This blog was on hiatus for so long and idk if i ever intended to get it up and running again...but tbh I had my baby and suddenly it became so important to me to keep pursuing music and I was so motivated to work so much harder.
Everything changes with a baby. When I got pregnant, you have no idea how many people told me things like, "I guess you're done being a musician then," or "So you're giving up on guitar?" or "I could never have kids, I love music too much!" As if being a parent and a musician were mutually exclusive.
But all through my pregnancy, I kept teaching and I kept studying and I kept practicing (literally up until I went into labor. I stopped practicing about 3 days before she was born, and started up again maybe 3 days after). And then she was here. And she was beautiful and pure and new and the doctor laid her on my chest and she was screaming so I sang, and she immediately stopped and fell asleep. And every time I practiced, she lit up and watched and listened and then fell asleep.
Suddenly being a musician wasnt about what I could achieve or my own importance, it was about showing her what hard work can do, teaching her discipline and diligence, it was about filling her life with music.
There really isnt a lot out there for professional musicians who are mothers, and I hate that. I hate that what's out there is negativity and telling women their careers are over if they have kids, or seen as weaker if they have a longing to be a parent, told they cant do both. This blog is probably going to be a bit different than most musicblrs--it was already different bc I'm not a college student anymore and that seems to be all that's out there. It's more of a spite blog now.
So here I am. A mother and a musician. Both.