Crash Course Love
Infinite thanks to @lcbeauchampoftarth and @anna-swims for being awesome betas.
AO3 :: Previously
6: Girlfriend [Jamie]
“Och, a ruadh, I dinna think I’ve seen ye blush this hard since ye fell off the swings into a mud puddle in second grade.”
“Shut it, Janet,” I muttered. Why was I so nervous over a girl I’d just met? I was twenty-five, not fifteen.
“No, ye promised you’d tell me who Claire was, if ye want the dirt on Annalise,” Jenny said smugly.
“Well, what did she say, specifically, about Claire?”
“Annalise claims Claire’s yer girlfriend,” she answered matter-of-factly. “Since when do ye have a girlfriend? Since when do ye even date, a brathair?”
“Oh God.” I bent over and banged my head on the table. The cutlery rattled to the beat. “She’s no’ really my girlfriend.”
“Dinna get me wrong. I’m thrilled for ye, but why would Annalise think she was?” Jenny sipped her drink slowly.
I raised my head, exasperated. “Look. I was at a pub last night. It was our… anniversary. It’s been a year since… ye ken?” I pleaded with my eyes to Jenny. Don’t make me say it. Jenny nodded, understanding. “So I was getting my drink on, and Claire was there, also getting sloshed over her own arsehole of an ex. We got completely pissed, we danced a little, and then one thing led to another and—”
“Sweet Lord! Ye slept with her?” Jenny squealed. Half the patrons turned to us and I grimaced, hunkering down in my seat. “I canna believe this, Jamie!”
“Would ye keep it down? No, I didna sleep wi’ Claire.” I ran my hands through my hair. “We woke up together at her flat, but we were both clothed.” I omitted exactly how clothed we really were. “I swear to ye nothin’ happened.”
“Are ye sure?” Jenny had a strange look on her face, like she hoped something actually had happened.
“Aye, completely. We’re both not entirely clear on last night’s details, but she offered me a ride here, and when we left her flat, it turned out her building’s right next to Annalise’s.”
“But why does Annalise think Claire is yer girlfriend?”
“Weel, when Annalise appeared from nowhere, I froze. I couldna think clearly, and Claire helped me save face in front of her. She told Annalise we were seeing each other. Just so I wouldna come off as the tosser I am.”
“Jamie, ye’re no tosser.” Jenny held my hand in hers. “Ye’re hurting. Who wouldna be? Ye gave her everything—”
“And she didna want any of it,” I said bitterly. Jenny didn’t respond; she simply shifted closer and put her arm around my shoulder.
I leaned into her a bit and that’s how we sat until the server brought our food. Jenny sighed and gave me one last squeeze.
“Alright, lad, let’s eat.” She pulled away and settled in front of her own plate.
“How’s Ian?” I asked, attempting to change the subject to less depressing matters.
“Och, nay, Ian’s braw. Ye havena finished telling me about this amazing girl who sent little Miss Annalise into a tailspin.” She dug into her fries, chewing deliberately.
“Hell, Janet,” I groaned, grabbing ketchup and mustard and spreading it inside the bun in a spiral.
“So, her name’s Claire,” she prodded, kicking me under the table.
“She’s my age, I think, or close enough. She owns a flower shop,” I told her.
“Is she Scottish?”
“Nah, she’s a sassenach.”
“James Fraser!” Jenny exclaimed, kicking me again but harder, on the shin. I winced and rubbed at the spot. “Ye dinna say that about people!”
“Jenny, ‘tis alright. ‘Tis my wee nickname for her.” I smiled, recalling our conversation on the matter.
“Still. What else?”
“I… that’s it. We didna exactly get a chance to talk much.” Jenny whispered something under her breath (man-hoor, I thought it was). “Oh, she has an uncle. Things were kind of awkward in the morning. We didna get into details.”
“Well, Jamie, ye might want to brush up on the details surrounding this lass.” Jenny popped a fry into her mouth. “Mam expects ye and yer new girlfriend for lunch next Sunday.”
I did a spit-take, spraying my pint all over the table. It dripped from my chin as I stared at Jenny, who was wiping the front of her blouse.
“Wha’ the fu—”
Jenny clamped her hand over my mouth before I could swear, then wiped it on my own shirt. “Calm down! Ye are so jumpy today!”
“How the hell did Mam find out about my girlfriend?” I hissed furiously, making air quotes around the word.
“Well, she called after Annalise, before ye arrived.” Jenny had the good grace to look a bit chagrined. “It was such big news, Jamie. I had to tell her.”
“And?”
“Jamie, she sounded so happy for ye. She was thrilled at the idea.”
“Of my girlfriend? Who is fake?”
“God, I canna eat this now. Ye sprayed it,” she mumbled, poking at her chicken.
“Janet, how am I supposed to get a pretend girlfriend by next Sunday?”
“Christ, Jamie, ye’re not getting a random lass to come to our parents’ house.” She smiled with satisfaction. “Ye ask Claire.”
“I canna use her like that.”
“Ye’re not using her. Ye tell her what happened, and I’m sure she’ll be happy to go along with the idea that she’s dating ye.”
“I dinna ken.” I swallowed. “Sounds like a cheap thing to do.”
“Jamie, if she’s yer friend… I mean, she already did it the once. Explain it to her.”
“I think it might be better to tell Mam the truth.” I signaled the server for the check.
“Really?” Jenny raised her eyebrows. “Tell Mam and Da that ye got pissing drunk and went home with some lass who claimed to be yer girlfriend in front of yer ex? Ye may be an adult, but Da would still have yer hide.”
Damn. She had me there. I sighed. “Fine, I’ll give her a ring.”
Jenny insisted on paying for our pint-soaked lunch. I pulled out my mobile reluctantly.
“I kent ye had exchanged numbers!” she said, eyes gleaming.
“Shut it. Were ye spying—I mean, watching the whole time?”
“Too rainy to get a good look in. Get on wi’ ye.”
I pulled up my contacts and scrolled. She wasn’t under Claire. I panicked briefly and thought perhaps she hadn’t saved the number properly before a thought popped in my head. I typed in the search bar at the top.
Sassenach.
Jenny was peeking over my shoulder and gave a mphmm of disapproval. “She put it in!” I said defensively. “Her last name’s Beauchamp, by the way.”
My finger hovered over her name, but just before I pressed it, panic set in. “Wait. What do I even say to her?”
“The truth would probably be a good place to start,” Jenny suggested.
“I guess.” I squeezed my eyes shut, and hit the button. A few seconds later, it began ringing on the other side. My stomach fluttered—hunger or nerves, I couldn’t tell.
It kept ringing.
Jenny kept her eyes on me quizzically while I drummed my fingers on the table. She wasn’t picking up. Shit shit shit.
What if she’d seen my name on the phone and didn’t want to talk to me? What if she thought I was a stalker? It was too soon to call, I knew it. If I got her voicemail, what message would I leave? What if—
The beeping stopped. “Hello?”
“Um. Hello. It’s Jamie. Remember me? The, uh, half-naked lad from this morning?” I glanced at Jenny to gauge how I was doing so far. She smacked me upside the head.
