not the two characters who need and deserve it the most. No. What Carol and Daryl get is this:

and this:

and ONE meeting, beautiful and heartfelt tho it may be, over the next TWO seasons.

[mindibindi]

Some SparkNotes for my latest fic:

So the main reason for the Donnie ship seems to be that Daryl learnt ASL for Connie and that that is super adorbs. Taking this as the central point for a ship, however, ignores what learning ASL might say about Daryl's character. I do not ship these two, but I can see why some might. They have a cute dynamic, they make a good team. They are both big sister/brother figures (tho somehow this does not translate to a sibling dynamic as antis insist Caryl does). Lauren Ridloff has an instantly likeable quality. And, much like Melissa McBride, she also has this outward radiance that elevates her onscreen presence from pretty to beautiful because it seems to indicate some kind of inner peace or goodness or kindness. It makes total sense that Daryl would see that inner goodness/kindness in Connie, because his past trauma has given him the ability to quickly read people and categorise them as good or bad.  

For me, the Donnie ship makes sense if you look at their scenes in isolation. I just don't think it makes sense in terms of Daryl's full character arc. (Connie herself, of course, doesn’t get one). There is some indication that Daryl is self-educated, that he will pick up any book that falls in his path in order to better himself. We can assume his schooling was interrupted and, because of that, he probably feels pretty dumb in comparison to others. He's got a sponge-like mind tho, one that would jump at the chance to learn another language. A language in which he can use his hands to communicate is going to be even more appealing. Partially because Daryl is very good with his hands. And partially because it enables his personal expression -- which has been so brutally oppressed in the past -- to coexist with his silence -- his enduring need for self-protection. 

Daryl is actually quite eloquent. Under the right circumstances. The first time we see how unexpectedly learned, sensitive and eloquent he can be is when he gives Carol that Cherokee Rose. Carol was the first person to listen to Daryl. Probably ever. In his entire fucking life. And he was the first person to talk to her in a non-condescending, non-dismissive way. Carol was the first one he chose to share this sensitive, expressive side of himself with. She was the one who inspired him to use his words and his wits rather than his rage and his fists. She was the one who insisted that what he thought and said had worth, had impact. That his voice actually mattered to others. So I'm not sure why exactly Daryl being inspired by Carol to use his words, to learn how to communicate as a thoughtful, empathetic man, is considered NOT romantic while Daryl learning to sign for Connie is. However, it is true that communicating with Carol is far more complicated for Daryl because everything gets filtered through several layers of trauma on both sides. The trauma that connects them so deeply also prevents them from connecting deeply. It's a Catch 22 type sitch. Communicating with Connie is far less complicated. Especially because Daryl is an ASL beginner. He can stick to basic signs and concepts. Brother. Fishing. Family. Dog. Work. Food. Fight. Go. All without ever having to open his mouth and dredge up something mortifyingly truthful from the depths of his tortured soul. Connie comes along at a time when communicating with Carol has become even more difficult than before. They've been separated, they’ve waged war, they've lost Rick, she's got another family. Every interaction with Carol is complicated, layered with multiple meanings, haunted by multiple lost opportunities. Every interaction with Connie is simple and easy. It’s a relief for him. And maybe it's also part of the appeal for Donnie shippers. But just because Daryl isn't expressing/confronting certain things in the context of his relationship with Connie, that doesn't mean that all of the trauma and loss and heartache (that he necessarily has to confront/resolve in his relationship with Carol) just vanishes. It doesn't.

For Daryl, communicating with his hands is going to feel both natural and appealing. Some of the first scenes we see of this character show him using hand gestures to silently communicate directions when hunting or waving his beefy arms about when angered by Rick or Shane. He’s often seen sharpening or gutting or fidgeting with things. Daryl's hands and arms have always been very expressive. This is something that comes directly from Norman Reedus who is also very expressive (even femme) with his hands and arms. He and Melissa McBride have this in common, in fact. Both have really cute, fidgety hands and arms, although with Melissa McBride this aspect of her personality completely disappears when she plays Carol. It doesn't cross over at all, which I find fascinating. Carol is perhaps more grounded and controlled than Melissa is. In any case, Daryl is a man of action. A doer, not a talker. He doesn't give speeches like Rick or Negan or Ezekiel. He shows what he's feeling. He enacts it, he lives it out. He grabs the proverbial bull by the horns. His hands are strong and quick and competent, while his tongue (in his view at least) is unsure, hesitant, ill-equipped to contribute. Considering all of this, it makes sense that ASL appeals to Daryl as a character. Not as a method of wooing Connie. But because of his own personal history and tendencies. 

Now, my personal headcanon is that Daryl's comfortability with Connie and with communicating silently and simply via hand gestures makes her the natural person for him to turn to when things get so complicated with Carol. Connie is an investigative reporter so it also makes sense that she would pick up on the tension between Daryl and Carol and ask him about it. To me, that is the source of Daryl's bond with Connie. It's one of friendship and confidence. She's got big sis vibes, she's got that instant, luminous, good quality. She's a safe person with whom to share his feelings for his estranged best friend and without ever actually breaking his silence or betraying his and Carol’s furtive bond. He can say it and also not breathe a single word about it. Which means that technically, his feelings for Carol still remain unspoken, providing him with relief, cover and deniability all at the same time.

[mindibindi]

Finished my s7 rewatch a while back and the big question at the end of this season for Carol fans is: WHY does she go to the Kingdom (and get stuck there for the next six or so years)? WHY doesn't she go home to Alexandria? That's what she calls it when Daryl visits. Home. Obviously, his visit partly prompts her abandoning her self-exile. As Morgan points out: she found what she wanted and she didn't. Which is the story of Carol's life. It will be the story of her life at the Kingdom too. She'll find what she wants there…and also, she won't. Morgan telling her what happened to Glenn and Abraham (but not Daryl for some reason) is the final catalyst for her. But in that case, why does she not go find Maggie? Sasha or Rosita? And the rest of her family? Be with them in their grief? How does this make sense for Carol's larger arc? (I mean, on one level, it just doesn’t, but let's pretend for the purposes of this post that this show makes consistent sense). 

From a storytelling perspective, they just needed to maneuver armies into place for that final showdown, so they wanted Carol and Morgan to arrive with the Kingdom at the last minute.  And yes, of course Carol has started to take an interest in these people. But more importantly, she sees how unprepared they are. They have an army but no real leadership. Ezekiel has pretty stories, Jerry has a flag, Morgan has a big stick and a psyche riddled with guilt. Richard the Hothead and Prince Benjamin are both dead. They need someone to snap them out of their complacency and point them in the right direction. So Carol steps up and steps in, just as she always does. Because these new friends need her. But also because Rick and her family need the Kingdom in order to win, in order to survive. She knows why they came to the Kingdom now so she’s gonna make damn sure they get the backup they need. 

How does this make sense on an emotional level though? Obviously, she is sympathetic to Ezekiel because he is a parent/guardian who has lost a child and she knows how that feels, wants to offer her condolences and support. And yes, there is now a child without a big brother or a mother to take care of him. But I think the real key to Carol's choice to go to the Kingdom and not Alexandria lies in what she tells Morgan when she leaves her little hidey hole. It lies in the advice Ezekiel gave her when she tried but ultimately failed to fully isolate herself from any love, any connection, any community and, therefore, any loss. “You can go and not go.” Going to the Kingdom and not to Alexandria is her splitting the difference, embracing the contradiction. 

Nothing has really changed for Carol. She doesn't want to go back to her family, she doesn't want to seek out Rick or Maggie or Sasha or the others because she still couldn't stand to lose them. She can't stand around and watch Alexandria fall. But she also isn't quite prepared to go back, fight by their sides and watch them all potentially die. So instead of heading home and joining the fight, she does the next best thing. She goes to a community, but not to her home. She helps her found family out, but from a far. She goes to the people she likes, but not to the people she loves. She goes to the people she can live with losing. Carol is sad when Benjamin dies, but she isn't destroyed. Not in the way she would be if Carl, the unofficial crown prince of Alexandria, died. (Not that we get to see her response to that but…different issue). 

Obviously Carol's reasoning here is flawed. But she's not being logical, she's being emotional. Just like when she leaves her home and loved ones behind. She can't lose anyone so she leaves…effectively losing everyone. It's not solid reasoning, but maybe it's not meant to be. Not if we understand it as a trauma response, cos those frequently don't make sense. All Carol knows at the end of s7 is that she can’t go backwards. She has to go forwards. Or sideways maybe. What worked for her before (Rick’s worldview) is no longer sustainable. So she tries someone else's worldview on for size. Initially skeptical (and personally I prefer skeptical WTF Carol to delusional, true-believer, fantasist Carol), it’s unclear how much of Ezekiel’s hype she – or anyone else, for that matter – actually believes, the King himself included. You could argue that Ezekiel knows it's all bs but he's playing the long game, with her as with his community. He’s feeding her hollow wisdom, saying whatever he needs to in order to keep her safe, keep her around, bring her into his community. Either way, this is the start of Carol, either knowingly or unknowingly, partially or wholly, buying into his way of thinking and running things. 

As I wrote in my last metcom post on Daryl being led around by wee Bethie, when someone is in dire emotional straits and untethered from any real wisdom or leadership, they may just grab onto any form of leadership, whatever wisdom is available, even if it's hollow. Like most of what Ezekiel spews, his advice to Carol is total bs. He sounds profound but it's all meaningless. His wisdom is superficial even if his voice, his presence soothes. But again, maybe that's part of what Carol goes to the Kingdom seeking. It's wisdom, but it's not. It's words, but they have no meaning. It's comfort that does nothing. Because right now, Carol doesn’t want authenticity, real connection. Not just because she doesn’t think she deserves it but because she doesn’t want the risks that come with it. She seeks cold comfort. Meaningless contact. Community in which she can remain slightly separated, emotionally isolated. Love in which she is never fully seen or known or therefore at risk. 

So she decides to get involved, to participate, to go to war, but on her own terms. She decides to care but not too much, to be in community but not the one where she belongs, to lose people but not those she cares for most. Again, the reasoning is off, because no, these people are not her family. They are not the people she would fight, kill and die for. Even for us, they will never have the same significance as those she’s been with since the beginning. But Carol is Carol, so Carol cares. They become family. They become a risk to her heart. They become people she would risk it all for. It's not what she goes to the Kingdom seeking, but it is what she finds. She finds family, even if it's not her first and most beloved family. And when Henry dies she is re-wounded and re-traumatised in exactly the way she was seeking to avoid when she left Alexandria. Carol’s journey back to Alexandria takes 6+ years. Only then does she start to accept that she can’t avoid love. And in being a person who loves, she can’t avoid loss.