[Jagdhund] v2
★ Konig/Reader Tags: Obsessive Behavior, Depression, Stalking, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sexism, Toxic Behavior, 18++ (Full gamut on Ao3) | 3k | looking glass girl & bloodhound | ao3 |
Chapter One
Threaded thought before the fade. Sleep, like falling. Sometimes you slip into it fast enough your body starts and rips awake before the ground. There is no ground but the one you dream of though it seems so real. Sleepdeath is close but the body is opposed, it reviles it wholly. Of all the other times; it reviles it wholly. Skin tears but it heals and there is tooth enough in you to keep you upright despite everything.
The buzzing against your face yanks you half up and there is drool crusted on your chin. You wipe at it and it does nothing and then you feel for the phone under the pillow.
foxhund1234 invited you to chat.
It is a little after midnight and there is a headache starting to swell behind your eyes as you stare at the screen that slowly dims. The red icon of an app that makes your mouth sour. Yet there is no detox you can stomach for it. No blackened spoons but you are the modern crack addict; immune to nothing at all.
You thumb your code and trail the notification deeper in.
Request sent Sep 25 12:51 AM
foxhund1234 your dog is very old < img src=“https://i.postimg/cc/JkgL2PX/img0428.heic”/ > Ignore | View Request
There are photos of your family dog staring at you on the screen from the post forward. Innocuous but something feels strange yet there will be no ignoring it now.
You hesitate but respond anyway.
boletarianproletariat she’s 12
It is clearer now as the sleep goes and you sit up further on your hand in the silence. A car goes by and red tracks across your pitched ceiling. The screen in your palm goes dark to go bright and you twitch at the hooks setting in.
foxhund1234 post fwd foxhund1234 you are very depressed ?
It is the post from after the Reston Center. Stitches and a case worker and your mom sleeping in your bed with you until the fear left. A communal terror.
The text post looks at you like you look at it and it grows odd dread. It burgeons under the eyes of a stranger and the thought of their thoughts and it is embarrassing and raw.
boletarianproletariat why
You thumb at the seam in your pillow and wait. There is idle typing.
foxhund1234 happy people dont write things like this. it is sad
It lands funny and bad. There was a want for sympathy for your mistake and your anger at the time but now it is uncomfortable and an ugly thing.
You lock your phone and count the red streaks dragging their fingers across the wall. You sit in the dark and watch the blue flash of the monitor’s status light. You think of Goodnight Moon but there are no kittens or mittens or the old woman hushing you back to sleep. There is the quiet. The lonesome.
The phone pulses.
foxhund1234 im sorry if that hurt you, i did not mean to
Another post pushes the messages up and it is newer and not a reminder.
foxhund1234 i also like this game
It is uncomfortable to have your post history be picked through but that is the nature of it. It is a place to bloodlet in companionable solitude but you never deleted the things you should have.
foxhund1234 you are a woman?
You recoil and suck your teeth. If nothing else, it is a man and you hover over the block button. A man. You hate yourself for it. You should have deleted everything a long time ago but you still have your teeth and they come out.
boletarianproletariat are you capable of being normal or do you intend to ask for feet pictures.
There is typing for a time but then it stops and you have a fear that nothing will come. You put it away. You lay on the sheets and count the rotations of the ceiling fan until the numbers erode into thread. Street spirit by the red flashes above your head; fade out.
♘ ♘ ♘
Usually the phone is nothing but not today and you leave it face up. The sole notification that comes puts the hooks in that much deeper.
foxhund1234 im not a normal man but I do not like foot pictures.
The corners of your mouth pull.
boletarianproletariat good to know
The wood of your desk is hollow as you tap your fingers on it. You are part of the world but you view it through glass. Tempered screen and see-through skin that tears at everything and nothing and it is all thick with scar. You are the lopsided girl through that looking glass and they see it and whatever he is smelling from you is strong enough to seep through it.
foxhund1234 do you have discrd ? I dislike this app’s UI foxhund1234 *discord boletarianproletariat why do you want my discord foxhund1234 youre interessant
You clench your teeth.
boletarianproletariat because im a woman? or bc we have the same taste in games ?
Let it not be the other thing. The patheticism he can smell through the screen like a bloodtrail.
foxhund1234 these thigns are not mutually exclusive yes ?
Immune to nothing. Roadkill and funeral processions and politicians with flags ripping by their darkened windows; you are the worst of the rubbernecked. Gawker of all, girl behind the screen.
It comes to you that you never looked at his profile but there is nothing to see. No posts or comments over seven years.
You lay right down on the road and wait for your own car.
You say nothing, but only for now.
♘ ♘ ♘
foxhund1234 Xx_jagdhund_xX foxhund1234 this is mine
♘ ♘ ♘
You sit in your chair and watch something that is nothing and think long about what you are going to do. You grab your phone without looking at it and you wonder where the good sense went if there was any at all. It started with the AOL chatrooms and look where it got you.
Once you do what you shouldn’t, you are left to wait in a horrible way. Then a minute goes by and it pulses and you swallow around the sudden giddiness stuck in your throat.
Xx_jagdhund_xX accepted your friend request. Xx_jagdhund_xX sent: Wave. Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX hallo Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX iwas hoping your little photo would be you
It all sends a rush through you and you stare at the screen with slight shakes like you have tracks running up your arms.
oranjecoyote well yours istn you
You stare at the XOF logo and wonder so long your screen goes dark and shuts off. It vibrates and you read and nearly drop it.
Xx_jagdhund_xX kojote wants a photo of me ja ?
It is easy to be still but this is different as you sit without a centimeter of movement.
There is an odd momentum here that should stop. You should have stopped it long before it got here as you knew better than to bet on another stranger but it is perversely what you want. Something to count the days by and make a calendar mean anything.
You lead him another way.
oranjecoyote what’s your name Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX könig. Yours?
You give him something and look at the TV as he types as if that will convince the empty room of your disinterest. Sad looking-glass girl in her blue room. It is a deep navy as the sun goes down and the light flashes from the screen and you look at the spray paint on the walls of an abandoned hallway. Crude cuneiform of the zeitgeist, strange creatures and penises.
Xx_jagdhund_xX smart kojote to give me a fake name Xx_jagdhund_xX there are bad men on the internet.
The laugh in your throat is almost hysterical.
oranjecoyote you’re not included with that? Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing…
Then there is nothing and it is horrible. The video ends and another comes and it is an old 20/20 of a woman found beaten bloody in her home and that is all you get before you lean over and turn it to black. The room is quiet but says much.
♘ ♘ ♘
You are brushing your teeth.
Xx_jagdhund_xX would you still talk with me if I was a bad man ?
It is cold and drafty and you stand in the dark with toothpaste starting down your chin.
oranjecoyote bad how?
As though you need a barometer to categorize what you can tolerate. As though him asking at all didn’t make your stomach lurch.
Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX what if I say I hurt other bad men
Now in your dark kitchen you stop and see some of your face dimly in the window by the coffee table. The looking-glass girl looks frightened and you smooth out her face.
oranjecoyote are you a cop? Xx_jagdhund_xX nein
A hand goes into your hair.
oranjecoyote you’re german Xx_jagdhund_xX austrian ja
Something in you settles at that.
oranjecoyote youre not in thestates then
Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX it is complicated oranjecoyote complicated how?
There is nothing for a time and you suffer it internally as you go to your bed and strip it from its neatness. The silence was better before the waiting but there is little to do about it now.
It vibrates again.
Xx_jagdhund_xX im in the military oranjecoyote which branch? Xx_jagdhund_xX special forces
Your eyes widen. The expectation was a basement dweller or a failure like yourself, not a psychopath with a gun. You were raised hearing about Desert Storm and grew up through the second Gulf War and have seen Rob O’Neil post insane things on Twitter and that has been enough.
He might be a killer and it sits like lead in your stomach. Odd fear has a way with you but then you remember he is Austrian.
oranjecoyote you’re fucking with me Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX I could if kojote wants Xx_jagdhund_xX but no it’s the truth oranjecoyote i don’t believe you
You put the phone away and sit with yourself and your unease. Ten minutes go by and you nearly take out your lamp on the nightstand reaching for your phone.
Xx_jagdhund_xX has sent an image.
The thing in your chest lurches again painfully. The lock screen fades dim and you look at the notification as though there is anything else it will tell you without having to look yourself. But you already laid down on the pavement and it would be the coward’s way to move now.
There is a creature looking at you when you unlock the screen. A military man, though he is in no uniform you have ever seen. No beret or medals or splitter pattern. It is a selfie taken down in his lap and you can see his helmet and the stock of a gun resting on the side of it and the strange hood over his face with the two holes gouged in it. A blur, taken in the back of a van, and seeing the photo is as horrible as you thought it would be.
Xx_jagdhund_xX not fucking iwth you ja ? Xx_jagdhund_xX unles… ?
You bed down like a stiff animal until your phone lights up again.
Xx_jagdhund_xX ah did I frighten kojote ? Xx_jagdhund_xX thats ok, a little fear is good
♘ ♘ ♘
It is Saturday and you smell like bleach. The speaker goes quiet as it fades into another song and you hear your phone rattle on the formica counter by the fridge. You move from the oven and walk slow and decrepit as though you have no choice but to look but the room judges and knows better.
Xx_jagdhund_xX I also like depeche mode
You are a little slow in understanding and you pause the music and it becomes clear. Discord has a Spotify integration and it is fine and normal and then you remember the name of your account and your stomach starts to hurt.
Xx_jagdhund_xX I thought you were smart kojote
Xx_jagdhund_xX do you know how much can be found even with google ? could look up your name and find everything
You are very still.
oranjecoyote please don’t. Xx_jagdhund_xX ahh ok ok. But it is a very cute name Xx_jagdhund_xX I bet you’re just as cute kojote
♘ ♘ ♘
Xx_jagdhund_xX what do you do for work
It is later in the day and there has been enough time for you to tuck the frightened looking-glass girl away.
oranjecoyote what, can’t look that up with google? Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX kojote has teeth, ich mag es Xx_jagdhund_xX I couldn’t find where you work
You are happy about that. Austria or no, the less a gunman knows the better. It should not feel normal to think that but it does and you rescind and think about what you are doing. You should have blocked him but the hooks are already here and there is nothing else to do. Immune to nothing at all.
oranjecoyote not for you to know everything. Xx_jagdhund_xX ah I do love a good challenge
You swallow your tongue and choke.
Xx_jagdhund_xX you are a very interessant woman
♘ ♘ ♘
Xx_jagdhund_xX I want to know what kojote looks like Xx_jagdhund_xX can I see you
♘ ♘ ♘
Xx_jagdhund_xX guten morning kojote, I still want to see you Xx_jagdhund_xX it is only fair, you have seen me
oranjecoyote i didn’t ask to see you. And you had a thing over your face, i saw nothing Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX how else was I supposed to convince you ? and it is for your own good oranjecoyote what? Why Xx_jagdhund_xX as I said im a bad man ja ? dangerous profession
Insane profession.
oranjecoyote what, less i know the better? You haveto kill me if i see your face or smth? Xx_jagdhund_xX smart kojote, you learn quickly. But I would not kill you. I don’t like hurting pretty women
You did not entirely mean it when you said it but the knowledge nauseates you. It is revolting what he admits to so easily.
oranjecoyote so you’d hurt me if i was ugly? Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing…
He types your name.
Xx_jagdhund_xX no one with that name could be ugly Xx_jagdhund_xX but if youwant to prove me wrong you know how to do it ja ?
Your teeth snap. The placation is biting so you leave it alone. An hour goes and you come back and send him a photo of a rat and turn your phone on airplane mode.
You last until you are getting ready for bed and he is already there waiting for you.
Xx_jagdhund_xX scheiße you had me excited Xx_jagdhund_xX then I open my phone to this Xx_jagdhund_xX you are one mean woman playing with a man like that
♘ ♘ ♘
Thoughts are threading themselves through when your phone vibrates on your cheek again. You jerk awake.
Xx_jagdhund_xX bitte kojote I still want to see you Xx_jagdhund_xX it’s been a very long day for me
Another word. You have been writing them down and looking them up and you squirm at this one.
oranjecoyote there are sites that can help you unwind you know oranjecoyote you don’t need me for that. Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX ah frau I do Xx_jagdhund_xX you are depressed andI could tell from your post that you dont think well of yourself kojote Xx_jagdhund_xX not a nice judge of yourself
You scoff and hiss like an animal.
oranjecoyote what, you’re some championing judge who can definitively say what’s beautiful and what isn’t? get fucking real Xx_jagdhund_xX ja we all judge beauty kojote. You show your teeth because youare frightened, ok I understand, I like your teeth but you need to relax woman
He is pinching two separate nerves and it is easy to hate him for it and it feels nice to hate something so guiltlessly.
Xx_jagdhund_xX is typing… Xx_jagdhund_xX I can help you relax
Then the hate leaves you and the disgust stays and it is not all for him. Your eyes water. There is something deeply wrong with you. He is like all the others just more serrated and you are stupid for hating and wanting it.
oranjecoyote yo udon’t even know me knoig Xx_jagdhund_xX ja und ? why do two people talk if not to learn
There is typing for a long time and you lay down and think you wish you had the old lady saying hush sitting in the chair by your bed for some comfort as there is none you can give yourself.
The phone goes off again and you roll over to the soft light in the void.
Xx_jagdhund_xX you can try to push me away but it will not work. I will not go away Xx_jagdhund_xX I cannot count how many times ive been bitten. Not so easily erschroken Xx_jagdhund_xX gute nacht kojote
♘ ♘ ♘
There is a lot of thinking that comes with it but you want the attention and in the end there is little you wouldn’t do.
You get ready for work and agonize over it and over what he will think and over the fact that it will wound you worse now that it has been built up on his end. So you sit with your thumb over the blue arrow until the screen goes dim and the looking-glass girl goes away.
He is a bad man. You know this. Doing this, prolonging this horrible bloodletting of your own is the worst thing you have done. But you send it anyway and put your phone on airplane mode and try to forget you did anything at all.
♘ ♘ ♘
You are the roadkill now but you still bend and twist to see if he is looking at you.
Xx_jagdhund_xX fuck Xx_jagdhund_xX oh scheiße you’re beautiful fuck I knew you would be Xx_jagdhund_xX verdammt kojote, du bist wunderschön Xx_jagdhund_xX you’ll never get rid of me Xx_jagdhund_xX schwöre bei gott you’ll never be able to get rid of me.
