#chemosux

[chalida-dk]

Still plugging

I've been on Halaven now for four months. Hard to believe it's been almost a year since my lymph nodes were affected, actually spreading with the previous medicine. My last PET scan marks a slowing down of growth, some nodes even shrinking. How I've wanted to hear those words.

Still not clear though. Constantly need to keep up on things. Xeloda left my toe nails thin and brittle. Other women before me tell me it will be a year before they become healthy again. My hair, thinning to the point of pretty much no hair, is starting to grow back due to a break in treatments and my dosage down to 60%. I only get 1.1 milligrams. Can you believe that? Only that much. So tiny, but can do so much damage.

The oncologist is talking radiation now. Giving it one more kick. Better than chemo maybe. Gosh I'd like to quit these drugs. Should I be celebrating?

I don't know.

[chalida-dk]

Discharged from my last infusion due to neuropathy. Need to get my feeling back in fingers and toes but confident it will improve. It’s already gotten better this morning. But now, just crazy jumping.

[chalida-dk]

In a week I will close this chapter. In a week new cells will grow out of the tired empty husk of what used to be me. In a week I gain new perspective on what shapes meaning from day to day. In a week a different door will open where only I walk through alone.

[chalida-dk]

Three is a magic number. Yes it is, it’s a magic number.

Two more to go. Joy joy joy. I've had my dose decreased to stop the numbness in my fingers tips and toes. Following that neuropathy.

[chalida-dk]

Countdown continues. Symptoms are not so bad, but different. I can definitely do more without getting confused or light headed, and the nausea is not as bad. Paclitaxel, the friendly drug.