It's kind of weird.. Talking about the future, you know? Maybe it's just for me that, that it's weird.
I've never talked about the future before, occasional jokes with my brothers. But never have I really, really talked about the future. With anyone, I keep things to myself a lot. And I have good reasons to do that.
To be honest, the future is... It's blank for me, it always has been, ever since I was born. When you try to imagine yourself doing those things you want, get married and such?
I can't do that, even though I have a large imagination, I can't do that. Whenever I try to do that, it's always blank. Always. If you'd asked me when I was eight where I'd be in five years, I would've gave you the same answer: "The future is blank for me."
I always thought that maybe it was because I really never saw anything in my future, anything of importance. I surely wasn't of importance, honestly, I never thought that I'd live that long for some odd reason.
And even so, with that, it terrifies me. I have no clue of what I'm going to do when I'm older, if I even do anything with my life. What can I do?
Live like everybody else? Be another nobody? I don't want that. I want to have a reason, a purpose in this life, I've never had that.
I'm living because I've never had the guts to change it, not because I had a purpose or felt like somebody would miss me if I died, I'm living this way because I don't know another way to live.
And that's the saddest part.
Everybody I've ever known has never had an impact on the world, and maybe this is a naive, childish thing to say. Maybe it'll never happen, but I want to change the world. For better or for worse, I don't care, I want to be important.
This life is what you make it, change it or succumb to what everybody else wants you to be.
It's a chess game, there's a king and queen, and there's pawns. Don't be a pawn, be the king or queen of your life.
I'm not going to do the latter. (Hopefully) What are you going to do?