☠, ✺, ✆
( @choelusiel | meme )
☠: my muse’s biggest fear
without a shadow of a doubt, abandonment.
saeran is absolutely terrified of being left behind again. even while at mint eye, where he’s been conditioned to think that the saviour is good & great & is everything that saeyoung wasn’t, he’s terrified of her leaving him and seeing him as unworthy.
after mint eye, his fear completely takes him over. he refuses to let anyone close out of the fear that they’ll eventually leave him. he acts aggressive and prickly, because they can’t leave him if they never have him, right ?
even after recovery i think the thought of ‘every relationship ends in either death or abandonment’ scares him. he tries to concentrate on the moment and not think too much about future abandonment, but it’s not something he can just ignore. it’s a fear that he’ll be fighting against for his whole life.
✺: something my muse loves and never gets tired of
watching the clouds. saeran could lay on his back outside for hours, just staring up at them and working out all of the different images in them. for him it’s the most relaxing thing in the universe, and the fact that he’s able to do it with no fear of what’ll happen when he’s caught outside makes it a hundred times better.
✆: the last person my muse called and what it was about
saeran doesn’t like calling people that often, so the last person he called was vanderwood, on the 13th february. the phone call was 90% complaining about how sickly sweet saeyoung and mc are, and how saeyoung is doing this silly tour thing for her and how he absolutely refuses to take part in it in any way, and if he has to see either of them on valentines he thinks he might seriously lose it.
