When the archive is down, the chapter is posted here. I've only had to do this once before.
Bonus 323: Meng Yao, 20th February 2007.
It's a direct follow on from his previous chapter, but since the archive is down, you can't read that. Just know that it's Meng Yao's 22nd birthday, and he is Happy.
(This chapter was written on the 22nd of February.)
There was something about being loved that left Meng Yao breathless.
Well, the breathless part might be due to the sex that had not stopped since Feng Yuxuan had brought him home four hours ago, but that was not what Meng Yao was referring to. No, it was the sort of love that had Meng Yao breathless, because he knew that, no matter what, it would always be there. Even though it had been just shy of two years, and that Meng Yao was a mere twenty two years old, Meng Yao knew that Feng Yuxuan was everything to him, and would continue to be so for the rest of his life.
Meng Yao had never met anyone who had so completely understood him, and who wanted to understand him, as Feng Yuxuan did. Everyone else had taken one look at Meng Yao, had seen all of the man’s insecurities, and had turned away before having to deal with the ordeal of getting through the man’s layers of protection. No one had ever seen a reason to put in the effort, instead seeing someone who simply did not want attention from anyone else. And for his whole life, Meng Yao had assumed that this was the truth, and that he would never find someone who wanted to be with him.
And then, Feng Yuxuan had happened, and Meng Yao had discovered that he could be loved, that the layers that had been built up over the years could be overturned, and that Meng Yao could open himself up to another person. Feng Yuxuan knew everything about Meng Yao- how he had been raised by a single mother, how he had no idea who his father was, that he wanted to find his father, but did not want to disappoint his mother in doing so, that he wanted, one day, to have a family of his own, and that he only wanted to make his mother proud of him.
Feng Yuxuan knew all of this, and he stayed. Meng Yao did not know if there was anything that he could do to drive Feng Yuxuan away at this point, and he certainly did not want to know what it would take to do so.
“You are thinking so hard right now,” Feng Yuxuan said, rolling himself onto Meng Yao’s chest, and tapping Meng Yao’s lower lip. “I can practically hear it. I would have thought that you would have been too tired to be thinking straight; at least, that is what you said to me.”
Meng Yao smiled; he could never help but smile when Feng Yuxuan was looking at him. “It was true, my love.”
“Something changed?” Feng Yuxuan asked.
“I was thinking about a great many things,” Meng Yao answered. “The curse of a birthday, I fear.”
“Talk to me, babe,” Feng Yuxuan said, moving his hands to cup Meng Yao’s cheeks. “Tell me about your thoughts.”
“I am twenty two years old,” Meng Yao said. “And I know that that is not old by any stretch of the imagination, but that is twenty two years since my biological father abandoned my mother. In fact, I am slightly older than my mother was when I was born.”
“Is this a daddy issue or a baby fever issue?” Feng Yuxuan asked, somehow able to cut through Meng Yao’s words to the truth of the matter.
“The former,” Meng Yao said, although he could not entirely rule out the baby fever element. Meng Yao did not feel old enough to have a child, and would certainly like to be doing better for himself than splitting his time between his mother’s home and the low rent apartment that Feng Yuxuan occupied. Any child of Meng Yao would live in a proper home, he was sure of it.
“Been there, still dealing with it,” Feng Yuxuan said, moving his hands to sweep Meng Yao’s hair off of his face. “However, at least my father had the decency to stick around for long enough to get to know me, then kick me to the curb.”
Feng Yuxuan’s family had kicked him out at the age of sixteen, after he had been seen by a family friend holding hands with another boy. Feng Yuxuan had recounted the story many times, always pointing out that that boy had been nothing, that if I had known that I was going to be kicked out of my family, I would have made it worth it; being kicked out over holding hands was shit as fuck.
“Maybe my biological father was a clairvoyant,” Meng Yao said. “Could see that I would never amount to anything, and made sure to not be around to have to deal with that.”
“Hey, fuck that noise,” Feng Yuxuan said, moving so that he was sitting beside Meng Yao. Feng Yuxuan dragged Meng Yao up to a seated position, and took his hands in his own. “Who says that you are a failure?”
Meng Yao frowned at Feng Yuxuan. The two of them had spent many hours like this, detailing all of their hopes and fears to each other, all of the things that kept them awake at night. Meng Yao knew that Feng Yuxuan knew what he meant by this; that Meng Yao would one day fail, would lose his job, and disappoint his mother, and would disappoint Feng Yuxuan. That one day, Meng Yao would drive Feng Yuxuan away, and would be left to live his life alone, forever. Feng Yuxuan knew all of this, just as Meng Yao knew all of Feng Yuxuan’s deepest fears.
“Fuck. That. Noise.” With each word, Feng Yuxuan placed a kiss on Meng Yao’s knuckles, never dropping eye contact. “The man that I love is not going to be a failure. Do you know how I know that?”
Meng Yao shook his head.
“Because I do not just love anyone,” Feng Yuxuan answered. “If I choose to love someone, then they are going to be worthy of that love. I am only going to love someone that I am going to be willing to stand by the side of, through thick and thin, till death do us part. Now, do you believe me, A Yao my love, or do I have to prove these words to you?”
“You are terribly sentimental,” Meng Yao said, blinking back the tears that wanted to fall from his eyes.
“Only for you,” Feng Yuxuan reached up, and wiped at Meng Yao’s eyes, taking the tears away. “I never thought of myself as a sentimental man before, you know. I walked through life with the biggest chip on my shoulder, because I had to be. Letting people into my life meant that I was opening myself up to be hurt, and I had already lost my entire family, so I had always thought that I would never find someone that I would be willing to open myself up for again. And then do you know what happened?”
“What happened?” Meng Yao asked. Meng Yao already knew what had happened, but he would not say no to hearing Feng Yuxuan recount the tale of their first meeting. It was a tale that had a happy ending, after all, and Meng Yao felt like a happy ending right now.
“I was sitting in a bar, attempting to drink enough alcohol to drown my sorrows and forget that I had ever been hurt,” Feng Yao said, his lips curving up in a smirk as he spoke. “I was sitting by myself, into my third drink, when I needed to go and pee. I fell out of my chair, and would have face planted on the floor if I had not been caught by the strongest man in the world.” Feng Yuxuan paused, before he laughed. “I did not expect the man to then take a swing at my face. All I had said was thank you!”
Feng Yuxuan had actually said, my hero, saving this damsel in distress, however can I repay you? But Meng Yao did not correct the story.
“I barely ducked out of the way, and before the man could swing again, this other man had stepped in between us, and do you know what he said?” Feng Yuxuan asked.
“Leave the man alone,” Meng Yao and Feng Yuxuan said in unison, “you have other fights to fight.”
“The world’s strongest man then turned around, and saw his bag being stolen!” Feng Yuxuan continued. “He ran very fast, and I was left with this new man, my hero, my saviour. And do you know what I said to him? It was truly romantic.”
“I need to pee,” Meng Yao answered.
“Okay, the romance came after,” Feng Yuxuan said, “after you helped me to the bathroom. You offered to get me a ride home, and you took me home. You even walked me to my door! I invited you in, but you said no.”
“I said that, if you felt this way when you sobered up, you could call me,” Meng Yao said. “I do not take advantage of cute men who are drunk in a bar.”
“Very good life advice there,” Feng Yuxuan said with a grin. “I called you the next day, did I not?”
“You did,” Meng Yao said. “And then I came over, and was, quite frankly, appalled at the state of this place.”
Feng Yuxuan had had the same apartment for the two years that the two of them had been together, and it looked vastly different these days. For one, Meng Yao had organised a proper bed- a bed frame was a requirement for Meng Yao- and proper plumbing- hot water also being a requirement. Meng Yao had even organised for a fresh coat of paint, tiles to be installed- it was practically a new apartment. Meng Yao had managed to do all of this for barely anything at all, having been owed favours from all of the contractors he had used.
“Yes, well, I was not exactly swimming in cash,” Feng Yuxuan said. “Quite often, I was choosing between eating and hot water, so you caught me at a slightly better point in my life.”
Feng Yuxuan was doing much better these days. Feng Yuxuan had full time employment, working in an accounting firm as a junior admin clerk. Feng Yuxuan had plenty of opportunities for upwards movement within the company; he would never love the job, but he did love the money that came with it, and it left plenty of time for him to participate in his hobbies, and to do the things that he enjoyed doing.
“All because I chose to step in and stop you being punched in the face,” Meng Yao said.
“Why did you do that?” Feng Yuxuan asked. “I have always wandered.”
“You know the answer,” Meng Yao said fondly.
“Just as you know the story of how we first met, and yet I just told you,” Feng Yuxuan said, with a mischievous grin on his lips.
“Oh, very well,” Meng Yao said. “I saw someone who was clearly having a bad day, with a look in his eyes that I recognised from the mirror, and I saw the other man’s bag being stolen, so I saw an opportunity. I suppose that it did not hurt that you had a rather attractive face.”
“Do I still have an attractive face?” Feng Yuxuan asked.
“The most attractive face that I have ever seen,” Meng Yao answered.
Truthfully, Meng Yao had never been sure of his sexuality. Meng Yao had watched the people around him at school have crushes, and begin dating, and he had never understood any of it. There had never been any sort of drive within Meng Yao to find someone to spend time with, not in that way, and so he had never worried about any of it.
And then Meng Yao had met Feng Yuxuan, drunk off of his face, and something within him had melted. There was something telling Meng Yao not to let this one go. That was why Meng Yao had put his phone number into Feng Yuxuan’s phone; he would not take advantage of a drunk man, but if that man came to him, fully sober, then Meng Yao would see what happened next.
(That night, after returning home, Meng Yao had found himself with an erection, and the first feeling within himself to do something about it. The next night, Meng Yao had had sex with another person for the first time in his life, and suddenly Meng Yao had found someone who made all of the things that Meng Yao had once found confusing, make sense.)
“I love you,” Feng Yuxuan said.
“I love you,” Meng Yao said, leaning forward and kissing Feng Yuxuan.
A month into their relationship, the two had said I love you to each other. By all accounts, this was very early, but Meng Yao had not cared. Feng Yuxuan made Meng Yao feel things that he had never felt before, and Meng Yao could not imagine ever needing to take back his words.
A mere week after they had said these words to each other, Meng Yao’s mother had commented that her son was spending more nights out of the house, and that he seemed happier than she had ever seen him. Meng Yao could not lie to his mother, and had said that he was in a relationship. Meng Shi had been very happy for her son, but she had also immediately sat him down and given him a very thorough talk about sex, and ensuring that he never had reason to impregnate his girlfriend. Meng Shi spent a lot of time talking about the need to be careful, and to understand the consequences of pregnancy, and it was the closest that she had ever come to speaking about Meng Yao’s father with him, and Meng Yao had found that he could not interrupt his mother. Meng Shi had ended by asking Meng Yao if he had had any questions; Meng Yao had told his mother that it would be impossible for him to impregnate his girlfriend, since his girlfriend was a boyfriend, and Meng Shi had immediately apologised for the assumption, and for putting them both through all of that.
(A week later, Feng Yuxuan was introduced to Meng Shi, and the two of them instantly hit it off, much to Meng Yao’s relief. Meng Yao had never considered having to choose between his mother and Feng Yuxuan, and he was glad to never have to do so.)
Meng Yao pressed Feng Yuxuan back into the bed, not letting the kiss stop until he had had his fill of Feng Yuxuan. And when Meng Yao began to pull back, Feng Yuxuan took over, using his legs to flip the two of them to reverse the position.
“You are everything to me,” Feng Yuxuan said, when he finally broke the kiss.
“You are everything and more to me,” Meng Yao said, running his hand down Feng Yuxuan’s back.
“I will marry you one day,” Feng Yuxuan said. “And you and I will have the family that neither of us were able to have growing up. And you and I will never be alone, because we will always be together.”
It was a nice thought, one that Meng Yao hoped would come true one day, but he was only twenty two years old. There were still many more years before Meng Yao would feel ready to get married, to be able to be the husband that Feng Yuxuan deserved.
“That was not a proposal,” Feng Yuxuan said, pressing a kiss to Meng Yao’s forehead. “Just so you know, my proposal will be memorable and unmissable.”
Meng Yao did not have any words to respond, so he kissed Feng Yuxuan once more, and let his partner have his way with him once more. It was Meng Yao’s birthday, after all, and if he could not have sex as a way to avoid thinking about more difficult topics, then what was the point?