#cloudy updates

[systemofclouds]

Trying to organize and get userboxes for people

Mochi:

[mintoblobo]

Baby Cloud, when she was but a raindrop (featuring her siblings!)

[cloudauditorefair]

Updates

Whew. This uh. This might be it. Okay nah you know what, it's gonna be. The past few years have been ROUGH for me but here we are. I've missed writing for so long and missed my passion for the same time and I'm tired of not having either.

I've got embers and that will be enough.

2020 is a bitch but so am I, okay. Damn.

Here we go:

Black Star: Yes I probably could've updated by now. But you know what? I would've robbed the both of us. The writing wouldn't have had the same care, the characterizations and events would've been bitter and inconsistent. Looking at getting a printer to have a physical copy of that mountain of words so I can edit and rework it and continue it how it deserves to be done.

But I Miss You: Something I started in an emotionally and mentally dark part of my life 10/17 or 10/18, Idk anymore, but tbh it's a beautiful Bellice fix full of hurt and comfort and self-recovery. (Bit of an analysis on how we can isolate ourselves from things we want/are for fear of losing them and the inherent idiocy of it.) There's only tidbits of the 20k I have of it up because I really want to only post it when it's completed. I am rereading it and actively working on it. My priority rn.

FAQS:

Will you keep writing/posting xyz? But I Miss You might be the last new thing I start for Twilight. We'll see. But that said I want to finish everything I have up, I do believe. I really want to work on some of my original stuff and can't do that in good conscience with so much unfinished.

Are you changing Black Star? What's posted already, no not really. Part of what stalled the writing was a bit of a crisis on writing (lmao) and what I wanted to be doing and I was debating how long I wanted to let the story be. So some things I originally planned to have happen have changed but the core of it is still the same. That said, I may add scenes. Contrary to my concerns about the sheer word count of this fucking story, my good god.

What other fandom will you write in? God Idk. I still have a Mass Effect story I want to tell but Idk. We'll find out.

I can't find your ao3! That's because I don't have one. I intend to but it currently feels pointless since I'm not posting again yet. Will have one when I am ready to post But I Miss You and have some chapters of Black Star reworked.

Update schedule? I want, key word, want to get myself together and get into biweekly updates once I get back to it but that will take time because I'll have to have chapters in advance just in case and be patient enough not to hurl one out the moment I have it lmao which is hard after such a long time of not posting. So tbh no promises, we take what we are given.

I'm here to tear up the game again, what it doooo

[mintoblobo]

checking in on cloudy because i haven’t stopped thinking about them since i saw them🥰

Omg thank u for checking in on her, she is my sunshine I love talking about/showing pics of her! 🥹❤️ She’s been just napping in the closet and getting belly rubs

I’m going to be getting her some more cat toys and maybe a lil collar this weekend I’ll will def be posting pics! 🥰

[mintoblobo]

Cloudy is so cute jdjhdjdhsjj

Yess I literally am in awe of her sometimes and I like how are you so cute! Thank u for the Cloudy love!

[mintoblobo]

i'm here to just loudly and proudly identify as a cloudy fangirl because she is my new favourite cat i've ever seen, so fluffy, so fancy lookin, i love her 💚

THANK U FOR YOUR CLOUDY SUPPORT FINNIE 💚 All the cloudy love has me 🥹she is a fancy girl, a material girl, she sheds all over the house and I can’t be mad

here are some photos from like 2 months ago! ☁️

[systemofclouds]

PASSED OUR OCHEM MIDTERM 18% ABOVE THE CLASS AVERAGE

My brain is so big /silly

Screw 🌹 though. Fym "if you wrote this report you should know how to do this"

If as in insinuating we didn't write this report? The report you gave us 1 day to get all of our data? With no help or support cause of the holiday weekend? 😭

But regardless of that. REJOICE. I will be getting us tacos. At some point. >:D

[systemofclouds]

It's been a year... How time goes by. How many friends I've gained, how many friends I've lost. It pains me. But what matters most is he is still here with me, like he always has been.

(Future Dimitri speaking: Unintentional vent-like content below. My thoughts simply travelled their own path)

I will admit: I'm bitter, hurt, angry even. People I thought were our friends, my friends, have shown too much evidence of being otherwise. The more time we spend discussing it with professionals and trusted few, the more we can see that whole mess from a less emotionally-charged perspective, the more we can see the true origins.

"No one will ever trust you if you can't have a serious conversation without breaking down" they said in response after directly triggering our trauma. We've had serious, meaningful, heavy conversations with them in our over a year of friendship and suddenly when they directly trigger us and we have a triggered reaction, we're untrustworthy to hold a legitimate conversation.

Interesting how months to years of love, effort, and trust from us is suddenly thrown out the window when we have a trauma response and start crying, then it's our "true colours" and we're apparently untrustworthy and guilt tripping them.

They felt bad for making us cry and suddenly we're manipulating them because if they feel guilty we must be manipulating them. We already have trauma and shame around crying itself, and they've just stacked onto it.

Not only that, they gaslit us. "Not to be harsh, but you just did what I explicitly told you not to do" when they never even gave us any instructions. Now on top of all that we were questioning our perception of reality.

That experience left permanent scars on our system. Mona now holds our fear specifically to that individual. She's terrified of him.

Are we so desperate to make friends that we let ourselves accept this treatment from people? I will do my best to ensure this doesn't happen again.