Two dances, Mai kept reminding herself. It was only two dances. Really, there was no need for her hand to tremble or for her heart to beat so wildly. They would just follow an intricate pattern of steps in rhythm with the music.
In close proximity.
While holding hands.
On second thought, these two dances were a perfectly valid reason to feel nervous! How were they supposed to handle this level of intimacy considering their circumstances? Naru had displayed unexpected compassion and chivalry, silencing the unfounded gossip with his invitation to dance, but Mai highly doubted his motives were dictated by anything more than a sense of duty. The bite of her rejection was certainly still instilling its bitter poison.
Her chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe as she recalled the emotionless, withdrawn look Naru had sported just a moment before. It left little doubt about his feelings toward her: she had been relegated to the rank of an annoying stranger. Would he be able to overcome his distaste, at least for the sake of appearances?
Her nervousness didn't abate when the first notes of the violin rose, signaling the start of the quadrille to the dancers, Madoka and Lin being the leading couple. Mai performed a stiff reverence, watching with trepidation Naru mirror the gesture gracefully and come closer to reach for her hands. She let him clasp his gloved fingers around hers and followed his movements, out of sheer habit.
She danced without uttering a word for a few moments, a perfunctory smile plastered on her face while she tried to ignore the warmth of Naru's hand seeping through their gloves. She didn't dare look at him in the eyes so she settled for his chin. Considering their height difference it was an acceptable compromise.
She started to think that the silence was to last through the two dances when Naru's neatly shaved jaw moved.
"What a nice ball. Madoka really outdid herself."
The comment was mundane, and his tone flat, but it was enough for Mai to forget her embarrassment. She raised her head to stare at her partner, astonished he didn't saw fit to ignore her for the rest of the set. His features were set in a guarded expression but he was uncharacteristically averting his eyes, betraying the smallest amount of discomfort.
She knew for a fact he wasn't keen on inane conversation, yet he was taking upon himself to start one. Was he trying to be civil? The very thought left her speechless.
"It is your turn to say something now, Miss Taniyama," he remarked, not without irony, while his stunned partner spun under his raised arm. "I remember very clearly that you talk as a rule while dancing, you ought to do your share of the conversation."
"And since when do you abide by said rule?" Mai wondered out loud while trying not to lose her precarious balance.
It was the gentleman's turn to spin, which he did adroitly before moving behind heri as the steps required. "Since the beginning of this dance," he said, "as I have been told just before I ought to polish my conversational skills."
"How admirable of you," Mai replied, suppressing the tingle his breath fanning the shell of her ear was sending down her spine, "I shall acknowledge your efforts and remark that I do not think we ever had a more magnificent ball in the county."
"It was thrown for you, you deserve nothing less."
Mai almost missed Naru's hand as they linked arms again, distracted by the confusing statement. His tone was infuriatingly neutral and in their current position she couldn't see clearly what sort of expression he was making. Was that a polite compliment, or disguised mockery?
"How sly of you, resorting to flattery," she whispered defiantly. "I shall admit that you handle the art of insincere praise flawlessly, with this you should delight any conversation partner. This exercise is pointless, your skills do not need any improvement after all."
The gentleman's hand left hers momentarily, the time for them to turn around and face each other. They moved in perfect rhythm to follow the leading couple's pattern, the very image of harmony. But Mai's smile was empty and Naru's gaze clouded by bitterness.
"Only you would you assume an earnest word of appreciation was a lie," he remarked bitingly. "I should not be surprised, knowing your terrible opinion of me. However I do not think my behaviour warrants such wariness tonight."
His voice held more disappointment than accusation, and Mai felt a pang of guilt seize her heart.
She had been so apprehensive about him being adverse to her that she had construed everything he had said as offensive. When, in all honesty, he had done nothing but coming to her aid, and treat her in a congenial and gentlemanly manner. He was right. She had been unfair.
"No, it does not," she admitted softly, all defiance gone. "I am afraid my encounter with Mrs Hurst has left me quite temperamental. I can only hope that you will accept my deepest apologies."
Such contrition seemed to catch the gentleman off guard as his eyes widened in surprise. His offended frown dissolved and after a few moments of contemplation he sighed.
"I should bear half of the blame," he capitulated, "for I should have clarified my motives. My brusque invitation to dance must have been misleading. Rest assured it was not an attempt at wooing you any further, your opinion on the matter has been perfectly understood. I just- I could not suffer the unfair treatment this Mrs Hurst," anger flashed in his eyes at the mention of the old lady, "and even your so-called mother were inflicting upon you. Being an orphan is not something you should feel ashamed of."
Mai felt the muscles of his forearms tense under her hand, and when she looked at him she could see his jaw was clenched in ire, the fire in his gaze only burning hotter. The intensity of his reaction confused her until she recalled he had an orphaned friend. He was probably getting angry on his behalf.
"I learnt not to pay it any attention," Mai dismissed with a tired smile. "It does not affect me much anymore."
"You should not be used to it," the man muttered somberly.
"I do, if only because I cannot escape it. Let me embrace thee, sour adversity-" she started.
"- for wise men say it is the wisest course," completed the gentleman. "In spite of my respect for Shakespeare, I do not subscribe to this opinion."
"Only you, Naru, would dare disagree with the great Shakespeare," Mai teased, her lips turning into a heartfelt smile. Which fell abruptly when realization dawned upon her that she had called him Naru.
She bit her tongue at the use of the nickname, but it was too late. It almost frightened her how easy it had been to forget all the defiance and distrust she had toward the gentleman to fall back into their former usual banter. And how comfortable their closeness had become, dancing side by side at arms length as they were. Lulled by their shared moment of understanding she had let the name slip up.
"I am truly sorry," she hastily apologized, "I did not want to…"
The words died in her throat .
They were passing right under the huge chandelier, Naru's face suddenly devoid of its shadows under the bright light. It only lasted a fleeting second, but it was enough for Mai to have a glimpse of what was hiding behind the mask of indifference and annoyance the man was wearing.
Regret. Hurt and grief.
And it was all her doing.
Mai's certitudes wavered. This was not the man she had rejected, the one she resented because of his cold heart and falseness! This man wouldn't hold such a tormented gaze, full of longing and regret. For an instant Shibuya had been so similar to the Naru of her fantasies, the one who had smiled so sadly to her, that she had genuinely wondered if she was dreaming.
Who was the gentleman in front of her, really? The deceptive Shibuya, or this vulnerable Naru?
Mai didn't get to ponder over the heart-wrenching mystery, since the violin dragged its last note and the dance came to a halt. The gentleman's features reverted to a schooled, emotionless expression as their hands parted, leaving a fading warmth beneath their gloves.
The dancers curtsied, waiting for the musicians to change tunes for the second part of the set, preparing themselves for the cotillion. Soon enough the joyous notes rose, inviting the couples to enjoy another round of lively dancing. Mai and Shibuya both complied, but the companionship they had a few minutes before had vanished to let place to the strained atmosphere of the beginning.
"I- I suggest we dismiss Shakespeare from our minds for the time being." Mai mumbled, her heart inexplicably heavy. "Such a festive party does not beckon tragedy."
"Very well. Shall we go back to flattery then?"
Mai didn't miss the underlying irony of his tone, however small talk seemed preferable to the current uncomfortable silence between them. "Yes, please. Unless you find the exercise too unpalatable," she amended in a whisper. "I am an awful conversationalist I am afraid, for I seemingly cannot talk without offending you in a way or another. I do not desire to pain you any further. I figure polite courtesy would be harmless."
A morose smirk rose on Shibuya's handsome face.
"I greatly appreciate your consideration for my well-being, however your worries are unfounded. I have always appreciated your refreshing honesty. How could one improve his character if nobody dares say to him he is in the wrong?"
Mai looked away in guilt as his parting words after her rejection echoed in her mind. Was he referring to his faults, or hers?
"But you are indeed right, compliments make a more pleasant conversation for a ball. May I say you look dashing tonight? Your earrings especially," he added thoughtfully, "this violet hue flatters your complexion nicely."
If Mai's hands hadn't been safely tucked under Naru's fingers they would have flown to her ears to hide the antique jewels. Of course he would notice! She shouldn't have listened to Masako, they had been too daring of a choice, considering their history. "They belonged to my late mother, she was very fond of them," she explained with flushed cheeks.
"A lady of refined taste, by any means."
Mai nodded wordlessly, pushing away any thoughts about purple crystals and trying to pay attention to the dance. It was a wonder she hadn't made a fool of herself by missing a movement or a step so far.
Naru, on the contrary, was moving with imperturbable poise as he came behind her, his breath fanning the crown of her head. "I've always known amethysts would suit you."
His tone was undecipherable, pensive almost, but the raw quality of his voice had Mai's heart stop for a second before blood rushed to her face once again. She could only hope that her agitation wasn't too noticeable, be it by her partner or the other dancers.
"I-" she stammered, struggling to form a coherent reply. "Ma- Masako said they would."
"Is that the reason why you chose them?"
Mai opened her mouth to answer that of course, the flattering aesthetic of the gems was the only reason why she had picked these particular earrings, only to close it immediately, troubled. She couldn't truthfully claim her choice had been motivated by coquetry only. She had been fully aware of the connection between the stone and the man when she was selecting her accessories, the concern had her hesitate, even. Nevertheless she had put the jewels on her ears in the end.
What was the fact saying about her? She wasn't certain she wanted an honest answer to this particular question, nor did she wanted to learn about Naru's possible interpretation of her actions. Her pride didn't allow her to indulge nor in falsehood neither in admitting there was more depth to her choice, so she stayed quiet.
To her relief the gentleman didn't press the matter any further, maybe mistaking her silence for confirmation. He took his place at her side, helping her with a pirouette she executed with disputable gracefulness. "You seem to trust miss Hara's judgement greatly," he mused.
"Naturally I do," Mai confirmed, breathing more easily now that the conversation was veering toward safer grounds. "Masako is an accomplished lady with a great fashion sense, I seek her advice often in this domain."
"I was not referring to fashion."
Mai frowned, confused. "We consider each other as kin, it is obvious her opinion is of great importance to me. She had gained my undivided trust throughout the years we have spent together."
"What an enviable bond you share. I must say miss Hara is watching faithfully over you."
The frown deepened. "I am afraid I do not understand what you are referring to."
The gentleman smirked wryly. "She seems really committed to protecting your interests. Especially against potential suitors."
Mai's eyes grew wide. Was that about her cousin? Or was it a veiled admission that he knew Masako was the one who warned her about his deception? Did this mean he was aware of her sister's misconduct? Her throat felt suddenly dry.
"Could you blame her if she did so?" she asked in a strangled whisper. "Would you not do the very same for your friends?"
"I would." Naru let out a sour laugh. "I know more than anyone how far the desire to protect can take us. Sometimes," he hesitated a second before adding gravely, "sometimes for the sake of those we cherish have to sacrifice our own happiness."
The sadness which marred his features clawed at Mai's heart, the sight almost too difficult to bear. He had the same look in her last dream, the same hopelessness and resolve shining in his eyes. These were emotions he couldn't fake, yet she hoped he did, because they were telling her she had been blind so far.
They were speaking of a selfless man, who embraced sorrow for the sake of someone else, when she had pictured him as prideful and egoistic.
They were speaking of sincerity, when all she could see were his lies.
It was shedding a new light on him, a light which made her want to ask his reasons for lying to them all. What if his motives were honourable indeed? What if it was for the sake of someone he held dear, like a friend? Who would it be? Lin, the Yasuharas maybe? Or the one person he was searching for?
She had no right to pry, however. She had denied Naru the right to explain himself when he asked for a chance to do so. He had been right that day, she had been treating him unfairly. It didn't matter how bitterly she was regretting her actions now, it was too late.
"I would not want it," she said softly. "In truth I would hate it, for someone to sacrifice their well-being for me."
"The problem about friendship is that the feeling is mutual, there is always some selfless idiot to put themselves in harm's way in your place." He looked at her and chuckled. "I am certain you understand, if I recall correctly, you challenged the infamous Urado for miss Hara."
Mai blushed and forced a scowl, but she couldn't completely erase the smile on her lips. Naru almost laughed. His calling her an idiot was worth the sound.
"My friendship with Masako is what I hold the dearest," she defended. "Of course I would help her when given the chance!"
"You are only proving my point further."
Mai huffed before biting her lip guiltily. "Thankfully Mr Lin and Mr Yasuhara came to our rescue. I fear their own selflessness made them fall prey to gossip."
"A single set should not warrant any rumours."
"Mr Lin shared this opinion. However you may be both underestimating our little society."
"I think I have a good idea of what Lady Hara and the likes of her are capable of. Though a detestable habit in my opinion, gossip is of no importance as it will be proven wrong soon enough. Nonetheless this lady," the irritation was clear in the way he was emphasizing the word, "shall refrain from spreading rumours and seek another prospect for her daughter instead."
Mai faltered and Naru had to forcefully grab her so the misstep wouldn't be too noticeable. As she regained her footing she looked at the gentleman in alarm. "Another prospect? What are you trying to say?"
"Exactly what my statement implies. Yasuhara will not ask for miss Hara's hand."
All colours drained from Mai's face. "He will not?" she whispered in shock. "That cannot be! May I ask- " she hesitated, almost afraid to hear the answer, "may I ask how you can affirm this so confidently?"
"The man told me so himself."
Shibuya's expression was serious but he didn't appear to take any pleasure in ruining her hopes for her sister. It was not his doing, was it? Protecting his friend...
"I see," Mai said softly "It honestly comes as a surprise. I have seen them together, it seemed obvious that they were in love."
Naru didn't comment on Mai's assumption, but didn't deny it either.
After a steadying breath she resumed, voice heavy with unshed tears. "Do you, by any chance, know about his reasons?"
He looked clearly uncomfortable, guilty almost, but answered nonetheless.
"His current circumstances do not allow him to tie bonds with miss Hara. That is all I shall say on the matter."
Mai nodded wordlessly, still recovering from the shock. Yasuhara's presence at Netherfield had always been temporary, Madoka had mentioned the fact during their stay in the mansion. But even so, his behaviour had given them hope… in vain. How should she let her sister know her feelings would not be reciprocated, without breaking her heart?
The music died on a single, melancholic violin note, putting an end to both the set and Masako's chances of happiness.
Overwhelmed, Mai hastily curtsied and fled the room to hide the tears that were threatening to spill.
Mai dabbed her eyes with her gloves, careful not to aggravate the redness her desperate sobs had left on her face. Her handkerchief was already completely wet, courtesy of her runny nose, but she didn't have the hardiness to search the room for a replacement. So she had settled for the only available piece of fabric she possessed.
She had ended sitting on a bed in one of Netherfield's spare rooms, the very same she had spent a few nights in, certain she would find it unoccupied.
She was fully aware of the boldness of her action, but she couldn't have risked being seen crying uncontrollably by the guests. Not after dancing with Lin and Shibuya, it would undoubtedly elicit some unsavory gossip at least. Seeking refuge in an empty room was far more preferable. If by an unfortunate turn of event she were to be found she could always pretext feeling unwell to justify her presence.
She sighed, exhausted. What shall she do now? Go back downstairs like nothing had happened and dance away her worries? Hide here and wait for the night to end? As tempting as the last option was, there still was the dinner to attend. Her absence would undoubtedly be noticed and attract more attention.
Mai took a deep, steadying breath and got up before picking up her damp gloves. She had to leave her current haven and endure for the rest of the ball. She would speak with Masako later, in the privacy of their home.
Steeling her resolve she opened the door quietly, greeted by the rumor of the crowd and the music playing on the floor above hers. Relieved to see the hallway was devoid of any presence she rushed to the stairs, only to collide with a gentleman climbing the flight of steps. She easily identified the broad chest in front of her nose as Lin's.
"My apologies," she started, "I was not-"
Naru's voice rose from behind Lin's tall figure. "Miss Taniyama? What are you doing here?"
He hadn't used her christian name, Mai noticed with something akin to chagrin. She smiled nonetheless, trying to appear unaffected. "I was feeling quite faint, so I took the liberty to rest for a moment upstairs," she replied, hoping she sounded convincing enough.
Lin frowned and immediately enquired about her well being. Mai dissipated the gentleman's polite concerns with a muttered affirmation that she was presently feeling perfectly well.
In the meanwhile Naru stared at her, an unreadable expression etched on his features.
"That is a relief. Now, if you would excuse me," Lin saluted before addressing the other gentleman. "Naru, I will start the preparations immediately."
Shibuya nodded his assent but didn't move, still blocking Mai's path. Mai didn't dare walk past him, either, so they stood there awkwardly for a moment in silence.
"I shall bid you farewell," the gentleman finally spoke, "for I am to leave the festivities early."
So this was the end. First her name, now polite farewells. They were definitively parting like strangers.
"Is that so? I am sorry to hear you will not enjoy the ball in its fullest."
"Do not worry on my account, I had my fair share of dancing already."
Mai chuckled softly, "I am well aware you do not revel in the activity in the least, two sets must be the most you can bear."
What was she doing? She should say goodbye and leave. But something was keeping her rooted in her place, buying some more time with him with inane comments.
They couldn't part like that. Not on such bitter terms.
"A propos," she added hesitantly, "I have not thanked you for helping me this evening yet . I- I am sincerely grateful for your intervention. You saved me from both Mrs Hurst and Mr Urado."
"There is no need to thank me. I would not have wished such a fate upon my worst enemy," Naru smirked, not humorlessly.
"Am I?" Mai whispered.
"I beg your pardon?"
The smirk disappeared when he took in Mai's misty eyes and desolate expression.
"Is this what I am, your worst enemy?"
Conflicting emotions flickered across his face before he closed his eyes and crossed the little distance which kept him away from Mai. "No," he answered, his voice hoarse. On impulse he grabbed her hand and let his lips brushed the underside of her wrist.
"No. You were a beautiful dream."
The next second he was down the stairs, his dark silhouette disappearing among the crowd.
Mai could only be thankful that she had no more tears to shed.
AN:Should I feel sorry for writing the corniest scenes ever? Maybe, but I don't XD I just hope you like cheesy romance as much as I do. I know the wrist kiss is super daring for the time period, but my good friend @books-tea-ghosts suggested I wrote one between Mai and Naru, and who am I to deny such a compelling request? Wrist kisses are the epitome of sexiness in my biased opinion.
Also a great thanks to @soulsborne123 who did me the honor of proofreading this, giving me really helpful feedback in the process. Go check her works if you haven’t already!
Ano, it's your brother's appreciation day. I know you've had your differences with him in the past, but the least you can do is send him a congratulatory e-mail. Even if he won't understand what's happening.
Ano: You should probs be telling this to those purple themed friends of his?
