Audrey Hobert songs as Ancient Romans:
Sue Me - ok anthem of the empire because those people were litigious, but I’m gonna go with Mark Antony because being a saint is exhausting (aka screw the republic go for the crown), he just wants to be wanted (as emperor), and the Second Triumvirate is basically a ménage-a-trois.
Bowling Alley - Tiberius. “I don’t think anyone cares if I go or not,” is his irrelevant childhood in Marcellus’ shadow. His Emperor career started off strong with rumors his mom poisoned every heir (including Marcellus) in his way. For a big nerdy loner it’s giving, “It's a choice, or am I cursed? It's a toss-up” not to mention “I take the trophy and I Irish goodbye” is giving him ditching Rome for his introvert island.
Thirst Trap - Caligula. Literally the opening lines “So I’m crazy? That’s usually not my thing bitch I’m crazy. Suspicious and insane, can you blame me?” He was paranoid, but not paranoid enough to avoid the assassination plot was he?? “I’m taking thirst traps in the mirror in my room, I think I look bad so I take a hundred.” I think a lot of Caligula’s evilness comes from a place of insecurity. And the fact that everyone called him by his childhood nickname. “But now I listen to my playlists and pretend I’m you,” is him pretending to be Caesar because who doesn’t?
Phoebe - Claudius. Listen. Whether or not he was involved in Caligula’s assassination, these lyrics fit his journey to emperor: “a man in a suit told me you’re gonna be a star, I said yeah I know, but it came out like ‘What who me?!’” The first 30 years of his life being hidden away by his family because of his deformity fits the lyrics, “guess I don’t have it after all, but it’s okay, cause my life is so exciting… what took me so long, I say to no one, cause I’m alone all the time.” And I have to add, “I’d rather be lonely, counted out and homely, I know that he’ll need me, once he gets to know me.”