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i love failmarriages and i love divorce and i love the souring of love and i love the inadequacy of love!!! when their ideals are irreconcilable... when the power dynamics go loop-the-loop... when the weight of all their history is suffocating them... when all they do together is press on secret bruises, when only they know where to press... when they watch each other get further and further away from who they fell in love with... when they watch each other change and wonder if that's really who they've been all along... when they're all they have because they thought they would never need anyone else... even when there's no love, but there was intimacy, and that's just as bad....... hate can only truly come from closeness!!!!!!!

#you know how it is............... The sad I'd be without you & hand in unlovable hand & what am I Jesus & one more round in the stormy roma #tropes #tomshiv #challengers #nieyao #ok weirdly enough this was sparked by #Anna Karenina which I should not tag actually #which I'm like 200 pages into #ik the husband is probably the most boring part of the novel but idk when he tries to talk to Anna abt her closeness with Vronsky and she #just completely shuts off from him? and he had this whole speech prepared but it kind of veers into “don't do this to yourself.”#obviously their love was superficial and also Tolstoy was butting in but the husband was trying to preserve a kind of peace out of #tenderness for her as well. a small something in all that nothingness and refusal to see her #ANYWAYS got me thinking about how love and the joining of lives can be kind of irrevocable #failmarriage #OH also of course no unhappy households are alike and that's what makes it compelling baby!!!!!#chiehh.txt

Fanghua in Fang Duobing’s perspective is maybe kind of deeply insane because it’s like. What if you were young and carefree and naive and unleashed upon this great big world, but it’s nothing like the home where you grew up coddled and adored, and you end up hungry and lonely so you follow your first friend home. Despite repeat encounters with the side of the road, you grow a tiny all-encompassing crush on him, and you recognise that he returns these affections somewhere soft and quiet in his eyes (of course, this was never in doubt - again, you grew up coddled and adored). You settle into his home like you always belonged there, with the casual assurance of forever. You critique his cooking and you drive his horses and you bicker with him like you’ve been married for decades. And then, somehow, it turns out the man who inspired your entrance into this great big world has been accompanying you through it this whole time - there he is, that tired old fox, the hero of your childhood, and he’s been dying for a while. Now you are not as naive as you once were but you are Fang Xiaobao, whose legacy would’ve been marked by illness if not for a brief glimpse of hope, who knows what you get is what you fight for, who decided on a rooftop forever ago to spend the rest of his life with Li Lianhua. You are going to find a cure for the incurable, you know it in your bones, perhaps deludedly, but - he doesn’t let you. He doesn’t let you. You leave to save him and when you return he isn’t there, he’s gone away, buried himself somewhere deep and hidden for a slow agony. He’s left you his home, his dog and his previous life’s work, like a master to a disciple or a dead spouse to the living. And so you are widowed at twenty-something. And so it turns out you’ll spend almost your entire life mourning one man, all because you followed your first friend in the jianghu home.

#babygirl did not sign up for this when he decided he was going to fuck that old man.#Tho ofc by the time all of it was happening he had chosen llh over and over again.#His hope and his light (his youth) vs llh's tired old bones - xiaobao who doesn't heed fate who has fight in him that llh lost so long ago.#fdb did still save him for a little while #mysterious lotus casebook #fanghua #anyways that's my i guess recount of Fanghua 👍 don't talk to me about the irrevocability of love I /will/ bite something #also this whole thing was so that I could write that last line #edit: WAIT fdb didn't believe lxy was dead did he? Post cancelled #chiehh.txt

Idc the story dismissed Amber too quick... the writers were like btw Eve so soon after Mark and Amber's breakup in Season 2, and then they were like well, Mark's always had feelings for Eve.

Maybe it was the three month timeskip, but I feel like they didn't explore the emotional consequences of the breakup enough. You know, now Mark's killed a man and has grown into his powers - I feel they could've reinforced his displacement from his own humanity through the breakup. Sure, there's his family to represent his grounded-ness to the individuality of himself and others, but Amber added an element of ordinary goodness (heroism) that I think was really important. Idk!

#I know he and Amber's breakup was amicable and the right thing for the narrative but. Linger on it!#invincible #invincible season 3 #the fandom on other platforms (I havent explored the tumblr one much) pisses me off. just say you hate black women #amber bennett #I feel nothing abt eve+mark as a couple #and continue to refuse to largely because of misplaced spite lol #anyways this might not be understandable. ANYWAYS #chiehh.txt

After all you've served him, after all you've made him suffer, he didn't even stay to watch you die. You made him the centre of your world - he never once looked at you.

#mlc liveblog #mysterious lotus casebook #jiao liqiao #I don't think I'm going to continue the ep today (it is almost 11pm tho lol) like slow down let me grieve!! oh this poor deluded evil woman #chiehh.txt

above all I am a Li Lianhua cannot and will never be found truther. You may not understand but I do: that man dissolved into the sea. It happened in the blink of an eye. Good luck trying to find his bones disintegrated in the sand and the shreds of that beautiful fur coat in the tide. He is everywhere and nowhere you look and you will never know how to mourn :)

#li lianhua you- whoever you are!! a ghost but perhaps human for a while. as someone said: the narrative #me every second post: did you know that llh is dead #li lianhua #I actually love an open ending and only reserve happiness for real life #like I think llh's death was thematically resonant and he had been ready for a while. but his widows don't!!#mysterious lotus casebook #chiehh.txt #lotusposting #tv diary #posts i like

Forever thinking about Kaul Lanshinwan....

Something about his death just refuses to leave my mind - it's how unfinished is arc is, how little solace we are offered. He was not murdered, he stumbled and drowned. He was overburdened and then he dies!! I understand that his compassion was his strength in an environment that increasingly respected shows of brute force, but the lack of fanfare for his death just seems like the quiet loss of hope, maybe? The triumph of clan savagery.

And he, as a man of peace, catalyses the outbreak of war. Without the support of his family he fails, with his failure his siblings are united. Idk :(

#green bone saga #chiehh.txt #kaul lan

Di Feisheng is so much stronger than me and I guess like everyone else in the Jianghu - if Jiao Liqiao was obsessed with me, I'd melt and let her commit whatever atrocities she wanted. She'd be like "I passed this pretty girl on the street and disfigured her for life" and I would nod and ask her what she wanted for dinner - which, I guess, is the situation of like everyone else in the Jianghu. As aforementioned.

#hello? It's pussy speaking #it does help that dfs is extremely gay tho #jiao liqiao #mysterious lotus casebook #oh what a woman!!!!!#chiehh.txt

Thinking about Lin Wan'er.... Her brother is dead and he was one of her only companions during a devastatingly lonely childhood and she owes it to him to avenge him. She owes it to herself to avenge him. The Lin family's pride still stands, however fragmented, in its least viable heir. If Fan Xian lost someone he loved he would burn down the world; she would too, but she doesn't have the ability.

It doesn't matter whether or not his murder was justified. He was her brother.

#I know FX is entrusted with the Lin family but she's her father's daughter and that has to count for something!!!#I'm not too well-versed in historical Chinese family dynamics so im not sure about the inheritance/taking over the family part but yea #thinking about illegitimacy and being a daughter and being so so lonely and having all that anger but nowhere to put it #And putting her anger on hold!!!! Because her new family stands on the ruins of her old one and it's all she has #Lin wan'er #Joy of life #Joy of life 2 #fandom ramblings #Anyways she shouldve snapped harder actually she should've shrieked she should've stabbed someone #chiehh.txt #tv diary #posts I like

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