I watched it and I'm mad about it.
Listen. There are certain genres of films I like, certain ones I love, certain types I don't like... and then there's this.
The Death Romance genre is the bane of my existence. I'm not really sure who they exist for, to be honest. Dying people? People who wish they were dying? People who like to watch other people die and/or get their hearts irrevocably crushed in a blender of emotion? Depressed people who need more reasons to be depressed?
It all started with Love Story. At least, that was my first encounter with the Death Romance. My mom had an old paperback of the novelization of the film in the family bookshelf that lived in my bedroom and I took it out one afternoon and read it and immediately wished I hadn't bothered.
Oh, love. It's so poetic and beautiful and perfect! Especially in that first year, before reality sets in and you realize you're in love with someone who chews with their mouth open half the time and their snoring is no longer "cute" and "funny" but something that makes you want to put a pillow over their face. But oh, oops, THIS romance is never going to reach that point, because somebody's dying in this one, so now everything is bittersweet and poignant and soaked in deep meaning... and then somebody's dead and everything hurts and life is so cruel but so precious and we've all learned so much here today, etc, etc.
But! It's even worse, because unlike a car crash or a shooting outside a theatre that makes your son become Batman, The Death Romance almost always involves the soon-to-be-dead person knowing they're going to be dead soon... and willfully going out with a bang and destroying another person's life in the meantime. Like, you could've just died quietly on your own somewhere and not caused a big fuss. That was an option. But no, you made the choice to get/stay involved, deepen the relationship... and now you get to go out all loved and comforted and in the prime of the greatest romance of your life... while completely devastating a person who was doing just fine before you showed up but is now an empty husk of a human who wishes they were dead now, too. Good job!
And I get it, the whole "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" thing... but then you're assuming the now-just-a-husk person wouldn't have ever been just as enamored and thunderstruck by anyone else in the world and ignoring the fact that the rest of their life will now be lived with the always-perfect spectre of their first love haunting every single romantic relationship they have from that day forward - and that's assuming they ever get over/past the complete clusterfuck their emotional and mental health has now become.
(Let's update those potential target audience guesses to include "people who believe there's only one person for each of us and if your person's gonna die in 6 months, you're better off having those six months than being forever alone" and "people who want their exes to never ever forget them or ever meet anyone who will ever measure up to them because they like to know they're ruining people's lives forever".)
Besides all of that... They're all the SAME DAMN MOVIE.
There's always the "please don't get involved with this poor schmuck" stage, the "for gods' sake, at least tell this poor schmuck what they're getting into" stage, the "it's too late, you've completely destroyed this schmuck no matter what you do at this point" stage, the "oh, so you're breaking the schmuck's heart regular style to save him from the super size style heartbreak; good luck with that" stage, the "nevermind, we're apparently doing this super size style anyway" stage, the "just die already, we're just dragging this out now" stage, and the "why did I put this movie in the goddamn player in the first place?" stage. And each and every one is terrible.
As a general rule, I do not watch Death Romances.
In fact, it's not enough for me to just not watch them. If one was walking down the same side of the street as me, I would cross the street to be on the other side, and take aim at it with a long range rifle and shoot it between the eyes. And then openly mock it for existing. Throughout my life, every couple years or so, a new Death Romance comes out and I have religiously and vehemently avoided, mocked, and castigated each and every one of them.
Except for this one, which I watched, because Colin's in it.
The things I do for that man, I swear to God...
I better be getting hazard pay for this.
Anyway, he did great. He was cute and charming and completely clueless. He got his heart ripped out and stomped on with great aplomb. He angsted and drank and smoked all over New York City like a champion. We should all be so lucky to be haunted by Jim Belushi and his harmonica in our darkest hours.
This film needed more Colin and less being this film.