Idk why, but I have this inherent fear of having a deep connection with a streamer/actor. The chances are already infinitely low so there's probably no need to worry. But there is someone... guess? (ФωФ)
I've dealt with loss before and frankly because of that I think I've pivoted to putting my feelings towards the people I could never make that connection to whether they be fictional or real. You can't lose something you never had right (flawed thinking)? And I deign to call them a hyperfixation because I can still function and have thoughts beyond them; unlike magic systems- I fiend for that shit and it has a permanent spot in my brain. Every idea does not go through my brain untouched by the "what if we add magic?" question.
And I- am WAYYY too invested into Lukey compared to other unreachable targets of my attention. I wasn't like this with Foolish (which is crazy to say, i was basically a daily viewer for the better part of 3 years) or with any other character/person/thing. Like I would genuinely love the idea of just hanging out with him in games and show him the stuff im into and nerd out about it. Is that parasocial?
I've done a lot of introspection and I think its because of how similar our interests are and yet how his personality is a mix of some of my dear friends'. That or his personal charisma just bleeds through the screen. Additionally, he just makes me feel safe in an odd way? On multiple occasions I have just fallen asleep during one of his yap sessions- which doesn't happen (I was awake the whole time for the 3hr fish slapping session between landuo and when Foolish foolish stared at a wall, but you're telling me a Lukey lore yap puts me to sleep?!).
Ive lost my train of thought...
Does anyone have this feeling of getting too connected to streamer? Or like weirdly dependent on his online presence/being alive? If Lukey ever left the online space to just live life- don't get me wrong I'd be so incredibly happy for him, but at the same time it would feel like heartbreak beyond measure. The type where things ended well and its for their/your own good type of heartbreak.
Its such an odd topic I know.