#cecilia rants

[ceciliacrow]

Hearing Zachery Renauldo mentioned in the critical role announcements is still so surreal. They grow up so fast *sniff*

[andysambergstan]

i was bored sunday night and decided to "play" tinder. i hate the app, i never talk to anyone, i just see who's there and swipe however.

but when i saw a woman that "worked" beside me at the lesbian/bi women carnaval parade a few days earlier i swiped right just for the coincidence of it.

it was a match, she also recognized me. we're talking, she asked me out, and i said yes.

😖 i haven't been on a date in like a century!! UGH!! anxiety will kill me i know!! I can't go on dates!!! what was i thinking????

[ceciliacrow]

Dude hrt is helluva drug, did every afab feel like this going through puberty? Wtf

[andysambergstan]

there’s no andysambergstan on twitter anymore, and i’m done with that fandom life. 

i don’t know, maybe i’m done with fandom life altogether. i still love andy to bits, the same with tli and b99. and i still wanna be here and share my love with you guys. there really are some wonderful people here and i do wanna be in touch with you guys.

[i also still wanna do the podcast post! i swear i will! even if i just copy/paste the doc file here lol]

but my blog has changed a lot since i first came to tumblr. and fandom is tiring. soooooooo tiring. 

i’ll see what i’ll do. maybe just chance my url and be more me instead of being so andy...

idk. just venting...

[andysambergstan]

i wish i were funny. i wish i didn't have this huge of a wall up. i wish i thought i was deserving of love. i wish i had the energy to do the stuff i need to be better. i wish i didn't think this much about every fucking thing. i wish i weren't so afraid to take risks. i wish i had some hope. i wish i thought i was worth taking care of. self care. i wish i actually believed in love for me. i wish i had the motivation to do anything other than work. i wish i didn't want "stuff" that is out of reach. i wish i weren't just a blob of... of whatever.

[andysambergstan]

i really do love andy samberg. like... A LOT! but why??? sure, he's pretty lovable and all, but... it's weird! the intensity and how long it's been... never happened to me before.

[andysambergstan]

i hate the fact that i like chris pratt. he's all kinds of problematic. does he really have to be so funny and charismatic? did he really have to be that good in parks and as peter quill? ugh!

[andysambergstan]

i'm seriously considering going to ny to see tli live. is that too crazy? i mean, it's in new york and all, a thousand things to do and see besides tli...