#cheyene original

[hidingingod]

Talking to Edward

After 2 years and 4 months, I chose to speak to my ex-boyfriend, Edward.  It felt like old times a little but there was something different about the man I was speaking to now, and the one I wanted to marry 2 years ago.

He gave up on trying to fight the sin issues that were consuming him when we stopped talking.  He has very little shame in those matters now.  Bitterness is also taken a hold of him.   I think I am currently a target of that and already our time of talking might be over.

I think we handled being platonic friends well.  It was hard for me knowing I could do nothing to help him, and he wasn't helping himself.

Even if he opes to cut me off again, I think us talking now was good.  It erased the over romanticized version of him that I remembered from dating him.  I am finally over him and free.

This happening at the same time that I am allowing myself to date again (May 1 was the date I picked 16 months ago) I don't think is coincidence.  God knew the timing of this all.

Dear Lord, please help me keep to a good testimony and follow the path You would have me follow.   Correctly quickly and with mercy when I stray from Your laws.  Thank you for the strength to make it this far.  Be with Edward and keep asking him to correct his path.

[hidingingod]

Might Hear From Him Again

Even though I feel like Edward and I are past Jim Elliot's "undefined silence" I am still avoiding him and I'm not comfortable with the reason.  Giving each other space for recovery has become a shell for fear of leading him away to control the relationship.

I haven't felt comfortable with how I last scared off Edward in the PM war.  I have treated strangers in the train more politely.  Edward has returned to the forum to try to get a mafia game going.  Since I spend much web time with the forum's current mayoral staff, I made sure his efforts were noted.

What if in web posting Edward and I make contact?

It was a perplexing question that gave me a reason to think even while taking out Abuela's trash.  I had a dream where I returned to the northern Bible college and modified my class schedule to avoid him.  Even resorting to running when I had to.

I will be lukewarm (friendly but not open) to him and never engage him in conversation privately even if it is to scare him off.

I learned to not be weird around my exgirlfriend.  I can do that with Edward, right?

I just hope he doesn't get hurt because of this.

[hidingingod]

When this blog started, almost every post was about how I was giving up on my relationship with Edward because it was dragging us both further from God.

I asked God why He had allowed it.  Given our relationship a temporary blessing instead of one meant for life.  Surely He wouldn't allow this much pain without a reason.

I now have some of the reason.

A young man came to me knowing my at this point very unclosetted past, he confirmed the stories he heard, asked question and opened up to me and asked for help.  In addition to being unable to stop watching porn, he had over the past nine months lost track of how many people he had slept with.  He is also under the threat of being kicked out of the house.

First thing I did was still the same; pray.  Second thing I did was say I wouldn't be help but I would get help.  I contacted my Reformers Unanimous leader and determined that I wouldn't do anything without counsel from people that knew better than I did.

Since I can as for assistance from my school staff now that I'm out of the closet, it all seems like blessed timing.

Back with Edward I thought his recovery depended on me and on my work.  Now I know I can't do it all but to, must importantly, trust God for it all.

[hidingingod]

Review of Monsters University

How does innocent Pixar charm mix with anything but innocent college antics?  Monsters University is the answer to that question.

The charming duo of Mike and Sully meet up for the first time and they don't become friends as fast as people who saw Monsters Inc. 12 years ago might have thought.  Sully brings natural skill with him to college and plans to just ride that till graduation.  Mike is the study-hard student that has dreamed his whole life of becoming a scarer but is as scary as pocket lint.  The differences keep them from being able to bond.  But soon they find themselves out the scaring major because of there short comings.

There seems to be no hope for these two until they enter the Scare Games with a fraternity of other scare rejects.  Now they have to work together to keep there dreams of scaring alive.

Like most Pixar films, friendship is the main theme of the story.  Sully and Mike are likely the best characters I've seen used in a buddy story and the same is true for this film.  Would I take a child to see this?  Since the film does have some scary elements, it is about scaring kids enough to scream after all, so I take any child that could handle Sully roaring at them.  There are of course the downsides of this being about college an including a PG look at frat parties.

I think the most positive note is that even Sully or Mike would break the rules to get ahead there were always consequences.  To often in kids film they get away with such things.  Honesty, hard work and friendship are proven to be the best way to make dreams come true.

[hidingingod]

You're not your past. You're a new creation in Jesus. :) Don't let what people say get to you. You're redeemed and you are loved by God. <3 God bless you.

Thank you Anon.

I did call my pastor for counsel and he seems to still be wondering if I was ever gay in the first place because I might be the victim of my parents’ behaviour and such crap as that.  He does want to understand before giving any counsel wish I appreciate. I’m not trying to delay the proses but I just want to have the support of my local church.

[hidingingod]

Need Prayer Bad

A roamer about my past hast leaked out. I now have to come out just to keep any leaving I would be forced to do from being mess because I didn't confess. I might be able to stay by coming forward.