The Axis of Allies
CW: Straight white guy talking. So, not just any male feminist ally but the self-proclaimed king (yeah, red flag) of male feminist allies has been outed as a serial abuser and don't the rape-culture deniers just love it? Co-host of Citizen Radio, Jamie Kilstein, has been forced to leave the podcast that they co-founded with their ex-partner after the allegations (which I do not doubt) made their way to the daylight. Kilstein has gone dark in a shroud of non-apology and deflection, apparently citing self-care before the abuse evidence broke. The victims of these betrayals, and they are betrayals, are not assisted in any way by the rapturous joy being exhibited by the MRAs and other assorted ethical lightweights online who are using this individual's catastrophic failure to live up to the standards they championed in a kind of "disaster capitalism" of morality. No real surprise that the same people who would use society's marginalisation of the feminine experience against women would use further irrefutable evidence of the precarious nature of women's safety amongst men, even in "safe spaces," as an opportunity to attack the very idea of rape culture's existence. Dudebros and Joe Rogan devotees aside, the voices that hurt the most to hear right now are those of women who are saying never to trust a male feminist ally and those voices hurt because they are absolutely correct. Predators exist everywhere and the most cunning lurk in the clearest waters. It is not for me or anyone to tell another person, especially a person whose burden I can never fully comprehend, how to live. It's easy for me to scatter platitudes about the quality of life being greater when you take a chance or how nobody can really trust anybody anyhow so carpe diem, baby! Yeah. Nah. Doesn't cut it. I know. My privilege is showing in 10' high, blinding neon. Just as Kilstein's was right before it blinked out, leaving victims in the dark, the victims who had been convinced that there was a light that would never go out. The abuse of trust is devastating. For this reason, I want to make it clear that anyone who belongs to any marginalised group who chooses to trust any privileged ally has my utmost respect for the bravery required to believe, despite the consistent evidence to the contrary, that people do exist outside your experience that want the best for you, who value you and who know that it is YOU who show US the way. And, most importantly right now, that WE are sorry. I am sorry. I don't expect you to trust me.
