What Could Be(Adler x Bell!Reader)
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Chapter 2
Summary: Bell and Adler try to figure out their path from here. Everyone else can only watch in entertainment or in annoyance.
Or where Bell tries to find her feet and takes control.
Warnings/Tags: Trauma, Recovery from Trauma, Mental Anguish, Brainwashing, Manipulation, Major Character Death, Post!Solovetsky, Post-Canon, Bell!Lives, Implied Sexual Content, COD:BOCW Season 6 Outro Spoilers, COD: Vanguard Pacific Trailer Spoilers, COD: Vanguard Spoilers, Past!Stitch x Bell
A/N: Sequel Fic to What Could Never Be. Happy Anniversary to Cold War! I want scruffy Adler S6 gifs
Words: 5.5k
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The private plane to America was spacious enough for their group, along with Captain Butcher so he can have contact with MI6 and plan accordingly to what he suspects is important in the red, white, and blue country with the stars and stripes. The plane had twelve seats total, spaced out significantly where private conversations can be made and closer to the cockpit was an area more like a booth than seats together that can sit four to sit in tan reclinable chairs and others where it’s two seats either next to each other or across from one another. Each seating carrying a nicely furnished table in front for refreshments and food, also able to recline slightly for sleep. Woods taking advantage of that in the seats to your left based on his light open mouthed snoring. Something that made you and Mason share looks of amusement or chuckles at Woods when the man would at times make a loud snort before quieting.
You three were the closest to the cockpit, you and Mason across from each other with the seats after Mason decided a little more distance from his sleeping friend is needed. The others were more spread out. Hudson was in the last row to the left in comparison to your right, seeming to almost always being on the phone or at the reports in front. Or just observing you. You aren’t surprised by that, he picked the perfect spot to watch everyone if anything would go amiss. You’ll give that to Hudson. He’s distinctly aware of how things can always go wrong and be prepared for the worst. Captain Butcher was on the same side as you and Mason, but two rows down. He had his own files that he looked through but now he appeared to be lightly reading a book. When you walked past once to use the bathroom, you saw the title Waiting for Godot, your eyes lighting up in recognition but only slightly aware of the synopsis. The only reason you recall it at all was due to Perseus, him quoting it to you.
“‘What do we do now, now that we are happy?’ Why, live of course! Live and keep living once the sad times come. Move forward until the happiness comes once more and just march. Wouldn’t you say so, little mouse that survives?”
That man would’ve been great, if he did not think everyone’s happiness besides Russia’s was void, you observe with a sad turn of the lips.
You couldn’t help when you left the bathroom to question the Captain more about it, the book. Him easily smiling under his scarf he still had over his face, the lines around his eyes crinkling as he motioned for you to sit across from him and the two of you began a small discussion of the book that is more a play. The play that argues about the mundanes of life, day after day and bleak but also something more underneath. Which the both of you agreed upon when the British man explained and summarized to you further about the play where two men are constantly waiting for Godot every day only to be told he is not coming. When their discussion about what the two men spoke about and their meanings could be, the Captain asked you what you personally thought the lesson is. Or the point if there is any.
“They shouldn’t wait at all for Godot. They should just go forward and meet him themselves. If you wish for something, take the action yourself.”
“My, and what do you say of the possible representation of Godot being God? That still your answer, darling?”
“I think the better title for the play would’ve been Godot Waiting. People tend to forget, that for any religion, it is God that waits for us. And it’s always us that have to move forward ourselves for the possible relationship to be formed,” You answer, before shrugging as you lean back against the seat and stare out the window. “That’s if one believes either way.”
The Captain still kept his smile throughout your explanation, eyes looking at you in appraisal but curiously tilted his head at your last sentence.
“And do you? Believe?”
You shrugged again, keeping your beliefs to yourself and moved from your seat with words you’ll leave him to his reading but not without him adding you have some of your mother’s traits when it comes to ambition and stubbornness based on your answer. You moved back to your seat and back by the powerhouse duo since the flight began.
Your eyes glance towards Adler, who was also on the left side with Hudson and Woods and one row down, an ash tray in front of him that had three cigarettes already snuffed in the hours they’ve been in the flight with another sitting idly in his hand against the table as he stared out the window, the light from the sun catching the lower part of his face for he had the curtain half down to protect his eyes. You felt his eyes on you earlier when you spoke to Captain Butcher, but he didn’t say anything. Keeping his distance since what happened the day prior outside small talks and all about work or having Hudson relax in his constant need to interrogate you. You don’t know got to broach the topic without having to bring up what happened three years ago to make you react like that. You rather not touch the topic at all. Pretend as if it never happened and you could pretend he was alright too and not seeming to still be affected by his past brainwashing and deprogramming.
Stuck in an impasse.
You know the two of you must speak about it, it would make sense. But you see no point. What would you talk about? Ask him why he did it? Why you?
You already know. And you see the logic behind the actions. If they didn’t brainwash you and took you in, millions would’ve perished. Something your past self agreed with wholeheartedly. You’re not a saint so no point in pretending to be one and acting like a victim when millions could’ve been.
Ask why he shot you? Try to kill you?
No point in asking that either. The logic still sound as to why. Keeping everything nice and clean and in order, accomplishing that being easier with you out the way. The possibility of your anger at your false feelings of betrayal towards them could’ve made you do something rash. Maybe your memory would’ve came back and you would’ve regretted saving everyone. You hold knowledge of MK-Ultra and past missions that Adler has done and that can’t be shared.
You know what he would say. No point in asking.
Still. It didn’t hurt any less.
A part of you, deep down, feels darkly satisfied that Adler now understands you. Even though the brainwashing method was different and not as drastic and for him it didn’t quite take. Perhaps this is another part of the problem on Adler’s side. He understands now yes, but he won’t apologize. Why would he? When he saved millions with your sacrifice? You see he’s been acting different towards you, slight as it may be, but they are still stuck.
Such as it is with impasse’s.
Adler only moved two hours ago when Captain Butcher proposed a game of chess with America’s Monster. You trying to glance and crane your neck and move up in your seat to watch the moves between the once Quartermaster and America’s Monster. For chess and how you play truly reveals what kind of person you are depending on the moves. Mason proposed their own game, making you frown but agree quietly. You’ll find out perhaps another time. You will find out Mason instead, although you already have an idea.
We share too much of the same sentiments, you think with a wry smile, the both of reaching periods where you were stuck and unwilling to sacrifice a piece until you finally decided to sacrifice your knight in order to move the game. Mason having some of your pawns and knight and soon your Bishop if he plays more sacrificing moves while you also had some of his pawns and his rook. We don’t like sacrifices but we know it’s necessary.
In the end, Mason won. You making too much of a hasty move with your Queen to protect the King, the kind of move where you lost her when you should’ve kept her. Mason even telling you so as the both of you cleaned up.
“What made you do that? Did you not see my knight?”
You huffed out your nose in amusement, smiling blithely as you picked up the pieces.
“I guess I just panicked. Saw my King was open and didn’t think about my next move.”
“That doesn’t seem like you,” Mason observed quietly.
“Maybe I was thinking too much,” you reply knowingly and Mason was wise enough to not question further.
Mason always knew what to say and when.
Now the both of you relaxed in your seats, but something has been bothering you and in your mind as you kept glancing Hudson’s way. Trying to be careful to not catch his gaze and therefore his glare because you rather not have that. That’s not your aim although you feel like his hard stare at you in inevitable like how the sun will always rise the next day. You also periodically and discreetly moved your gaze towards Adler, honing in when he got out his seat and moved to use the bathroom.
Your expression set, Mason catching it as you stood up and glancing back to where you were looking.
“You sure that’s a good idea? Maybe you should wait till we land.”
“I don’t want him to have an excuse,” you quietly answer, “I don’t want to have an excuse either. We have to settle this or this won’t work.”
Mason leaned back, giving his assent and throwing you a crooked smile.
“Good luck. You’re gonna need it.”
Hudson glanced up at you behind his shades, face turning harsh as you thought, only turning harsher based on the lines of his face when you sat across from him with hands clasped together and your gaze on him.
“We need to talk.”
“Did Adler put you up to this?”
You expected the sharp tone, so you stared unaffected.
“No. I think you know he would want to watch if he did. He can be controlling if you let him. And I don’t wish for his protection when it comes to this.”
“Yes,” Hudson said, contempt strong in his voice and how he almost curled his lips. “He’s been getting a strong habit of doing that with you. I wonder why that is.”
By the way he said it, it seems he has an idea onto why that is. He can’t go further however, for they have a guest near them and this made it impossible for any other sorts of scathing remarks or cold observations the man could make towards you. Hudson was probably aware of it too, which you felt made him more irritated if the growing lines around his mouth and his tense shoulders had anything to do with it. He made a show to look at a file in his hand, as if dismissing you would be that easy. Your eyes narrowed at him, wishing to be firm and not scared even though you felt clasped hands in front of you already grow clammy.
“That isn’t what I wish to speak on, sir. You and I both know I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Despite how you wish me gone. I have information that is imperative for the CIA to have and to use in order to stop Perseus. You know you have my loyalty based on the coded messages I’ve done throughout the years, messages that were trustworthy because with them the CIA have done successful operations against Perseus while I was with them. Only proving more when I made sure with my presence that Adler didn’t meet a bullet to the head as well as any of you.” You were proud at how even you sounded as you spoke to the frigid man that was as cold as his nickname from the others suggests. His visage became hard to read as you stated your points, his stare intense even with those shades as he listened and glanced at you. You spread your arms out, showing you were open. “I have been sharing additional information I have as well. And more.”
“What’s your point?” He asked in annoyed exasperation but you had him. You think it helped you didn’t add about your parentage. That’s a whole other can of worms you do not wish to touch and you didn’t want to imply anything that you wish to go back to Russia. “Despite your past constant need to ask questions, you never wasted my time. So what’s all this about?”
You always respected how straight to the point he was, so you’ll do the same.
“You don’t like me.” His brow arched above his shades, face practically saying no shit. You smiled bemusedly. “That’s fine. I don’t need you to. You probably never will, which I can understand. I was a commie Ivan terrorist bitch before and now I’m still an Ivan bitch, but you find me untrustworthy still due to the small chance of still being a Red. Of being a spy. I can respect your point of view, before and now, so I don’t blame you being wary of the enemy foreigner.”
At this point, Hudson lowered the file further but still kept the grip as he stared at you, unblinking. His brow arched now curiously at you as you leaned back in your seat with crossed arms, shrugging.
“Hell. I would’ve done the same. But,” you met his gaze evenly, dropping any semblance of a polite smile you may have had as you sat up in your seat. “We’re on the same side now, sir. There’s no doubt in that, not after everything I’ve done against Perseus. Which is why despite whatever negative feelings or thoughts we may have for one another, I wish to at least have both of us respect one another. We can’t have this affect the team or when we’re out in missions. We can’t afford it.”
It was silent for a few moments, a pin stuck in the air and waiting to be dropped as the two of you stared at one another.
Than, Hudson released a huff out his nose but his eyes behind his shades had a hint behind them you would never think you would see as Hudson dropped the file and clasped his hands in front of his chin, leaning against the desk.
“I see you’re done hiding behind Adler. Good.” You blinked as the man continued in his clipped tone but with less tension and more neutral. “I can’t stand those who can’t look at someone in the eye and tell it straight. I hate playing guessing games and hate cowards even more.”
A ghost feeling that felt like hope started to come up to your chest as your lips quirked sardonically.
“I always respected that I didn’t have to guess your thoughts before, sir. I’m an analyst, but never really liked guessing games myself when it came to people.”
An odd noise came out of Hudson’s mouth and you wonder if you’re dreaming or if the man actually snorted. You fixed your agape mouth quickly just as fast as Hudson sobered, before nodding at you.
“You got yourself an understanding, Bell. At least from me. You still have to talk to Black yourself when we land and give you the proper interrogation and win him over.” The famed Black which you haven’t seen or heard. You can feel yourself pale at the thought of how the man can kill you or spare you with just an order. As powerful as the President could be really as far as you’re concerned. “Let’s say that you did though,” Hudson continued, inclining his head as you looked up once more. “If missions deem you, Adler and I together—understand that you have to heed my orders. And I’m talking about every single one.” He tapped his finger against the desk with each word the last few words. “If I say to you to accomplish a mission clean, I want not a single chance for others to get a sniff that it even happened. Understand?”
This time you frowned, pursing your lip.
You have no problem following orders, but you’ve determined a long time ago who you would listen to explicitly in everything and it isn’t Hudson.
Hudson spotted your expression, and seeming to understand the problem as his face went back to a deep frown. Before you could answer and explain, Adler got out the bathroom and paused by the two of you with a rose brow. You stood, giving Hudson a stiff nod before you did with Hudson just going back to his files, you giving Adler a nod as well before you turned back to go to your seat. You could spot Adler looking at Hudson as if he could inform him on what happened between you two as you sat, but you doubt Hudson will give much if anything at all.
“So?” Mason asked, still across from you in his seat. You noticed that Woods snoring came to a stop as the man slowly awoke to their left, shifting as he blearily opened his eyes and closed them again. “Since you came back, I’m assuming you came out alive from our Ice Cube.”
You lightly chuckled, not quite feeling it.
“He might change his mind,” you say, still looking past Mason towards Adler who moved back to his seat with a thoughtful yet tense expression after Hudson said something. You looked away back towards Mason when Adler glanced at you. “We won’t see eye to eye but at least we have an understanding I’m not the enemy. I still have one more to go though as he helpfully pointed out.”
“If you say what you told Hudson, and show the evidence of what you’ve done, you’ll be fine.” Mason said, calming your nerves as he threw a kind smile at you. “I wouldn’t worry about it. It helps you got us to give a good word. Can’t piss off the people who help accomplish all their illegal missions.”
Woods snorted, but aware this time in response to Mason’s words, hearing some of the conversation. You and Mason looking at the rugged man as he fixed his sitting position and the reclined chair, spotting his amused expression.
“If they do that, they’ll have a bunch of shit they have to deal with themselves for once. And legal.” Woods laughed, voice still rough with sleep. “Rue the fuckin’ day they’ll have to do that.”
You laughed along with Mason good naturedly, your worries lowered but still there as you glanced at Adler once more, seeing he was smoking another cigarette and staring out the window with a leg over his knee.
“Rue the fuckin’ day that you two finally handle yourselves too,” Woods added and at your affronted glare he laughed again, only to glance knowingly over at Mason with a grin when you stated that there was nothing to handle.
You have a bunch of other stuff to do anyways.
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You were glad you managed to rest the last few hours in the plane, because from when you landed it felt like everything could blur together.
From driving to Langley to going through all the necessary entrance of security clearance from fingerprints to being thoroughly pat down even though everyone else knew you didn’t have anything. You throwing Adler an exasperated look as he watched with Adler catching it and only able to half shrug at you but throwing you a ghost of a smirk when you rolled your eyes at your situation, the distance between you too shortening with this interaction. Woods and Mason taken to a different area to give reports and giving you a comforting squeeze to your shoulder and a wave before they went. And Captain Butcher immediately went through other areas within the building, not seeing just how thorough they’re being to the once hero of WWII’s daughter, albeit of another country. Than going through all these halls with a visitors pass on you and Hudson and Adler escorting you down to the elevator, traveling quite a few floors below and you kept your shoulders straight. Expecting for quite a long and possible strenuous interrogation.
Doesn’t help Hudson is being all quiet or foreboding when he does talk, you think with an annoyed frown when he told you to stay outside here by the door while they go meet with Black, you sitting in one of the three chairs provided while they went through another door across from you they had to open with a key. Adler gave you a comforting nod over his shoulder, making your shoulders relax a smidge before they both disappeared and have been gone for longer than twenty minutes. They must be taking long on purpose. Making me nervous. Ugh, you leaned your head back, crossed arms and crossed ankles as you practically reclined on the chair as you stared up at the ceiling, your mood souring and nerves growing and writhing in you as more time passed, another twenty minutes. We don’t have time for this. The longer we take in all this, the easier the others will move out and get together in Perseus.
Adler, who you know would agree, came out with his usual apathetic expression but it was how the lines around his eyes looked tight that made you straighten and stand up as he stepped up to you. The rush of concern fled when the lines relaxed as he looked at you but you couldn’t help the nerves that no matter how you tried to shake them off stayed.
“Don’t look so nervous, kid. You somehow managed to get Hudson on your side after all,” His lips twitched when you blinked, wondering how far or what exactly the cold man said before Adler’s lips leveled. “Although I admit he had his moments where I wondered whose side he’s playing, I wouldn’t fret on it. You’ll be alright, Bell.” He than nodded at the door to the right of you, making you look at it and take a deep steadying breath in preparation. “They’re ready for you. I’ll be up with them but they’ll be the only two that’ll hear you.” You turned, arching a brow at him and Adler smiled dryly. “Not the biggest fans of me sticking myself out for you. Not like I give a shit what they think.”
You couldn’t stop the snort, smiling at how blasé the man could be. You missed it.
You took comfort that he’ll be there though, strangely. But everything about the two of you is strange so you don’t give much thought as you nodded at Adler, moving to turn the handle of the door only to be stopped by a warm touch to your shoulder. You turned your head, seeing Adler’s eyes stare at you attentively, his hand moving to go off your shoulder—thinking of what happened last time he touched you no doubt but you whipped your hand up. Placing it atop his, keeping it on your shoulder as you looked up at his steady eyes that studied you and your reaction, as you felt his knuckles from your hold just as surely he can feel your palm as you squeezed.
Adler’s gaze seemed to clear, finding what he was searching for as he did a gentle comforting squeeze of his own on your shoulder and took another step towards you, his voice quiet as he spoke.
“Black likes to play mind games. He wants to test you in every way and you have to meet each test correctly,” he advised as you listened attentively and not focusing too much how his touch affected you and the pulse on your neck. The fact that Adler is saying this is meant to be taken seriously. The clear implication that Black could play harder than Adler is concerning enough. You nodding when Adler asked you once more if you were successfully deprogrammed, your mind going ten different ways as to why he would ask that again when he knew. “He won’t be easy on you when it comes to some questions and will want to trip you up.”
“The world’s never been easy on me,” you say with a faux smile. “Doubt he will.”
Adler’s eyes squinted at you at your dark words, doing another squeeze as he shook his head.
“But I know you won’t. You’re a genius.” Your lips pulled up automatically genuinely at the compliment, Adler’s own following before adding, “If it makes you feel better kid, this is the same room me and Mason got chewed out.”
It surprisingly did. In a macabre sort of way. Adler slowly pulled his hand away. You allowing him to, yet the ghost warmth on your hand abd shoulder did not go away as Adler nodded at the door.
You nodding at him resolutely before turning and entering.
You didn’t allow yourself to be affected by all the televisions, turned off. Instead focusing your eyes towards the sole chair in the rather large interrogation room, eyes raising to the windows that only revealed shadows of two people with what appeared to be headphones over their ears, with one passing by only to disappear.
Adler. The one a little to the right sitting must be Hudson, which means the one standing right across and above must be Black.
“Good afternoon, Bell.” A voice you didn’t recognize, cool in its timbre and silvery and calm in speech. Sort of like Adler, but you didn’t trust the amiable words and didn’t find the mystery enigmatic like with Adler either. You sat, unaffected and hands on the arms of the chair as Black lightly tsked. “No, that’s not quite right. Would you prefer me to call you by your name? It’s my understanding you’ve learned quite a lot about yourself.”
You ignored the bait, instead of telling him your name. You felt distant to it, no matter how many times Stitch and the others said it, so you would actually prefer your actual name over the one you accepted as your own. Bell is too personable for you and Black shouldn’t call you that.
He said your name quietly to himself, almost tasting how it sounds before moving on. You controlled your expression from twisting.
“Not going by Petrova? I imagine it would be a great honor to be related to one from the famed Vanguard. Unless of course, you feel aggrieved due to her leaving you.”
You clenched your jaw. Black’s aiming for your points of weakness.
Starting with abandonment.
“I don’t know her, only of her. It’d be wrong of me to take her last name just because I found that out,” you steadily reply. “I didn’t have her last name before either, so why would I now?”
You can see the shadowed head tilt.
“You’ve found out a lot I imagine with your time with Perseus.” This is it. The questions badgering about what you did and where your loyalties truly lie. “All because of our use with you and MK-Ultra. A deadly shot to your shoulder in an arctic island that actually didn’t turn out fatal. Bringing you all the way here, back in our. . .care with information for us due to us stringing you along and erasing who you were to make you even not know your name. But according to what occurred in Trabzon, it seems you’re no stranger to be victim of being strung and dried.”
Your body long tensed when he mentioned and the drug and the cliff, you constantly having to remind yourself to calm your breathing or just breathe at all as you sat stiff in the chair and stared widely before your eyes slightly narrowed at the shadow that belonged to Black. His tone still smooth and even, taking care of the word he would use for when you were in their possession and will.
He probably did the pause on purpose, jaw tight but leaning your head back against the chair and crossing your legs to hide the sting, your eyes moving towards the televisions as if in dismissal but he attacked the part of you that still hurts. Still fresh.
Betrayal.
Black isn’t wrong you seem to have a bad habit of that happening to you. On both sides.
But the question, even though he didn’t ask any, was clear.
“I think my actions and willingness to do said actions without any orders shows I don’t care what happened before,” you pointed out, your eyes on the screens of the televisions around you as you put a hand to your cheek, elbow leaning against the arm of the chair as your eyes trailed further around the room. Spotting medical equipment with a tray in the right corner of the room, holding medical tools including a syringe. You turned your head towards a random corner in the room, eyes moving up back to the blurred glass. “. . .There’s more important things to worry about. I rather not waste time on pleasantries and making digs at me, sir. I rather start with the information about Perseus so we can catch them before they vanish in the wind.”
Your voice sounded less firm than what you wished at first, despite you wishing to not fall back into your fears once you caught sight of the syringe. But you managed to bring it back to clear for them to hear.
You feel like Black was able to catch it though, able to hear the smile in his voice.
“Quite eager to get back at those who used your face for their cause. And you were with them for a time. No one would fault you if your past relationships got mended during your time with them despite your helpful codes. Thank you for that by the way,” he ended politely.
Your brows furrowed before you blinked in realization.
Adler is keeping your past relationship with Stitch hidden.
Him. The one least likely to understand your convoluted relationship with those in Perseus due to being blinded by an obsessive drive.
This shit is getting complicated. You thought, bleak and lost. But perhaps this is the best. Not everyone should know of it, but perhaps I can use what I did to him as an example. . .
You thought of teases and stories of how small your eyes looked when you would try to read without your glasses before. Kitsune and Stitch calling you four eyes. Of Naga calling you blind as a bat and Portnova’s giggles that at least now you won’t have to look cross eyed.
This shit is complicated, you think again.
“I’m going to be clear,” you begin, done with this little game of poking holes in your mind and opening your head for weaknesses. “I have no interest in betraying all of you. I’ve done too much for your side against Perseus starting three years ago. It’s a miracle I’m even alive and didn’t get caught sending all of you the codes—all because I believe that those in Perseus only care for chaos and little else. Which isn’t something I will agree with. Not anymore.” You were playing up Adler’s advise, to say you wish to save and not for any other reason. “That, and I killed the current Perseus and what I saw who the next leader of Perseus could be. We should focus on the other members who can be deadly in their own right as Perseus. My relationship with them was void the moment I said Solovetsky. No matter what I had to say or do to have them trust me. I did what I must.” And than, before Black could possibly say it or hint it, you trained your eyes to the best of your ability of where you think his were as you leaned forward a tad in your seat, hands gripping the arms of the chair. “I had a job to do. And there’s still a lot left.”
You saw Black converse with Hudson after a moment of silence. The both of them speaking for a few moments, turning their heads to a place in the room you couldn’t see due to the window but you imagine Adler was adding something to their conversation, whatever they were speaking on.
You were confident they couldn’t get rid of you. Still, the hands gripping the chair felt clammy.
You saw their heads turn back towards you.
“Well,” Black said with a call of your name, “Let’s get started than.”
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A/N: I would piss my pants if I ever got interrogated by Adler. I will poop my pants if Black got involved. We never see his face, and we don't get much dialogue--but from the little we get, I know he ain't someone to mess with.
Good thing that for Bell, interrogations don't quite work on them. Unless they're willing to give information. Touching on weak points isn't something Bell will wish to speak on.
Also, I would be scared talking to Hudson too. But I felt like these two had to talk. They gotta work together and I always found Hudson's tone and comments distasteful. He'll still act like a dick though, don't get me wrong. That's Hudson's whole personality. I actually think he’s growing on me. 💀
More Adler later. We need to focus on everything else because woah is there a lot going on.
Tell me if you wish to be tagged for my future works or to not be tagged.
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