#undefined silence

[hidingingod]

Might Hear From Him Again

Even though I feel like Edward and I are past Jim Elliot's "undefined silence" I am still avoiding him and I'm not comfortable with the reason.  Giving each other space for recovery has become a shell for fear of leading him away to control the relationship.

I haven't felt comfortable with how I last scared off Edward in the PM war.  I have treated strangers in the train more politely.  Edward has returned to the forum to try to get a mafia game going.  Since I spend much web time with the forum's current mayoral staff, I made sure his efforts were noted.

What if in web posting Edward and I make contact?

It was a perplexing question that gave me a reason to think even while taking out Abuela's trash.  I had a dream where I returned to the northern Bible college and modified my class schedule to avoid him.  Even resorting to running when I had to.

I will be lukewarm (friendly but not open) to him and never engage him in conversation privately even if it is to scare him off.

I learned to not be weird around my exgirlfriend.  I can do that with Edward, right?

I just hope he doesn't get hurt because of this.

[hidingingod]

Passion & Purity: 32 How Do You Say No?

I answered the question before reading the content of the chapter and came up with the same answer.

You say no, and you move away.

Another thing I knew before reading the chapter was that it's simple yet not easy.  Hey, she used those words too.

Humans were meant to rely on God when faced with temptation.  Our strength as humans will fail us.

Jim writes Elisabeth after they are apart for a week again.

Every time we have parted it has been harder.  I do not want to part with you on this basis again.  So I have prayed, quaveringly, that the Lord would not let us see one another again without giving us some assurance of His ultimate goal in relation to us.  This parting into "undefined silence" is is terrible.

Don't I know it.

The thing is I won't pray for assurance.  I thought a had it before.  I thought I had a sign from God Himself saying, "this one".  I think that partly contributed to our carelessness.  Edward can have assurance if he wants it.  I'm praying for by the moment guidance.

Dear Lord, I'm sorry for carelessness I have shown.  I knew what was right an didn't do it.  And I hurt Edward in the same time.  Dear Lord I ask that you give me what I need to withstand the "undefined silence".  Guide me in how you would want me to go and part Edward and I if that be Your will.