WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR ANOTHER MOMENT
date: 17th of March, 2024 warnings: feels, too many fucking feels. death. guilt. mention of drugs and overdose. plotting ways for kate's demise. Emine's POV is in italic.
The shock remained ingrained and though she knew he was gone, the thought of processing it and allowing it to become a reality, she would happily live in denial. Dealing with this was something Ayda could handle for herself but being entrusted to tell his sister and best friend, despite the fight she knew they would overcome this hurdle, that was going to be the part that would break her.
She sent Emine a text, asking her to come over, and knowing that the other was currently dealing with a broken heart, this was going to shatter what was left. Idle steps paced around the room, collecting valuables that she didn’t want broken. There was no telling how Emine was going to handle this. Violence was always the way the other dealt with their feelings and this, she wouldn’t be surprised if overnight the borough was painted red.
“Ayda,” she heard her voice being called out, footsteps up the backstairs, having left the door open for her. “I hope you have food for me to take back to Olivier. He’s not a bad cook, but your food is so much better.”
Her steps halted, placing her in the middle of the living room when their eyes met and the way Emine’s demeanor quickly picked up that something wasn’t right, she froze in her spot.
“Kerem, he’s alright, right?” The way she found Ayda standing in the living room she knew it was bad news. It was the eyes. The other could never hide how she was feeling if one paid close attention to them. She had read the text message from her ex, thought about replying, but she didn’t know what to say. Part of her knew if she responded to him, if they talked, any promises he made she would give in easily, and she didn’t want that to happen.
“Em, he’s fine. I promise.” At least she could say that. The guessing game would start next. She knew Emine enough that she would start spouting off names until she got the answer. “Here, sit down.” A hand gestures to the couch where she finds herself sitting down, waiting for her to join her.
Relief washed over the petite Turk. “Is Azra okay?” It was a name that popped into her head. She didn’t dare think about her brother considering they talked the other day. Emine removes her shoes and makes her way over to sit on the couch, turning her body towards Ayda. “You know I would play the game and list a million names, but I really don’t have the energy for it. What is going on?” Concern laced in her words.
Her hands reach out to take Emine’s in hers. “Em….” This time her voice did crack, tears starting to slide down her cheeks. This was going to destroy Emine and this was news she never wished anyone had to give. “It’s Berat…” Hands are suddenly pulled from hers and she can see it in Emine’s eyes that she is starting to piece it altogether.
“What about Berat?” She didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to see where this conversation was going. Everything around her started to spin and she was barely holding herself together as it was, and now this. “Don’t you say it Ayda.” She warned her. “He isn’t. He went back home to visit my parents like they asked him.” It was easier to believe he was out of the country than the words that were going to be said. “Please….he can’t be.” The last set of words that left her mouth was a sob, wrapping her arms around herself.
What was she supposed to say? There was no denying the truth that was in front of them both, but holding on to a little faith a little longer, it couldn’t hurt. She wraps her arms around Emine, pulling the girl in for a hug, kissing the top of her head. “I’m so sorry Em. If there was anything I could do to change it, I would.” Her words are a mere whisper, loud enough for Emine to hear. It was then that Ayda let the reality hit her and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Her eyes closed in efforts to keep the tears from falling.
“No…..” Emine allowed herself the comfort of Ayda’s arms for a moment. Allowing herself that one last opportunity of being held together from all the pieces that were starting to break. She pulls away from the embrace, shifting her body off the couch to stand up. A hand comes up to wipe under her eyes, removing any traces of emotions that she was giving into. “This is some lie. Where is my brother?” Her tone demanding, filling the rage starting to build.
Ayda stands along with her, hands reaching out to take hers once more. It was the only way she knew to keep Emine grounded. That she wouldn’t feel that spiraling out of control. They once were close, like sisters themselves, but she knew her loyalty would always lay with Berat when she left that night. “He overdosed. They are still looking into it. Something bad with the heroin. I’m still waiting to get all the details.” The last thing she wanted to mention was who found him. It was certain to set her off and Emine would suspect foul play regardless of the truth in front of her.
He overdosed. Emine closes her eyes taking deep breaths to keep herself from losing control. She could feel the guilt starting to hit her. She should have tried harder or been more of a presence in his life that he didn’t feel like he was alone. Why was she always failing the people she cared about? “What do I do with him gone, Ayda?” Her tone meak. Admitting that he was gone brought her to her knees, feeling her body slump.
Ayda finds herself moving down to her knees, keeping herself connected with Emine. “I don’t know Em.” She didn’t want to make any promises. How they were going to navigate through this was unknown. There were so many pieces that would have to be sorted out. She had to push those thoughts away and focus on the girl in front of her. “But I’m here. You know I am always here for you.” She meant every word.
Emine wanted to find some type of solace in Ayda’s words, but it didn’t stop the agony that consumed her. The world had no meaning to her. Everything that was good in her life had been taken away. “I know….” The only thought that could be formed in her fucked up brain. It was never supposed to be him. He had his downfalls, but she was the one that played with fire. She was the one that should be dead, not him. Her mind somehow drifted to ma and her head snapped up looking at Ayda. “Ma.” Instant dread hit her, this was going to kill her.
Her hands come up to cup Emine’s cheeks, keeping her eyes locked with hers. “We will get through this.” She wanted to repeat her words, that hopefully Emine would get the underlying message; not to do anything stupid. At the mention of Berat’s mother, a woman who still felt like family, she realised there was one more person to share with. It was better coming from her and Emine than the police. “We should go tell her.” She would never let Emine do it alone.
Emine nods her head, there wasn’t much more that could be said and surprisingly for herself she was handling this better than she expected; at least for now. A sense of relief washed over her when Ayda offered to go with her to tell her ma. She wondered if the woman knew, but if she did, she would have received a text already. “I need a moment.” Emine shifts to sit on her bottom, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them, leaning back into the couch. “He’s really gone.” She mumbles, looking over to Ayda.
Ayda nods her head knowing that she had to do this at Emine’s pace. She scoots back, coming to sit beside Emine, wrapping her arm around her and pulling her into her side, feeling the body rest against hers. “He is Em.” She speaks softly. No words could ever explain the hurt they were both sharing, but she could offer comfort. That is when she felt arms wrap around her and heard the sobs into her arm. “I got you Em, let it out.”