i'll follow you into the dark ;
@ccjinil
F I R S T T I M E L I N E –
every waking morning feels a little bit more ominous, brings the ever present threat of death that much closer, and hongbin can’t tell if he’s feeling suffocated or relieved. on one hand, it’s almost pathetic, to crave the end of a battle with no end in sight through death, when he himself deals so closely with it.
frankly, hongbin is exhausted. he feels stretched thin- weary and unsure. he can feel the result of jinil overworking himself in his own limbs, can feel the way it drains him emotionally, mentally. it’s almost too much.
almost.
were hongbin a lesser man, he may have complained. he may have bitched and whined and attempted to fight jinil to keep them safe- or at least to keep his hero from charging into his death. he knows though, in his heart of hearts, that it would be more cruel to fight jinil on his convictions than it would be to watch him die. at the very least, this way hongbin knows that whether jinil looks back or not, whether he realizes it or not, he has someone who will fight beside him until his last breath.
(in another life, maybe things would have been different. maybe hongbin would have been able to convince jinil that some things are not worth dying for recklessly, that rushing in is not always the answer. then again, in another life, maybe his heart wouldn’t ache with longing every time they brushed shoulders, and maybe his breath wouldn’t catch in his throat when they made eye contact.
but life does not offer do-overs, and she is not kind to those who fate has long since cast judgement on.)
he knows this. hongbin knows it, and yet, he follows jinil still- willingly, in spite of their bond. truth be told, he would follow jinil to the end of the earth for his own loyalty and nothing more. he has become a soldier for his captor, without regret, without hesitation. because of this, even though he’s tired, even though he’s weary- he carries on. into today’s battle. into tomorrows, should they be lucky enough to see another sunrise.
“our numbers keep dwindling,” hongbin rasps, chancing a glance at jinil’s ever stoic profile. he feels calmer when he watches jinil. it’s almost enough to quiet the storminess in his mind, the static mixture between his own feelings and those of his captor. “we probably won’t make it out of this alive, but at least we can drag some of these motherfuckers down with us.”