#clairsentence

[bileexpiry]

I've had a few experiences with things communicating in my dream. Mostly with the last 5 years. I think the night terrors we're purely just night terrors and I don't have them anymore. Decided to write a few down, at least the ones I remember. I'm fond of my experiences.

Farthest back I remember was when I lived my ex bf. I went to bed and had slight control of my dream, in it I skipped down a long corridor. I wanted to be at a food stall like place, smelling food and eating. It doesn't change much but the noise does, and then something tells me "you know your not alone right?" Or something along those lines. I wake up immediately in a panic.

The next day I fall asleep. I dreamt I was at a stall storeish. And I see a toy box full of dolls, I touch the raggedy ann doll (?) And it immediately grips onto me trying to crawl under my skin. I immediately tried to fight it off. Saying i give it no power or it has no power to do this. I wake up. My ex bf does tarot and something starts bartering with him for me and my body. It offers me a place to rest and give up, and my partner love. We reject it call it dumb. We stop communication with it cause it was affecting him.

This could be before the last one but I'm not sure. I just know they happened immediately after eachother. I dream I'm in my home, and theres like this blob monster sitting on my couch. I remember in the dream I was hidding in the rooms. I'm with said monster and he tells me things wlll come for me whenever I'm alone. (At this day i broke up with my partner). Then boom it gets sexual, i beg for him and then immediately snap out and apolgize. He goes "thats a shame, I'll be back". Wake up, me and partner assume it's King Asmoday.

While I was hospilized I dreamt I kissed a demon girl with horns. She wants to go further but I refuse, it was weird cause like the dream was set up for sex but i refuse. She asks me why? I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love god. She cries. In that dream I had mutiple alters to other Gods it was weird but I assume just drean stuff. The next day I dreamt of Uriel as bright light in my dream it was neat.

When I was sick with a fever I dreamt something came in the form of a deity, it was friendly until it touched me and I felt it zap something out of me. I dreamt it turned me into like a engine for my energy. It commented on making me a energy source.

When I was sorta...working undersomeone thats when I had the most dreams. I often told him about them. It was mostly about having his children and being married to him. Sorta drove me insane that whatever entity that was wanted me to actually have kids with him. It told me his initial and everything, even when he's upset. That was some sort of unfriendly demon, sort of.

I dreamt of Hermaphroditus saying they'll help me. I was having a rough patch with dysphoria at the time and was seeing which diety can help.

I dreamt of a statue of Aphrodite telling me "i can change fate". Next day i form a cool connection with a friend.

And then theres this time I pissed King Asmoday the hell off. My bad. He was in my dreams for awhile. At first he came and he was laying down with a book like he was going to sleep. He says if I'm curious he's here. I ignore that. Piss him off. Then boom nightmares. At first he would just berate me telling me stuff, forcing me to kneel. Kept me weirdly alone in my dreams. One dream he pets me and then it gets homosexual whoops.

Then I dreamt of King Paimon sitting on my bed. He was very cute. We talk i rub my face against him in which he tells me not to do that. We talk and he says I'm not ready to do deity work with him. He changes form, which then complains why he's in a turtle neck. Changes out of it. Theres a window and I'm like okay this is a dream I want it to snow! I open the curtains and he complains how he prefers spring better and the weather changes. Theres kids like in his room in the middle. He states something about liking them(?) He diddles me and infact Sping was quiet pretty in there.

Belial once stared down at me in a dream but it could lowkey be King Paimon cause he keeps pretending to be people.

Now i sorta dream of King Paimon everynight.

[bileexpiry]

Did anyone have a horrendous time working with King Paimon? My experiences for a whole year and more with this King.

He was not all bad at all, and i do put blame on myself for sorta 1) treating him very casually 2) treating him like a life plan in a way. But i truly do not get all the things he did towards me. I tell myself its just because i was very immature and i must of done something but it truly is very disheartening.

He made fun of my ocd and tourettes often, to the point of making me believe i could control it. Be thinking he was right always tried and ended up apolgizesing repeatedly for something i genuinely couldn't stop. He stopped antagonizing it when i stopped veing defensive about it. He also is here 24/7, i do not get a break from him. Its like we were perma connected, it led me to completely reprogram myself so i didn't feel judged or embarrassed by my brain. I lost a lot of my hobbies due to how embarrassed i felt someone always in my head. This could be my fault in a way cause my clairvoyance doesn't ever turn the fuck off. Its been a YEAR of him in my head, i got used to it, and how tarot describes it, stockholm syndrome lmfao.

The worst part is when he started pushing me into doing things, i get doing stuff to improve. And sometimes it was sexual, which at first i was okay with. We often slept together, ritualistic in his words but i sorta just assumed it was normal intimacy until he told me. After awhile we stopped and i didn't want to resume, he always has been interested in showing me sexual stuff. (Celibate with rape trauma and much more) telling me i deservef pleasure which was SWEET. until he was telling me to seduce him and others. I sorta think this was him massively fucking with me. He often told me whats the point of controlling someone you can't seduce. I rejected him often, i was repulsed and often told him i wasn't ready. (I liked him romantically which he knew and teased me about, but i didnt want to act on it).

He was telling me this is apart of his learning which i rejected. And quickly dismantled his alter and my connection with him when he pressured me to change my ways. I do tarot a lot about what even fucking happened, if it was even King Paimon. Which i do believe it was, i had other clairvoyant people confirmed, and he even attacked another one protecting me from him.

Tarot is just saying he wanted to control me into something, and was choosing my life and that is was very toxic. I wish communicating with him was a bit clearer. I really like him but idk what the fuck this was all about. I somehow had more grace and respect from Marquis Andras and i was 10xs harsher with him.

Not all of it was bad, he spent many nights with me comforting me. We played TONS. he has been in every single dream I've had since we met. Including last night even though i do not talk to him during the days anymore. He does protect me as well. He is not mad, in fact the only time was when I 1) tried to cut contact with him and he made me have seizure like symptoms so bad i needed to he hospitalized. I spent the whole time in the hospital forced to sing songs to him in my head. 2) when i saw a man that looks just like him, and i stated i really wanted to have a baby like that. King paimon was like aight, im not gonna be a daddy but I'll take it and i was like um no thats my fucking baby your not doing anything with it and he was genuinely like what. lmfao. >:(

He leaves me very confused because when he vists other people they have stated he likes me and then their like okay leave me out of it HELP.

I have a bad history of things claiming me rather than me working with them and this time is a king dawg im cooked. I don't think im that special so ifk whats up.

And yet again i know this is him cause he's confirmed with other people, showed up to them. Attacked another person. And i have seen him

[bileexpiry]

DREAM JOURNALING/ ONLINE DIARY

My life with clairsentence × nekoweb

[astraocaso]

I just had such a lovely moment with my father.

my dad saw me crying and came in and talked to me. I knew his girlfriend had talked to him about having to listen to what I have to say about how I feel. I told him about being empathic, I think he's trying to understand and he realizes why I am the way I am, the part that really made him connect was when I said "do you know how hard it is sitting across from someone who is mad at you of thinking mean things to you and then for seemingly no reason feel that anger towards yourself, those things to enter and swim around in your mind and you believe them, because the person you're with just thought that for a second.To have that anger at yourself, to be mad at yourself , to mentally attack yourself because of someone else?" and he just said no and shook his head and told me to keep talking, and I told him I was happy he would never have to witness that or to feel the pain of someone else, and never know the cause, to be having a wonderful day and then have the symptoms emotionally and physically of the person you're with. But I think he does, a little, because it seems everything I end up having he has in some way just in smaller scale, especially since he told me he stays away from people in emotional and physical pain because it makes him feel ways he doesn't like, but I think that's just cuz he doesn't want me to feel bad or like I'm a freak; truth be told, I'm a freak, a big one, but that's how the universe made me, and I can't help to have optimism, even after so many tears and so much pain from just today alone, that maybe I am this way for a reason. If my father can love me unconditionally after telling him I see dead people, have prophetic dreama, then I should try to love myself too.