happy wincest wednesday, maven! 🤍
when do you think sam and dean had their ‘oh shit, i’m in love with him’ moment? did one fall faster than the other, or was it more of a slow kindling? did they ever tell each other? i’d love to know what you think!
- chasingdean
hello josh! happy wincest wednesday 🥰🥰
dean: i think he felt like a creep and a perv for feeling such intense and slightly weird things about sammy--so much guilt and angst over it, beginning to make abnormal touches towards sam (and even possible pet names) as if it was all normal, and because sam didn't have anything to compare it to, he really couldn't know the difference. but dean never truly made a move because he never understood his own feelings and the sexuality of them, because he'd also never had anything to compare them to. until sam died in AHBL and dean realized, oh shit, i'm in love with him. and in that sudden, gut-wrenching realization, he threw himself into that deal headfirst.
sam: sam's always been very aware of himself, and i think he knew for a long, long time. i'm a big fan of pining!sam preseries fics like the Invisible Boy duology and its ilk, and once he realized it, probably around early high school, he relished every ounce of attention dean would give him. without dean realizing, he probably tried to pull his brother closer to him as he traveled through teenhood (we see in john's journal how they fought a lot in the years before sam left), and eventually, sam left for stanford because he couldn't deal with the overwhelming feeling of loving dean anymore. for sam it was definitely a slow realization, painful and searing once it finally hit in fullness.
did they ever tell each other? i don't think they ever did. dean's averse to sharing his feelings and ends up burrowing everything inside him, and i think that's why he ends up being slightly physically (and emotionally lol) abusive to sam in the later seasons. sam, though, is used to this pain which has turned into a familiar ache, and he finds comfort in that feeling. it tethers him to the reality he's always known, especially during his 5000 years in the cage and afterward.
through the course of the show i think they come to realize this about each other but never say anything, and by the time they're both in heaven, they at last understand what this love can be like. and they don't need to say anything, but they know, sure as anything. and they settle into that, and all's forgiven.
