#chlomid

[myrtleinfertile-blog]

Chlomid

Thoughts I only think when I am raging on Chlomid:

“If you wanted it done a specific way, why didn’t you just fucking do it yourself?”

“I’m three seconds away from murdering that middle-age man who is making me wait because he parked at the gas pump to buy that tiny ass couple of coffee”

“Of course I want ranch for my fries, bitch”

[crazynormal-blog1]

#periodhumor #fertilityjourney #fertilitylife #ihatemyuterus #acneinmy30s #chlomid

[gentlemothering]

Hello Tuesday [goodnight Tuesday]

8 weeks today. I have this strange feeling there are two babies in my belly. Maybe it's just everyone saying it to me that has it keep eeking into my head. I'll be rejoicing for a healthy baby [or babies hahaha]. Only three days till my appointment.

[gentlemothering]

Today

We received the ERGObaby in the mail. It's lovely. I'm over the moon. I'm also still incredibly paranoid. Tomorrow marks 8 weeks; the longest I've been pregnant. I know what not normal feels like. But normal, I don't have a clue. I feel tired and at times weird twinges. My breasts are starting to bust out of my bra, that never happens. I feel back pain, and at times it scares me, then I have to remind myself, I already have terrible joints in my back and I'm sure its the further loosening of my already lax joints. I sleep okay some nights, though I'm up peeing 2 to 3 times. Other nights I have terrible dreams and insomnia. Sometimes I feel this strange pulling sensation at my sides as if my body is shuffling some things around. And let's be honest, in the morning when the bloat has subsided, I have a slight pooch. It's weird to not be able to suck in. I used to be able to concave my belly, now to even attempt wouldn't get me past the discomfort of sucking in and it's likely I'd throw up. I have been using progesterone suppositories and in so many ways they ease my fears that I don't mind the yucky feeling and awesome amount of discharge. I'm sick on a regular basis, though it makes me feel more positive and secure, so through it I am rejoicing. We have our appointment on Friday afternoon. I'm excited and I'm terrified. I tell myself over and over that we will see this beautiful developing little person with a strong heartbeat; yet it's so amazing how strong our fears can be. To be taught to fear the outcome, due to past experiences, is frustrating and obnoxious. It's like this ridiculous knee jerk reaction. I'm trying to stay positive and to capture all my fears and allow them to float away. I focus on the baby. I pray for it and talk to it. I make sure the baby knows I'm believing in he/she and in my body's capacity to carry he/she.

[gentlemothering]

Thanks Ladies

So basically wear my panty liners. And know it'll be messy but totally worth it. This afternoon I'll have my second HCG quantitative. Like my husband I discussed, we are weary at this point to get to excited till we see those numbers doubling. Come on baby, we can do this!!

[gentlemothering]

Honesty Hour

My period hasn't started. It should start right on time, last night, today, tonight sometime. What's my biggest fear at this point, that chlomid could potentially create another miscarriage for me. Why? Because I could conceive, the ovulation could have been "okay", but progesterone is not likely high "enough" to support a pregnancy. It'd be a miracle if it actually worked. I would sure as heck be impressed. But, I'll tell you what, there will be no pregnancy tests anytime soon. I'd rather not know [until there is something to really know and get excited about]. So I'm ignoring my uterus at the moment. Actually, since Wednesday I haven't even really considered "it" [getting pregnant] happening anytime soon.

[gentlemothering]

Mid Luteal Progesterone Test

I'm getting my blood test today. I really hoping for numbers in the 15-17 range [though higher than 13 will be satisfactory]. I'm trying to not really think about it all and start getting overwhelmed with thoughts. I don't like traveling down the road, "what if it doesn't work?" cause it overwhelms me with a deep sinking sadness. So I focus on being a momma, someday. I focus on what it will be like, how it will feel, and how blessed I'll be. I'm only 27, I have time. I can be patient. I can wait with expectation. I can do this. My uterus and ovaries can do this. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.

[gentlemothering]

Super Human Hulk Hormones

But seriously! My boobs are already hurting. I want to throw up. And its only Sunday, I ovulated Wednesday. It's feels stronger than last cycle. This could be a great sign of even higher progesterone.