april 28th, 2020: convex’s first 'pretty u’ and ‘smile flower’ stages.
seungcheol doesn’t think he’s loved performing any of convex’s songs as much as he loves smile flower and maybe someone could argue that’s because he doesn’t have to dance ( and he’d tell them that’s a fair observation ) but truthfully, it’s everything. he doesn’t have to worry about vocal stability if he isn’t kicking his leg back and forth like in ‘mansae’. it’s a beautiful ballad in its own right, without the added emotion of the lyrics. he gets to sing, even if only briefly, and hear everyone else’s sweet voices, too. it contrasts perfectly with the bright pop masterpiece ‘pretty u’ that they’re promoting as their title track. what is there not to love?
they’ll only be performing it alongside the title for the first week, but seungcheol vows to enjoy each and every one of them. it won’t be often that he gets a chance like this, so why waste it? he’s never been this enthusiastic to get up at the crack of dawn. this comeback era is his favourite so far, from its songs to its schedules and it’s put a spring in his step— in his smile that seems to stretch to his eyes and flash his gums far more now than it ever has in the past.
when they perform ‘pretty u’, he’s the picture of vibrant youth, a blooming flower. he’s got a bright grin, a sunny disposition that is relentlessly honest and true. he’d said back in february that this would be his favourite comeback yet and he hadn’t been wrong. he’s always been so concerned about shining, about standing out enough for people to feel he’s worthy of his position in convex without taking any of the spotlight away from his members, but this comeback, it doesn’t cross his mind nearly as often — rarely in comparison. he’s so blissfully happy despite the same exhaustion, despite the same busy routines. he glows without having to remind himself because he’s so overjoyed that it bursts from him like sunshine. he’s gentle as ever but bouncing on his heels; he’s comfortable and confident and it’s beautiful.
“cheol, your new song is so good! you looked so handsome performing tonight. I sent the clip to all my friends—” his father’s laughter cuts his mother off mid-sentence, their faces beaming through his phone screen the night after their first stages. “the ballad song you did, too... I wish you could have had more lines, but it’s not fair on the other members if you always outshine them, right?” if it were any other time, he’d insist only a mother would say something so embarrassing ( and so untrue; he never outshines, only fits in because that’s all he ever wants, to deserve to stand together with so much raw talent ) but today, he just laughs.
“you looked so happy up there, cheol. we’re so proud of you; always. congrats on the comeback!”
“thanks, dad.” he grins, eyeing the way his mother scowls.
she tuts, “where’s my thanks! he barely said anything!”
“can you forward me that clip you took?”
an astonished, “choi seungcheol!” can barely be heard over his giggles.
with a year-end show at every angle, seungcheol would probably have lost his head if it weren’t attached. it’s no surprise to him, or perhaps anyone, that he barely knows what day of the week it is, or what’s going on within the company outside of convex. he hears of new trainees long enough after they’ve started that he feels ashamed, but not too long that he can’t greet one of them when he spots him in the corridors on the way to lunch. it only takes a glance at his side profile to know it’s a face he’s not seen around here before, so with a little hesitation, he approaches with a shaky hand extended.
“h-hi!” he bows once he catches up to him, misses any expression on his face at his appearance until he straightens up and places said hand on the other’s arm. “w-welcome to s-sph— hey! sungmin, congratulations! I d-didn’t know you were s-signed here!” he’s beaming, bright and sunny in contrast to the dreary winter days outside. he and sungmin knew each other more so through mutual friends, but any friend of his members especially is always a friend of his, even if he does still stutter with them every so often. “h-how long h-have you been here n-now? man, I’ve t-totally lost track of this m-month. how are you s-settling in? finding e-everything okay?”
sharing a home with twelve others means there’s never quite a dull moment. peace, at times, and a gentle quiet when everyone’s too exhausted to do too much, but never dull. something bubbling on the stove or humming in the microwave, shows and songs playing just a little too loudly through headphones or through small speakers behind closed doors. sometimes even the soft snore of someone napping on the sofa with a movie on pause and a blanket thrown over shoulders. seungcheol is drawn to all of it like a moth to a flame, curious who’s up, who’s about and if there’s anything he can do to help. it’s easy to fall asleep mid pour of the kettle or as the main couple in your drama finally kiss for the first time, but it’s even easier for him to do a short round every so often to tilt their wrist back before it spills or pause the television so nothing is missed.
that’s how he finds changmin in the kitchen, not asleep or anything close to it, but making something as seungcheol heads to the fridge for a cold drink. he’s tired, he always is, and a little hungry — not that the heavenly smell is helping at all.
“h-hey, e-everything good?” he starts off, his smile growing to tuck in his cheek. “it’s h-hungry business this i-idol stuff, huh? I a-always get h-h-hungry this t-time of day, after p-practice. what’re you m-making?”
introducing convex’s next comeback, ‘pretty u’.
february 12th, 2020: line distribution,
& february 22nd, 2020: choreography.
now, this — this is seungcheol’s favourite comeback yet.
with just the line distribution and the demo in his hands, he’s already loving the vibes of their newest track. the staff had mentioned a spring comeback and honestly, seungcheol felt like the song was perfect for the season, even early summer if there were any unexpected circumstances to factor in. it felt like their debut song, like their anniversary song, but better, more vibrant, more refined. not to mention he wholeheartedly loved his parts, the rap in the rough middle of the song and the rap team’s combined outro. he even attempts woohyun’s three-part high note after the bridge a few times for fun and imagines there’ll be plenty of people at home that won’t be able to resist doing the same ( and will likely do it better than him, too, though now he’s determined to master it despite probably never actually needing to ).
later, when they add the choreography, for the first time in a while, it doesn’t seem to matter how difficult it is for him at first. there’s so many layers to it, so many props and quirks and silly little things that make it so uniquely convex and so fun that he forgets to berate himself, forgets that he can’t actually dance that well. how can he dwell on such negativity when he’s hiding behind a couch? when he’s bouncing around, stomping his foot, playing on the sofa with the other rap unit members, how can he think about anything other than how cute all of this is? everything about ‘pretty u’ is feel good and it rubs off on him.
as always, he learns his own lines first and then moves on to everyone else’s. over time, listening to the track on repeat, it’d come naturally anyway but he likes to make a point of it just in case he ever needs to know any other lines. sometimes hosts ask members to sing bits of their new titles; he’d hate to be that idol that can’t even remember the chorus to his own song. he’ll embarrass himself in some way, he’s sure, but he won’t let it be this.
what gets him most excited once everything starts to come together, though, is the potential. an upbeat song like this can surely only have a similarly toned concept. bright yet soft colours, perhaps, and a cute love story for the music video? he expects styling to be more subtle than their bold looks in ‘boom boom’. maybe he’ll go back to a natural colour, his hair down more so than up. lots of denim? he’s far from knowledgeable in anything related to fashion or visual concepts but his imagination runs wild regardless. maybe sphere will surprise him, but he’s sure whatever it is, he’ll love it regardless.
he thinks it’s the best song to introduce their new members, too, not because it particularly highlights them any more than anyone else ( part of him wonders if that’d be worse, to have so much attention drawn to you immediately rather than seamlessly settling in, like you were always destined to be there ), but because it’s so fun. he doesn’t find it as hard to approach the others to practice together, or feel so nervous in group practices messing up in front of them. he feels light, like the world is ready for convex to come back strong despite everything that had unfolded over their first year or so together — like convex can still shine brighter and brighter with every comeback.
maybe he’ll even shine brighter this time, too, if he can continue to grow into himself; into the leader and performer he dreams of being. maybe.
he’s so grateful for this break in what has otherwise been quite a stressful month, but he can’t say he’s entirely thankful for his apparently non-existent social skills and lack of party experience once he’s actually inside the venue, in costume and looking around the room at all the people he’ll never have the guts to talk to. he’s standing awkwardly at the side, back pressed to the wall the best he can without damaging any part of his costume. ( after all, he doesn’t know how generous the company is feeling — are these outfits theirs now? either way, seungcheol is too respectful. ) members of convex pass by him every so often, stop to chat, then go on their way and he can’t blame them. for some, this is the best chance for them to see their friends again between their busy schedules, not to mention that it’s a chance to meet scandal-free. but seungcheol doesn’t know anyone here that he hasn’t already spent the last two years training with to debut, so he’s perhaps a little out of place.
“hey, jihoonie.” he mumbles as the younger falls into place beside him. he offers him a sip of his drink before realising he already has one. “are you having a good time?” his head tilts ever so slightly, his gums just poking through his smile. “you know parties aren’t really my scene, but the food... so worth it.”
october 30th, 2019: ‘adore u’ special stage on show champion.
though ‘adore u’ wouldn’t be traditionally promoted, he’s so grateful they get at least one chance to perform it around their anniversary. no doubt it’ll crop up in the future, in mash-ups or at their own concerts ( which seems like forever away, but he’s hopeful ), getting the chance to perform it now when it’s still fresh and new and exciting is a different feeling entirely.
how long the day becomes when they’re on music shows, however, is not something he enjoys, or missed at all since their last promotional period.
he’s tired by the time the show starts, but, as cliche as it feels, he finds a new spark in the cheers of fans in the audience. there may be no one here for them, but he can still hear passionate people out there and that’s enough for him to feel a new lease of life to put on the best performance he can. there’s a lot of buzz surrounding them lately with all the line-up changes over the past year and their anniversary passing yesterday, so his priority right now is to take advantage of that attention and show the world why they should give convex the time of day — why they should keep watching and supporting them despite the uncertainty of the group.
‘adore u’s funky beat booms through the venue and seungcheol is reminded how easy it is to lose himself in the music when he performs. even though their struggles lately are plain to see in the slight emptiness of the stage, ‘adore u’ is still a song of celebration and love and he intends to keep it that way. he doesn’t want to go the rest of their careers, their lives associating it with loss and pain. it’s just so hard.
otherwise, it’s just like any other music show performance. he puts his all into it because that’s what everyone, himself included, deserves, and he enjoys every second for the same reason. each move is executed with a precision that is good enough for seungcheol, for where he’s at with the choreography changes and the skill in general.
( and he doesn’t drop woohyun, which is really the most important part of the entire performance. safety comes first above all, and it’s easily his favourite aspect of this ‘comeback’, too. if he can perfect that, it should be a job well done, even if he knows that he’d kick himself if he made a mistake anywhere. there isn’t room for mistakes, especially right now. )
when the time comes, he bows deeply to the fans and staff, offers gummy smiles to anyone who meets his eyes. he’s tired, ready to sleep and avoid his good mood being spoiled. he sucks in a deep breath. for now, it’s still okay. he’s still okay. holding on.
he probably shouldn’t be practising choreography with jihoon so soon after the last time, but seungcheol’s never really done the smart thing— nor what’s ever best for him. he’s nervous, fiddling with the sleeves of his too-big t-shirt as he pulls them over his sweaty palms. how else can he feel? their words to each other still echo in his head sometimes even if they’re good now; better, even. so many years together, they were bound to have their first real fight eventually. it just happened a lot later than for most. it still leaves him a little shaken as he calls out to his best friend, chewing on his bottom lip.
“I keep— I keep messing up with my arms at the beginning of the chorus. it’s like I don’t know what to do with them—” he distinctly remembers the dance instructor telling him not to be so loose, that he looked like those tall inflatable things that flop about in the wind. not the hit his insecurities needed, but it’s not like the coaches are really that concerned about his feelings when everyone knows he’s so sensitive that he’d cry if someone so much as gave him a dirty look anyway. “especially in the bit where we—” he waves his arms like the ocean to one side, then the other, “this bit.” his cheeks are flushed pink but hopefully jihoon will have mercy on him. or at the very least tease him gently. “do you have that bit down yet? do you think we could try it together?”
though seungcheol doesn’t have any vocal lines in this song, he still asks woohyun for a little help after their regular practice is over. it’s his own obsession, wanting to have every word of every song they release imprinted on his brain, on the inside of his eyelids so that even in his sleep, he could sing their discography from start to finish. maybe it’s a pride thing; maybe he’s so happy to be part of this that he feels like he has to completely dedicate himself to it. maybe it’s more a comfort thing. it’s easier to feel confident with your own lines if you know the rest of the song better than the back of your hand. he wouldn’t miss his cue, wonder what part of the song they’re at. the less mistakes he can make on stage ( or in the public eye overall ) as possible, the better. isn’t that the case for everyone, really? especially after the couple hiccups convex has faced so far.
running a hand through his hair, he takes a deep breath, glancing down at the printed lyrics before him. it’s woohyun’s note just after his own rap that’s getting him. he’s not too shabby with high notes but woohyun is undeniably miles, centuries ahead of him. he just can’t seem to reach it comfortably, especially when he’s trying to rap just before. he knows no one will ever have to, but that’s besides the point. where’s the fun if there’s no challenge?
( in moderation, at least. that isn’t an invitation for sphere to start putting more focus on his dancing. even if he knows the company can’t read his thoughts, he’s still a little nervous. )
“hey, so you know your high note after my rap towards the end?” he asks curiously once they’re alone. his head tilts to the side ever so slightly. “I know I’m never going to.. need to be able to do it, but it’s driving me crazy. I keep— my voice breaks or it sounds strained or unnatural or I can’t hold the note because I don’t have enough breath— do you mind helping me a little?”
