The flowers are in bloom. The sun shines. The altar is beautiful.
The groom is perfect.
His dark eyes are shining, trailing down the aisle, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
It’s a familiar smile. One you’ve seen a thousand times. One he’s given you around a laugh he tries to keep quiet. One that says more than his words can. One that speaks love into the air. A smile that was meant especially for you.
The bouquet in your hands shakes but you see the love that softens his face and you know there’s no stopping it.
You’re lost in the glamor of black and white, remembering fog drifting through the late night sky. His giggles as you compared the dark of the sky to his eyes. The dimple in his cheek you poked before he enveloped your hand with his. A bare ring finger begging for a promise squeezing against the back of your hand. Lifelines joining.
You’re lost in the way he sways at the altar, remembering the sway of a dance under the stars. The way his hands had settled on your waist and felt just right. The taste of his lips on yours as he whispered promises against them. The notion that someday a dance would be shared in front of family and friends, but the world behind you wouldn’t matter, you’d be too wrapped up in your husband’s arms to care about anything else.
You’re lost in the flowers living on the arch, remembering summer nights in twinkling gardens with cobblestone paths. Flowers tucked in your hair, tucked in his hair, spilling out of pockets. Petals trailing from the front door to the bedroom. The hope they may someday lead you to him and the altar.
You’re lost in the crowd of happy faces, eyes filled with tears, remembering the way they had tracked down your cheeks on an unusually cold night. The fingers that had gently wiped them away. The shaking breath that collided with the cold air. The arms that enveloped you. The way you wanted, wished and willed for them to never ever let you go.
You’re lost in the words of promise that echo through the crowd. Remembering vows you weren’t sure he could keep. Words that sounded too good to be true.
He smiles again. That familiar smile. The one that was meant for you.
He smiles at her as you stand by her side.
Your “best friend”.
His bride.
She’s more than you’ll ever be. More than a fleeting summer romance under the stars. More than wine drunk smiles and wandering hands. More than midnight moments of whispered secrets. More than flowers in pockets. More than empty promises.
She’s a lifetime. A toast of champagne and delicate fingers tucking hair behind ears. She’s lurid against the morning sun, wrapped up in slept in sheets. She’s bouquets and arrangements. She’s the vow he can keep that leaves his lips and lives in his eyes. She’s the perfect bride for the perfect groom.
The perfect couple.
You are abandoned.
Betrayed.
By him and then her.
Writhing in the heart ache of being alone. Of not being enough. Of standing by her side when she didn’t have your back or care about your broken heart.
This is just a random thing I wrote one day after talking to @calumrose as always lmao. I didn’t intend to post it but I think it’s a just a nice soft Sunday so, I thought I would! I also just wanted to make the point that the little moodboards I’ve made aren’t representative of what any of the ‘characters’ look like — they just represent the concept of the blurb! Let me know what you think, and as always, reblogs and feedback is so appreciated! ❤️
Word count: 4.2k
“Good morning,”
A warm smile rises on Calum’s lips at the words as he flips a pancake in a pan, clad in only his grey joggers and a messy mop of curls upon his head, along with the glasses he’s taken to wearing more often recently. He doesn’t hear the giggles or yawns of your daughter, just some of her usual sounds in the morning, and assumes you’re entering the kitchen alone without her.
He doesn’t have a chance to turn around and check before you’re wrapping your arms around his waist — his warm skin soothing against your own. It’s not often you get little moments alone like this — not without a baby in between the two of you, either resting in his arms or your own. Not that it’s anything to complain about; the two of you love Mara more than life itself. You just miss getting to hold Calum for a little longer in the mornings.
“Yes, it is,” Calum replies, taking one of your hands in his own, lifting it to his face and brushing his lips over your knuckles. “Where’s the little one?”
You rest your cheek against him, just wanting to be close, wanting your skin on his. “I just put her down for an early nap, she was kinda fussy. I think her teeth are coming in.”
He nods, pouting at the thought of his sweet daughter being in pain.
“We’ll have to keep an eye on her,” He states, and you nod in agreement. “She’s probably going to be asleep a while, isn’t she? Do you want to go back to bed?”
You take a sip of coffee from the mug on the counter, not caring whether it was his or one he made for you. Everything he has is yours, and vice versa — even something as insignificant as coffee. He feels the same way about your heart.
“We finally have some time together, I don’t want to waste it sleeping,” You murmur, your palm sliding down his back, the gesture familiar and soothing to him. Goosebumps break out over his skin.
“Okay, well..” He turns down the heat on the stove, moving the hot pan to a cold ring in order not to burn himself when he gets distracted by you. He spins around, a hand landing on either side of your hip, his nose brushing yours as he leans in. “I could just stand here...” he interrupts himself by brushing his lips against yours. “And kiss you instead.”
You sigh against his lips and bask in the moment, one that is so rare nowadays. He notices you pout and he chuckles — his warm palms landing on the small of your back.
“What’s up with you, pouty?” He asks, keeping your face close, his eyes searching your face.
“I miss kissing you,” You whine, and he can’t help but kiss you again with the way you’re looking at him. You think back to Sunday’s before Mara — it feels like a different lifetime, but it wasn’t so long ago. Now days are filled with tears, smiles, happy baby giggles and messy meal times — but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if the only time you got to be close to Calum was at bedtime, once Mara had gone down.
“You can kiss me whenever you want, baby,” He replies, his pointer finger brushing up your cheek as he furrows his eyebrows at you.
“I know, but we don’t get time anymore,” You remind him, and he nods. You know you both need to make more of a conscious effort to spend quality time with each other — instead of trying to clean the whole house whilst Mara is napping. “It’s nice to be close to you like this.”
“Maybe Mara should grow some teeth more often.” He jokes, and you slap his chest playfully as he laughs.
“Don’t say that! She’s in pain,” You scold him, your hands pressed against his chest as he holds you close. “You won’t be saying that when she wakes up in a bad mood and won’t sleep tonight.”
He knows you’re right. As much as he jokes, there’s nothing he hates more than seeing his sweet girl in pain — whether it’s her teeth or anything else.
“Touché.” He smiles, kissing you once more. “Do you want to eat? I made pancakes.”
“But that means we have to stop kissing,” You sigh, and he can’t help but laugh at you once more. Calum brushes his lips against yours, his hands rubbing up and down the tops of your arms as you stand there. There’s something about seeing you in one of his t-shirts that goes straight to his heart every single time — even after being married for several years.
“Come on, pouty. Let’s have one meal uninterrupted before we have to deal with a grumpy Mara.”
***
“Cal, I need to get up,”
The sounds of Mara’s cries fill your ears as you gently push on Calum’s shoulders; trying to get him to move from where he’s fallen asleep on your lap so you can get up to get her. The two of you decided to watch a movie (or as much as you can get away with) whilst Mara slept, yet less than halfway through, Calum had fallen asleep with his face pressed against your chest.
“Mara is crying,” You murmur, brushing your fingers through his hair to rouse him a little more as he wakes up. “I need to go get her.”
He shifts in your lap and leans on one arm so you can get up, almost face planting the sofa once you stand up and he’s left there alone. He yawns and listens to the soothing words slipping from your lips as you approach Mara’s bedroom, already knowing you’ll be met with her sad eyes and messy hair. Her cries slow down but your voice gets louder as you head back to the lounge, and he sits up so he can take her.
“Look who it is,” You kiss Mara’s temple as you carry her through to where Calum is, her tired eyes lighting up as she spots her dad. Her skin is warm and flushed from sleep, much like Calum’s — the similarity between your husband and daughter when they’ve both woken up makes your heart melt.
“Hi, honey,” Calum greets her, reaching out for her from his spot on the sofa as he wakes up a little more. She yawns and her lips curl into a small smile as you set her down in his lap, a hand coming to hold either side of her as he gets her. You sit down next to them, unable to stop yourself from smiling at their matching puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. “How was your nap, hey? Are those naughty teeth still hurting you?”
He gets an answer through her gestures — as he speaks, she presses her lips to his shoulder, like she was trying to find some relief for her angry gums. “Oh, my poor girl. Shall we get you something that’ll help, hey? I think some yoghurt might work better than my shoulder, little one.”
Calum stands up from the sofa with a dramatic groan as he lifts her, kissing her forehead as she whines in his arms, rubbing at her heavy eyes with little fists. He opens the fridge as he hums under his breath, picking out her favourite apricot yoghurt and a spoon in the hopes of soothing her mouth.
“Why don’t we go for a walk to the park in a bit?” You ask, watching as Calum sets Mara down in her high chair. He pulls up a chair in front of her so he can feed her - knowing he’s about to get as messy as she usually does. “It’s a nice day out, and we can walk Duke at the same time.”
Calum nods, coaxing Mara to open her mouth as he feeds her. “That’s a good idea. Although I think we’re gonna need a bath after this.”
“We?”
“Do you see how much yoghurt is on her hands?” He laughs, leaning forward to kiss Mara’s forehead. In the process, she reaches out for him, the sticky, dairy snack landing on his own skin. “I think there’s more on her than in her mouth.”
He’s right, she’s messy, but looks significantly less uncomfortable than she did when waking up — so it’s worth it.
***
“Watch her eyes whilst I wash her hair, Cal,”
Calum steps out of the stream of the shower so you can rinse Mara’s hair, after lathering a sweet smelling shampoo through her curls. Breakfast had been a messy affair, and in an effort to save both time and water, you decided to have a family shower together.
He cups his hand over her forehead as you gently rinse the shampoo away, your fingertips smoothing over her scalp as content noises slip from her lips. The smile on her face tells you how happy she is to have your joint attention; loving nothing more than being inbetween the two of you.
“What does she find so funny about showering?” Calum asks, laughing himself as he holds Mara, lips brushing her wet cheeks as she giggles. He grabs the sponge to clean under her chin, making sure all of the yoghurt is gone, the familiar smell of her lavender body wash a comforting one. She tries to reach for the sponge as he does — her eyes fixated on the purple object.
“I don’t know, actually.” You reply, watching her eyes follow you as you move to wash Calum’s hair, too, noticing how much the blonde has grown out and his roots have come through. “We need to swap places again.”
“We should let Mara shower with us everyday if it means you washing my hair,” He suggests, met with a playful eye roll from you. Showering together was something he’d do everyday if he could — it’s one of his favourite intimate moments with you, a wonderful way to start his day. It’s more difficult to find time for it with Mara now though.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like I don’t do it even when your hands are free,” You reply and he laughs, knowing you’re right. Having his hair played with whether you’re washing it or just running your fingers through it is one of his favourite things, especially now it’s longer — a way to instantly make him relax. “You’re just using Mara as an excuse today, isn’t he, honey? He’s using you to make me wash his hair.”
She giggles and gives you a sweet wide mouthed smile, one that you wish you could freeze in time and see forever. One that soon will be accompanied by the teeth that are causing her so much pain.
“She doesn’t mind,” He pouts as he looks at her, lips brushing over her forehead as she smiles. She follows your lead and reaches up to put her own little hands into his hair, tiny fingers grabbing the curls in an attempt to help you. You laugh at her action, with a “are you trying to help mum, sweetheart?”
Calum grimaces but can’t help but laugh as he feels Mara tugging at his hair, knowing she’s trying to help, but isn’t quite as gentle as you are. “I think you need some lessons in hair washing, my love, it feels more like you’re trying to rip my hair out.”
It hurts, but her smile makes him ache in a completely different way.
***
“Is her pushchair in the garage?”
Calum grabs a teething ring from the fridge with his free hand as he nods, Mara occupying the other as she clings to his shoulder. It’s been a few hours since her morning nap and he knows she’s getting tired again; evident through her rubbing her eyes and her little whines. He knows she’ll fall asleep on the way to the park.
“Yeah, it’s near the back, behind the car.” He replies, kissing Mara’s forehead as she leans against his chest. She yawns and he rocks her in his arms, resting his cheek ontop of her head and holds her close. “Are you tired, little moon? That shower has made you sleepy, hey?”
His voice is a soft murmur as he talks to her; the tone one that is reserved for when he speaks to her. He’s so gentle and loving whenever he speaks to her and it makes your heart melt.
“Here we go,” You open the door and push her pram into the entrance to the house, unbuckling the straps so Calum can put her in. “Do you think she’s wrapped up enough? I don’t know if it’s as warm as it looks.”
Calum lifts her in his arms and pats her back, rocking her on the spot as he judges the weather. She’s comfy in a little t-shirt, hoodie and leggings, complete with baby old skool vans that Calum got her, to match his.
“How about a hat, too? Should we get you a beanie to match dad, baby?” He asks, knowing it’ll keep her ears warm if it gets a little chilly. You smile and head to her bedroom to get one of her little hats; her collecting growing with every one that Calum buys. “Come on, sweetheart, lets get you all cosy.”
He moves her away from his body to put her down and she cries, little hands trying to hold onto the neck of his own hoodie. Calum knows she’s being fussy because she’s getting tired and her mouth hurts, yet it makes him sad all the same. “You’re okay, honey, shh.”
Calum manages to set her down in the chair without too much of a fuss; making sure she’s sat down properly, and has her little elephant in reach as well as her pacifier. He leans down in front of her and kisses her nose, making a little ‘mwah’ noise as he does to try and soothe her and make her laugh. It doesn’t though — she still tries to hold onto him so he’ll pick her up again.
“What’s with the tears, angel? What’s the matter?” He soothes, staying close to her and gently wiping her tears away with his thumb. She sniffles and his heart aches at the sight. “You can go to sleep when we get walking, okay? You’re alright, my love.”
It’s moments like these where he’s happy that her pushchair is back facing, so she can see the two of you whilst you walk. You join them near the door, Mara’s beanie in your hands, a pout forming on your lips when you spot Mara in her pushchair.
“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” You ask, smoothing your fingers down her cheeks to soothe her. You tuck the hat over her head, making sure it covers her little ears to keep her warm. Calum hands you her soft blanket, and you tuck it around her knees so she’s snug — almost certain she’ll fall asleep as soon as you set off. “Your poor mouth is making you so sad, isn’t it? We don’t like having a sad girl.”
Calum grabs Duke’s lead and attaches it to his collar, handing it to you before he takes the handle of Mara’s pushchair. “Let’s go, my loves.”
You lock the door behind you before setting off; one hand holding Duke’s lead, and Calum takes the other — his calloused fingers slip between your own, warm and comforting. It’s such a small gesture yet it reminds you of the love between you both. Calum’s other hand pushes Mara’s pushchair at a steady pace. It’s a lovely spring afternoon — blue skies and birds singing in the trees, with just a slight breeze.
“It’s so nice to be out in the sun,” You comment, and Calum nods in agreement. His eyes land on Mara and he notices her squinting at the sun; stopping for a moment before he pulls the hood of her pushchair a little further up to shade her. “Is that better, honey? Can you see now?”
“It feels like we haven’t done this for a while.” Calum says, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the palm of your hand as you walk. He can’t help but feel a small amount of guilt nagging at his mind, knowing he’s spent a lot of time working recently. He’s always home for bedtime, but he’s always tired too — he knows you need to spend more quality time together. “It’s nice.”
“It is,” You reply, squeezing his hand in return. “When are you in the studio next week?”
Calum doesn’t answer for a moment as he thinks about the timing of you asking — like you also know that him being in the studio has meant less time together.
“I’m not going to go in,” He replies, and he knows it’s the right thing to do. “I miss you. I want to spend time with you and Mara this week, they can manage without me.”
It’s a small relief to hear the words. You never want to force Calum away from the studio, but he’s always in a different mindset when he writes. It’ll do him good to be away for a week — so you can spend more time wrapped in each other and with Mara.
You nod before speaking. “I’m so proud of you though, Cal. The songs are sounding great so far.”
A smile rises on his lips at the words, and he raises your joint hands to your lips so he can brush his lips against your knuckles.
“Thank you, honey. I know it’s a lot when we first start writing. I don’t mean to be distant, it’s just hard to get out of my head when I’ve been writing.” Calum explains, yet you don’t need him to; it’s a cycle you’ve witnessed several times throughout your relationship. You nod as he speaks.
“I know, Cal. It’s okay though.” You reassure him, leaning your head against his shoulder as you walk. “It’s all part of who you are, and I love you for you.”
Nothing else needs to be said.
It’s then that the two of you realise the gentle movement of the wheels of the pushchair against the pavement has sent Mara to sleep, and she’s tucked up under her blanket, fast asleep. Her cheeks are rosy red from the warmth and her sore gums, her little hands tucked up against her face. Calum smiles at the sight, reaching into the pram to push her curls away from her face.
“She’s so sweet.” He murmurs, his heart melting when she leans into his touch, even in her sleep.
“She’s all you,” You reply, watching as she wiggles in her sleep. From her wild curls to her full cheeks and pouty lips, every inch of her reminds you of Calum. He disagrees, though.
He shakes his head.
“No… she doesn’t get her temper and grumpy faces from me.”
Your mouth opens in shock and you playfully hit his arm as he laughs. “Hey! You know for a fact that her grumpy morning face is all from you, don’t try and put that on me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” He replies, leaning to kiss you in a silent playful apology. “Whatever you say, my love.”
***
“Should we sit down here for a bit?”
Calum nods and puts the break on Mara’s pushchair, where she’s still sleeping soundly, in between the two of you as you sit down.
“She’s been asleep for a while, there’s no way she’s sleeping tonight.” Calum tells you, and you fear he might be right, even though she needs the sleep with her teeth coming in. “Do you think we should wake her up?”
You gently push her curls away from her face as she snoozes, your heart melting at her pouty lips all smushed up as she sleeps. You realise it has been over an hour since she went to sleep, and that she’ll feel even worse later on if she can’t sleep.
“Yeah, as much as I don’t want to,” You pout, feeling how warm her skin is under your touch. “It’ll do her good to have some fresh air and wake up a bit.”
Calum gently moves the blanket from her lap and pats her tummy, slowly trying to rouse her. Ever since she was born, Mara had been a heavy sleeper - never one to be easily woken up. Maybe she did get that from you. There’d be times where Calum would take her outside with him in the morning to watch the sun rise and she’d happily sleep in his arms, undisturbed by any movement.
“Mara…” Calum murmurs, undoing the buckles so he’d be able to pick her up once she wakes up. He didn’t want to startle her, and knows she’ll just go back to sleep if he rocks her. “Wake up, sweetheart.”
He notices Mara twitch and start sucking on her pacifier — a sign that she’s a little more awake than she was. He brushes his thumb over her cheek and she whines, screwing her eyes up when she realises that she’s outside. She stretches, reaching her arms out for a moment and closing her eyes once more when she relaxes.
“I love watching her wake up.” You comment, chuckling as she very slowly comes round. Calum decides she’s awake enough to move her — carefully slipping his hands underneath her and pulling her up to his chest. “Hi, baby.”
Calum groans dramatically as he gets her settled in his lap and a few cries slip from Mara’s lips at the disturbance; fists lifting to rub her eyes as she wakes up. She sniffles and sucks harder on her pacifier, burying her face against Calum’s chest as he holds her.
“Good afternoon, my love,” Calum murmurs, rubbing her back with his fingertips as he cradles her. “Are you back with us, hey? You’ve been asleep for a long time, honey.”
You know she has no idea what he’s saying, but she loves hearing his voice all the same. He gives her a moment to wake up, brushing his fingers through her hair and cuddling her against him.
“Look how red her cheeks are,” You mention, pouting at the sight — rosy red from how sore her gums are. “Our poor baby.”
He lifts her up so she’s basically standing on his legs, her face in front of his - her hands lifting to cover her eyes from the light. There’s a few families around, children playing and birds singing — a lot of different sights and noises for her to take in. It’s a peaceful day — a feeling of contentment overcoming both you and Calum.
“Hi, little moon,” Calum kisses her pouty lips and gets her settled in his arms, a hand underneath her to keep her sat up. She yawns and her eyes land on you, a smile on her lips as she realises you’re there. “Oh, there’s a smile! We haven’t seen one of those for a little while. Should we get you home soon and have some dinner? How does that sound?”
Calum decides to carry her on the way home for a little while, and your heart melts at the sight — the way he points out different trees and her curious eyes take in the new sights. There’s no one else you want to discover more of the world with.
***
When Calum said Mara wouldn’t sleep that night… he was right. After an hour of rocking her in her room to no avail, you decide to let her join your movie night; there was no point in stressing yourself and Mara out if she didn’t feel like sleeping.
“She gets her stubbornness from you too,” Calum announces, kissing Mara’s temple as he sits down on the sofa next to you with her in his arms. Duke is curled up on one side of you, a blanket thrown over your knees as you waited for Calum to bring Mara down to join you both. “She is not sleeping anytime soon.”
Her big brown eyes look at you from her spot on Calum’s lap — evident that no sleep is about to take place. You laugh at Calum’s words and roll your eyes, shaking your head as Mara reaches out for you.
“Yeah, come here, sweetheart,” You take her and settle her in your lap, brushing your fingers through her hair. “Dad is so mean, isn’t he?”
Calum joins you under your blanket and throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you both close to him. His cheek rests against your head as he looks at Mara, seeing so much of both you and him in her. He finds the discarded teething ring and hands it to her, hoping it’ll settle her down if it soothes her a little.
“Hey, don’t tell her that,” He replies, his free hand stroking her cheek as she yawns. “You’re meant to be on my side, sweetheart.”
“Sorry, we’re ganging up on you on this occasion, babe.” You shrug your shoulders, rubbing your hand down Mara’s back as she settles in his lap.
Mara finally falls asleep a little later that night curled up in Calum’s arms on the sofa — a warm bottle of milk managing to help her drift off. At the same time, you’re fast asleep with your head in Calum’s lap, and he decides that Sunday’s are his favourite day.
And that with his little family... every day feels like Sunday.
Anonymous: Can we get y/n going to cal and telling him she doesn’t want kids and she’s worried he’ll leave her?
Bit of an emotional blurb here! Where Calum and reader meet Michael’s new baby, and reader decides its time to tell Calum that they have no plans to have children anytime in the future. As always, feedback is appreciated! I hope you enjoy a bit more of uncle!Calum, as well as him being a supportive partner! Thank you as always to @calumrose for brainstorming this with me♥️
“I can’t believe she’s here.”
You’ve never seen Calum look at someone so intently. His focus is fixed on the bundle of blankets in his arms, and had been since Michael had placed her there just moments earlier — with a overly cautious dad-like ‘make sure you support her head, man.’
The whole family have been long awaiting the arrival of the newest member of the Clifford family. Ever since he and his partner had announced that they were expecting, it was all everyone had discussed whenever you got together — names, godparents, who would be the best babysitter... the list was endless. Calum had cried when Michael asked him to be her godparent, a role he promised to take very seriously.
“I know, it’s crazy, right?” Michael replies, his gaze soft as he looks at his best friend and his daughter. You sit to Calum’s right, your pointer finger reaching out to lightly stroke her cheek.
Your heart aches a little as you watch them.
You and Calum hadn’t really had that conversation yet. Everytime somebody mentioned children, whether it was on TV or a friend, you’d brushed it off — joking about how children were too messy, too loud, anything you could think of to shut the conversation down. Calum never said much, either — he didn’t agree with you, but he didn’t argue either. It was a private conversation that needed to be had, between the two of you.
“Wait until you can babysit, get some practice in for your own.” Michael’s partner comments, making your heart drop into your stomach when Calum smiles at her words.
“We’ll see.” Calum replies quietly, too busy running his thumb over the apple of Harper’s cheek, her skin flushed from sleep as he cradled her.
We’ll see.
What does that mean? Calum’s viewpoint on having children had never been clear, yet this made you more unsure. It made your stomach turn to think that he could possibly not be on the same page as you.
“Do you want to hold her, babe?” Calum asks, gently nudging you to catch your attention. You nod, holding your arms out for Calum to slowly and under Michael’s watchful eye, very carefully, place her in your arms. Tears well in your eyes as you look at her, how she curls in towards you as you adjust her in your arms. Calum’s hand rests on your thigh, a small show of affection as he looks at the tiny baby. He slips his finger in between her tiny ones. “Look at her little hands.”
“She’s so sweet,” You smile, suddenly feeling as though all of the attention was on you and Calum — watching as he put his arm around your shoulders. You held her for a few moments longer, until she curled her legs up and let out the first hiccup of a cry — Michael instantly jumping into action.
“Shall I take her?” Michael asks, waiting until you nod before scooping her up out of your arms and rocking her in his. Calum sends you a warm smile, and you smile back — but doesn’t reach your eyes. Calum notices.
***
Your quietness lasts into the car journey home.
You think Calum hasn’t noticed — his non-stop excited chatter about everything he plans to do with Harper, how happy he is for Michael, occupies the space. He has, though. He’s talking more to fill the silence as if he thinks that’ll stop you from thinking about whatever is weighing on your mind. He knows he can’t avoid it forever though.
He notices the faraway look on your face, in your eyes — it’s one he’s seen before, and he knows it means you’re deep in thought. He isn’t sure what about, although he’s not oblivious to the fact that you’ve been acting this way since meeting Harper.
He doesn’t bring it up until after dinner, when you’re sat in your usual spot on the sofa, hands running through Duke’s fur. It seems like a nervous thing — like a distraction from whatever was making you feel so anxious.
“Darling?” He tries, picking Duke up and setting him down in his lap, so he could sit next to you. “What’s going on?”
You can’t bear to say it.
The thought of him reacting in the same way as most family members and friends did, made your stomach turn. There was no escaping it though. It was a conversation that had ended a relationship before. You hope deep in your heart that it wouldn’t end this one too.
“Calum...” You start, taking a deep breath before continuing. He furrows his eyebrows in concern, like he had no idea what you were going to say — like he was bracing himself for what was to come. “I don’t really know how to say this. I hate having this conversation, but after today, I just feel like I need to tell you.”
He nods, his heart rate increasing as the feeling that you’re about to drop a bombshell on him becomes more apparent. He doesn’t rush you, though. Just waits for you to carry on.
“I don’t want to have children.” You admit, covering your face with your hand as a few tears slip at the statement. “Not ever. And after seeing you with Harper today, I just... I don’t know if you feel the same way.”
Calum can’t help but feel a sense of relief at your words. With the way you were acting, he felt as though what you were going to say was much worse.
“Hey,” He soothes, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him. He moves Duke out of his lap to create space for you — so he can hold you as close as possible. “Listen to me, gorgeous. You don’t have to worry about that, okay? Whatever you want is okay. I’m right here with you.”
You can’t help but sob against his neck, like everything you had been feeling had built up to the point where it was all coming out. His warm palms are soothing against your back, moving up and down in a comforting gesture. He just waits until you catch your breath a little — until your tears slow down to where they’re only occasionally slipping down your cheeks.
“Talk to me.” He almost whispers, knowing you weren’t finished, that there was more than you already said. He didn’t know that it ran so deep. He wasn’t sure why it was such a huge deal, but he wanted to know. “I’m listening, babe. Whatever you’re thinking.”
“Everyone makes me feel like I’m crazy for not wanting my own children.” You explain, wiping underneath your eyes to get rid of the tears as they fell. You thought back to everytime it came up in conversation. How your parents told you you’d change your mind when you found ‘the one,’ yet Calum was right in front of you, and you knew it still wasn’t what you wanted. “It makes me feel like a bad person. Like my life isn’t going to be fulfilled if I don’t give my parents grandchildren.”
Calum shakes his head.
“That’s not true, my love.” He replies, not wanting to invalidate your fears, but also hurting over the fact that you had kept it bottled up for so long. “You do not need to have children just for your parents sake. Or for anyone, for that matter. You’re not a bad person for not wanting that, okay? Far from it. You’re my favourite person in the world.”
A small smile graces your lips, followed by the genre pressure of Calum placing his against yours in a soft kiss. You felt much better for getting your feelings out, for explaining everything — as well as hearing Calum’s reassurances. Although, you can’t get the image of Calum holding Harper out of your head.
“What about you, though?” You ask tearfully, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you once more. Your voice wavers as you speak, and it makes Calum’s heart ache that thinking about him in all of this caused that.
“What about me?”
“I saw how you looked at Harper,” You sigh sadly, thinking about the content expression on his face as he held the sweet baby. “Don’t you want that for yourself? To have your own baby?”
Calum thinks to himself for a moment. He thinks about how deeply in love he is with you, how content he is with his relationship — and how not deeply he had thought about having children. It was always one of those things where if it happens, great, but if it doesn’t — that’s fine too. It was never an absolute when he thought about his life. He knows that if he has to choose between you and having children — he chooses you, everytime.
“I want you to be happy,” He states, like it was the simplest thing in the world. He means it. His hand gently grips your face, tilting your chin so you’re looking right at him. He thumb softly wipes away any remaining tears on your cheeks. “And if not having children is what is going to make you happy, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Are you sure?”
He nods, moving closer until his nose nudges yours.
“Yeah, besides, it means I don’t have to share you with anyone else.” Calum confirms, smiling when a relieved giggle escapes your lips at his words. “Well, apart from Duke. You give him enough attention as it is.”
“Shut up,” You laugh, playfully hitting his chest as you reach over for Duke and set him down in between the two of you. “Duke is less needy than you.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He rolls his eyes, pulling you closer until your head is resting on his shoulder. “Seriously though, babe. Think about it. We’re about to spend the evening arguing over what to watch before sleeping for 12 hours, with no interruptions. Michael will be lucky to get three hours sleep tonight, until he wakes up to a screaming baby.”
“Exactly my point.” You reply. “We just get to do the fun stuff, like cuddle her until she cries and then give her back.”
He nods, sighing contently as he begins to scroll through Netflix. You finally feel as though you can calm down — like there was no longer the burden of wondering how Calum would feel about your plans on not having children. As you sit there, trying not to fall asleep after winning the debate on what to watch — you realise this is what you want your life to be.
“Being the fun uncle sounds like a good plan to me, babe.”
***
Feedback and requests are always so appreciated! It helps me out with knowing what I should write next. Find my ask box here ♥️
a/n - 3/4 of how they would help you through an anxiety attack or when you’re feeling anxious!❤️
“Feeling any better, baby?”
The steam from the warmth of the bath had made both yours and Calum’s cheeks a rosy shade of red. As soon as he woke up to an empty bed and found you sitting in the kitchen, staring into space over a cold cup of coffee - it was the first thing he could think of to make you feel better.
You nodded against his chest, barely able to speak as the tiredness from the attack took over your body. You felt as though you couldn’t move. As though Calum’s arms around your waist were the only things keeping you up, like he was your only support.
Choose Life.
You watched the water droplets drip onto his chest as your fingers lightly traced the letters of his tattoo. It was a distraction. Something to take your mind off of the looming anxiety you felt, clouding your mind with worries and stresses that tired you out. It reminded you of Calum. The man who was right there, holding you, trying to calm your racing heart.
“Good.” He murmured against your hairline, kissing your forehead softly. It felt good to have you skin to skin. It made him feel connected to you, the only barrier being the water keeping the two of you warm. It made the heavy weight on your chest feel just a little bit lighter. “Now you’ve calmed down a little, is there anything you want to talk about?”
He almost regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. Seeing how tears lined your eyes again, threatening to spill as you thought back over everything that had caused this in the first place. But he knew it needed to be said - it would never get better if you didn’t talk it through.
“It’s just... everything.” You started, sighing deeply against his skin as you rested your head in his neck. He rubbed your bare back softly as you spoke, gently urging you to continue. “There’s a lot going on, and I don’t really know how to handle it. That’s how it feels, anyway.”
He nodded, understandingly. He’d known you long enough to know that you tended to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, not letting anyone else in to help until everything got too much. You always hit breaking point before letting anyone else help you out. Calum was determined to break that habit.
“Is it something we can handle together?” He asked, feeling you sigh against his body. “Or something I can at least try and help with?”
“Maybe.” You shifted a little, reaching up to kiss his cheek in a silent thank you for being there. “I don’t feel like talking about it right now. Can you just... hold me?”
His heart melted at your words. There was nothing he hated more than knowing the dark thoughts plaguing your mind had gotten too much, leading to the anxiety attack. But he loved being the one to soothe you, to try and help however he could. He knew he couldn’t fix you, but being there for you, he could do.
“Always, sweetheart.” He tightened his grip around your body, resting his head on yours as you settled against him. Your senses were flooded with him. The smell of his skin, the sound of his gentle humming in your ear, the feeling of his hand rubbing up and down your back. “You’ve got me. For as long as you need me.”
Things weren’t always going to be okay. However, with Calum around, it sure made you feel like they were as okay as they could be.
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ditching the after parties of prom with Calum to go somewhere with a beautiful view of your city, bringing speakers so you could play music and slow dancing in Calum's arms, your head resting against his chest and feeling his heartbeat. you spent the rest of the night sharing passionate kisses and sweet words while you twirl each other around, the dim light of the moon and stars in the sky casting a pretty glow on the brown boy you loved so much. when the night comes to an end, he gives you one last lingering kiss and thanks you for being the best lover he could ask for and giving him a night he'll never forget. prom!5sos blurb night with @calumsmaori // @cloudycth // @blonde-streak-cal // @teenhoegue // @bbygirl-hood // @calumeyekrinkles
okay but just imagine calums promposal to you. He would plan it out weeks before hand, to make sure that it all went perfectly, because he is so nervous you might not say yes. He would want something that wasnt too public, because he would feel like it was something special, and he wanted it to just be just be him, and his princess. You two would get in the car, and you would constantly ask calum where you were going, but every time he would just laugh and say “Be patient, princess.” When you finally reached your destination, calum grabbed your hand, lead you up the hill, and you both watched the stars. “I’ll be right back” he says as he runs to the car to grab his guitar. You sit and watch the sky while you wait until he gets back, but you hear the strums of his guitar as he is walking up. Because he’s not very good with words, he puts his promposal in a song. When he’s done, he says “Every time I look at you, I wonder how you’re able to shine brighter than any star, so would you do me the pleasure, in taking you, the most dazzling star, to prom?”
this is exactly how I imagine him doing it omg
prom!5sos blurb night with @calumsmaori // @cloudycth // @blonde-streak-cal // @teenhoegue // @bbygirl-hood // @calumeyekrinkles
even at the tender age of 6, luke’s daughter felt like she had big shoes to fill when it came to performing. before her school’s talent show, she was just about as nervous as she could get. the baby violin was clutched in one hand and luke’s hand was clutched in the other. he picked up on her nerves just before they entered the building, and he stopped her. kneeling down to her height, his blue eyes locked unto hers as the came face to face. “you ok, little one?” she nodded slowly and tried to calm herself without luke’s help. it didn’t work and luke saw it. “whatever you do, i’m proud of you and so are uncle mikey and calum and ashton. we love you and you’re gonna work far more than we are did. c’mon, you got a crowd to kill and we don’t wanna be late.”
for @safetypin-malumm ( @calumeyekrinkles ) hope you like it!
you, the single mom, hadn’t been too keen on dating luke, a famous rockstar with an all too well known past. slowly but surely, he won you and your daughter’s hearts over. your daughter’s heart was stolen from luke though, when she met ashton. she fawned over the drummer solely, he became her moon, stars, and sun. you thought it was great, luke on the other hand, wasn’t a big fan of the change. after picking her up from yet another playdate with ashton, you giggled at the mad look on luke’s face. “oh luke, haven’t you heard, you plays guitar, but she’s into drummers.”
