Strike for Love, Strike for Fear - Chiralities AU
Hey! It’s been a while since I wrote anything fic-related, and now I’m back to this AU! It probably won’t be for a while since I write anything else... The only reason this one exists is because it had been sitting in my drafts forever and I only just got the motivation to finish it. I’m actually working on an original piece right now, and that’s so far been sucking up all my creativity.
But anyway, enjoy!
Being an Avenger wasn’t the same as being a soldier, as Elsa was steadily learning with each new mission they sent her on. There was something very distinct about having to fight supernatural enemies, bad guys with over-powered suits straight out of the future, or mega-organizations of pure evil that came vastly different from fighting people forced to the front lines by their own nations. But this particular mission felt a lot closer to home.
War-torn countries carry the unfortunate circumstance of being hiding places for members of some of those evil mega-corporations. Despite their best efforts, the Avengers and other good-natured forces of the world were still having difficulty weeding out former members of Hydra that have since run off to the most inhospitable places of the world to seek shelter and regroup. The fall may have taken out most of the heads, but the interesting thing about a hydra is that for every head that gets chopped off, two more grow in its place. And most of those heads have gravitated toward the Middle East and Africa.
Elsa navigated the streets of a small town in Northern Syria, an area that had fallen to bombs and bullets as a war raged on between rebels, government, and terrorists. It was perfect for defected Hydra agents, and despite the numerous times she reminded Ross and her other superiors just how little she desired to be sent back into an active war zone, they continued to send her to these horrible places because she was “one of their best”.
God, how she hated hearing that. Hydra used to say that about her. She even had a distinct memory of the United States Army in World War Two saying that about her. Both times it served to remind her that she was being used, desired for her powers and abilities and not who she was as a person. Even now, as an Avenger and Captain America’s sister, she was seen less as a hero and more as someone perfect to send to do the dirty work - the kind of stuff that would be a PR nightmare should one of the more well-known heroes on the team have to do it.
But she still had a job. She was following a lead on a defected Hydra agent, and that had led her here: in a small town that had practically been cooked by the desert sun before being ripped apart by mortar shells and sub machine guns. Despite that, however, there were still plenty of signs of life, as people moved about their days as best they could, walking through the streets with quick paces and distinct looks of fear and dread on their faces. Her long time spent as the Winter Soldier had made it difficult to link a feeling to their actions, but slowly she was getting the ability back. And while the empathy might be hindered, being the Soldier had trained her to be hyper-aware of people making quick, nervous movements, or of people flinching at the sound of an airplane high above them in the sky. The Soldier witnessed these things, and Elsa connected the emotions.
Most people paid her no mind, and the odd person who did often made sure to keep their distance. She wasn’t outwardly trying to show off who she was, but she had been told on many occasions (mostly by Anna or Romanoff) that she had a very terrifying walk when she was on a mission, appropriately dubbed “the Winter Soldier Walk”. And as much as she was annoyed by the name, the walk certainly was effective in getting people out of her way by doing nothing but glaring at them.
However, the Walk came to an abrupt end when, as she went past the opening of a small alley, a beat up and slightly deflated soccer ball rolled to a stop at her feet. Elsa paused to stare down at the ball inquisitively, before turning to spot a group of children - three boys and two girls of varying ages - all watching her intently. One had stepped forward slightly in an attempt to retrieve the ball, but he had stopped to stare at her with panic and uncertainty on his face.
Elsa smiled, and kicked the ball back into the alley for them to continue playing their game. The boy received the pass and shot her a grateful grin in return, then turned back to his companions. Elsa chuckled to herself, amused if not slightly amazed in a child’s ability to still find enjoyment despite how terrible life could be, and continued on her way.
She made it about a couple blocks away when another plane flew overhead, this one much lower in the sky. Seconds later, an explosion ripped through the busy streets, sending debris flying and a wall of hazy yellow smoke into the air. Elsa whipped around to spot the epicentre of the blast seemed to be that alley she had just passed.
Her shaky hands quickly yanked out a breathing mask from a pocket and strapped it hastily onto her face, all while she sprinted full-speed into the horrid cloud of toxic chemicals. Using her magic, she called on a wind to sweep through the streets and up into the sky in an attempt to push as much of the chemical away from those still alive and running in terror through the streets.
She made it to the alley, and came to an abrupt stop when she saw what had become of it.
France, near the German Border, 1943
She would always envy how children were always so good at making light of situations. But then, she distinctly remembered how her and Anna used to be able to play, carefree and happily, in the small parks and narrow streets of their neighbourhood in Brooklyn despite going home to measly dinners. Perhaps it was that innocence at that age, where adults don’t tell you about the bad stuff that’s going on, or if they did, they did so in a way that didn’t force the reality to break you. Looking back, Elsa could remember how her mother seemed to get thinner, especially in the winter, and would go with very little on her plate. Looking back, Elsa could see the struggle, but as a child she had been so blissfully blind to it.
This little girl she was talking to seemed to have the same issue— or was it a gift? Her patrol had taken a small side trip to a tiny village in France, one that consisted of only a few families and most of them were farmers. It had been spared from the war for the most part due to its small size, but the battle was closing in on the helpless town fast. The Americans had chosen to use it as a strategic base, offering the town their protection in return for shelter and food. The presence of war was all around, yet here was this little girl who was so fascinated by seeing a pretty, blonde woman in an army uniform that she had boldly broke away from her mother to tug on the soldier’s pant leg.
“You’re a woman,” the girl squeaked with both confusion and awe, playing slightly with the scrappy doll in her hands.
Elsa laughed softly and bent down to the girl’s height. “Yes, I am,” she replied in French, surprising herself in how well she had picked up the language.
“But you’re not a nurse,” the girl observed.
“No, I’m not,” Elsa returned.
The girl looked her over for a moment, appearing as though she was deep in thought. “I’m Joanne,” she said after a pause, very sure and confident.
Elsa’s smile grew at Joanne’s upfront greeting. “I’m Elsa,” she said warmly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Joanne.”
Joanne beamed. “You must be really brave,” she said, “And you’re also really pretty.”
“Well,” Elsa told her, “I’d say you are very pretty yourself.”
“Marie too?” Joanne asked, holding out her tattered, but very obviously loved, doll.
“Yes, Marie too,” Elsa assured her, only brightening that infectious smile even more.
“Joanne? Joanne!”
The pair then turned to spot a woman frantically running through the crowd. “Mama!” Joanne called, catching the woman’s attention and bringing her over to them.
“Joanne, my dear, what have I told you about running off like that?” she scolded, before turning to Elsa, “I’m sorry, Madame, she…she’s difficult to keep track of sometimes.”
Elsa rose to her feet. “It’s ok,” she said, “Believe me, I know the feeling.”
“Mama, she’s a soldier!” Joanne said as her mother bent down to scoop her child up, “And she’s really nice!”
“Thank you, for watching her,” Joanne’s mother sighed, “And I’m sorry if she was any trouble.”
“None at all,” Elsa assured her gently, “But I had best be going. Take care, ok?”
The young woman nodded. “Bye, Elsa,” Joanne said, waving a little over her mother’s shoulder.
Elsa smiled one last time at Joanne, and waved back. “Goodbye, Joanne.” To herself, she added quietly, “Hang in there.”
About a day later, she would return to that same town. Only this time it was to sift through the pieces of destroyed stone and charred timber after a bombing raid had completely levelled it.
Elsa found Marie, but not Joanne.
Elsa heaved giant boulders away, but the buildings on either side of the alley had completely collapsed. But still she tried, digging through the rubble in a vain attempt to locate those kids. But the longer she dug, the more she realized that it was hopeless. She couldn’t save them. And it made her so angry.
She hadn’t realized frost was steadily leaking from her hands, coating the crumbling cinderblocks with thick and spiky hoarfrost as she pitched them effortlessly out of her way. She hadn’t noticed how her frantic breathing was growing slower, steadier, and much more controlled. She wasn’t even aware of how her consciousness was fading, how her decisions and thoughts were becoming less and less hers — how Elsa was slipping away into the background as someone far more dangerous fed off her anger and took control.
She could hear another plane coming. Sharp, frigid eyes looked to the sky. She gave up her search, and with one, powerful leap aided by a spike of ice forming under her feet, she launched herself up into the air and onto what was left of a nearby building.
She remembered making visual contact with the plane, and feeling a surge of energy in her hands. Then nothing.
“You do realize that this is going to be incredibly difficult to fix,” Ross growled angrily as he paced back and forth.
Elsa said nothing, instead studying the various screens behind him all depicting different angles of what had happened. Apparently, the plane didn’t make it. That much she could guess. But then the snowstorm, the whirlwind of air sucking the poisonous chemical high into the atmosphere and away from the town, and the thick icy dome covering the whole area to protect it from anything else were all surprises.
“You were supposed to be on recon, Barnes,” Ross reminded her in annoyance, “That means not getting noticed.”
“There was an attack,” Elsa said simply, slowly drawing out each word so he could understand the severity of what happened.
“And we did not send you there to—”
“People died,” Elsa continued, her tone never faltering and her eyes never leaving his, “Children died.”
“Yes, we know, but—”
“It would have been worse had I done nothing.”
“But how you did things is the issue,” Ross insisted, “You took out a foreign fighter jet.”
“That was bombing its own people with chemical weapons. I had to do something,” Elsa fired back angrily.
Ross pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a heavy breath. “It’s not that simple, Barnes,” he said with exhaustion, “We have to play these things carefully, and we certainly can’t have you losing control like that.”
“Then why put me there in the first place?” Elsa shouted, rising to her full height from her chair to stand over him, “I can’t even tell you how many times I asked not to be sent back to a place that was going to dredge up bad memories.”
“Then why are you here?” he demanded, holding his ground despite the height and strength difference, “Why even bother with any of this if you don’t want to go where we need you?”
Elsa glowered at him. “Because I want to help,” she stated firmly, “I want to protect people, and that certainly doesn’t mean taking advantage of a chemical attack to hide my cover.”
“The best way you can protect people is by following the orders we give you, Barnes,” Ross said, “The international community is still on edge having learned who you are, and we’ve had to assure them time and time again that you won’t be an issue. But that only works when you do as you’re told.”
There was a pause. Ross’ words hung in the air. Elsa broke eye contact with him, but her heavy breaths gave away her emotion. The sound of metal plating scraping against more metal broke the silence as she slowly clenched her fists. “People. Would have. Died,” she said again.
“You really are just like your sister,” Ross commented with a sigh, “You, without much thought, attacked an enemy jet without clearance and created a powerful show of force and strength all while wearing a face mask. We’re trying to eliminate your Winter Soldier reputation, but what you just pulled put us back almost to square one to some countries.”
Elsa looked at him again, and this time the severity of her glare made him take half a step back. “Forgive me if I can’t help what has been programmed into my brain,” she said dangerously, “But the fact that the Soldier came back to protect innocent people should say a lot. I’m sorry I failed to listen to orders but at least I did what was right.”
“As an Avenger and a soldier, in accordance to the Sokovia Accords, you have to listen to the orders given to you at the start of your mission.”
“Even if those orders are to stand around and do nothing?”
“Yes.”
The air around them dropped so much in temperature that Elsa could see his breath. Realizing her control was slipping, she turned and took a few steps away, drawing in deep breaths and releasing them slowly in an attempt to calm down. But she couldn’t remember the last time she was this angry.
“I know it seems counterproductive,” Ross told her, his voice less hard and a little less authoritative, “But things need to be handled carefully. Simply throwing our weight around isn’t going to help anything. In fact, it might make it worse. I thought you understood that.”
“But at the expense of innocent people?” Elsa challenged in a low voice, not wanting to look at him.
“Unfortunately, yes. But the more control we have, the less threat there is to innocent people. And right now the only thing we know for sure that we can control, is our soldiers,” he replied.
Elsa heaved a deep sigh, but her unrest was still obvious in her tense shoulders and clenched fists. “I’m guessing I’m receiving a suspension?” she asked dryly, still with her back turned to him.
“Yes,” Ross informed her, “For three weeks. You are also required to see a specialist to deal with any trauma you may have faced, along with keeping up your regular therapy sessions. Any failure to comply will—”
“Will result in severe consequences,” Elsa finished bitterly.
There was another pause, this one not quite as intense as the one earlier. It was broken by Ross, who sighed, “I’m sorry you went through with that, Elsa. I personally think what you did was extraordinary, and heroic. But it’s my job to reflect what the international community has decided, and unfortunately what they decided is… Well, power is a thing to be feared. It is wise not to abuse it.”
Elsa finally looked at him again. She held his gaze for a moment, before heading out of the room without a word.
Anna was waiting for her. Elsa caught her taking a step back, meaning she had likely been standing with her ear to the door for the duration of that meeting. Elsa chose not to mention it and simply started walking down the hall.
“Hey,” Anna said as she hurried to catch up with her sister, “How’d it go?”
“You tell me,” Elsa sighed as she continued walking toward the helipad, where a chopper was waiting to take them both back to Washington.
“Well… You didn’t kill him, so I’d say that’s good!” Anna said optimistically, though her attempt to be upbeat fell apart pretty fast as she spotted her sister’s face. She reached out and grabbed Elsa’s hand, stopping her in her tracks. “Elsa,” she said quietly, “Talk to me. Please.”
Elsa made an attempt to pull her hand away. “There’s nothing to talk about, Anna,” she replied, in a tone that sounded like there very much was something to talk about.
Anna only tightened her grip on her sister’s hand, before dragging her into a nearby, empty conference room. With the door closed, she turned and said simply, “We’re alone. You can tell me.”
At first, Elsa’s stony face remained unchanged, and it looked as though she was going to walk around her sister and out the door. But after a moment her mask began to break away, and her standoffish mood was replaced with one of complete sorrow and misery. Anna rushed forward without hesitation and wrapped her arms around her sister’s trembling body. Elsa immediately hugged her sister back, burying her face in Anna’s shoulder to muffle her sobs.
It was a few minutes later when Anna’s heart completely broke, upon hearing her poor sister utter helplessly, “I tried.”
“Oh Elsa,” Anna replied in comfort, only hugging her sister tighter, “I know you did.”
“They were so young. They didn’t even know… They were playing, Anna.”
Anna swallowed the lump in her throat with difficulty. “You did all you could, Elsa,” she told her softly, “Sometimes we…we can’t save them all.”
Elsa tensed before pulling away slowly. Using her good hand she wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks. “I know,” said weakly. Then her expression shifted, turning darker and more reflective of her anger. She clenched her metal fist tight and repeated, “I know.”
“Elsa…”
“I…I hate this, Anna,” Elsa stated.
“You… hate what, exactly?” Anna asked nervously, unsure as to where her sister was going and a little afraid of the answer.
The anger in Elsa’s face broke, a little, giving way to an expression Anna could only describe as grief. “Why am I like this?” Elsa uttered quietly, almost to herself, “Why can’t I be normal?”
Anna frowned with concern and gently squeezed her sister’s shoulder. “What’s going on, Elsa?” she questioned simply.
Elsa drew a deep breath. “I failed. I failed so many times, Anna,” she said, her voice shaky and worn, “Even when I try to do the right thing… I end up making things worse. Or what I do doesn’t matter. Or…” She paused to take another trembling gulp of air, squeezing her eyes shut tight in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. “It’s like Death follows me wherever I go. People always die when they see me. I…I remember each one of their faces…before they die. I bring so much bad… But I still want to do good.”
Anna said nothing at first, instead opting to pull her tired sister back into a hug. She opened her mouth a few times, but closed it when words failed her. Eventually, however, she found something: “You are doing good, Elsa. Look at where you are, and how far you’ve come. No bad person would ever get this far.”
She heard Elsa sniffle, and felt her tighten her grip on her arms. “I just…want to protect them,” Elsa breathed. Anna felt her eyes stinging with tears upon hearing just how small and desperate her sister sounded.
The serum does things. It turns people into near-indestructible, super-powered soldiers, yes. It takes someone from being scrawny and weak to the picture of perfect health, absolutely. But it does things — to the mind. It took a while for Anna to notice it in herself, because to her, that feeling of trying to do the right thing had always been incredibly strong, especially for someone her initial size. But it wasn’t until she was thrown into a scenario where she had to choose the Right Thing for Everybody over the Right Thing for her Sister that she suddenly has an epiphany. The serum had altered her mind, making it both harder to find logic and also incredibly easy — it just depended on which side the logic was on. It was hard, sometimes, to force herself to see the other side of difficult discussions where the Right Thing wasn’t black and white but more of a grey area, because to her the answer was so obviously one way while everyone else said otherwise. It was hard, but she was trying to work through it.
She had no doubt in her mind that the thing the serum had latched onto in her sister’s brain was that need to protect. Elsa had always had it. She always was the good big sister who was at Anna’s side whenever she needed her — whether she knew it or not. She, too, would always try and do the Right Thing, but on a much smaller, more individual scale. She was the one who rescued caterpillars off sidewalks, or instead of killing spiders would catch them in a cup and release them outside. Anna remembered this one time they had found a small bird that had fallen out of its nest and while Anna chased away the cat about to attack it, Elsa was the one who gently took it and returned it home, safe and sound. Elsa just had this soft, incredibly caring soul who didn’t want to see anybody hurt. She never wanted to fight, but if she had to, it was to protect another.
That’s what the army had to tell her: she was there to protect her country. That’s what Hydra had to tell her: she was there to protect a glorious new world. That’s what the Avengers had to tell her: she was there to protect the planet and all its people. That’s what she has to tell herself: she’s here to protect.
And it’s hard for her to understand that sometimes…you just can’t protect everybody.
Anna worried about her sister on a near constant basis, but the one thing she absolutely wasn’t concerned about was whether or not her sister would ever hurt someone innocent with intent. Now, after a few years of being away from Hydra’s influence, Anna wasn’t even worried about the Soldier doing so as well. Because both halves of her sister’s soul were devoted so deeply to keeping people safe that it practically tore her apart when she wasn’t able to do so completely.
“And you did,” Anna reminded her gently, pulling back so she could meet her sister’s gaze, “You protected so many people today.”
“But not all…” Elsa said sadly.
“No…Not all. But still so many,” Anna told her, “Elsa: what you did was incredible. To hell with the people who disagreed! So many people would have been dead or injured had it not been for you. So many more, anyway. You can’t have known that attack was going to happen, and I have no doubt that if you had, you would have stopped it. But you still fought to reduce the damage, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”
Anna took her sister’s hands in hers and held them tight. “You are like this because you love, Elsa. You love so, so much. No bad person would ever have a heart as big as yours. Do you understand?”
Elsa sniffled and nodded, a small smile gracing her lips.
“Now let’s head home,” Anna added, “Let’s just…go back, order some pizza, change into something comfy, and watch a movie tonight. No news or anything else depressing. Sound good?”
Elsa nodded again, this time with a little more conviction. “Thank you, Anna,” she said quietly, relief present in her tone, “I…I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Anna beamed at her. “I’m just glad I could help,” she replied, “Now let’s go. Chopper’s waiting!”
Several hours later, and things had relaxed a little. Elsa was still a little tense, and every now and then Anna noticed her staring off at the wall instead of the television. But she had stopped shaking, and managed to eat something. So it was a small win.
It was strange, really. Somehow seeing her in casual civilian clothes made Anna just a little more uneasy than in her tactical gear. It wasn’t a bad kind of uneasy, per se, but… There was something about everything seeming normal —what with soft, grey sweatpants and a loose white tank top, hair in a carefree braid and even bare feet — but then normalcy stopping abruptly upon spotting her left arm. It was just…a reminder. A reminder of a lot of bad things but also a reminder that, in a strange and twisted kind of way, without all that bad Elsa would never be here in the first place.
They would work through this, all of the bad, together. And one day maybe things that seem normal will finally be normal.
A knock on the door interrupted the movie. They shared a glance before Anna made a move to get up. “Wait, I’ll go,” Elsa said, stopping Anna with a hand on her knee, “I’ve barely been paying attention anyway. Plus I want another drink.”
“You sure?” Anna asked, “What if it’s one of those Jehovah’s Witness guys? You always hate getting stuck with them.”
“I think I’ll be ok,” Elsa remarked with a reassuring smile, “I doubt it’ll be anyone trying to get me to join anything at this time of night.”
And with that, she headed to the door. Upon opening it, she was met with the sight of a tall, dark haired woman dressed in a spotless red peacoat, loose skirt, and high heels. “Are you Elsa Barnes?” the woman asked, speaking with an accent Elsa couldn’t quite place.
“Yes…” Elsa replied hesitantly, feeling her powers flare instinctively, “Do I know you?”
“Not yet,” the woman replied calmly, seemingly unfazed by Elsa’s grip on the door slowly cracking the wood.
“Then who are you?” Elsa demanded, keeping her voice level but it was obvious her guard was coming up fast.
“I am Diana Prince,” the woman told her.
“Diana Prince?” Elsa looked the woman over once more, this time scrutinizing every detail, “That…that sounds familiar.”
Diana nodded. “It…might be,” she responded, “But I’m more interested in you, Elsa. I think there’s a lot for us to talk about.”
Ok, I admit it: the only reason I got enough motivation to finish this is because of Wonder Woman.
Look, I know they’re two different comic universes. But I figured if this AU already has a Disney Princess getting subbed in for Captain America, and Disney’s most lovable and least-likely-to-intentionally-harm-anybody Queen of Ice and Snow as the Winter Soldier then anything is possible.
And I’m totally not thinking up a headcanon for this universe now where surviving soldiers from WWI who watched Diana kick German ass on the front lines went back to their respective nations to regale the story of a fierce warrior-woman with the strength of a hundred men and a seemingly indestructible body, sparking massive interest in developing some sort of, oh I don’t know, serum to try and reproduce the results in normal humans. Totally not thinking about that...
Anyway, all I’m saying is that I strongly think Winter Soldier!Elsa and Diana would get along. Might be a bit of a rocky relationship at first, but would eventually become something very strong. Hell, maybe they even meet each other in passing during WWII and don’t even realize it until years later.
Aaand now I’m thinking about it. Damn, do I have time for this? Maybe...