seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Macao SAR China
seen from China
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from Austria
seen from United States
seen from T1
please don’t leave me please don’t leave me I remember hiding under my bed as a kid and the only thing I wanted was to be alone with no one who could hurt me and no one I could hurt I don’t want that anymore please stay close to me im afraid i don’t exist when im not seen
living is like (take three breaths and look into the distance) living is like (clench your fists remember these are your hands) living is like (your body is more than a vessel, you are also only a creature, how?) living is like (I want to peel back my layers and see the puzzle of me) living is like (mother if I behaved better would you have been nicer?) living is like (why aren’t I the same as everyone else?) living is like (I lost my comfort blanket at school when I was 6 and everytime I went back to pickup my siblings after I graduated I would look for it) living is (keep looking back but don’t lose your footing) living is (all the spaces in the silence that imply more, you are a universe within the universe) living is the gaps
this is life this is what being alive is this moment is all I get it is all I will ever get this scares me because I think I’ve lived so long in my own head I still only exist inside the safety of my thoughts I haven’t been born yet I am hiding in the skin of another waiting for birth almost, I haven’t taken my first breath because every second of my life has been me inhaling and exhaling as an act of performance, how long till I’m free? how long till the skin I inhabit will be mine. driving through the mountains and I am in the tunnel is this how life starts? years ago someone detonated these paths through the rock, years ago hundreds of people worked to make these roads, I am going through the tunnel and the yellow lights make it like a movie scene while I ask when will I be let out of my own mind? I am waiting, whining, pacing inside because everything is stale yet I don’t know how I know that, what am I wanting?
stress fractures and dull knifes im waiting for me to open for emotion to return properly for things to be hurting like they should. but sleep is the only thing to hold me and i cannot speak much anymore, i want violence to feel like violence again and not like what i breathe
I’ve never been very aware of what I look like in the way that I can’t picture myself in my head. never have been able to and so it hurts, it hurts to see pictures of me from a time I don’t remember clearly where I really was worth nothing to people. to see a picture of a little kid who try as I might I can’t see myself in but I’ve felt everything she felt, every hand where it shouldn’t be, every spike of fear every fight I was there and yet I can’t see myself. I still can’t see myself. I have no face, no body , no solid grasp on who I am but the memories come back returning to destroy every attempt at assembling peace. simple as sandcastles eroded by the ocean’s waves I am crumbling again.
and sure you’ll never be pure again but you haven’t been pure since you opened those eyes of yours, I promise you this world is dirtier than it likes to admit, humanity is filth in its own way.
make gravel roads into trials and walk till your feet bleed, get as far away as you can because going back tightens the noose
I really was such a good pawn, a lovely marionette, the quietest live dissection sacrificial lamb…
