How to transform negative roles.
Sometimes you find that you chose a role that isn’t quite what you expected. I know many mothers who say that motherhood isn’t even close to what they thought it would be. Sometimes you have no choice but to take on a role, for example, when a parent or child gets sick and you are responsible for their care. Sometimes you chose a role that initially suited you, but the role changed significantly over time. For example, when a volunteer role becomes more time-consuming than you expected, or your paid job grows to include the work once done by others who have since been “downsized.”
What do you do then? Do you just have to grin and bear it?
The way I see it, you have two choices: you can change the role itself in some fundamental way that makes it more enjoyable, or you can change your attitude toward the role. Neither approach is going to work all the time, so you’ll have to be flexible in how you apply them.
In this issue well address the first approach.
Let’s take our example of an ill father who has become your responsibility. Let’s add to our example that you have siblings who can help you with this responsibility. First things first: can you change your role by involving all the siblings? What strengths does each sibling have?
Perhaps the most patient one could listen to him talk about his aches and pains and the difficulties he is now facing.
Perhaps the detail-oriented sibling could deal with the insurance company. Perhaps you are the most creative sibling; you could develop solutions for the problems your father is now facing. Or maybe you could figure out a creative way for everyone in the family to communicate with your father [and with each other] long-distance. When all the siblings are using their strengths you are all likely to be more comfortable and more successful dealing with a difficult situation. And your father will get the best of each sibling, while none of you bears the burden alone.
The paid work you do can be harder to transform because there are roles you have to assume in order to keep your job.
And if, overall, the job is a good fit for your life and career interests, then you will want to figure out a way to transform those tasks you don’t like. This will allow you to keep the job—and make it a better fit. You may be able to delegate some of those responsibilities to others, or trade responsibilities with someone who would be better suited to the things you don’t like. Draw limits and boundaries around the tasks where you can be most effective. Try to engage others to help complete the tasks where you are going to be less effective. Sell this to your boss as a way of getting the best quality work for each task.
Finally, is there anything else you can do during the task that will make it easier? Almost everyone I know listens to music, watches TV, or reads while they are exercising. I have one friend that I call on the phone while we are both cleaning; it makes the task more pleasant and go by more quickly.
While you probably can’t chat with friends during every aspect of your work day, would getting to know the people at work make those group tasks more appealing? Would putting on a CD reduce the stress of paperwork piles?
Each person’s situation is unique. Take some time this week to brainstorm how you can make changes in your roles to make them more appealing. If you need help addressing the roles in your life, and think coaching would help, feel free to call me at 301-523-8882, or send me an e-mail at:[email protected].
