Soulmate: a person to whom you feel an immediate connection. A connection so strong and powerful, you are drawn to them in a way you will never experience again. They are your... Here we are in.........
Okay... we have come to the chapter regarding the episode we have all been waiting for. Well, maybe. It’s time for the Plus One portion of the story. I know that there are many of you who don’t like the CITB, but I find that it is so good, First viewing, I was not a fan, but the more I watched it, the more I loved it. There is so much there that is unsaid and lying below the surface. It is such a THEM way to discuss things, round and round and round again, that it fits so perfectly. I hope you enjoy my personal take on what it meant and what it means on this long journey back to one another.
Chapter Thirty One
Conversation in a Bed
Scully wakes from a bad dream, one that hit a little too close to home, and she seeks out Mulder for comfort and reassurance.
January 2018
Scully was running, running fast. She tripped and fell, trying to scramble up to keep going. She could hear laughing, and it sounded like her own voice. She got up, but could feel scrapes on her knees, making running harder. The laughter grew louder.
She could see Mulder off in the distance, and called out to him, but he did not hear her. She kept running limply toward him, shouting his name.
“Dried up. No use to anyone anymore. Might as well face it, honey, he could do with a better model." She heard a voice saying, followed by a cackling laugh.
“Mulder!” she heard herself scream, but still nothing happened. He did not hear her.
Then she saw herself step close to him and he smiled. She stopped running in confusion. Then she saw herself touch his chest, sliding her arms around his neck, he stared at her and then they kissed. Kissed in a way that she missed so much, it made her ache.
She called to him, screaming that she was not her, to stop. She tried running again, but found she was frozen in place. She tried to move and she could not do it. She fell to the ground and sobbed, raising her head to call out one last time.
She met her own eyes, her own self, and saw the knife held in her hands. “He deserves so much more than you. What can you give him? Heartache and pain? You already did that, why would you do it again? Take the knife. You know what to do." She heard herself say as she placed the cool metal in her own hands.
She stared at it, about to drop it and leave it behind, when it was grabbed and thrust into her heart. She felt it rip into her, cutting her heart in half. She heard the cackling laugh echoing around her as she took her last gasping breath and woke up in her hotel room.
She took a deep breath and rolled over anticipating seeing her double standing there like she had seen earlier. No one was there. No devil. No monster. Not even Mulder. She lay there, on her back, taking gasping breaths, trying to calm her racing heart and mind.
God ... that had felt so real, so believable. She could still feel the pain of the knife in her heart. The way it seemed to tear her in half, the same way she had felt for years now, like half of her was missing. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and tried to calm down.
Seeing her double tonight had scared her, truly scared her. She did not want to admit it to herself or to Mulder, but it had. Considering what it could mean, she felt ... she honestly did not know the words to describe it. She knew she was extremely creeped out and after that dream she did not know what to think.
With the attacks on both of their lives recently, she felt on edge and nervous, even without this case. She was trying to move past it, but it had been unnerving. After she was almost killed in the hospital, she felt unable to face being alone, but did not want to admit to any weakness. Mulder had simply looked at her and she knew he would not be letting her leave his side. She stayed with him for a few days and had been incredibly grateful for his support and understanding.
When this new case had been brought to Mulder’s attention, she was happy. Being away meant they spent more time together, and had a chance to do their thing they had perfected over the years. They worked well together, still the same back and forth she loved, the same ability to read each other, but she missed him. Missed them. She wanted to talk. Figure things out and move forward. They just needed ... more of a push.
It was hard not to believe in signs when the universe seemed to give them the exact push they needed. Only one room, a suite, was available at this hotel. She was hesitant the same way Mulder seemed to feel completely calm. Her look to him, seemed to surprise him as he appeared to be perfectly fine settling back once again into cohabitation.
She had wanted to get away, be close again, but she did not know about that close. Him right in the other room, undressed, and all Muldery close? No. She still wanted, no needed, some space. She needed to be able to think without the distraction he caused her, and that was not going to happen while they shared a room.
She had felt better about the circumstance with the news of a pullout couch. The thought of sharing a bed was definitely too much. Being close to him that way, especially now, she was sure she would have dropped her guard. If she let him in, after all the progress she made, and then worried about it later, she knew it might not end well, and that would not do either of them any good.
Mulder took the pullout couch without question, though he did look at her longingly as he headed to bed. She shut the connecting door and stood there for a minute, wanting to go to him, but knowing she could not, not yet.
Then this case began in earnest, testing her in ways she had not been prepared for when she arrived. Thoughts of her advancing age bubbled up, ones she had not known were so close to the surface. She could not escape the fact that she was getting older, she knew it. She could see it in the mirror every day, how her face was changing, the lines every woman worried about. Did Mulder see her that way when he looked at her or did he see the young woman he fell in love with so long ago? Sometimes it seemed that version of her was buried beneath a mountain of those hideous pantsuits she used to wear, and had instead been replaced with this older version of herself.
He was older, of course he was, but she found him just as desirable as she ever had. She loved him and did not care about the lines around his face. He simply looked distinguished, rugged, even more handsome, as it seemed to go with men when they aged. He could even get away with greying hair, while she covered hers. The lines on his face showed distinction and wisdom, while hers just showed age.
The double standard there could fuck right off, she thought angrily.
She was not sure if it was her age, her lack of intimacy recently, or simply Judy’s words, but she had felt older these past couple of nights. She asked him point blank if he thought she was old, simply to see what he would say. Even after all this time, the past few years especially, she still felt the need for reassurance. To know she was still desirable, especially to him.
His smile as he sat down next to her and then his response, made her happy and made her smile. She did not show it too much though, finding no reason to encourage his cocky attitude. But, he left her feeling things she felt she should keep bottled up, at least for the time being.
Stretching, as she thought about sitting on the bed with him tonight, it had been hard to resist the urge to climb in his lap and kiss him. To unbutton his shirt a bit more and lick his neck where she knew he liked and would always make him gasp. She wanted his hands on her. To feel them under her shirt, spanning across her back, moving to cup her breasts. Under her skirt, his hands on her ass as he slid his tongue in her mouth.
God, she loved kissing him.
It was for the best that she got him out of the room when she did, before she acted on those feelings. Or taken his words to heart and knocked three times on the closed door.
She took a deep breath and let it out, staring at the ceiling, shaking her head, thinking of her dream again. It was as if her own subconscious was giving her a sign. Another push since she seemed to need another one. Showing her she needed to decide if she would allow herself to kill her chances or drop the knife and move forward. She could not stay at this impasse anymore, she needed to move or stay still forever.
He had come to her many times now. Never pushing, never demanding anything from her, but letting his presence be known. She knew she needed to get up, she needed to go to him, and she had to get this started. They would never move forward if they continued staring at that starting line. No more hesitancy or fear. Time to move. Decision made, she pushed the covers back and sat up.
She slowly and quietly walked into the room. He was sleeping with his back to her so she was able to get close before he realized she was in the room.
Here we go, she thought, time to take that step forward.
“Oh. Speak of the devil,” he said as he rolled over.
“I can’t sleep, Mulder.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Something about this case is getting under my skin.” Keep it vague. See how it goes. No sudden moves.
“Well, we’ve had stranger cases, Scully,” he said as he regarded her, his pillow plumped up with his head resting on his hand.
Time to see what happens. She already knew what his answer to her next question would be, but still her stomach was nervous.
“Can you hold me?” Please, she seemed to feel her heart saying, please do not refuse this request. Please see the action being taken, the steps being made.
A beat.
“Yeah, I can do that,” he said as he pulled the covers back, inviting her to lie down.
Thank fucking God. The starting gun had gone off and one foot had crossed the starting line. For although they had shared a bed at random times in the past few years, this felt different.
She got into bed with him and his arms wrapped around her. She was in the Mulder cocoon she loved and missed so much. His comfort and his love, the warmth of his body against hers. So much needed to be said, so much hung in the balance. She just needed to get there. To take that next step.
“What’s gonna happen?” she asked, still keeping it vague, but asking an underlying serious question.
“What’s gonna happen when?” he responded.
“When we’re old,” she said, again asking and showing worry over her age. Was she too old? Dried up, no use to anyone, still rang in her ears ...
“What do you mean ‘when’?” he asked jokingly.
She smiled slightly, wanting so badly to ask what she needed to know, but she was being a fucking coward. She felt it. Her fear threatened to choke her.
“I mean ... sooner or later we’re gonna retire and ...” she said. Yes, Dana ... keep it about the job.
“Hmm,” he murmured his agreement.
“Are we gonna spend … time together?” She missed him so much. She could not be without him again. She needed him.
“I’ll come push your wheelchair with my wheelchair,” he said, close to her ear. His voice and touch made her feel lightheaded.
They laughed quietly at his joke.
“That’s not what I mean." She still felt like the path was blocked. Someone seemed to have placed hurdles in her path as she tried to keep pace with him.
Spit it out, Dana. He is not going to offer it up, he is waiting for you.
“Oh. I’ll always be around, Scully. Offering bulletproof theories of genius that you fail to assail with your inadequate rationality,” he said, lighthearted and noncommittal. She knew he was waiting for more. Knew it in her bones.
She exhaled a laugh, knowing she had to keep up the banter. Get through the jokes to get to the deeper stuff. Fun before serious. Hips before hands.
“And I’ll always be around to prove you wrong,” she said. She wanted to be with him, but she was still terrified to say it. She prayed that he was hearing what she was not saying.
“Hmm,” he muttered in agreement.
“Promise.” Forever, Mulder, she thought, and he held her tighter, shifting around a little.
“No, but that’s not what I mean.”
“What do you mean?” he asked with a sigh, as if he knew where this was headed. She sighed as she felt it bubbling. So close now. Here it comes.
Say it, Dana. Just fucking say it.
“What if you meet someone?” Her biggest fear laid out there, floating around the room. If he ever did meet someone ... she was sure it would fucking kill her.
He pulled back and she heard him sigh deeply. She felt braver asking this question when she was not facing him. She did not want him to see her weakness when it came to him, she was supposed to be strong. She always presented herself as such, but when it came to him, she was weak. It scared the shit out of her, being so dependent on him.
“What if you meet someone ... younger who ... wants to have kids?” She felt him sigh deeply, and her heart pounded. God. Please do not let that be a possibility. He would not want someone else … please ...
“Oh, that’s what you mean,” he sighed. “Well … you could do the same. You could meet someone and ... have kids,” he said, although she felt his change of tone, his hesitation to say it.
She laughed. “Mulder, that’s not gonna happen.” Finding someone else was out of the question. No one could compare to him. Besides she was too old, dried up. Who would want someone with nothing to offer?
“That’s nonsense,” he scoffed at her.
“No it’s not. I’m … I’m at the end of that journey,” she said firmly and also sadly.
“Do you want to have more kids?” he asked her seriously.
“Well ... I would have liked to have had another one,” she said not quite believing they are having this discussion now. It was years overdue. Why not discuss it when they could have possibly done something? God, they were so bad at communicating how they felt.
“Mm,” he mumbled against her again, and she felt the vibrations in her back.
“At the risk of sounding insensitive, what’s … stopping you?” he asked, honestly curious.
“Mmm … besides the fact that the first time was a miracle? And besides the fact that … I don’t … have anyone to have one with even if I could?” she asked sadly. No one would be good enough but him. The Mulder family passed genetic muster. This particular Mulder set up his flag long ago, staking his claim and it was not coming down now. But they were in such a weird place right now. How could she ask him to even entertain the thought when they were not together anymore? Late night bed cuddling notwithstanding.
“You’re a woman of science,” he offered up as a way to maybe figure something out and she exhaled a laugh.
Science only went so far. She could go that route, but where was the love? The man to hold her when she was scared? To offer up bulletproof genius theories? To curse God for her? To make her laugh and feel so loved? No. This time science had failed her.
“Mulder, sometimes I think the world is going to hell and that we’re the only two people who can save it,” she said, knowing the visions she had seen and the shitshow the country was in at the moment.
“The world is going to hell, Scully. The president working to bring down the FBI along with it,” he said in a disgusted tone.
“What if we lose our jobs?” she asked him.
“Yeah. Then what would we do?” he asked back, leaving the path clear.
She lay there thinking. What would they do? This job ... it had become about him, about them. If they did not have that again, where would that lead? Separate lives? Not seeing each other again? No. That was not something she desired. She needed him and he needed her.
She wanted to go back. No ... not back, forward. She just needed to move, to take that step. The path was becoming clear again and she could almost see the finish line. Turning over, she stared at him, looking him up and down before she smiled.
Time to cross that line. Together.
“We’ll think of something,” she said with a smile. He stared and smiled back. She looked at his lips and took a breath. His hand on her stomach grounded her as his eyes bore into hers. She saw him look at her lips and she took another breath.
“Scully,” he whispered. “I’m here. When you’re ready. I’m right here.” His hand slid down to her hip, holding her, but not demanding anything.
“Mulder ...” she whispered as she touched his face, shaking her head slightly. Stroking his cheek and then his lips, he closed his eyes at her touch.
“I’m ready,” she said barely above a whisper. He opened his eyes and searched her face. She smiled at him, her hand going to his neck. “I’m ready,” she said in a stronger voice, tears in her eyes.
He smiled and kept his eyes on her. “Then kiss me,” he said quietly, a smile on his lips.
And she did. She kissed him like he was all the oxygen she needed for the rest of her life. As if she would never get a chance to breathe again. She kissed his lips, his cheeks, his neck as he pulled her close and then on top of him.
She straddled him as she kissed him deeply, her tongue stroking across his, his hands on her ass, just as she had wanted earlier. She moaned into his mouth as she felt him begin to harden under her.
She pulled back from him and started unbuttoning her top. He moved her hands and did it for her. As soon as her top was open, he put his hands on her waist and slid them around her back, pushing her back down to his mouth. His hands ran across her back and up to her hair, holding her against him.
Her breasts pressed to his chest made her dizzy. So many memories of this exact situation and position presented themselves to her. Rainy nights, hot mornings, afternoons where they had spent hours simply exploring each other’s bodies.
She pushed up and slipped her shirt off, tossing it behind her. She heard him groan as his hands landed on her waist and slid up to cup her breasts. She gasped as he squeezed them and then rolled her nipples. Her head fell back and she rested her hands on his thighs.
“Mulder,” she moaned as she rocked her hips against him.
He grabbed her waist and flipped them so he was on top. She giggled at the sudden movement and then sighed when he kissed her neck and licked under her jaw. He kept going down and kissing her body. She ran her fingers in his hair and smiled.
God, she missed feeling him on her. His lips, his hands, his weight. His smell surrounding her as he brought her pleasure. He stopped at her breasts and took one in his mouth, sucking and then nipping at her nipple. She cried out and felt herself get wet.
Sweet Jesus ... this man ...
He took the other breast in his mouth as he held the other in his hand. He squeezed lightly and then pinched her nipple and she bucked into him. She could feel his erection pressing into her through their clothes. She wanted him inside of her so badly. It had been far too long.
“Mulder,” she gasped as he took his mouth off her breast and held both of them in his hands, staring at them, as if seeing them for the very first time.
“Scully,” he said quietly, shaking his head, as he leaned down, holding her breasts in his hands, covering her more with his weight. He looked into her eyes, so full of love. “How could you be worried about being ‘old’? You are so beautiful it makes me ache. You always have been, and you always will be. Your mind, your body. You are beauty personified. Please don’t ever doubt that you are not.” He stared at her as her eyes filled with tears and she smiled slightly. He nodded at her and then lifted up again.
He continued his descent down her body. She laid back and stroked his hair as she felt his mouth on her stomach, her belly button. Then his fingers gripped the sides of her pajama bottoms and pulled. She shimmied her hips to allow him easier access. She heard his deep exhale at finding her without underwear and she smirked. She felt the silkiness of the pants slide all the way off her body, to be replaced by his hands stroking up her legs. Jesus Christ ...
He picked up where he left off and kissed across her stomach, dipping his tongue in her belly button and swirling it around. She panted and gripped his head, feeling him smile against her skin before he kissed there once again. Then his lips were on her hip bones, kissing and licking his way across them.
She arched her body toward him and he grinned as he raised his head and looked at her. She met his eyes and he smiled wickedly. She raised her eyebrows at him and he licked his lips and looked down, then back up at her again. She stopped breathing and felt her body respond to his look.
He moved down and held her legs open as he settled between them. She felt her legs shake as she knew where he was headed. He was so good at this act, she felt almost on the verge already. It would not take long to make her scream.
“Mulder!” she screamed, when he kissed her center and then licked from bottom to top, sucking her clit as he reached it. Her legs squeezed his head and her fingernails dug into his scalp.
He sucked harder and then licked her flatly with his tongue. He ran his hands up and down the outside of her thighs as he kissed and tongued her. She whined and thrust her hips into his face, crying his name loudly over and over. His short nails scratched along her thighs and her body shook.
He moved his hands and put one arm on her waist and brought the other to her opening. He lifted his mouth and looked at her as he slid two fingers inside her. She gasped and arched her back off the bed, his arm holding her firm.
“Mulder, oh my God. Jesus, I’m so close. Fuck ...” she cried out as she felt him sliding his fingers in and out.
“Scully, lean up on your elbows and watch me. I want you to look at me while I make you come. I want to see your face,” he said in his gravelly sex voice and her legs shook again.
It had been so long since she heard that voice, felt his mouth on her, and his fingers sliding inside her. She wanted to scream. To bring the walls down with her screams of pleasure. What did he say? Oh, right ... he wanted to watch her come. Well, it would not be long now.
She pulled herself up on her elbows and she could see his fingers sliding in and out, at the same time she could feel them. She watched for a few seconds, his fingers shiny with her wetness, and she felt her orgasm building.
She looked at his face and his eyes were so dark, so deep, she could have drown in them. He bent and licked her clit as he slid his fingers in and out all the way a few times. Then slid them in and crooked them toward himself as he sucked her clit into his mouth.
“JESUS CHRIST!” she screamed as she felt her climax explode all around her. Wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her body.
She could not keep her eyes open as they rolled back in her head and she bucked her hips hard into his face. He kept licking softly as he slowly slid his fingers in and out. She was shaking all over and felt like she was floating above herself.
Jesus fucking Christ, she thought, he was so good at that. She took a deep breath and looked down at him.
He still had his eyes on her as he licked her and then kissed her again as he slid his fingers out of her. He raised his head and sucked them into his mouth and stared at her as he licked them clean. Her heart was pounding and she was not sure she could have been any wetter, and then he did that, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Mulder ... that was ...fucking amazing. Oh ... sweet Jesus. Get up here and ... kiss me,” she panted out as she sat up and reached for him.
He pulled his fingers from his mouth and climbed over her, pushing her back down. She felt his erection, big and hard, bump her center and she moaned. She needed a minute and he knew it. He always knew.
He loomed over her, his hands on either side of her as she wrapped her legs around his waist, holding him loosely. He came up higher and his erection prodded her stomach. She gripped the back of his head and pulled him down for a kiss.
Oh, she loved tasting herself on his mouth. She knew he loved going down on her and that he loved when she kissed him so thoroughly when he was done. It was a turn on for both of them and fucking hell had she missed it.
She moaned as his tongue slid against hers and she felt him against her. She pulled back and let go of him as she moved her legs to hold on tighter.
“Mulder, I’m ready. I want you inside me,” she said, still a little out of breath, as she reached down to grasp him and rub the head of his cock through his boxers.
“Scully,” he hissed and pulled her hand away. “I ... this ... it’s going to be very fast and be over too quickly if you do that. I ... just give me a minute,” he said apologetically as he leaned his forehead against hers.
“I don’t care if it’s fast. I ... I just want to feel you Mulder. It’s been so long, I need you right now. Please,” she begged as she wrapped her legs tighter around him, pulling him closer.
He pulled back from her and looked in her eyes. She smiled at him and she reached up with both hands and held his face. She took a deep breath and leaned up to kiss him again, running her tongue across his lips.
He sat back and she let him go. He stood up and pulled his boxers off and then his tank top. Settling back between her legs, he brought her legs up around his hips, as he began to slowly slide into her.
“It’s been awhile, right? Best to stick with the classic position. See how the old girl performs” he breathed as she gasped and gave him a look. He slid all the way in and her legs tightened around him, holding him still.
“That better not have been a crack about me ... oh fuck ...” she moaned, feeling her body stretch to accept him. Yes, this was what she had been missing.
He leaned over her, laughed and waited. She took a deep breath and exhaled, relaxing her tight grip on him. He pulled out and then pushed back in as they both groaned. He slid forward on his forearms and began thrusting a little faster.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he said close to her ear. “In no way was that ... a crack about you ... Jesus, Scully ... you feel so fucking good. And did I not just tell you how beautiful you are? Ahh ... shit ... well they say hearing is the first to go.”
She laughed, and clenched her inner muscles, causing him to gasp. Then it was her turn to gasp as he picked up the pace. She met his thrusts and pulled him closer to her with her arms around him. She ran her nails down his back, relishing touching skin she had not felt in so long. She turned her face and buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent as he went even faster. God, she was already close to the edge again. She lay her head back on the pillows and began repeating his name, louder and louder, like a chant as she felt another orgasm approaching.
“Scully,” he said in a strained voice,”I’m.. shit ... I’m so close. I ...” he slowed down and she whined.
“No, Mulder, don’t slow down ... I need you to go faster ... please, I’m so close again. Oh ...” she cried out as he did begin to go faster again, the couch bed shaking with his thrusts, thumping into the wall.
He raised up on his arms, palms planted on either side of her head and thrust harder. She unlocked her legs and planted her feet on the bed as she met his thrusts. She knew it would not be long for either of them. She knew his tells- the way he held his breath, how his body would stiffen. He was close.
Then she felt his exhale and he cried out her name as he came, spilling inside her. His release triggered her own and she cried his name as she came again. They fell over the edge together and then he collapsed on top of her, panting and saying her name.
She tried to catch her breath as he lay heavy upon her. She was breathing hard, her body still humming with pleasure and she did not want him to move. She loved feeling him on her, inside her. She wrapped her legs around him again. It had been too long since she had been with him and she had missed everything about him so much.
He kissed her neck as he lay on her and she shivered with the feeling. She heard him whispering her name as he peppered her neck with kisses, telling her she was beautiful, so beautiful.
She ran her nails up and down his back, into his hair, then down again. He was sweaty and she loved knowing it was from their joining together again. She felt so peaceful, so happy, content.
He kissed her neck again and lifted his head. They smiled at each other and kissed slowly, tongues languidly stroking, before he began to pull back. She groaned but dropped her legs and let him go. As soon as he moved she felt the chill of the room and she shivered. Mulder slid his boxers back on and grabbed the sheet. He covered her and kissed her before he walked to the other side of the bed.
She covered all the way up, chilly as the cool air hit her sweaty skin. He slid next to her and she put her head on his shoulder. He turned his head and kissed her forehead and she hummed as she scooted closer, tired but completely sated. Then her eyes flew open.
“Oh! Mulder ...” she groaned. “I left my phone in the car. Shit ...” she whined and started to get up. He sat up and pushed her back down, covering her again.
“I’ll get it for you, Scully. You go outside like that and you’re liable to give everyone within a twenty mile radius a heart attack,” he said as he slid his tank top on again.
She laughed huskily as she snuggled back into the pillows. “Well, I was going to get dressed before I did.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he said as he walked out of the room and she heard the door open and close. She laughed again and breathed in the scent of his pillows.
He was back relatively quickly. She heard him drop the keys down, and her phone being plugged in to charge, and she smiled at his thoughtfulness. He came back to the bed and lay down beside her. She scooted closer and rested her chin on his shoulder, covered by the sheet to keep off the chill, as she breathed deeply and evenly.
“Thank you, Mulder,” she whispered to him, the simple sentiment holding many meanings. More than she could properly voice as her exhausted mind and body fought a losing battle to stay awake.
He hummed out a response. “Whatever you need, Scully. I’m here.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Mulder,” she said sleepily, content to be beside the man she loved so very much.
His answering chuckle and deep breath were the last thing she heard before she dropped off to sleep.
No scary dreams, only peace.
