The slander on Charles Guiteau today is beautiful.
Now, here is every deserving thing that happened to him throughout his entire life (long post):
- Being born with phimosis (don’t look it up. Trust me, he deserved it)
- Having literally zero friends at grade school
- Not being accepted into the college he applied for
- Making zero friends in Oneida, being criticized constantly, getting the nickname “Charles Git Out”, even John Humphrey Noyes (founder of Oneida) hated him.
- His newspaper business couldn’t get off the ground
- Literally no one caring when he left
- His father backed Oneida when trying to sue the commune for “mistreatment”
- His lawyer dropped the case as soon as he found out what it was about
- Being told by his own dad he was possessed by Satan
- Losing his first trial as a lawyer
- Not ever doing a case again
- Being demoted to bill collector
- Losing the chance he had to raise a child (though, I do feel bad for his ex-wife. She did not deserve to lose her firstborn child because of him)
- No politician recognizing him for his “amazing” speech (pt. 1)
- Everyone who met him eventually ended up hating him
- His wife ended up hating him and they divorced
- Contracting syphilis from a prostitute
- Writing a book (he nearly completely plagiarized) nobody gave a hoot about
- The newspapers slammed him for his awful theocracy speeches that he only really used for money
- Having no money and being forced to live with his sister
- Being tricked into embarrassing himself by giving a rambled and slightly insane speech during the 4th of July
- Being tricked into thinking he was going to fall off a boat and drown
- Being kicked out of his sister’s house by his nephew
- Being imprisoned for many months for his stealing
- Pretty much wearing down his face until he lost any trace of his youthful appearance back in ‘69 (check it out. You’d be surprised)
- Having no clean clothes to wear
- Having no place to call home
- Having a half-brother who hates him and a brother who half-hates him
- Writing a speech no one cared about
- Being banned from the White House
- Being yelled at by the Secretary of State
- Garfield not even recognizing him when he saw him at his church
- President Garfield literally calling him insane in his diary
- No one wanted to defend him in court so his brother-in-law (who he hated) had to step in
- Almost being assassinated twice
- Literally everyone from his past coming back to slander him while at the same time saying he was 100% sane
- Guiteau being physically removed from the courtroom of his own trial because everyone thought he was annoying
- Random men sending in prank letters, saying they were young, rich, women who were interested in him
- An entire book written in 1882 by two bros and his ex-wife that completely bashes his (he read it too)
- Arthur refusing to pardon Guiteau even when 16 doctors reported him to be insane
- Being denied a band at his hanging
- Only one family member being present for his hanging and that was the brother he hated
- His brain is stored in a jar and his body is stuffed in a drawer
