- Tommy wakes up with a throbbing pain in his head and a lack of memory of what caused it. Luckily, a friend is there to help. -
Chapter Two: Crater
- Helping Tubbo clean up L’manhole is easier said than done, especially when you keep forgetting shit. -
Chapter Three: Tomato Farm 🔪
- Tommy decides to pick up a new hobby, but finds himself washed away in the process. -
Chapter Four: A Second Chance 🔪
- Tommy wakes up on a frozen beach after… shit, he can’t remember. Oh well, maybe this stranger who appears to know him will help! -
Chapter Five: Meetings
- Tommy’s body is stuck in the realm of the gods and XD is NOT happy about it. -
Chapter Six: North 🔪
- Tommy finally goes home, but meets someone new along the way. She’s nice and all, but…she’s also kinda a bitch… -
Chapter Seven: How to Sex—Totally Not a Suspicious Name
- Tommy has the great idea of making a diary to help with his memory! Shenanigans ensue. -
Chapter Eight: How to Sex
- Tommy’s first personal note to himself. -
Chapter Nine: A (Platonic) Marriage
- Tommy doesn’t want to do anything, but Amnesia won’t let him sulk. -
Chapter Ten: How to Sex: Entry #2
- Tommy writes in an attempt to cope with his problems. -
Chapter 11: Pay Back 🔪
- Tommy wakes up to a brutal beating; it’s a shame what’s given up to make it stop. -
Chapter 12: How to Sex: Where Did He Go?
- Drista gets curious and writes her own entry in Tommy’s diary. -
Chapter 13: Ghosting 🔪
- Dream teaches Tommy a lesson or two, including the ground rules for his new home. -
Chapter 14: Hook, Line, Sinker 🔪
- Tommy struggles to feel peaceful despite the calm, and Drista argues with her brother until they both come to an agreement. -
Chapter 15: Prey Must Adapt If It Wants To Survive A Predator
- Maybe exile isn’t all that bad, and who the hell is that? -
Chapter 16: Christmas Brings Everyone Together
- A lot of things can happen at Christmas. For Tommy, he was scared of what could happen. Luckily, Phil is there to help him. Only issue, who the hell is Phil?? -
Chapter 17: How to Sex: Entry #4?
- Tommy doesn’t know what to think about his old friend, but he does know that he misses Amnesia. -
Chapter 18: Happy Christmas?
- Phil reminisces on what used to be, and hopes for what could be. -
Chapter 19: Buenas Noches Prostituta
- The struggles of having to keep control of a stray man who’s just trying to get back home to Tijuana. -
Chapter 20: How to Sex
- Maybe writing will help Tommy? -
Chapter 21: We Are All Just Prisoners Here Of Our Own Device 🔪
- Tommy can’t remember what the holiday is called, but it’s the season of mercy! No, wait…season of giving! That’s what it is. -
Chapter 22: Living It Up At The Hotel California 🔪
- Tommy struggles to realize what’s real and not real. Luckily, Dream is there to help! -
Chapter 23: Such a Lovely Place, Such a Lovely Face 🔪
- Hallucinations are a bitch. -
Chapter 24: How to Sex
Chapter 25: The Edge 🔪
- Tommy tries to find a solution to his issues, and succeeds. -
Chapter 26 (Alternate Ending): You Can Check Out Anytime You’d Like, But You Can Never Leave 🔪
- Alternate ending from chapter 25. -
Epilogue (Alternate Ending pt.2): Man Am I The Greatest 🔪
Synopsis: Tommy tries to find a solution to his issues, and succeeds.
This chapter was written by @genderlessbleach and edited by me.
Trigger warnings: Suicide and hinted abuse.
Tommy found himself awake, watching as the rain poured down and leaked into his shelter. What did he do to deserve all of this? He had done nothing but respect the masked man and tried everything in his power to right his wrongs, he didn’t want to suffer anymore. The blonde pushed himself out of his shelter letting himself get soaked in the pouring rain, no one had cared to visit him, not even Amnesia, she was so kind to him and yet she didn’t care to show when the green man hurt him. A small sigh left the brits mouth as a small sense of disappointment washed over him from the lack of the preppy girl. Even his own hopes seemed to vanish as he felt the last few memories of her fall to the back of his mind, never to be thought of again.
Tommy gathered all of his building blocks and headed towards an open spot within the bounds the green man had set. The blonde slowly built himself up a tower block by block, careful not to slip off the tower too early. Once high enough Tommy placed his belongings carefully at the top.
“Amnesia, if that was her name, I’ll miss you.” Tommy steps off the tower, falling to his death, lady death’s arms wrap around him holding him close after he had hit the ground. Death was dark and empty but warm, she held him safe within her arms, yet another son to hold, but not another left to walk the land of the living. Tommy was finally safe, Tommy was finally free, he could finally rest.
Synopsis: Tommy decides to pick up a new hobby, but finds himself washed away in the process.
This chapter was written by @genderlessbleach and edited by me.
Trigger Warnings: panic attack, mentions of murder, family member death mention, manipulation, physical harm, encouragement of suicide, other mentions of suicide, and Dream being an abuser
Tommy has been helping rebuild L’manburg for a couple weeks now, and for the most part, it had been going smoothly, until some green man decided to show up. The green fuck just won’t leave Tommy alone, what the hell did he ever do to this annoying fuck.
“Could you just fuck off already!” Tommy finally hit his limit of all of the green man’s bullshit, “You’re literally an adult, go mess with someone your own goddamn age now could you!”
“Tommy, Tommy, you’ve done so much to everyone, what I’m doing isn’t even that bad. So, I advise you to stay in your place, Tommy. I’m the one in control here. All you’re doing is making things worse for yourself.” The green man moved the mask to cover more of his face. “You’re a problem Tommy, and I’m just watching you, so why don’t you just get your ass back to work.” The devil boy doesn’t even know what he did to this pretentious fuck, annoyed by all of that, he lets out a huff, straightening out his tail, before getting back to work.
-Timeset Noon-
This treatment is getting on the brits nerves, causing him to look for an escape. ‘Tomato farming doesn’t sound half bad,’ the blonde thought to himself, ‘then I could just have time to myself and everyone could leave me the fuck alone.’ So, the devil boy went out to gather seeds and gardening tools for his farm. While out on his little exploration, he kept thinking about what he could do with his tomatoes and all the food he could make with them.
Finally Tommy had something to keep him content with whatever the fuck his life has become. Nothing can stop him from just having a nice time farming tomatoes and living his life! Freedom from his own thoughts! He hurries back to his house with all of the tools he needs.
Tommy flats himself a piece of land, just something small, that could maybe fit 5 tomato plants. Digging out small pockets in the dirt just for the tomatoes, humming to the tune of hallelujah as he places the seeds in their pockets of dirt. He was feeling content, pushing some dirt over the seeds.
“I’ll be right back big guys, I need to get some water for you fellas.” He spoke sweetly to his farm before heading out to fetch some water for his babies. He grabs himself a bucket before heading down to the river.
Scooping up some water for his plants, he feels a presence behind him, “Who’s there?”
“Don’t worry Tommy, it’s just me~” It’s that green fuck again.
“What the hell do you want from me, you teletubby looking ass?”
“It’s really nothing Tommy, I just wanted to see what you were up to, but it seems that someone's feeling like fighting, even though his big brother isn’t here to save him anymore.” The green man mocks him, “Too bad daddy had to kill him, right Tommy?~” The masked man looked down at him, clearly wanting to piss Tommy off more, but much to his surprise, Tommy looked fearful, what had he forgotten? His brother was killed by their own father! He had a brother and father, that’s some fucking news to him!
“What- what are you talking about,” Tommy starts to feel panic wash over him like a fucking tidal wave, “I-I don’t have a brother you-you bitch!”
Dream just cackles, “Not anymore you don’t, Tommy!” The man’s manic laughter flooded Tommy’s ears, making him want to scream and run away. Why did this man know more than him?! He’s sure that if he had a family, he of all people would know about it! He couldn't handle it anymore, he covered his ears hyperventilating, the laughing was too loud, he didn’t want to hear it anymore, he wanted to escape. The noise only caused him to sob, why couldn’t he just have a peaceful moment without something wrecking it?! His brother is dead?
How do you just forget about your own family? That’s not normal, right? Of course it isn’t! He would know if his brother was killed by his own father, right?! There were too many thoughts in Tommy’s head, about his family and about what the man in front of him was saying. It was too much to handle all at once. He wanted the man to leave, but he was still talking to him, despite Tommy's pleas.The words weren’t processing in his head, all he knew was that what was being said wasn't good. The only words he could piece together caused him to cry more; he couldn’t escape the man or the world. He just wanted to be happy, but the world didn't have that in store for him. Now that he found out he had a family and one of the members, his own brother, is dead, it feels like the world is crumbling beneath him.
In the midst of Tommy’s panic, he’s brought out of his mind by a kick in the stomach, causing the air to escape his lungs.
“Stop crying, Tommy, it could be worse.” The masked man kicks him harder, now closer to his chest, the force of the kick moving the man’s mask to the side, “You could be dead instead!” He’s shouting now, and his eyes light up as if he’s made some sort of revelation, “Or maybe you do want that!” The man steps on Tommy’s side harshly, causing him to cry out in pain. “Maybe I should kill you, Tommy! I mean, come on, at this point, you really are asking for it! No one could say I wasn’t merciful, because I’d only be listening to your final wish!”
“STOP! STOP IT PLEASE!” Tommy begs to be let free. It hurts, it all hurts. He almost thinks that he’d take the man up on his offer, just to be free from this pain.
“SHUT UP TOMMY!” He pauses and takes a deep breath, “God, you’re so fucking annoying!” He fixes his mask, “You know, nobody cares about you.” He’s circling him now. Like a shark before it devours its meal. Tommy would be relieved that the man finally showed mercy, but his demeanor says otherwise, “You’re just an annoying child with no fucking life left!” He’s laughing hysterically now, the sick fuck. And suddenly, the man is crouched over him, and his voice turns into a serious whisper, “So why don’t you just do it Tommy?”
“Wh-What?” His throat hurts, no, his lungs, and there must be broken ribs in ten different places, because Tommy can’t remember the last time it hurt this bad just to talk. Although, to be fair, he can’t remember a lot of things right now. And he’s pretty sure there’s a waterfall of blood coming out of his mouth right now.
“Kill yourself! No one will miss you.” The masked man laughs at Tommy’s pain and fear, maybe he was right? Tommy’s crying seems to quiet down. “Finally shutting up, thank god.” He laughs again with a crazed smile on his face, “You know, I’m getting really sick of you Tommy! I think it’s time I shut you up for good.”
That’s the last thing Tommy hears before his ears fill with water. The masked man pushed him into the river and he’s drowning, but it’s too painful; he can’t move his body. All he can do is hold his breath, but it’s not long before his lungs give out and there’s water filling his throat and nose.
Pain. It’s all he can feel. His body is suddenly thrashing around, searching for an escape, but his strength is gone, he’s weak. Tommy feels the pain in his throat and nose and the rest of his body, and wow, apparently the pain can get worse, and he’s crying again. It all burns like he’s getting hot lava poured on every inch of his body, and he wants nothing more than to throw up any and everything in his system, but before he gets the chance, it all gets darker; and the pain is starting to subside.
Tommy spends his last conscious moments thanking the goddess of death for at least taking his pain away before he dies.
Epilogue (Chapter 26 pt.2): Man Am I The Greatest?
Title from “Amnesia Was Her Name” by Lemon Demon
Synopsis: Epilogue for chapter 26.
This chapter was written by me.
Trigger warnings: Talks of suicide.
It was difficult to tell what had happened on that day. It had started off as a simple day, even boring. Usually, these types of days would all blend together, making it difficult for Drista to keep track of time, and she would forget all about the events of her days. Today, however, was different. This day would forever be etched into her head, no matter what she would try, the picture of the tower, the lightning, and his body lying motionless on the ground would be burned into her brain. And yet, she had no idea it was going to happen.
Drista had just been relaxing in the void, a typical day off, when XD had made a sly comment about what was going on with her dear friend, Tommy. She was aware of the boy’s mental struggles and where he was, but she had never gotten the chance to tell him that she was restricted from the lines of exile until she gained full control of her powers. She was still working on it, admittedly.
To be honest, Drista always believed that rules were made to be broken. So, she went into exile, much to her brother’s dismay. They put up quite the fight to try and make Drista stay in the void with them, using their strength and power against her; but if there was one thing that XD seemed to always forget about their sister, it was that she was the goddess of mischief. Drista never really liked using her powers against her brother, but with how much time she had been wasting fighting them, it had become a life or death matter.
Drista made a quick escape from her brother and the void, and made her way to the smp. The more she thought about Tommy, the more panicked she became; what if she was too late? The more worried she became, the more the sky seemed to darken, looking as if it was about to rain. Drista was flying through the air, trying to reach exile as fast as she could. Eventually, she couldn’t handle flying anymore, with all the thoughts in her head, it just seemed too slow, she would have to use her powers to teleport there.
As Drista teleported to the top of Tommy’s dirt tower, an uneasy feeling settled in her stomach, and she felt extremely overwhelmed by anxiety. She opened her eyes, standing on top of the tower, before her mind comprehended the flash of red and white disappearing in front of her.
Now, this part was the most difficult to remember for Drista. It went by so fast, she didn’t really think about it before it happened. But, she remembers clearly trying to follow Tommy off the tower, running right off the edge, knowing she wouldn’t die. And she remembers the look of shock on Tommy’s face when he saw her there, like he didn’t want her to see him die; that’s understandable enough, she thought. Drista also remembers yelling–scratch that–screaming of Tommy’s name. Although, she can’t seem to think of anyone else who was there to be screaming, was it her who was screaming for Tommy? And there was rain. Rain everywhere, pouring over the entire smp, and if Drista didn't know better, she'd say that the ocean was slowly starting to flood.
Drista isn’t sure if her mind simply blocked it out altogether, or if too many things were happening at once, but she always draws a blank at this one part. The part where Tommy hits the ground. Normally, a person would be happy to not remember that part, but Drista had an issue with this. Right after Tommy had fallen, she had quickly realized that she was also falling, and no longer flying. She had used most of her power to get to exile in the first place, and now that she was practically flying towards the ground at full speed, she was in a bit of a panic, to put it lightly. How could she forget the part where her best friend hit the ground?
Drista never thought about death; she had never needed to. She had always seen herself as immortal, the same as her brother, but in this moment, she realized the clear difference between them and her–the difference that he actually was an immortal and she was simply lucky to have a brother so strong to protect her–and she was afraid. Afraid of losing her powers; after all, they're what make her personality complete, for what would she be if not a goddess? But Drista doesn't think she could ever be afraid of death, considering she grew up with stories of the afterlife from Kristin, and she knew that it would be okay in the end, rather, she was afraid of losing everything. She was afraid of losing everything, but it seems she’s already lost it right in front of her. But now that arms were wrapped around her and she was being pushed out of the way, she was not going to be okay.
“What the fuck, XD?! You use your unlimited power to save me, and you couldn't spare me the pleasure of a soft landing?!” Drista is standing up at the speed of lightning, and marching towards her brother, readjusting her mask into place before shoving the powerful god backwards; they let it happen. The younger quickly realizes what happened, and she nearly gets whiplash turning around to face the motionless body of her best friend.
Drista runs to Tommy (Is this even Tommy anymore?), her feet sink into the sand with every step, dress sticking to her skin from the rain, and she falls to her knees at the side of her dead friend (is he even dead?).
“..Tommy?” Her voice cracks, she's almost afraid to touch him, like if she sets her hand on his chest, it’ll mean he’s really dead. Drista isn't sure if she's ready to know that.
“He's gone, Drista. He's dead.” XD sets their hand on their sister's shoulder, a rare sign of comfort from the god, but Drista can't hear it; she doesn't want to.
The younger takes her cloak off and sets it over Tommy’s chest, trying to keep him warm in the pouring rain. “Tommy, I think this is the time to wake up. You need to stop whatever cruel joke this is and wake up, please.” Drista watched Tommy’s face carefully, trying to see if he was having any reaction from her words.
“Drista, he's dead. I don't know why you didn't understand me earlier, but he's not coming back. He fell from 255 blocks, which would've killed you if you hadn't been so stupid and used all your energy, so come on; we're leaving.” XD grabs Drista’s arm, pulling her back from Tommy.
“NO! LET GO OF ME!!” XD steps away from their sister, shocked by her outburst, and turns to leave; if she’s going to freak out like that, she can do it alone. As they start walking away, they notice the thunder getting more frequent and the lightning gets closer to exile. XD is stopped by a hand on their arm.
“Stay. She’ll need you here.” The goddess of death is standing beside them, a sullen look on her face. XD figures that it makes sense, she did just lose her second child for the second time. That must be how Drista feels. They always told her to not get close to the mortals, and now look at her. She almost died because a mere boy with amnesia wanted to escape a demon.
“Tommy, Tommy, please. Please wake up! You have to wake up!” Drista shook Tommy’s shoulders, lifting him slightly off the ground, but his head lolled back along with his arms. If this was a joke, he was playing it out believably.
“Alright. I’ll stay.” XD was starting to realize how much this affected their sister; she just didn’t seem to get it. She refused to listen, but they knew she’d need someone there to comfort her once all is said and done.
“TOMMY! THIS ISN’T A FUCKING JOKE! WAKE UP RIGHT NOW, OR SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL MURDER YOU!!” Drista slams her hands down on Tommy’s chest in an attempt to wake him up, or to hurt him for scaring her this badly, maybe both. The thunder and lightning is surrounding the both of them now; are her emotions controlling it? No one would be able to see the tears on her face with the mask and the rain pouring down, mixing together, but Drista can feel the warm stream of water going down her face. She can also feel the soreness of her throat from screaming, but that doesn’t stop her.
“WAKE THE FUCK UP, TOMMY! WAKE UP, PLEASE! JUST–PLEASE!! TOMMY! WAKE-WAKE UP!! WAKE-Wake..” Drista stops slamming her hands on Tommy’s chest, she’s realized that it makes no difference anymore. “Wake up.” The weather goes back to only raining, and it’s all she can do to not continue screaming, to not kill everyone on this smp for allowing him to die, for not seeing the signs.
But she didn’t see them either. She knew he had amnesia and that he was suicidal. But she thought he was fine now, that they had fixed his issues together. Now look at them; what a sight.
“Drista..” XD is standing behind her again, this time they intend to comfort rather than leave her alone.
Drista turns her head and looks up at her brother, “Fix him.”
“What?”
“Fix him. Please. You can bring him back, right? So, bring him back.” Her voice is broken and soft, a contrast to her usual personality.
“Drista, I’m not going to do that.”
“Why not? It was fine the first time he was brought back, so just bring him back again. It’ll be fine, I’ll take care of him and make sure that no one hurts him, I’ll stay in the smp if I need to.” Drista was starting to get upset with her brother. Why wouldn’t it work out the second time, especially if Tommy had a deity watching over him?
XD knew this was going to hurt. A lot. Not physically, but if their sister kept pushing this, their relationship could easily be ruined for a long time. But the powerful god knew the risks of bringing someone back to life, especially multiple times, and they weren’t going to let their sister see that so soon.
“I’m not bringing him back, and that’s final. If you really wanted to save him, you wouldn’t have wasted your powers so late, you would’ve used them right away, and he could’ve been standing in front of you, unharmed, right now.” The words made XD cringe internally, but they knew that it needed to be said. Drista had always been the type of person to keep trying until all options were executed. If they weren’t harsh, it would never get into their sister’s head that they really couldn’t do anything about Tommy. As long as they could protect Drista, XD would be as harsh as they needed to be. Regardless of the huge crowd watching them.
At some point during Dristas screaming, the directed lightning had attracted the other members of the smp towards exile. Everyone had come to see why such a storm would point itself in exile; some believed that Tommy was being a dumb kid and attracted the lightning on purpose, others thought it had something to do with their religious beliefs. After all, Tommy got into exile by angering a man, why would he stop at angering god?
But no one was prepared for the sight before them. Lady Death, silently crying from a distance, a beloved deity screaming and crying over a lifeless body, a mortal at that, and the most powerful god on the server, watching grimly as their sister begged for the dead boy to be brought back to life.
Everyone watched in silence as the rain poured over them, no one wanted to make the first move, until Philza started walking towards his wife. Once people noticed the movement of Phil, one-by-one, others went forward to see what had truly happened.
There were no comforting words for the couple, no hugs or sympathetic hand-holding; there were only sad looks sent their way as they held each other in grief. Quackity and Ghostbur along with a few others were too distracted watching Drista yell at the powerful god, whilst Fundy and Tubbo stared in shock at the body on the ground, on the verge of tears. A couple of people were even hiding in the back of the crowd, trying to figure out ‘who pushed Tommy off the tower’. They couldn’t see the truth of the situation, just like his best friend.
The more upset Drista became with her brother, the more people started watching them. While most people feel shame about fighting in front of a crowd, Drista was more the type to ignore others’ opinions.
“BRING HIM BACK!! HE DID NOTHING WRONG, HE DESERVES TO LIVE A FULL LIFE!” Drista was standing up now, facing her brother in what appeared like a challenge.
“How many times do I have to say it, Drista?! I’m not bringing him back, he’s not coming back, and the more you try to reverse it, the more difficult you make this for the both of us!”
“If you think I’m going to believe that bullshit about making this difficult for you, you are EXTREMELY MISTAKEN, XD!! GOD, YOU ARE SUCH A PRICK SOMETIMES!” Drista pushes her brother backwards, they only stumble a bit before regaining balance. XD knows that their sister is hurting, and them refusing to revive Tommy doesn’t make it any better, so they stay motionless. Drista looks back up at her brother, waiting for a response that she never receives. So, she shoves them again, this time XD doesn’t move; they must’ve braced themselves for that.
This time, Drista hits their chest, then shoves them back, then hits them again. XD gives her some leeway when she shoves them, moving back with the force of it, despite knowing she wasn’t going to stop.
“What’s wrong with you?! Just do it already! Bring him back! Do anything! I need him to stay alive! He didn’t get to truly live! He wasn’t given a chance! Do something already, XD!” She shoves him back again as hard as she can, and they move back with it, but still refuse to do anything else.
As Drista continues to hit her brother and shove him back, they play along, and move with it, ignoring the urge to fight back with an apprehensive look on their face. XD is well aware of their sister’s overwhelming grief, but they know that fighting won’t make it any better for her.
“Fine! If you won’t bring him back, then just kill me, so I can see him again! That way it’s like you’re killing two birds with one stone, right? I’ve always annoyed you, you’ve told me that before, so why not just get rid of me!” XD turns away at the sound of that. They knew they were aggressive sometimes, but did their sister really believe that they’d kill her? “Come on!” A shove, “I know you want to, and I’m telling you to, so what are you waiting for?!” This time her shove pushes him into a tree. “Well, you’re stuck now, so-”
“Why are you so determined for me to be upset with you?” Drista stops at that, and stays silent. “What is it that you’ll get out of me killing you? You know that there is no absolute confirmation that you’ll see him, even if you die, and yet you’re still pushing this idea. So what the hell is wrong? Use your words.”
“You won’t bring him back.” XD nods in confirmation. The younger huffs, “And I can’t visit him or anything. He’s gone. He’s dead. You’d think that of all people, you would at least care about me enough to bring my only friend back. It made no difference before, and you know that.” XD can clearly tell that their sister isn’t mad anymore, she’s just grieving, and now very depressed.
“I can’t risk that, not even for you, Drista. You know I love you. You’re my little sister, I would move mountains for you, literally. But if there’s a chance that your best friend comes back as a demigod with zero control of his powers.. I just can’t put you at risk like that.”
“Oh, so you’re saying that you’re doing this for me? That’s nice. I’ll make sure to put a note in the scrapbook saying that you saved me from that. I can protect myself, XD! I know that it’s hard to see with everything that’s happened, but I am a deity, not just your little sister! You try so hard to protect me from the world, but look what’s happened! My best friend is dead, so if he comes back at the same level as me, I will teach him. I can do it, I promise. I’ve gotten so much better with controlling my own powers, I could teach him all about what it’s like to be a demigod, and he could live in the void with me, or maybe I could live in the smp with him! It would be so great! I could finally have a chance at a mortal life, and I could make more friends, too!”
“Drista, you’ve gotten way too ahead of yourself here. I am not bringing him back. He’s staying in the afterlife, and you’re staying here, alive. Now, you can sure as hell travel to the smp more often, like maybe once every two months, but other than that, you’re staying in the void with me and Kristin.”
“What? But, I do have control of my powers-”
“What, are you kidding me? After that stunt you pulled today, falling off the tower? How the hell did you think that I would let you become an official demigod, much less teach someone else how to use their own powers? Fuck no. I’m sorry Drista, but we’re going home, right now.” XD goes to grab their sister’s hand, but she pulls away immediately.
“Hell no! I’m not going back with you! My best friend, my only friend I had died, and all you can say is ‘I’m sorry, but we’re going home’?!” Drista’s tears were turned into two parts sadness, one part anger. If her brother couldn’t see the issue at hand, she might be the start of the next server war.
“Drista, please don’t make more of a scene than we already have.”
“Well, it’s too late for that now, isn’t it? I’m staying in the smp indefinitely. I’ll live here, eat here, sleep here, I don’t care, but I’m not going to the void with you if you don’t understand how important this is to me!” Drista was standing with her arms crossed in front of her, and if there was one thing that XD knew about their sister, it was that she was one stubborn deity.
“Oh dear god, I don’t have time to deal with you today, Drista! You are really getting on my nerves!” Alright, now Drista was starting to think that maybe she should back off, because her brother’s demonic side was starting to come out, and all bets were off. She wanted to stay silent in favor of not angering the demon any more than she already had, but she had a strong opinion on this matter. To be fair, she isn’t really doing this for herself, she’s doing this for Tommy, in his honor.
“She’ll be staying with us.” Drista turned around to see a short teenage boy with ram horns and a fur lined coat.
“W-Wait what?” A soft whisper from,, Ranboo? Towards the boy. They must live together.
“You must be joking. My sister won’t be staying with a premature goat and whatever you are. Besides, do you three even know each other? I’ll bet that you don’t, and you’re just trying to be a good samaritan, huh?” XD roughly gestures towards the two new guests, and by the sound of their voice, they’re looking for a challenge.
Well, they’re pretty much inviting her into their household, she might as well, “Yes I will live with them.” Drista turns back towards her brother, pointing a finger at him, “And I'll have you know, this is Ranboo and Tubbo. They were Tommy’s other best friends and nothing will be getting in my way to stay here with them. These people are more of a family to me than you've ever been, XD.” Oh, now they look mad. But with how many times Drista has seen XD’s demonic side, she’s not that worried about the outcome of this argument. Not when it comes to Tommy.
“No you won’t. I’m not allowing it. You’re too young to live on your own. Do you think I hate you, Drista? I'm looking out for you! I'm trying to keep you safe from the rest of the world until you learn how to face it like an adult! If you tried to live as a mortal, I have no doubt that you would bite the dust within a week. You're just a kid, for fucks sake! You can barely control your powers as a demigod, what makes you think you could survive as a mortal?!” Drista considers murdering her brother for a moment, before deciding it should be celebrated as a big event rather than overshadowed by Tommy’s suicide.
“You don’t get to judge and berate me because of my age; if you wanted me to be more mature and responsible, maybe you should've raised me better. Besides, you don’t get to tell me what to do anymore; now that I live with Ranboo and Tubbo, it’s their rules, not yours.”
Drista and XD were similar in many different ways, one of the ways being their determination. If one of them wasn't harsh with the other, the big idea would stick for longer than anticipated, usually causing some sort of catastrophic event (giving the demon possessing you a physical form as a normal human in society was never a great idea, now that XD thinks about it).
“Fucks sake.” XD transforms into their biblically accurate appearance, most likely too exhausted from dealing with their stubborn sister. The action results in multiple groans in disgust from the crowd watching. “If you really think you’re so prepared to live on your own in the smp with the mortals, why not get the whole experience? But don’t you dare come crying to me when living without your powers gets too difficult. I won’t want to hear it.”
“Without-You’re taking away my powers?! You can’t do that! I’m a deity, I was born with my powers!”
“I’m getting really tired of hearing this act. Just because you’re a deity doesn’t mean you’re special. I created you because I was bored and wanted a sibling, I have full control over you and your life. You always forget that I’m the most powerful god on this server.. I hope the next few days will give you time to think about what I said. You need me in order to live, Drista. Until you can control your powers completely, you’re nothing but a useless mortal among many.” XD teleports back to the void, leaving Drista to feel shocked and useless. She only wanted to bring Tommy back, and now her life has been changed forever.
And she will prove her brother wrong. Whether she needs to live as a mortal or find a way to bring back Tommy herself, she’s willing to die in the process. XD will regret ever fucking with their sister and her best friend.
Chapter 26: You Can Check Out Any Time You Like, But You Can Never Leave
Title from “Amnesia Was Her Name” by Lemon Demon
Synopsis: Alternate ending from chapter 25.
This chapter was written by me.
Trigger warnings: Suicide, suicide pact, hallucinations, death, mentions of abuse, mentions of murder, mentions of paralysis.
Why is he still here? It seems so hard to believe that he had some sort of purpose other than to suffer in this world.Tommy thought it might be useful to end it for the sake of himself and others. ‘It’ meaning something Tommy didn’t know. He always saw himself as a fairly intelligent kid, and obviously he wanted to end his life, but he wasn’t quite sure what his life meant; or any life, for that matter. Tommy thought that maybe by jumping off of his tower would help him understand it better. People always say that curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back, right? So, by that logic, it kind’ve goes hand in hand.
Although, Tommy was neither a cat, nor curious about dying (quite the opposite, actually), and there was nothing satisfactory about his exile or his means of escaping it. Tommy vaguely remembers being told that his curiosity would kill him some day, but if he doesn’t ask the questions, he will never know the answers. There is only a boy who wanted to know the meaning to life at his lowest, who wanted so badly to survive the masked man, to kill him and put an end to this all, intact, and did not.
The lone and level sands stretch far below him, surrounding him, and Tommy wonders if he’ll fall right through it, and into the ground, like quicksand, like people do in movies.
The wind dies down, and there is a peaceful silence at the top of the tower. He looks up at the glowing moon, full on this particular night, and it makes him smile. Tommy swears that the moon adorns a smile back, and it now makes him frown with uneasiness. He should hurry this up. If he was going to jump, now might be the perfect time. Tommy stands from his spot, and walks to the edge of his dirt tower. He’s never been afraid of heights, in fact, when he looks down below, the sides of his mouth curl up in a soft smile again; if he was going to be afraid of anything right now, it was dying in general. Tommy isn’t sure how many lives he has, but from what the masked man has said to him, he’s pretty sure that he only has one life left. He probably shouldn’t be thinking about it too much, he might manage to second guess this entire decision if he thinks too hard right now. He just needs to get this over with, and it should be fine in the end, at least, that’s what Tommy hopes will happen.
“Tommy?” His stomach drops. He didn’t realize that at any given moment, his friend, Amnesia, could appear right in front of him. Now he felt bad. “What are you doing here?”
“I.. Well, you see-” He chuckles nervously.
“Were you going to jump?” She doesn’t seem hurt by it, in fact, she seems more curious than anything else. She’s doing somersaults in the air, actually, appearing unaffected by the idea completely. It makes Tommy feel better, knowing that this doesn’t hurt her feelings; his decision wasn’t personal, after all.
“Well, I suppose, yeah. I just, I didn’t really want to deal with that man coming over again. I just, I don’t think I can handle that, and I just would much rather die by my own hand than his, ya know?”
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“This is all I have left.” Tommy’s voice cracks and he quickly wipes away his tears. Truthfully, he’s not sure if this is the right thing to do, but Tommy knows that he wants to go through with it.
“Well, okay! If you’re really sure that you want to do it, then I say that you’re mature enough to make your own decisions. It seems like you’ve thought about this for a while, and pretty thoroughly. I’m proud, Tommy.” She’s laying on her stomach in the air, playing with a ball of energy she created, feet kicking behind her.
“I’m older than you, ya know.”
“Only in human years.” Amnesia notices the lack of response from Tommy being uncommon, “What’s wrong?” She seems genuinely concerned now.
“Uh, well, I don’t know, I guess I’m just, scared of dying? Like, not being in pain or anything, just like, I’m only like 90% sure that I’m on my last life and what if I’m not high up enough? I know I’m at max building height, but I think I remember hearing stories about lucky people who like, went skydiving or something, their parachute didn’t open, but somehow they lived, ya know? But what if that happens to me and I get paralyzed or some shit like that? I don’t want to be stuck like that for the rest of my life with that masked fuck beating the shit out of me whenever his friend gets mildly upset with him!”
“Tommy, you don’t have to worry about it, I’ll jump with you!” Amnesia is standing up on the tower with him now, her hand outstretched for his own, a bright smile on her face. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
“Really? You’d jump off with me? But you can fly, so wouldn’t you just live either way?”
“Well, it’s honestly more to just comfort you, but if you’re upset with that, I don’t have to-”
“No! I’m actually really thankful that you would offer to do that to help me out. So, if you don’t mind,” Tommy intertwines his own hand with Amnesia’s, “I would like it a lot if you did jump with me. Even though you’ll live.”
Just for a moment, Tommy feels a sense of deja vu as the two of them laugh together, before his hand tightens around hers.
“You have to promise me something, Amnesia.”
“Anything for your last wish, Tommy.” He feels like he’s heard those words before. Tommy decides that he doesn’t want to think about it when an uneasy feeling settles in his stomach.
“If I live somehow, you need to kill me. In any way possible, I don’t care if you have to rip me apart limb-by-limb and make it as painful as possible, I just don’t want to die to that masked man, please Amnesia. Promise me.” Tommy might be crying right now, but he doesn’t feel like admitting to that before he dies. Tommy would much rather die being known as a brave kid than someone who cried as his best friend promised to kill him if they needed to.
“I promise.”
Now it’s all up to Tommy to decide when they’re going to jump, but he just needs a moment, one moment to comprehend his life and why he’s doing this, how he got here, and he wonders when he became this way. When the switch flipped in him to the point where Tommy knew he needed to do this, and he honestly can’t remember. He can’t remember a lot anyway. Now Tommy thinks he knows why he’s truly doing this, and he looks at Amnesia, then the ground below, then Amnesia again, and he squeezes her hand ever-so-slightly. She simply nods her head in understanding.
This…
This is where Tommy and Amnesia jumped off of the dirt tower. Together.
As soon as Tommy fell, he could see further past the dark clouds, it must be about to rain, and he saw the sand covering the ground, so far below him, that he honestly didn’t worry about not dying anymore. And there was water, water everywhere. Tommy thought this was actually a really nice view for his last moments in this world. The ocean was half of his vision, the water was just barely rising as the waves crashed against each other, forcing more water towards the beach.
Why is he still here?
This is the revelation, isn’t it? The scene in the movie where everything starts to go uphill, the day the world begins to right itself because of one great sacrifice.
But the world never changes for the greater good. Instead, those who mourn will suffer only a little bit, just to make others suffer even more, because they don’t understand. Tommy always believed that you could never understand life until you die for good. But it’s always much too late for repentance then. You can never go back, nor forward. You can only be forever stuck in the present. Tommy understands that now. He also realizes that he was wrong, beforehand. You can understand life before dying for good. But you will never find the meaning until you are staring death in the eyes, face to face, with your sword drawn. And he’ll be damned if he isn’t staring her in the eyes, challenging her to a battle right fucking now.
But he kept falling, and the air was almost violent with how it shoved against his body, and soon Tommy was turned around, facing the top of his dirt tower. He felt graceful whilst dropping through the sky, but he soon realized that at some point, he had let go of Amnesia’s hand, or maybe she had let go of his? And then he saw her.
Amnesia was still standing at the top of the tower, looking down at Tommy, watching him in amusement. Was this her plan all along? Become his friend, watch as he gets constantly tortured by the masked man, wait for his breaking point, then watch him die alone? You know, with how the man treated him, Tommy wouldn’t be surprised if he was so gullible that he blindly trusted a demigod who was out to get him.
Oh well. I guess it’s too late to be complaining now, huh?
He doesn’t feel as betrayed as he thinks he should whilst looking at Amnesia. He feels like he should be yelling, screaming, even crying in frustration, something. But honestly, he just wishes his friend was still holding his hand. He already misses her; she was so caring towards him throughout the entirety of their friendship, and at least she was kind enough to visit him in exile. Tommy supposes he should at least be grateful for that, he was pretty lonely during his stay here.
He’s getting closer to the ground now, and he’s still not afraid. Tommy supposes that’s a good way to go.
But then, like a CD, Amnesia’s figure cracks apart, fractures into pieces, and shatters. All the components of the demigod, each segment frayed at the edges, travel towards her stomach, until Tommy sees a hand coming through it, then an arm, then a torso, and then a body, the body of, Amnesia? But she’s panicked, and she’s crying, and she yells out for Tommy, but it’s far too late now.
Chapter 23: Such a Lovely Place, Such a Lovely Face
Title from “Amnesia Was Her Name” by Lemon Demon
Synopsis: Hallucinations are a bitch.
This chapter was written by me.
Trigger warnings: Flashbacks, panic attacks, verbal and physical abuse, blood, throwing up, manipulation, head trauma/concussions, hallucinations.
Waking up, Tommy’s eyes felt glossed over and puffy, face spotted in sand. He’s felt better. He doesn’t know what to do anymore, vaguely remembering the beating he took just a few hours ago; he doesn’t think the masked man will be returning any time soon. Looking around, Tommy realizes he’s alone on the beach, and for once, he feels relieved.
He doesn’t want to move, but the tide gets closer and closer and he doesn’t think it to be wise if he got water in his already infected-looking wounds; the sight makes him feel nauseous. The tide moves closer, and Tommy rushes to stand, taking a step before immediately collapsing in pain. He hadn’t completely forgotten what happened the day before, but he certainly underestimated how bad he was hurt. He decided that crawling might be an alternative, but soon realized how much work it would be, so he stood back up, and his vision went blurry. He couldn’t have stood up too fast, he took his time; unless maybe he’s just that dehydrated.
“Stop crying, Tommy, it could be worse.” What’s happening to him? Tommy feels a faint pain in his chest, “You could be dead instead!” The voice is so much louder, “Or maybe you do want that!” The pain in his chest is overwhelmed by the addition in his side, he almost hears himself whimper. “Maybe I should kill you, Tommy! I mean, come on, at this point, you really are asking for it! No one could say I wasn’t merciful, because I’d only be listening to your final wish!”
He’s confused, so very confused at what’s going on. He could’ve sworn that Dream left. Tommy knows something is wrong because he can’t see what’s happening; or maybe he just closed his eyes.
“SHUT UP TOMMY!” The screaming is starting to give him a headache, “God, you’re so fucking annoying!” Normally, loud noises don’t affect Tommy he’s a loud person himself, but his head is pounding with every word he hears. “You know, nobody cares about you.” He doesn’t feel safe anymore, did he ever feel truly safe? “You’re just an annoying child with no fucking life left!” Laughs echo in Tommy’s head, surrounding and attacking him. But they stop with no hesitation, and the voice is quiet, but it all still hurts. It hurts so bad. “So why don’t you just do it Tommy?”
It hurts to breathe, his lungs hurt, and there's a large pressure in his chest. He's so confused, he can't remember how he got here. Although, to be fair, he can’t remember a lot of things right now. Is he drooling? No, whatever he feels is a bit thicker than that. Blood? Tommy doesn't remember why he's bleeding, but it must've been bad if it's streaming as fast as it feels.
“Kill yourself! No one will miss you.” The laughing starts again, pounding at his head until he can't take it anymore. “Finally shutting up, thank god.” The laugh becomes hysterical, “You know, I’m getting really sick of you Tommy! I think it’s time I shut you up for good.”
When Tommy opens his eyes, he’s on the ground again, huddled in a ball. He feels oddly calm, yet as he thinks of what he saw, he starts to lose his undisturbed demeanor. Tommy slowly unfurls from his position on the ground, sitting up against weak arms.
What the hell was that?! Did he just remember something from his past? No, it couldn’t have been a memory; surely he would remember such a traumatic event, right? Which means he must’ve been daydreaming. Yeah, that sounds right.
With each thoughtful reassurance, Tommy begins to regain his breath. His mind feels like it’s running a thousand miles a minute, but somehow he manages to bring himself to peace; or at least what he thinks peace feels like.
Tommy’s peaceful moment is interrupted by sobbing–his own. Pathetic. Laying on his back, he felt powerless to do anything but cry. But it hurt, fuck it hurt. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what was wrong, with the stinging in his eyes, sharp pain in his temple, and the strange vertigo he can’t seem to shake. His busted nose doesn’t seem so bad now.
He crawls. Crawls anywhere, anywhere he can get to with his limited movement. He doesn’t know where he’s going, hell, he can barely see because his eyes are so swollen. He goes, and he doesn’t stop until he can’t even move.
Well, it looks like Dream got what he wanted. Tommy is in constant pain, almost like he’s being tortured, even when Dream isn’t fucking there.
Tommy blacks out before he can remember where he is.
Synopsis: Tommy struggles to realize what’s real and not real. Luckily, Dream is there to help!
This chapter was written by me.
Trigger warnings: Physical and verbal abuse, panic attacks, derealization, hyperrealization, mentions of suicide, manipulation, blood, throwing up, overstimulation, hallucinations, head trauma/concussions.
No one prepared him for this. For the aching in his heart that almost hurts more than his face. But it aches. Everyone was gone. They left. Left him. How could anyone love him? It simply isn’t possible. Not even his hallucinations could make him feel loved. No longer winter, Although he supposes that it never really was winter, was it? The rocks in his feet and knees were no use picking. All the snow water had made the rocks feel even worse. Salty water would do that. It was the one thing that was real for him.
He had figured it out. What was and wasn’t real. The rocks in his feet, real. The winter and holiday, not real. Him slipping and fucking up his face, real. His friends, Dream, not real. The key, finally letting him go home, not real.
Exile can take a toll on a kid. It can take a toll on anyone, really. Especially with the terms that the masked man set. His items were taken from him, burned to a crisp, and there was no leaving this place, he could only go as far as what hasn’t been discovered, but the issue is, Tommy can’t remember what has and hasn’t been discovered anymore. The masked man was visiting every day, telling him what would happen if he went into claimed territory(he would promptly be killed), but always reassured him that he was ‘doing an okay job for a worthless kid’. Despite the harsh words, it still felt nice to hear praise in a place where no one else talks to him. He missed everyone. Occasionally, the man would hit or kick Tommy in order to teach him a lesson that something he did was wrong, but for most of the visits, the masked individual showed up in an overall good mood.
Today was different. How long had he spent in his hallucinations? Tommy knew something was wrong when the man didn’t show up at dawn as he usually did, but he wasn’t prepared for the man to punch him on sight. Adding pain to his pain, he supposes.
“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!” Tommy is laying on the ground now, holding his jaw in pain.
“You just had to burn down George’s house, didn’t you, you little fucker?! Well now he’s mad! And not at you anymore! At me! For ‘mistreating’ you, or whatever the fuck he called it.” He’s holding onto the front of Tommy’s shirt now, lifting him slightly off the ground.
“Listen man, I don’t know what issues you have with your friend, but quite frankly, I’m not interested in all that shit, you got me? I just want to live out the rest of my exile days peac-” The masked man punches him again, and again, before shoving him back into the dirt, and standing up. Now Tommy’s starting to panic a bit, because the man has never hurt him this bad, to his recollection.
“You caused this! You have been nothing but an inconvenience to me, Tommy! Don’t you see? Even when in exile, you’re still a pain. In. My. Ass.” Was it all real? The last four words each paired with a kick to Tommy’s torso, and now he’s definitely panicking, and his breath is stuck in his throat, everything around him is moving too fast, another kick to his stomach, he wants to throw up, a kick to his chest, and the pain makes him want to cry. Of all times to disassociate, now would be a good time, but it all feels too real. Tommy can feel everything around him, too much of everything. The pebbles on the ground poke into his arms ever so slightly, his clothes are clingy and suffocating, the material is rough on his skin, and the metal of the man’s shoe is tearing through Tommy’s shirt and skin, but the man doesn’t care. He’s only laughing at Tommy’s pain.
Tommy hasn’t been able to cry since he got into exile, but now he’s crying. He can’t tell if it’s from the situation or the pain, but if the man wasn’t mad before, he certainly is now.
“God, you’re such a fucking weakling, Tommy. Can’t handle a little punishment? Too fucking bad. You deserve this for everything you’ve done to me.” Tommy can’t remember what he’s done to the man, but it must’ve been pretty bad to deserve this. He can’t imagine what crimes he’s committed and how many people he’s hurt in order to get here in life. He feels so..guilty?
“I’m sorry.” It’s only a mumble, it’s all he can get out right now. He’s crying uncontrollably, can you blame him?
“You’re sorry, Tommy?” The man stops kicking him to pick Tommy up onto his feet, and he stumbles as the man drags him over to a nearby tree, “SORRY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!!” and he slams Tommy into the tree, head first. If Tommy makes it out of this alive, he’s sure he’s going to have brain damage of some sort. “I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT GRACIOUS TO YOU, TOMMY! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!” The man tosses Tommy on the ground and straddles him before striking him in the face, over and over again.
Now Tommy feels even worse, both guiltily and physically. What did he do to the man? He thought he was doing okay, staying in the boundaries of exile, following the rules, playing nice, but now he’s being hurt by the one person who was talking to him, and no one is here to help him. Why was no one saving him? Tommy can’t tell if he’s struggling to think at all or if he’s thinking too much, but the only thing he can make sense of is the one word being repeated by…himself??
“Amnesia..” Another punch to his face, “Amnesia, please..” Although blood is making its way into his vision, Tommy can see a cloaked figure standing behind the masked man. He quickly realizes that it’s his friend, Amnesia, and his crying quiets down a bit, breathing still extremely uneven, and he attempts to reach towards her, asking for an escape from the man above him.
The man stops punching Tommy to stand up and look in the direction of his hand, finding nothing there. He turns back to the boy, chuckling. He wasn’t oblivious to the mental issues Tommy presented, if anything, they made it that much more entertaining for the masked individual.
“Y’know, Tommy,” The man grabs Tommy’s hair and drags him into an open area before dropping him onto the hard ground, “if you still believe in the gods above, this would be the time to get on your hands and knees and pray to them. Better yet, why don’t you just beg me for forgiveness instead? Do you still not get it? I am practically a god. I have all the power.” The man has squatted down to Tommy’s level now, and although Tommy was on his hands and knees, he felt as if he couldn't move. Was amnesia not here? Who did he see, then? Where did they go? He feels nauseous, and his crying gets worse. “Didn’t you hear me, you idiot? Start begging.” The man is starting to get tired from lack of response, and sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. “Hm? Tommy, I really don’t have the patience for you today. I have much better things I could be doing right now, but you always seem to mess that up for me. Why is that, Tommy?” The man grabs him by the jaw and lifts his head up, making eye contact with the miserable looking boy. The man tilts his own head, awaiting an answer, but Tommy can’t talk, he can only cry.
A harsh smack lands on Tommy’s face, “ANSWER ME!” Tommy was hunched over now, not even focusing on the masked man anymore. He was going to be sick. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, and before he knew it, he was spewing out everything in his system, leaving a mess on the ground. But once he started, he almost couldn’t stop, and the man watched, unamused, until Tommy was dry-heaving. When he’s done throwing up all he could, he rolls onto his back, crying out in pain as both sharp and dull pains course through his entire body. His eyes follow the masked man as he walks around Tommy, worried what he could possibly do next.
“God, you’re so fucking pathetic, Tommy.” With a loud sigh, the man kicks his shoe in the dirt until the blood is gone. The dirt is kicked at Tommy. “You can never just take it like a man, can you? No.. You have to be weak, never put up a fight.. you could at least make it fun for one of us! Do you think I like being the bad guy, Tommy? I don’t enjoy having George mad at me y’know! But come on, you’re just asking for it, always being so fucking annoying and clingy, ruining my day, ruining everyone else’s day! Maybe next time you feel like acting out, you should actually think about what you’re doing before you start being a bitch. Ever think of that, Tommy?”
At this moment, Tommy knows he might very well be done for, but if he doesn’t move, there isn’t as much pain, so he stays completely still, and he doesn’t speak. He doesn’t want to anger the man even more by staying silent, but he has no idea what words could set him off. It’s also become very apparent to Tommy that there is something seriously wrong with himself, something more than just struggling to remember anything, and his view on the man before him has changed. Earlier, he had thought the man was one of his only friends, and although Tommy obviously did something in his past to beckon the man to hurt and berate him, he thinks that if the crimes he commited were that bad, he should’ve been killed by now. He’s starting to think that maybe the man was going a little overboard with his punishment, possibly even taking advantage of the boy.
Mad. Tommy feels mad. Overwhelmingly mad. His tears of pain are now tears of pain and anger. Normally, the eccentric teen would act out on his feelings, but he doesn’t want to know what the man would do to him if he were to even make so much as a sharp comment.
Yes, he’s mad, but he’s also terrified of what power the masked man holds over him.
The man scoffs at Tommy’s silence, “Whatever. I’m leaving. If George visits, tell him we resolved our issues. Got it?” There’s a netherite sword at Tommy’s throat, and for once, he feels calm. What if the man just drags that blade against his throat, smooth and easy? Or maybe he would decapitate him completely, one big downward swing, and it would be over. Hm. Thoughts for later, Tommy supposes. He can’t bring himself to speak, so he just nods quickly. Even an easy movement like nodding sent pain through his body.
The man sighs, “Good enough. But if George visits me and starts bitching about how I ‘didn’t treat you right’… my next visit, I won’t be so merciful. Really, Tommy, just don’t do anything that’ll force my hand, and we’ll be fine. Like I said earlier , I don’t enjoy being the bad guy, so don’t make me the bad guy, and we can all live in peace!” He puts his sword back and begins to walk away, and Tommy hears him mumble something under his breath, “You’re such a fucking waste of time and space..” Tommy watches angrily as the man walks away before using an ender pearl out of sight. He continues to look around him for a couple minutes with as little movement as possible, trying to confirm that the man is gone, before deciding that he had truly left.
Chapter 21: We Are All Just Prisoners Here Of Our Own Device
Title from “Amnesia Was Her Name” by Lemon Demon
Synopsis: Tommy can’t remember what the holiday is called, but it’s the season of mercy! No, wait…season of giving! That’s what it is.
This chapter was written by me.
Trigger warnings: Blood, verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, threats of torture, hallucinations, your basic holiday trauma, giving a snowwoman boobs.
Bright lights, shimmering snow, and colorful decorations were Tommy’s favorite part of Christmas Eve. He was partial to the presents, of course, but the lights were just so beautiful. He wouldn’t tell anyone this though. Maybe Amnesia, but she hadn’t come back yet. Phil was here, and Mamacita had come back to dote on Mexican Dream, hoping to win him back. Dream had been around too, but the man was barely noticeable anymore. Never speaking a word, observing everyone else, occasionally making a jab at Mexican Dream or Tommy, but overall he had been very tame. It almost scared the boy.
He decided not to think too hard about it. After all, almost everything scared him now.
Tommy sat the wrapped box under the tree, he had finally finished everyone’s gifts, just in time. Glancing through the presents, he notices a small jewelry-sized box, addressed to him.
He should walk away right now, but Tommy has never been known for what he should do.
He picks up the box, inspecting it carefully, checking the weight in his palm, shaking it around a bit to hear a small clattering.
“You wouldn’t be sneaking a peak at my present for you, would you, Tommy?” Tommy freezes.
“Your present…for me?” The boy turns to look at Dream suspiciously.
The man chuckles, “It’s Christmas, Tommy! Of course I got you a present. How dumb are you?”
“Oh. Well,” Tommy clears his throat, slightly worried about the man in front of him, “thank you, Dream.” The boy flinches when Dream brings his hand up to pat him on the shoulder.
“You’re welcome, Tommy. But you still have to wait until later to find out what I got you. Wouldn’t want to get on the naughty list at the last minute, right? I mean, heaven knows that you deserve it, but it’s the season of mercy! Or was it the season of giving…” Mumbling along before Tommy can respond, Dream is walks away, presumably to mess with Mexican Dream.
“Tommy, come join me!” Tommy follows the voice, seeing Phil next to a sphere of snow on the ground. Phil pats the ground next to him, and waits for Tommy to kneel down with him before continuing with his task.
“I’m building a snowman. Do you want to help decorate it?” Phil opens his hands, showing pieces of coal and a carrot.
Tommy grins, “Only if I can give it boobs.”
“Alright,” Phil’s laugh makes Tommy smile brighter, “a snow woman, then.”
Tommy has no memory of building a snowman in the past, but he seems to be exceedingly good at it anyway. He takes extra care shaping the body, claiming that he will be making his “ideal woman”, and places each decoration carefully, making sure not to ruin the packed snow with the black tint of the coal.
“I’m not sure how I did it, Phil, but I think I’ve created the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen. And I spend a lot of time around attractive women, they flock to me, y’know?”
- timeset evening -
Tommy isn’t sure why, or even how, but he’s actually enjoyed the day. Although he guesses it’s from the lack of beatings, and the season, of course. Sure, he’s been on edge all day, but seeing everyone so happy? It’s a little contagious.
“Here, Tommy, this is for you.” In Tommy’s hands lay a fairly light box, yet big. He wouldn’t like to admit it, but Phil’s gesture almost makes him cry. Opening the box, the first thing that he notices is the green color, then the appearance of what seems to be hand-knitting. Lastly, Tommy realizes exactly what’s sitting in his hands, a scarf. A scarf so green and made with love that it kind of baffles the boy. Did Phil make this? For him?
“Well, I guess it’s pretty alright, ain’t it?” Wrapping the scarf around his neck, Tommy stands in a superhero pose, allowing everyone to admire his new accessory.
“Alright, alright. It’s time for Tommy to open my gift.” Dream stands, handing Tommy the small box. Dream stares at him, nodding his head as a sign to get it over with. Unfurling the ribbon, Tommy rips the wrapping off, letting it fall to the ground. How has the snow started to melt already? It’s freezing out. Maybe the lights from the tree were on so long that it melted it all.
Lifting the top of the box, Tommy lets it fall to the ground as well. Inside, a key. A key? Tommy looks up at Dream confused.
“Well, what do you think? Aren’t you grateful?” The man smiles at him, making Tommy impossibly on edge.
“I don’t…get it.” The boy words it carefully, trying not to upset the man.
“God, Tommy, are you always so stupid? It’s a key to your house! You get to go home now. Sometimes you really make me wonder if your brain really is fucked up.” He chuckles, then looks at the others to agree.
“You really are dumb, mate.” Phil joins in, poking at Tommy’s insecurities.
“I’m not sure why anyone would want to be friends with you, especially if they have to explain everything to you, taking care of you like you’re a sick dog. No one deserves that burden of knowing you.” Mamacita’s words echo through Tommy’s head, bouncing against his brain harshly. Does he have a headache?
Mexican Dream stands with Mamacita, looking at Tommy in disappointment. “Haven’t you realized by now? Everywhere you go, you drag along your own personal burden. No matter what you do, you ruin everyone’s lives. I can guarantee that we would all be so much better off if you weren’t here. If you never existed.”
“If you were dead.” Dream adds on.
Tommy cries, he’s crying? Staring at all the people he had grown close to. He waited. Waited for someone to shout, “Just kidding!” or admit it was all just a cruel joke, that they were just testing him. He waited. And waited. Before he ran.
Running, running home, running anywhere he felt safe. But I don’t even remember my home, how can I feel safe there? Safe seemed like a made-up word, like it was just some construct that he created in order to feel better about himself. He couldn’t feel safe, nowhere, nothing would make him feel safe.
His feet pad on the ground, a wet sploch resounding through his ears with every step he took. Wet, wet, the ground was wet. Were his feet melting the snow beneath him? No, he was too cold to have melted anything. But why was the ground wet? There’s no snow. No snow to comfort him, no snow to remind him of a holiday that he can’t even remember the name of, no snow to numb his hurting feet, running on tiny, sharp rocks. Rocks?
Blood. He fell? Blood streaming down his face, mixing into tears. He was crying. It stings. The truth stings. No, that’s his face that stings. Why does it sting? Hurt. Why does it hurt? His face. Oh god, his face. Tommy feels it. He feels the way his feet slip on the grass beneath him. He feels the way the air pushes past him as he falls. Face. He feels the way his face cracks against the rock he landed on. He can feel it. He feels the bones of his nose shatter in just a single moment. He feels.
