Why do I get the feeling that Itachi, former missing nin and general terror, is a surprise to many people in Konoha in his current guise as a mostly stay at home dad, covered in baby drool and mashed carrot? (He's wearing sweatpants. The horror)
Keiko was one of the most senior cashiers of this particular corner store, and as it was in the midst of a clan neighborhood she had long ago had the full military patron training course.
Keiko had rung through ninja who were bloody. She had bagged purchases for men with broken limbs, for women with missing eyes, for people still crackling with aggressive chakra and people who smelled like they’d been out in the wilderness for a year and a half (and honestly probably had been.) She had War Stories.
None of them topped this.
Of course Keiko knew who he was; didn’t everyone? The notorious Uchiha Itachi, destroyer of his clan, savior of peace. He was newly returned and vindicated, a true prodigal son dragged back into the fold by his determined little brother and the unstoppable Team Kakashi.
He was wearing sweatpants.
Sweatpants that were very obviously not his size,as he had them firmly belted around his waist.
The sweatpants were blue, which didn’t match the pale green shirt he was wearing (his size, but in need of a wash- was that mashed carrot on the hem?)
His feet were shod in flipflops. They were very flippy and very floppy. Keiko could hear him regardless of how far away of an aisle he was in.
The icing on the cake of this ensemble, though, was the fact that Itachi of the Sharingan was also wearing a toddler sling.
And in this sling was a toddler.
A chubby-cheeked, aubern haired, very Akimichi toddler.
Who was intermittently tugging on and chewing the end of his ponytail.
When he emerged from the farthest aisle Keiko did her best to keep her eyes on her register.
“Excuse me.”
Oh no he was talking.
She looked up, careful to avoid his eyes. “Y-yes? Can I help you, sir?”
“I’m looking for canned peaches.” Itachi said.
“Oh. Oh that’s in aisle three. Right there.” She pointed, hoping her smile didn’t look unnatural, knowing for a fact that it did. “We’re having a small sale on them, as a matter of fact.”
The baby cooed at her and Keiko cooed back, then watched in horrified fascination as Itachi lost a flip flop, slipped it back on, and loaded his shopping basket with canned peaches.
Choichi and his perpetually slightly cold extremities vs. Itachi' sever so slightly warmer than normal body temperature. Means a very nicely equalized snuggle.
Chouichi was always cold.
It was better in his adulthood than it had been when he was young, especially after the Uchiha Incident. He’d been prone to suddenly icing over if he thought too hard or got too emotional. For a long time Chouji had kept mittens, an overcoat and a scarf on a peg in the hall near Chouichi’s room, so that he could comfort his brother through his episodes without getting frostbite.
Now Chouichi was just constantly cool- not freezing, just enough that when another person had skin to skin contact they were vaguely concerned. “Are you okay?” They would ask, and he would reply, “I’m fine,” because frankly it took too damn long to explain that he had a genetic throwback bloodline limit that among other things made him particularly attractive to lizards in a heat wave.
Itachi had precisely the opposite problem.
It wasn’t a unique happening amongst the Uchiha but now that there were only two (and a half, if you included baby Minato) of that clan it took on a new weirdness. Itachi was always warm- not quite burning up, but definitely in the range of feverish.
The first time they embraced, really embraced with all the detrius and clutter and pain finally put away, it was Perfect.
For the first time in years Itachi wasn’t on the uncomfortable side of warm, and Chouichi wasn’t on the visible breath spectrum of cold.
Itachi put his forehead against Chouichi’s chest because it figured that Chouichi would wind up being just that much taller and said, “This is nice.”
Chouichi hadn’t been able to say anything, though Itachi could feel the trembling in his chest.
They weaponized it, eventually; chunks of ice turned suddenly to steam which could be frozen in throats and eyes, bursts of fire creating smoke which leeched into black water.
It was quite the thing to see but those who saw it didn’t often live to tell the tale. Itachi didn’t like being out from Konoha, and Chouichi was more than a bit unreasonable where Itachi was concerned.
Choukari loved to cuddle between them at night and when he got older Shisui did, too. No matter the weather the temperature was always perfect between Dad and Papa, an equilibrium stringently maintained after two lifetimes of near-misses.
Which is saying something. As the fifteenth Head of his Clan- the man at the helm through three Ninja Wars- he’s seen a whole lot.
But, in his defense, it’s rare for the Akimichi to get new blood that isn’t at least somehow related, or similar, or- you know.
Fat.
Only his grandson Shisui isn’t.
At all.
Which is okay, but.
but.
“I’d die, wouldn’t I?” Shisui asks his grandfather sadly. They are watching Choukari decimate her teammate Hiromichi, who honestly deserves it as he can’t manage to keep his mouth shut. He’ll mellow with age- most Sarutobi men do- but in the meantime he’s avoiding getting beaten to death with a whole tree trunk.
Chouza did consider telling Choukari to lay off with bludgeoning, but she’s having such a good time.
“Anyone would die if hit hard enough with a tree, Shisui,” Chouza says, and his grandson shakes his head. “You know what I mean, grandpa.”
Chouza does. He sighs, deeply.
“There’s still time,” he tells his grandson. There is. Shisui’s barely eight, he hasn’t hit puberty or his growth spurt. His metabolism could prove viable.
They both know it likely won’t, and Shisui is right.
Without the ability to gain and store fat, using the more advanced Clan jutsus is out of the question. With the right body training a partial expansion might be possible, a full expansion viable, but any of the butterfly bullet techniques?
Skinny little Shisui will burn up like a piece of beef left on a barbeque too long.
It’s not a bloodline limit but the techniques were built around a bodytype, not the other way around. The early Akimichi worked with what they had and they did it so well they became one of the most notorious clans in the Warring States period.
That’s never been a problem until now.
Chouza puts his hand on Shisui’s small shoulder. The boy sighs and it’s a broken sigh. He thinks about this often and Chouza knows that it’s inevitable but hates that he does.
“I just want to be as cool as she is,” Shisui says, wrapping his arms around his knees.
“We will go to the clan archives,” Chouza says, “Chicho and I.”
There are scrawny members of the Akimichi clan. Granted, most of them have married in, but they do exist, have existed for a long time. There is a precedent somewhere in the cubbies and piles of paper. If Chouza can’t find anything, no doubt his assistant Chicho can.
And if there’s nothing there? Konoha is full of amazing ninja who have become what they are not through clan techniques but experience and hard work. The men who were once Chouza’s genin team are prominent examples in his mind. Maybe Gai isn’t a good place to start- he’s a bit too bombastic for Shisui, and Chouichi has been known to strangle air when Gai gets too flamboyant- but Genma. Maybe Aoba.
Hell. maybe Kakashi, but as a last resort.
(Chouza wishes deeply for Asuma but Asuma is long gone, his wise words gone with him.)
There’s also Kiba to consider, and Shino. Tenten, even, with her terrifying fuinjutsus.
Hiromichi is calling uncle which is reasonable, as he’s found himself trapped in a pile of logs. Choukari is making a face at him.
“You’re going to grow into someone amazing, Shisui,” Chouza assures his grandson, “and trust me. She’ll think you’re cool.”
Itachi looked from his neatly folded hands to the girl- woman- sitting beside him in the chair. Inuzuka Hana had become a splendid ninja.
“What about you?” He asked, unabashedly looking to avoid what he knew was coming.
“I was hurt and I was furious,” Hana said evenly, “Because I knew you, Itachi. I knew your scent and I knew your soul. Mother told me you’d done it and I didn’t believe her until I saw the corpses. I thought, ‘how could I have been so wrong?’ and ‘how could my sense of smell be so weak?’”
She leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “I spent a lot of time training after you left. I was determined to never let anyone fool me the way you did again. And no one has,” She settled back. “Only now it turns out I was right all along and I still don’t forgive you.”
“You’re going to get it,” Hana said. “Officially, unofficially. There’s gonna be books written about the choices you made. Years from now some puppet nin from Suna is gonna play you in a great tragedy. Scholars are gonna argue about what you meant and why for generations. I hope that stings like hell.”
Silence. Then, with a sigh, Hana continued, “I’d like to say Chouichi will never forgive you but I know better.”
“What does Chouichi have to do with this?” Itachi asked.
Hana gave the Uchiha a long, considering look. “You’re a genius. That was a stupid question unbefitting a genius.”
Itachi opened his mouth, then closed it. “You were saying I ruined his life,” he said, surrendering in the face of a battle he knew he couldn’t avoid.
Hana crossed her arms. “Yeah, you fucking did.”
“Am I to get any elaboration?” Itachi asked. “One could argue I’ve ruined a great many lives.”
“Keep bad humor out of this. It fits your big blue partner better.”
Itachi inclined his head. Hana crossed one leg over the other and laced her fingers together around her raised knee.
“Chouichi loved you, Itachi,” She said and felt a bitter satisfaction at the tiny wince from her former genin teammate. “He worshipped you like a flower worships the sun. You were everything and in one night you were taken away.”
“I never asked to be worshipped,” Itachi said, hands clenching in the bedcovers.
“I know that. He knows that, too. Doesn’t mean he didn’t. You were the reason he woke up in the morning and you were gone and everyone was calling you a murderer.”
“I am a murderer,” Itachi said harshly, and Hana lifted the edge of her lip, showing teeth. Itachi took a few deep breaths in through his nose. Hana relaxed.
“They took away his position in the clan.”
Itachi’s head snapped up and his eyes focused on Hana for the first time since she had walked into the room. “What?”
“Chouichi took your leaving hard, Itachi,” Hana said sharply. “Really hard. He was angry, he was sad, and he took it out on everyone- me, his clan members, other nin. He was a downright ogre. The Akimichi Elder Council deemed him unfit for leadership.”
“He was fourteen!” Itachi exclaimed.
“A proviso was put in place,” Hana elaborated, “but he didn’t get much better. The switch was official three years ago. Chouji’s sixteenth heir.”
Itachi felt all the air leave him in a hard whoosh. “But he wanted to protect them,” he heard himself murmur. “he trained so hard to look after the Akimichi.”
“I asked him about that, one time we met for dinner,” Hana said lightly. “You know what he said?”
Itachi looked at her.
“He said a Clan Head who couldn’t defend a single precious person would be useless to his clan.”
Itachi’s throat felt like it was full of cotton.
“He joined ANBU.”
Itachi stared at Hana.
“Been in for years now. Excellent service record. I haven’t asked for his killcount. He might not keep one.” Hana stood. “Has a daughter, too. Adopted- she’s quite sweet. His whole world, though he’s not obnoxious about it.”
She looked down on Itachi. Her face softened.
“You never asked to be the sun to his flower,” she said, “and when his world went dark he built a new one. It was a long, hard slog. He deserves all the happiness he fought for when you went.”
Itachi finally managed to swallow. Hana continued, “but I know him and so do you. If you reach out, he’ll look to you again. He’ll hate himself for it, but he can’t help it.”
“I won’t bother-”
“Don’t lie to me, Itachi,” Hana said. “I hate the way you smell when you lie.”
Itachi fell silent.
“You might be the sun to his flower,” Hana said, “but he’s the rock to your river. You never forgot that, did you?”
Itachi mutely shook his head.
She put her hands on the blanket and leaned forward, forcing Itachi to catch her eyes.
“Don’t fuck this up a second time, Itachi.” She said, voice tinged with warning and fear and hope. “for either of your sakes.”
She left the hospital room quietly. The door shut without a whisper but it might as well have slammed. Itachi looked at it long after she was gone.
Sasuke is babysitting Choukari for an afternoon, they go visit Kakashi. Kakashi startled Choukari and she duck-Jutsus him. Kakashi covered in ducks. Kakashi and Gai have s duck-disposal contest.
“I think you overdid it,” Sasuke told his niece, who was staring at the Sixth Hokage’s private residence.
Which was overflowing with rubber ducks.
There were ducks wearing ninja outfits, ducks in kimonos, ducks with hair in every color. Some ducks wearing glasses, ducks with bottles of juice and ricebowls tucked under their wings. Ducks with ties, ducks with briefcases, ducks dressed like samurai, and more than a few paired ducks that looked suspiciously like Choukari’s Dad and Papa.
“On the bright side,” Sasuke said, patting her on the shoulder, “we know your chakra coils are healthy.”
“Uncle Sasuke I just killed the Sixth Hokage,” Choukari whispered, eyes wide.
“Trust me, Choukari,” Sasuke said, “no matter how plentiful the duck barrage, there’s no way Kakashi is dead.”
“Promise?”
“Mildly inconvenienced, at best.” Sasuke assured her. One of the front windows cracked, sending a wave of rubber ducks out into the front garden.
“Oh my god we can’t tell my parents,” Choukari said.
“I had absolutely no plans to tell your parents,” Sasuke assured her, “but there is the small matter of all these ducks.”
There was a muffled shout from somewhere inside the house.
“And Kakashi, of course. Hang on, Sensei!” Sasuke rolled up his sleeves. “Choukari, go get the shovel out of the shed. I’m going to go convince Kakashi he needs to start counting all the ducks on top of him.”
“Why?” Choukari asked.
“Because where there’s a will, there’s a Gai,” Sasuke said. “Go on.”
Choukari took off for the shed, skirting the newest overflow of ducks. Sasuke began wading through the plastic fowl, half-swimming in them.
“Kakashi!” He called.
He saw a hand waving near the back door and pulled himself forward until he could grab it. He pulled Kakashi up. The other man coughed for a moment or two.
“That,” Kakashi said, “was awesome.”
“Tell her that later, sensei.” Sasuke said. “Right now we need to get rid of all these.”
“Can’t we just unsummon them?”
Sasuke shook his head and tossed one duck into the others. “Completely solid.”
“That’s some advanced technique for such an adorable little butterball,” Kakashi said, “and don’t you let either your brother or Chouichi know I called her that or I’ll have to sleep with my one good eye open.”
“Uncle Sasuke!” came Choukari’s voice from the back yard. “I think Maito-san’s out front! I hear him yelling!”
“Oh good.” Kakashi said. “If anyone can get rid of a billion rubber ducks, it’s Gai.”
“We’d better hope so,” Sasuke said, “or you’ll have to explain how you scared Choukari so bad she ducked you.”
“Point. Get me out of this mess.”
“Get yourself out.”
“Such a cruel student I have~”
“I haven’t been your student in years!”
“We are all students on the path of life, Sasuke.”
“I’ve changed my mind I’m gonna chidori your house to the ground.”
Kakashi’s eye went wide and he bolted for the door, the ducks hardly an obstacle.
“Could have burned the whole place down,” Sasuke muttered. “Could have accepted the Curse of Hatred, but noooo. I had to fall in love with a moron and have a walking messiah complex for an older brother. My ancestors weep. They WEEP.” he waded for the door.
Hopefully Kakashi got to Gai before he caused too much damage.
With just a lover, or just a daughter, Chouichi could perhaps rationalize remaining in ANBU but now he has both, and it’s time answer a crucial question: Who is Chouichi without Genbu? And who will Genbu be, without Chouichi?
Chouichi sat on his bed.
Their bed now, wasn't it?
He could hear Itachi moving in the nursery down the hall, putting Choukari down for the night. He did it at least twice a week, acclimating the child to his presence. She loved him already but Choukari was a lot like Chouji at that age; all smiles, ready and willing to make everyone a friend, for all she couldn't talk or walk.
In Chouichi's hands was a mask. It was ANBU issued, white ceramic forming the head and beak of a tortoise marked in black.
Genbu.
Chouichi ran a thumb over the mask's forehead. It was his third; he'd lost his first in the same mission that killed Inuzuka Genji, the Byakko who had welcomed him into Team Hoshi. His second had been a casualty of the Floating Gardens mission.
They'd talked about it for years, it seemed. Itachi was very firmly becoming something of a stay-at-home dad, which suited him just fine. Between his pay for the 'S Rank Away Mission' and Chouichi's savings they were more than set, probably beyond Choukari's eventual adulthood. There was no reason to continue serving in ANBU; and didn't the risks outweigh the rewards?
And yet.
"Chouichi?"
He looked up. Itachi leaned on the doorframe, watching him carefully. He didn't say anything, just glanced at the mask and then at Chouichi's face.
"What am I without him, Itachi?" Chouichi asked.
Itachi crossed the floor and sat down beside Chouichi. He reached out, hesitated for a moment. Chouichi lifted the mask into his lover's pale fingers and Itachi took it.
Itachi carefully balanced Genbu on his knees, never letting the mask face the floor. Even after so many years outside of the village, no ANBU agent forgot how to treat a mask.
Itachi lifted his hand and cupped Chouichi's face.
"I don't know," he said, as honest as only he could be, "but isn't it time to find out?"
---
"You're resigning?" Kakashi asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Yes, sir." Chouichi said. "As soon as Team Hoshi has a suitable replacement and by your leave."
"Hm." Kakashi leaned forward. "You're skilled, Chouichi. Your missions record is impressive, to say the least. Even Yamato will admit you're an absolute asset to ANBU. I always thought you were a lifer."
"I thought so too, sir." Chouichi said. "But. Things change."
"So they do," Kakashi murmured, eyes shining a little. "What will you do?"
Chouichi shrugged. "Join the regular jounin rotation. Catch up on my reading. Plant a garden. Maybe," he hesitated. "Maybe sign up for a genin team."
"They can be more trouble than they're worth," Kakashi warned him, and Chouichi couldn't help but smile at that.
"I don't doubt that," he assured the Hokage.
"Alright." Kakashi said. "I take it you're informing your team at the start of the shift?"
"Yes sir."
"That's enough of the sirs, Chouichi, it's getting weird."
Chouichi chuckled. "You're the one in the hat, Kakashi. It's sir all the way."
"I never wanted this hat," Kakashi muttered. "I can't help it if I look ravishing in it. Alright, you have the requisite four months to find a new Genbu for Team Hoshi."
He brought the stamp down and Akimichi Chouichi's resignation from ANBU was signed, sealed, and permanent.
---
"I have something to tell you, captain," Chouichi said to Ami.
"Uhoh." She said. "I'm only captain when you're serious and I don't like you when you're serious. What's up, Chouichi?"
"I'm-"
"He's leaving."
Chouichi glanced over his shoulder. "Never mind, Captain," he said dryly, "I forgot Kanae knows everything."
"I'm not wrong, am I?" Kanae demanded, a wide-eyed Ryoma on her tail. "You're leaving. You handed in a letter of resignation this morning."
"As a matter of fact, I did." Chouichi said.
"Why?" Ryoma asked. "Chou-"
"Ryoma, shut it." Ami said tightly. "He has a daughter."
"And a boyfriend," Kanae muttered.
The temperature in the room dropped- not a few degrees, as it did when Chouichi was irked, but a full ten.
"Genbu," Ami snapped, and it warmed again. She sighed. "Four months?"
"Four months," Chouichi said. "I'll find you a new Genbu."
"Not one with ice release!" Ryoma protested.
"No," Chouichi admitted, "but it will be fine."
"I hate to lose you, Akimichi," Ami said softly. "but I understand."
"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out," Kanae snapped as she grabbed her mask and headed for the door.
"That means she's gonna miss you too," Ryoma said helpfully.
"I know," Chouichi said, and finished putting on his gear.
---
There were a few promising options both within and outside of ANBU for promotion and rumors of Genbu's retirement abounded. Chouichi let Ami create the first list and built his own, asking around and cashing in favors to get decent leads. Team Hoshi needed all four points of the compass to function at top capability, and Chouichi needed a North.
"If I didn't think he'd laugh me out of the room I'd almost ask Fishstick," Chouichi told Itachi one evening. "Lord knows he's got the talent."
"Kisame is not good in groups of more than three," Itachi said, "and he's quite content where he is."
"I just bet," Chouichi said with a grin. "I had it from Aoba that Iruka's recently been spotted perusing seafood cookbooks."
Itachi's smile was tiny but it was there.
---
"But we can still hang out, right?" Ryoma asked.
"If by hang out you mean you showing up at all hours to eat all my food, yes." Chouichi said. "So long as you don't wake the baby."
"Cool." Ryoma shifted from foot to foot. "You, ah, sure he won't mind?"
"Itachi?"
"Yeah."
"Itachi would like nothing more than to have normal company, insomuch as you can be considered normal." Chouichi said.
"Hey," Ryoma protested. Then he sighed. "I'm worried, man."
"Why?"
"Because you're a rock, Cho. You're our rock. You keep us like this," Ryoma laced his fingers together. "What if you leave and we just sort of- fall apart?"
"You never would," Chouichi said. "You're stronger than that. All of you."
"But you're the strongest there is," Ryoma said.
Chouichi chuckled. "Your'e getting me confused with my little brother. Come on. I've got two more months to harass you before you can't tell me any of the fun stuff."
"I'll tell you anyway!"
"And violate all the statutes of secrecy? Byakko how could you be so careless?"
"I'm a cat and cats do as they please, damn it."
"Yes, I guess they do."
----
"This is impossible," Ami said, staring down at the list. "These are all good ninja- great ninja, but none of them have that, that-"
"Certain obnoxious sensibility and unflappable stubborn resolve?" Kanae asked.
Ami shot her a look. "You could be more helpful."
"I am being helpful. Look for someone stubborn as a pig."
"Kanae what is your problem?!" Kanae opened her mouth. "BESIDES the fact that Chouichi is sleeping with Uchiha Itachi." Kanae closed her mouth.
"That's none of our business, Kanae," Ami said. "and you know it."
"He should have been thrown out the minute they went public," Kanae muttered. "talk about a conflict of interest."
"Uchiha was cleared by the Elder council, the Council of Clan Heads, the independent jounin review and a full sweep by Yamanaka Inoichi," Ami said. "I don't know what else you want."
"I don't want him to go!" Kanae burst.
Ami stared at her. "What."
"We're great, Ami. We're the best Team Hoshi ever assembled and you know it. How could he upend that for, for-" Kanae pinwheeled her arms.
Ami sighed. "It's Chouichi's decision, Kanae."
"Well it's a stupid one!"
"Maybe you should tell him that," Ami suggested. Kanae grumbled and stood, stalking off and leaving her captain with her list.
---
"I had an easier time naming my daughter than I am having right now," Chouichi groaned, dropping another piece of paper into the growing pile.
Chouji filled his teacup again. "You're over thinking this, Chouichi."
"How? How exactly am I over thinking it?" Chouichi took the tea and drained it. "Team Hoshi has very specific needs and I've been perfect for them. Now I need to find someone who can fill all those needs who isn't me."
"Maybe it's not about what Team Hoshi needs," Chouji suggested.
Chouichi gave his brother A Look.
"Maybe," Chouji carefully picked up his brother's mask from where it had been watching the proceedings, "Maybe it's about what Genbu needs."
Chouichi opened his mouth.
He closed it.
"Bro," he said, "have I mentioned lately that you're the best?"
"Not lately, but I'll forgive you. You've been busy."
---
Kanae stared at Uchiha Itachi.
"Um. Is Chouichi home?"
Itachi shook his head. "He's at the main House."
"I see. I'll just-" there came a child's cry and Kanae blinked. "Is that Choukari?"
"It's her feeding time," Itachi said. "If you'd like to come in and wait Chouichi won't be long." He moved back and Kanae took a deep breath before stepping into the house.
She followed Itachi to the kitchen and watched as he filled a bowl with vegetable and fruit puree for the bubbly child in the high seat. There were melon slices (was she teething?) and soft bread torn up.
"You must be ANBU."
Kanae froze.
"Are you a teammate?"
She didn't answer. Itachi clearly didn't expect her to. He began feeding Choukari.
"You're good at that," she said, surprised.
"I fed my brother when he was a baby. Looked after a lot of the children. I haven't in a while." Itachi's voice was strained, stilted. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"He's leaving because of me." Itachi wiped a bit of vegetable off of Choukari's face. "Because of us."
Kanae shifted through her mental rolodex of rules regarding talking to nonANBU operatives regarding current employees and decided what the hell, there were no rulebooks for the Uchiha. "I don't want him to go."
"I didn't think so." Itachi said.
Kanae opened her mouth. She closed it.
"I never had a chance in hell, did I?" She asked.
"I don't know," Itachi said and he was kind and that made it hurt worse. "I haven't asked about anyone else."
"There have been others," Kanae said, "but they were all- men."
Itachi looked at her but not her eyes- her nose, probably, maybe her chin. The ANBU who kept an eye on him had said he was in the habit of avoiding other peoples' gazes.
"Probably not, then." He said. He sounded sad. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Kanae said. "It- this was a bad idea." She moved towards the door. "Tell him I stopped by and called him something stupid."
"He probably knows," Itachi said, and Kanae knew he wasn't talking about her request or the fact that she stopped by.
"He's an Akimichi," Kanae said tightly. "Of course he knows." She left Itachi and the house and the happy baby behind and hated every step she took.
---
"Really?" Ami asked, staring at Chouichi.
"Look go with me on this one," Chouichi said to his captain. "They're not a clan heir anymore, they already have a great gasp of water techniques AND they have a water chakra nature. A little more training, some real field experience and you're looking at a great addition to team Hoshi."
"There's no guarantee they'll stick around, Chouichi," Ami said.
"The average ANBU taps out at two years, Ami," Chouichi said, "but the ANBU are changing. Everything is changing."
"this might be too much change," she said.
"Just let me try." Chouichi said. "If it doesn't work, it doesn't work and we approach someone else."
Ami sighed. "Okay. Alright. But if this goes south it wasn't my idea."
"Never is," Chouichi said with a grin. "Thanks, Captain."
---
Chouichi came in late. Itachi was still up.
"Well?" He asked.
Chouichi was exhausted but he still managed a thumbs up.
Itachi smiled and helped the other man to bed.
---
The locker room was quiet when she walked in.
She had a box and her gear, but no mask- not yet. She walked confidently despite how small she was; naturally tiny. Her sister had gotten all the curves.
Chouichi had his own box and it was full. She stopped in front of him and everyone who had said they weren't going to hang around but had managed to find reasons to anyway held their breaths.
Chouichi reached into his locker and pulled out the mask.
He looked at it and then at her.
"This saved my life once," he said to her. "Do it proud, Hyuuga."
Hanabi nodded. Chouichi handed her Genbu and in her hands the mask shifted, chakramatching to her, becoming smaller until it was, no doubt, a perfect fit.
She smiled at Chouichi, he nodded at her, and the only Akimichi to ever successfully serve in ANBU left the locker room silent as a snowfall, leaving an affectionate patterning of frost in his wake.
He stepped out into the bustling street and looked up into the warm autumn sun.
"I'm back," he murmured, and put his feet on the road to home.
---
"Kanae?"
the woman looked up from the teacake menu. Chouichi sat down across from her.
"How did you find me?" She asked.
"Ex-ANBU, remember?" Chouichi asked. He looked at her. "How's she doing?"
"I'm not allowed to tell you."
"Not abysmally, then."
"She's fine." Kanae said. "How's the kid?"
"Choukari's good. Got another tooth."
"I hear you signed up for a genin team."
"Can't be the biggest mistake I've ever made."
"To hear some jounin tell it, it will be."
"Kanae?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks," Chouichi said, "for looking after me. You don't have to do it anymore." He reached across the table. "Find someone who can look after you back, okay?"
Kanae stared at his hand. "I'll try." She whispered.
"Sometimes that's all we can do," Chouichi said. "Come on. Let's go get a real drink."
He stood and offered his hand. She took it after only a moment's hesitation and they left the teashop behind.
Akimichi Choukari knows about 70% of her genetic makeup.
Most of it, of course, is Akimichi- if her rounded cheeks and monsterous physical strength doesn’t give that away her ability to smell when a sausage vendor had skimped on the paprika does.
According to the results of many tests, the Akimichi DNA comes from either her two times great Aunt Sakuya or Sakuya’s daughter Tama, who admitted to having served with Orochimaru for a brief time.
Another portion comes courtesy of Choukari’s mother, or at least the woman whose egg Orochimaru had used to develop her. The likelihood of this woman being dead is very high but Choukari holds out a tiny, foolish hope that perhaps her mother is out there somewhere alive and well, living a good life with real children she choose to have.
Whoever and wherever she is, she gave Choukari amazing balance, a cute little nose and a perfect cupid's bow.
The last thirty percent is a scientific cocktail, a half-solved puzzle everyone is afraid to look at too closely. No one’s sure where the sharp teeth come from, though apparently it’s a hallmark of certain clans in Kirikagure. It goes without saying that Orochimaru added some of himself to the experiment that would become Choukari; her skin is papery pale, her eyes slitted and golden, her tongue able to lengthen an unreasonable amount.
Choukari knows she is stable, knows that her growth rate is normal and her health perfect. She bears no seals of the cursed kind and has had her head checked by multiple Yamanakas on multiple occasions. Despite the misgivings of Morino Ibiki, Akimichi Choukari is what she is.
A child abandoned by a parent who didn’t care, found (rescued) by a clan that does.
Choukari wonders, sometimes. What was Orochimaru trying to do? What purpose did she serve in his grand designs? Did she serve any purpose at all?
Choukari tries not to think too hard about it, because there is a hot and angry place in her chest where Orochimaru resides, architect of her existence, shame of her village.
-
Choukari is a daughter with two fathers whom she loves very much.
The first is Chouichi and he is Dad. He is the one who tells her, as she cries into her kimono sleeves after she receives her baika seals only to have them form snake scales, that they are hers to own and accept, hers to control.
He is the hands that guide her through her first partial-expansion jutsu, show her a quicker way to zip her sandals, teach her to twirl shuriken around her fingers without getting cut. Dad tells Choukari all the best paths through Konoha.
He is a snowcone on a summer day and a smile made that much bigger by the sickles on his cheeks.
The second is Itachi and he is Papa. Itachi who fed her and cradled her, who takes her kimono shopping and listens to the small worries she holds in her heart.
Papa is the the fireflies on the back porch, the hard lump in her throat as she asks him if it’s true what the books at school say, the warmth of a long hug and a good cry.
Papa helps her learn genjutsus- how to feel them, how to cast them. He doesn’t fight much, not anymore, but when he does he makes Choukari breathless.
Each of them, in their own way, supports her. Together they are Choukari’s shelter. Her parents do not demand she be something- a scion of Orochimaru, a textbook perfect Akimichi, a young noble lady or the finest of ninjas. They only ask that she be.
-
Choukari is a sister to an aggravating little brother.
Shisui doesn’t mean to be aggravating, he’s just so excited by everything. He wants to run, wants to fight, wants to eat and sleep and explore all at the same time.
Choukari remembers when Papa brought Shisui home, wrapped in a piece of oilcloth. He’d looked like a little raisin, wrinkled and screaming.
Now he’s big and getting bigger and someday he’ll be really handsome, at least that’s what Grandmother Reiko says, but for now he’s a pest.
Still, he’s Choukari’s pest, and he touches the seals on her cheeks with big eyes and asks “Will mine look like that?”
“No,” Choukari tells him, “they’ll look exactly how they have to for you.”
Shisui doesn’t want to wait, but he will. It is Choukari’s duty as a big sister to reassure him that some things are worth waiting for.
-
Choukari is a member of Genin Team 5, led by Mitarashi Anko.
She treasures her teammates, even if one of them is Sarutobi Hiromichi, who thinks he knows a whole lot for a kid who can’t remember the name of the seven Hokages. Aburame Akahana is nice, though. Choukari likes her kikai- they’re the same color as Akahana’s red hair, and they feel funny when they land on Choukari’s skin.
Choukari sometimes stays with Anko when her teammates have gone home. They will train, go over new techniques or polish up old ones. Sometimes they go out for dango, always her teacher’s treat.
Anko will tell her stories.
Most of these stories are about Orochimaru.
Choukari knows that Anko can’t share them with anyone, really; because no one else wants to hear about how an evil man was. They only want to know how he will be.
Choukari knows she was given to Anko Just In Case, probably on Morino’s orders, but she likes to think her Sensei believes in her, just like she thinks Anko is one of the things that Orochimaru got right.
Anko probably doesn’t feel this way, and Choukari knows better than to bring it up, but anyone as smart and fierce and protective as her couldn’t possibly be a mistake.
-
Akimichi Choukari is made up of many pieces.
She is a daughter, granddaughter, sister and niece, part of the newest generation of the venerable Akimichi clan. She is a genin of Konoha and a created human. Maybe she is a secret weapon, maybe she is a mistake, maybe she is a failure.
She is Choukari, and her future is what she is going to make of it.
Choichi: Is taking my toddler on in-village d-rank missions acceptable? Itachi: As long as I can take a nap.
“Sensei?”
“Yes, Fujiwara?”
“You have a baby.”
“That is an astute observation, Fujiwara. We’re going to make a ninja of you yet.”
Fujiwara Masao made a face. Yuuhi Kaede grinned at their teacher. “Is she yours?”
“Technically speaking, yes.” Chouichi replied.
“Technically?” Hyuuga Ryoko asked, giving the child a thorough once over. “She’s definitely yours, Sensei.”
In her sling, Choukari babbled happy nonsense.
“Could you not get a babysitter?” Kaede asked, worried. Chouichi shook his head. “The missus wanted some peace and quiet and you three are about as threatening as a legless toad, so I agreed to take her for the day.”
“Does Uchiha-san know you call him the missus?” Ryoko asked.
“He’d better for the amount of times I get called wife. Remember, Ryoko, gender binaries are ridiculous and best used to efficiently complete missions involving morons.”
Choukari punctuated this little speech with a hiccup-giggle.
“Yes,” Chouichi said to his daughter, “They are awfully silly, aren’t they? That’s alright, we’ll whip them into shape.”
“Not with another D class mission,” Masao muttered. “What is it today? It better not be the stupid cat.”
“The cat has returned home, for the time being,” Chouichi assured his young charges. “Though I’m sure he’ll be back. I think the only joy he has in life is escaping from the Damiyo’s palace.”
“So what is it, Sensei?” Kaede asked.
“Today you’re going to be running letters,” Chouichi said, and before the kids could groan he held up a hand and smiled.
“Uhoh.” Ryoko said. “I know that look.”
“Every mission serves as training and reminder,” Chouichi said. “Now.” He shifted his child a bit and pulled a sheaf of letters from his beltpouch. “Here are your assignments.” He passed them out.
“The library? That’s on the other end of the village,” Kaede said.
“Why training field six?” Masao asked. “That’s farther than the library!”
“Quit your complaining I’ve got to go all the way to the apothecary on Swallow’s way,” Ryoko said, showing her letter.
“Your mission is to deliver these letters to their proper recipients in the next two hours.” Chouichi said. “An easy feat to accomplish.” Choukari chimed in with an amused gurgle.
“If?” All three genin asked, growing wise to their teacher’s tricks.
“If you use the roads.”
The children blinked at him.
“We’re not allowed to use the roads?” Kaede squeaked.
“Chakra control exercise.” Chouichi said. “You’ve walked up trees and rocks and managed admirably on water. Now it’s time to see how you handle rooftops.”
“But that’s easy!” Masao snorted.
Chouichi gave him a look. “Tell me, Masao,” he asked kindly, “have you ever seen what happens when you try to cross the kennel roof of the Inuzuka compound?”
“No,” Masao said uncertainly.
Chouichi’s smile was just a little too wide. “don’t worry. I asked Tsume to make sure you didn’t get mauled too badly.”
“Power lines, laundry, animals, adult ninja- there’s all sorts of obstacles!” Kaede exclaimed.
“Hm.” Ryoko said. “And I suppose you’ll know if we touch a road?”
“If the tip of even one of your darling toesies brushes the dirt, I’ll be aware.” Chouichi told her.
“What if we can’t make the jumps?” Kaede asked.
“Then you keep trying.” Chouichi said to her. “Falling is permitted, Kaede. What’s important?”
“That you get back up,” the girl replied obediently.
“Good girl. Now.”
The three straightened up. Chouichi smiled. “Should you all manage to complete your missions, it’ll be around lunchtime.”
They exchanged nervous, excited looks.
“Who wants to harass my cousin Fujiko at her bakery?”
“ME!” All three yelped. Choukari shrieked in agreement.
“Good. You have two hours, starting now. I’ll be kind and let you walk to the nearest buildings. GO.”
The three genin took off in streaks of color. Choukari giggled.
Chouichi smiled slightly and nuzzled her cheek. Maybe his kids would make it in two hours- or maybe they wouldn’t.
He’d put in a special sub-mission request for interference.
Chouichi supposed he should be concerned at how Naruto had cackled when he took the assignment on but the boy was in the middle of learning how to be Hokage, aggravating the pants off of Masao was probably the best stress relief he’d get.
“How are you feeling, bun?” He asked Choukari, who reached for his hair. “Ah ah, you only chew on mom’s hair.”
Choukari made a face at him and Chouichi sighed and tugged a piece out of his ponytail. “Don’t tell Itachi,” he told his daughter, and sauntered down the road. He was excited to see what Hanabi had planned to stop her cousin. Kaede would no doubt be dispelling plenty of genjutsus once Ino got a hold of her.
And the icing on the cake would be the look on Fujiko’s face when he set a pack of starving genin loose on her sweets counter.
