reasons why you should join the school for gay and evil discord server
yea that's all I just wanted to post that
it may be a dovesso server but 2 ppl have constance hardbroom pfps so yea
message @oswinoswalddd or @queenofquestions to join
credit to @whippoorwillsomebodysdying for being funny
CREDIT TO ME FOR MAKING THE INTERPRETATION THO IM THE BEST AT THOSE ISTG
edit: me and nami are starting a revolution we need more men, come join us
ps @snakeskins-world maybe you would like to come back from the grave of offline and be the old you and help us, dont you remember the chicken days :')
Ok, seriously the picture above is the best $30 I ever spent but also WHICH family member am I gonna blitz???
Real things that I have seen happen in the Great Chicken War:
Have helped one specific aunt set up a chicken shower curtain in multiple other houses. I know for a fact she got my grandparents to help her hang the chicken shower curtain in my own house that I refuse to take down.
Cousin H was moving, I bought dollar store stuff to turn her car into a chicken. At my wedding reception she found inch long yellow plastic chickens and put them in all of my plants. I WAS FINDING THEM SIX MONTHS LATER.
My grandma, my sweet, innocent, cancer ridden grandma…she hung chicken themed towels on every place that you could conceivably have towels. In my house. On my wedding day. She was not sorry.
Once helped my grandfather hide chicken alarm clocks set to go off at 2 am under…A LOT of beds at a family reunion.
Every Christmas present must contain one (1) real gift. The “stocking stuffers” are up to whatever that relative happens to find at thrift stores and can fit in the chosen box. (We do gift exchanges with a $25 max limit, but it has to be “cool” so you’re supposed to call who you get and be like “hey, ideas please”)
You don’t want to know what happened when Chicken Run went out on DVD. (My mom bought every single copy available in the moment, I’m not kidding, threw the entire stock in her cart…there were about 30 of us at the time - I promise everyone had the same thoughts as her because now you sign the inside cover before you sneak it over to someone else)
There were actually live chickens in my grandparents bathroom, they had to shower at the neighbors house for 3 days.
I brought 300 chicken shaped finger flingers to the last family reunion and it took us three hours to find them. They’re yellow. They stand out.
The chicken finger flingers were left out as “bait” by the kids to “lure Sasquatch into range” (one of my cousins hiked out, put the Sasquatch shoes on, hiked in from a different direction, and “took the bait” with copious footprints) so the kids actually got a SECOND Sasquatch hunt on top of the normal one.
That’s just the stuff that I remember happening, like things I was actually present for. This has been going on for 40 years and multiple generations…there is sooooo much that I don’t know.
And that’s not even getting into the actual wedding traditions. One of the cousins dresses up in a full body chicken suit and does a dance with the bride, to the chicken dance song. I’m not joking this actually happens.
We still have the original chicken that started all of this. And “she” is always the bride when we all get together for a wedding and decorate the “chicken bridal party” with the actual bridal colors.
All of this, to say…I have 20 ceramic chickens and no genuinely good ideas on how to properly deploy my ammunition.
Listen, man. Ren didn't know anything about what was going on. He just worked here.
The job was easy! Put on the outfit and the snappy pink sunglasses, walk the walk, talk the talk, don't get yourself found out or else the boss man won't be happy with ya. Simple as that.
Still, he couldn't help but gawk a little at the huge lime green.... thing that stood kinda looking like a giant creeper right in front of Doc's goat thingy. Mumbo was also there. Right. An example to be a great spy! Don't blow this!
Ren walked forwards and cleared his throat importantly and loudly, regally, hoping to catch the moustachioed wonder's attention for long enough to summon him down and have a good old fashioned heart to heart with him. Inconspicuously, of course. Ren fancied himself being great at inconspicuous.
He stood there and tapped his foot for a minute or two, acting annoyed but really wondering what on earth was wrong here. Mumbo was like, the most polite guy he knew. He never ignored people. Was this just a placebo? Had he been possessed or something? Possessed people did weird things, man. Ren would know.
Yep. Inconspicuous. Blending in with the environment perfectly as he stood there in plain sight.
It wasn't until Ren looked back up from his watch that he noticed something.
Ren was inconspicuous, yes, but apparently not as inconspicuous as the little earbuds in Mumbo's ears that clearly indicated that he was listening to something. (And jamming out to it too, judging by the way his hands flew over whatever he was working on with a graceful rhythm, pausing occasionally to air-drum with the beat. Ren would have to ask him for his playlist one day.) Right! Spy stuff! He was getting distracted.
He walked forwards and tried to clear his throat again, but unfortunately at that moment a bit of pollen that had been stuck in his nose decided to tickle in just the right way to make him sneeze, which caused mucus to flow down his throat, which caused him to hack and cough for about twenty seconds, leaning on his knees.
"Ren?" came the concerned voice from above. "Are- are you alright down there, mate?"
"Oh, yes," said Ren with an exhale and another, carefuller, throat clear. Mumbo had taken one earbud out and was holding it close to his ear, one foot on a honey block while his other hand held onto some sort of handle thing. He was also staring at Ren. Hard. "Doing just fine! It's just these uh, these dang allergies, you know?"
Thankfully, Mumbo seemed to relax a little, even taking his phone out to pause whatever he was listening to and sitting on the edge of the whatever-it-was far above Ren, legs swinging and face sitting in hands. "I get it, dude," he said sympathetically. "Pollen count's horrible this time of year."
Ren bit back a not the least because of you guys, opting to just nod in agreement instead. Mumbo didn't deserve that. He was just some random guy who got roped into the stupidest conflict on the planet probably! Knowing Mumbo, actually, he probably barely knew why he was fighting in this at all. Sort of like Ren was.
"It really is," he said, a strange note entering his voice that he did not intend to put there as he looked around. "Whatcha working on?"
"Oh, just a thing," said Mumbo with a suddenly nervous shrug, patting the flat space besides him. "You can come up if you want. Just don't touch any of the observers or this whole thing will kick off, and we really do not want that to happen."
...Observers?
Ren looked up, taking in the details of the whatever-it-was a little more. It towered above him, the sun shining through the honey and slime and slightly blinding him, but he could see now after a little squinting that there were also pistons and redstone blocks and the like in there as well. Of course. It was a flying machine. He had somehow completely overlooked that. Right. Sure, he'd go up.
He climbed up the stepladder slowly and carefully, wobbling dangerously as he reached the top and scrambled on top of one of the- legs? yeah, legs -of the machine.
"So, uh," he started, looking out over the forest that separated the Perimeter from Scarland. "What is this thing again?"
"Flying machine," said Mumbo, reaching backwards and patting one of the slime blocks, the concrete stuck to it above wobbling a little as he did. "Took me hours to design."
"Huh," said Ren, trying his best to not look nervous as he followed his gaze. "Why... exactly?"
"Uh," said Mumbo, looking off to the side. "I'm actually. Not sure." He turned back to Ren, one hand scratching the back of his head, gaze slightly lowered. "Grian asked me to, I guess? I don't really. Know. I just work here, man."
Ren nodded, unable to really keep his eyes off Mumbo. The dude never stopped fidgeting. "I get that. I get that. Sometimes, I feel like I just sort of get dragged up into all of this, yknow?"
"Yeah," said Mumbo with a sigh, folding his arms and looking towards the direction of the Shopping District as he sat back against the machine, the sun setting to his left. "I sort of woke up one morning and then my vault door had been exploded and I was fine with it and then Grian was like, 'whoa dude! That's not cool! You should totally team up with me and Scar and get your own back.' And I said okay because why would I not? But yeah. I don't really have any stakes in..." he waved his hands vaguely, "whatever this is?" He laughed a little nervously. "I am literally just some guy in a situation here."
Ren blinked. Had Mumbo warmed up to him so easily? Mumbo did that to everybody, he guessed, but still. Wow.
And he understood. Geez, how he understood.
"Oh, yeah, me too," he said with a small laugh, sitting back against the machine himself and letting his gaze wander across the scintillated skyline that comprised the Grian-Scar-Mumbo base area. "I just got called in to help kill ten thousand chickens with my bare hands and now I've been hired to-" He paused too late.
"Hired to what?" asked Mumbo.
"Hired to uh," said Ren, desperately scrambling for an excuse. "Keep an eye on things while Doc's busy." It wasn't a lie! He was telling the truth! Just not all of it. Man, he didn't feel good about that.
Whatever. He'd absolutely nailed it, right?
"That's fair," said Mumbo with a small grin. "I mean, I wouldn't want to go solo against the three of us either."
"Yeah," said Ren.
The two were plunged into an uncomfortable silence, Mumbo fidgeting with his pickaxe while Ren stared at the ground far below, trying and failing to think of a good way to smoothly exit the situation. He could just leave, but that'd be rude. He could hit the observer and then leave, but that'd be even ruder. Besides, he was hired on to spy, not sabotage. Although sabotage was sometimes part of the package when it came to spy work. How long had he been sitting here? This was getting unbearably tense. He had to do something.
"I'm uh, gonna go," he said suddenly, standing up and brushing off his jeans. "Got." He thumbed backwards, shifting awkwardly on his feet. "Things to do. Projects and stuff. I'm a busy guy, y'know?"
"Oh, yeah," said Mumbo, sounding incredibly relieved that he wasn't the one who had to come up with an excuse to either leave or get the other guy to leave (god forbid!). "No, yeah, go and do your thing. Good luck. Are you working on anything in particular, or..?"
"Not really," said Ren slowly, stepping back cautiously to make sure he didn't fall backwards. He took a deep breath. "Actually, I uh-"
Mumbo raised one eyebrow.
"May or may not be headed over to Doc's right now to tell him about this entire conversation," said Ren quickly, already engaging his elytra as he stepped backwards off the machine. "Bye!"
The last thing he saw as he flew off as fast as his low grade mass produced Giga-Rockets would allow was Mumbo just staring up after him, clearly baffled even from this distance and also probably quite suspicious of him now. Why had he done that? Why had he said that? The whole operation was in jeopardy now!
Oh well, Ren thought as he swerved away from the Perimeter and back towards his own base. It was fine. He didn't have to tell Doc everything. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him after all! He'd just give the useful information and go.
Of course, Ren had been in this situation enough times to know that he had gotten himself into one massive heap of donkey poo here with that one little white lie he was about to tell.
He sighed as he landed in his base, stumbling a little at the landing and heading towards his bed for a quick lie-down. (It was warm and he needed a nap.) At least the fallout would be fun to watch, even if it might not be from his perspective caught in the thick of it.
And besides, Ren was still horribly allergic to buttercups.
Me:*explaining my family chicken war to a coworker and why I’m so excited for the five year reunion that is literally ten months away*
Coworker: Wait, wait. It’s adults that do this? With the pageant?
Me: Yeah, we break it up by my grandpas siblings, each family does a theme. Aunt Kay and hers do the light nose choir, they just shove pen lights up their noses and wear trash bags with toilet seat covers. We’re much classier, we do the pvc instrument band.
Coworker: And you hide chickens everywhere. The adults. Hide chickens.
Me: Well, yeah. Last time my grandpa bought chicken alarm clocks and hid them under everyone’s beds, and we helped him set them to go off at two am.
Coworker: Where does this happen? How many of you are there?
Me: We rent out a summer camp facility, and split the cost. Last we counted, we were at 48 people, including babies.
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