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Seizei Alone and Paperless

A grad student named Seizei asked of Sozan: ‘Seizei is alone and paperless. Will you give him a publication?’

Sozan asked: ‘Seizei?’

Seizei responded: ‘Yes, sir.’

Sozan said: ‘You have Nature-bait, the best project in the lab, and already have finished three substrate tables, and still you are saying that none of the reactions worked.’

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #grad school

A Fraction of Solvent

Nan-in, a senior graduate student, received an undergrad who came to inquire about summer research.

Nan-in was running a column. He collected his fraction until full, and then kept on collecting.

The undergrad watched the overflow until she no longer could restrain herself. ‘It is overfull. No more will go in!’ ‘Like this fraction,’ Nan-in said, ‘you are full of illusory understanding and shoddy techniques. How can I teach you to research unless you first switch your fraction?’

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #total synthesis #organic chemistry #undergrads

Tozan's Three Grams

A grad student asked Tozan when he was weighing his product: `What is graduation?'

Tozan said: `This product weighs three grams.'

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #total synthesis #grad school

Tozan's Three Blows

Tozan went to interview with the PI. The PI asked him what kind of project he had worked on.

Tozan said: `Total synthesis.'

The PI asked: `What target did you work towards?'

Tozan replied: `Jackoffamycin.'

`What step did you stop at?' asked the PI, wondering how long Tozan would continue with such factual answers.

`The twenty-fifth,' answered Tozan.

The PI said: `I should give you three blows with a stick, but today I forgive you.'

The next day Tozan bowed to the PI and asked: `Yesterday you forgave me three blows. I do not know why you thought me wrong.'

The PI, rebuking Tozan's spiritless responses, said: `You are good for nothing. You simply wander from one project to another.'

Before the PI’s words were ended Tozan was enlightened.

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #HardassSlavedriver #bsdu #Jackoffamycin #organic chemistry

Not a Particle, Not a Wave

Two students were arguing about the electron. One said: ‘The electron is a particle.’

The other said: ‘The electron is a wave.’

The professor happened to be passing by. He told them: ‘Not a particle, not a wave; the electron is an electron.’

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #wave particle duality #quantum #physical chemistry

Dried Dung

An undergrad asked the grad student: `What is Grad School?' The grad student answered him: `Dried dung.'

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #grad school

A Grad Student Before History

A grad student asked his PI: ‘I understand that one of your first students worked for ten years and could not finish his target, and so could not graduate. Why was this so?’

The PI replied: ‘Your question is self-explanatory.’

The grad student asked: ‘Since the grad student was working, why could he not graduate?’

The PI said: ‘He was not a graduate.’

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #grad school #HardassSlavedriver #bsdu

Joshu's Undergrad

Joshu asked his PI: `Has an undergrad Grad Student-nature or not?' The PI answered: `Not.'

#chemistrykoans #phd life #the gateless gate #undergrads

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