#challenging thoughts

[mental-health-advice]

Tag as Pluto: Lately I’ve been feeling like I really want to kill people and it scares me. I don’t know what to do and its just like I have a really strong urge. I know its wrong and I don’t WANT do kill anyone. I just feel like I HAVE to. Im scared and I don’t know what’s going on. please help

Hi friend!

Thank you so much for opening up to us here at MHA - I understand how difficult that must have been for you and I’m super proud of you for taking this first step! I can only imagine how hard this is for you all to deal with, but I hope I’ll be able to provide you with some reassurance and advice and how to cope with these homicidal thoughts.

I do have to start by saying that if you ever take action to severely harm someone, then please reach out to your local emergency services for help (e.g. 999). If you are reaching a crisis point and feel a situation may become unsafe, then please get yourself to a safe area and contact someone who can keep you safe and /or take you to the hospital if necessary.

It sounds like you are struggling with intrusive thoughts; these are unwanted thoughts that appear and are very hard to get rid of. The most important thing with intrusive thoughts, but also one of the hardest, is to not give the fire any fuel - if you mill over the thought and try to analyse it, you are adding power to the thought which will likely make it stronger and make it appear more often. This is not to say you should completely ignore the thoughts, but simply acknowledge the thought is present and then move on and try to distract yourself. Speaking of which, I am going to link our page of distraction techniques here, and a video here. Grounding techniques may also be useful in helping you to take back control from the thoughts, and bring yourself back to reality; here is our page on grounding techniques. I suggest beginning with you try something like saying the alphabet forwards and then backwards slowly, or running your hands under really cold water. One I find particularly useful is:

Describe 5 things you can see

Describe 4 things you can hear

Describe 3 things you can feel

Describe 2 things you can smell

Describe 1 thing you can taste

Intrusive thoughts can be really hard, as repressing them often just means they come back stronger. Instead of repressing them, I think an important thing to do is challenge the thoughts - you can do this directly, or some people find it helpful to challenge them sarcastically, for example ‘‘Oh yeah, what a greeeeat idea that is!!’

I think the most important thing for you right now is to remember that these are just intrusive thoughts - they can’t be controlled, they’re literally unwanted things that intrude into your consciousness. They are not a reflection of you and your worth or anything like that, please don’t feel bad for having them! Personally, I believe that the fact you are questioning these thoughts and you know you don’t want to kill anyone shows that you don’t really want it and that this is just something you are struggling with. Maybe looking at it like this will help you to feel a little better about yourself and the situation? I promise that you are not bad or wrong for this.

I think it is really important that you reach out to someone for some professional help. Talking to someone could be beneficial – especially when you find the intrusive thoughts and urges becoming overwhelming.  I’m going to link you here to our page about getting help, and to the helplines and web counselling, which can all be really useful when you need someone there to listen to you. They understand how hard these thoughts are to deal with, and their main focus will be on helping you to overcome the difficulties they are causing you. If seeing a counsellor or therapist isn’t immediately an option for you, you could go to your GP who can then refer you onto a mental health professional. Your GP will be able to discuss treatments options for you, and will diagnose any underlying mental health condition. If saying your thoughts out loud is just too hard for you, which is totally understandable, then you could always try writing them down in a letter and handing that to the professional you see? That way you don’t have to say it but they will still have an understanding of what is happening and you can both freely discuss any questions you have.

I am going to share a couple of resources with you which are helpful interactive guides to help you start dealing with the intrusive thoughts:

4 step programme

Intrusivethoughts.org

Suppression

I hope this has been of some use to you, friend. Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else that we can help you with! Please take care.

Rhiann xo

[despitethetrauma]

The people who were supposed to care about me, didn't. So no one ever will.

There have been people in my life who didn't appreciate me but that doesn't mean no one ever will. My parents had plenty of their own issues before, and after me. Just because I didn't get their unconditional love and they gave up on me, doesn't mean my heart should turn cold and I get to give up on myself. My ex was an ungreatful unworthy asshole, who I idolised, his priority was always sex, power and money, that wasn't my fault. Just because we spent a long time together doesn't mean that it was a good relationship and that doesn't mean that every other serious relationship is going to end in the same way. I am learning and trying to create a healthy relationship with someone who wants to create a healthy relationship with me, this is hard because I don't have good guidelines or experience but it doesn't mean it's impossible. Just because the relationship isn't always perfect doesn't mean that she doesn't care, even though I've used this excuse to justify other people's behaviour in the past and turned out wrong, doesn't mean that this time its the same. She's taken responsibility for her actions and I have to give her a fair chance to make things better between us both with both of our input because that's how relationships work. She cares and she shows me that she cares 99% of the time so I need to remember that in order to move on from what's gone wrong because we have talked and tried to deal with it which is a healthy behaviour even though it may not feel better right now doesn't mean it won't feel better with time and we've made a good foundation for that by being mature and discussing things as best we can. Because she cares about me.

[zenchanting]

Black and White

Things are not always black and white.  For even the darkest night or the brightest white isn’t pure.  Instead of treating every issue as if there is only one clear choice, maybe, just maybe, we could understand that the opposing side is just finding the white speckles in our midnight black.

[mental-health-advice]

So my friend asked me to watch her kids earlier they're a little rowdy but not too extreme. But she said no that it was okay she'd find someone else to watch them. Why did she just text me at 11:00 p.m. asking if I could watch them. part 1

Part 2 I already made plans like after she told me it was okay like my anxiety is through the roof I feel so bad bow but I already secured plans with someone else. She doesn't seem mad about it but I feel horrible. Like awful

Hey there lovely,

Can you try looking through some of these calming tips to try and calm your anxiety? Remember to breathe, in and hold and out. You're going to be okay.

You said yourself that she doesn't seem mad about it, and I am sure she isn't because she said she would get someone else so therefore it is not your fault at all for making other plans after being told that you didn't need to watch them that night. When situations like this arise, try and challenge your irrational thoughts. The most realistic situation is that she said she would get someone else, tried to but it got a bit too late and she hadn't been able to get anyone, so she text you on the slight chance that you weren't busy, which you were, so there is no problem because it was only asking on the slight chance. You were busy, that is okay because she told you before that she would get someone else. She wan't mad with you.

I know it is hard to think rationally when anxiety pops up but try to challenge your thoughts when you can. If you can't, try and tackle the problem head on. For example, you could have texted her saying 'I'm sorry, when you said you'd get someone else I made plans for tonight, I feel really bad about it now and I just wanted to apologise' and then you'd probably get a reply such as 'Don't worry at all I was only asking incase you weren't busy but I assumed you probably would be, it's no problem at all- don't worry yourself!'. Then, not only have you apologised and explained your feelings and actions, you also get confirmation that it is okay. Try and remember these for next time!

We are always here if you need us.

Take care,Adrienne

x

[mental-health-advice]

Tag as ren please, is it possible for intrusive thoughts to be about anything? They started off with just the normal creepy sexual ones and I'm getting over those cause it's easy to tell they're not me. But awhile back I had some abusive friends that made me feel like I was irrational and a nasty hateful person and now sometimes when I'm with people I'll get very judgmental thoughts that I don't even agree with and they're hard to get rid of. I don't really even know what to call them..

Hey there lovely,

It is possible for intrusive thoughts to be about anything. I am glad you got over the ones you were having first. I would like you to know that the thoughts you are having now are also not you.

An intrusive thought is any thought that comes into your head that shouldn't be there. This is anything that you know isn't 'you' and any bd thoughts that feel out of place. Unfortunately, intrusive thoughts can happen about anything at anytime. They take over, in a way, and make our brain think something even if for a split second, though we don't even want these thoughts to be there.

The best way I have found to combat these thoughts and to regain control is to challenge them- for example, sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about dying or self harming, what I do to combat these thoughts is to force myself to think, wait, do I really want to die? I have my boyfriend, my cats and a lot to look forward to in the future, do I really want to give it all up right now? Usually I can convince myself to agree with the 'real' me- realising that I actually do want to be alive, I want to keep fighting and that I want to live. Sometimes- like you said- I get very judgemental thoughts come into my head. Although this happens very rarely now, it does sometimes happen but I have learned to combat these thoughts through challenging them. For example, if I were to think 'I don't like the outfit that person is wearing' or 'I don't think that make up looks good' I challenge my thoughts and I think, so what if I wouldn't wear that outfit, they actually look great in it! Go them for rocking such an awesome outfit!! So what if I wouldn't do my make up that way?? They look great and if they are happy then who cares!! I keep challenging my thoughts and now I hardly ever get an intrusive thought about a person, and on the rare occasion I do, I continue to challenge it and kick the 'bad thoughts' out by actually allowing the 'real me' to think and overcome those judgemental thoughts.

I hope this helps a little, if you have any more questions- please ask!- Adrienne x

[mercurialcircle]

On Enduring Criticism

Hi. 

During my lurking phase, I came across posts criticizing and chastising the community, or members of the community, for asserting themselves too aggressively on new learners. I noticed most posts taking a polarized stance, so I am purposely going to take up the other side of the duality by addressing the beginner’s attitude.

If you are just starting your journey, grow thicker skin. That is advice I wish I had gotten early. Those who have grown to love and live with occult practice, esoteric perspectives, etc., have all, at one time or another, had to manage encounters with negative and cynical pressure to bend our passion into shame. It's been a part of the gig for hundreds of years, and in a way functions as a filtration system; only those who can actually persist in the face of all the assholes telling you how wrong and stupid you are, will be able to develop a true and powerful confidence in their craft. It is also the kind of confidence which radiates in every other sphere of your life as well, and so this is a transcendent quality not limited to Tarot, Astrology, etc. It is a very great opportunity to transform yourself, to learn how to meet these negative attitudes with a mature outlook. 

It’s your own responsibility to bolster and protect your self-esteem, and belief in yourself; if you were learning how to make a fire, and all of a sudden a storm came, you'd have two options: keep it up, or give it up. You can't stop the storm, you can only weather it.