#cason browne

[leafghost]

it wa sraining and my feet were bare and thhey were cold but it was ok bc the air was hot and so was the energy the energy the energy was good

[leafghost]

Joe said time is open and that the Girl who told Him that is cool and You agreed with Him and then I wrote this

Tell him I am the night and I am coming for him. Tell him I will wash away his windy storms and tell him that I will not take no for an answer.

Because I feel my blood rise to my eyelids when you use your vocal chords and I feel my hair stand when you smile at me WE ARE DIRT AND YOU ARE TRASH AND I AM NO DIFFERENT

I once read that although we are only present in one body at a time, in reality, we live every life that has ever and will ever exist. I hope that when I get to you, I remember to love myself wholly and unconditionally because we both know we need it.

Kiss my toenails and brush your knee against mine. I will be a splendid memory. Unopened and awaiting your arrival, untie me.

I am ready.

[leafghost]

reminders for the times to come.

When it finally happens, don’t be afraid, just begin to embroider or something else that you've been wanting to do for a while

When you feel like you're going to fall into the hole that you, yourself dug, be cautious and mindful stay in bed and cry or go to the places where you feel the emptiest.

It will feel strange and awful but just imagine his coat on the back of the chair knowing he will be in the same room as you, momentarily.

Sometimes, when you thought you had forever, you only had moments, Watch them slip between your fingers and stare at your empty hands for days after.

It will hurt more or less depending on the type of person you are, maybe.

When the silence becomes too loud to bear, close your eyes and turn in circles clench your jaw until your tongue starts to bleed

because sometimes these are the things you have to do to stay alive and sometimes when the thing that filled you up is taken from you you need to trick yourself over and over again until you feel whole.

[leafghost]

Love Poem to a Strange and Smelly Male Cat

When you put your chin on the back of the couch in front of the fireplace this morning, my heart BEAT LOUD LY IN MY ears and  ribs.

I didn't think that happened anymore so thank you for reminding me that  I am capable of things I had since thought dead thank you for saying  fuck you because that's all I've ever really  asked for and I never had to ask you for that in particular which is substantial and more than I expect In almost anyone

Oh, man.

[leafghost]

elegy for a slightly lost soul

when I die, please do not say “she had a lot of demons.” for that makes it seem like i lost my fight that makes it seem like i was never what i was

which was a small gasp a glance a cool breeze

a slightly burnt out exit sign

when I die, instead say “she inhaled, she exhaled

She blinked

She tried.

She succeeded, sometimes

She failed, sometimes.

Think of her, never

Think of her, always

Think of her as much as you choose

because she will be waiting

to be reinvented

in you

of you

around you

finally, she will be where she always wanted to be.

Of the wind, 

of the puddles

Of the blades of grass.

Say hello.

She is finally alive.

[leafghost]

A List of Memories I've Never Had

Waking up next to you and realizing I was going to spend the rest of my life with you.

That Time I ate Caviar

That Time I ate Escargot

Sky-diving

Fucking on the couch

Deviled Eggs

Labor

Coca-Cola

Seeing The Holiday, in theaters

Accepting Christ as my Savior

[leafghost]

A List of Thoughts That Kept me From Sleeping Last Night

I'm never going to write that poem for you. Forget about it now.

What if all of these "friends" are actually in on an elaborate plot to spite me?

Are you watching me sleep?

Should I make room for you in my bed?

I will.

I did.

Have you written?

I want to hear your thoughts, the deepest ones. Tell me all of them.

You have made me excited for the first time in what feels like a long time.

I can't believe I am sleeping on a throne made of diamonds. They are jabbing me in the back. They are making me bleed. You are the only one who can take them out. Please do.

I can't sleep.

[leafghost]

what it means to have greasy hair and no eyeballs in the middle of the night

I received your letter last night. iIt was full of worm-like imagery and the smell of your hair, which is dirt.

You received my eyeballs last night I gouged them out just for you. do you like them? I can only look at you now, or the inside of your pocket if that's where you choose to keep them

I can only breathe now shallower than I did before because the cat ate my lung last night ate it right up

I can never blink now my eyelids are sewn shut I can see your threads I can feel the street now through your mammoth feet I feel your weight

You can only like now Never love,  It was never love.

But when you turn on the light I can finally feel your warmth lying next to me in your underwear and your greasy hair and my eyes in your pocket

It was never love

It was never love

It was never love

It was only comfort.