Mid September - in 3 months is Christmas ...
I get closer to 40 everyday and I am not pregnant, very healthy but still with my tag alongs “4kilos extra weight” (since I left the the habit of smoking ... ) but first and foremost I am utterly thankful lately for my life.
There are days where I will tell you a complete different story, but not at the moment. So lets enjoy the good moment. The joyful times, the days where life is good. Well at least for me at the moment.
To be honest I dont know where to start nor do I have proper concept about these posts, but I’ll just start and then, we see whats gonna happen. If anything at all :-)
So 40 ... great age for still not having a family in case you wonder. ... Cause I sorta still wanna have one... and what you feel is right. There was really a lot of doubt in this thought. But marvellously something in me has changed.
I think for the first time in my life - I really want to have child. With all the consequences, sagging breasts, no mind changing substances for like ever ... no raw fish or meat... and especially, what I fear the most. NO sleep.
And I can truly say all my life the giving birth part, was maybe the worst thing about it. Thinking about it... it still is. Ok, so for the first time I am capable of not giving the birth party to much leverage in my mind. And also close to every women made it happen, so why shouldn't I...
Also my circumstances have changed, I am no longer a single person. Which I was truly, for most of my life. I would have never said that I was, but looking back, it kinda springs in your eye... commitment wasn't my thing.
Up until very recent, commitment was, well it made my breath shallow and I felt trapped immediately. This also changed.
So many thoughts with this comment, but lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I gotta go. see you soon.
