#coda;

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Deathwish was not the song of yours that needed to come on shuffle right now...

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Your metaphor for us once was that we were always in the same room.

But even when I left, even when you left, we were always in the same house. If you die, there won't be a room. There won't be a house.

There will just be me and the world. Alone. Homeless.

I don't know how well I'd survive that.

Going through almost losing someone I love to something like this a third time. The hospital. The pain. The appointments. It would be really hard. Not as hard as watching you die by degrees. I can't force you to get checked out if you don't want to but I wish you would.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

I hope one day both of us will recover from what he did. Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing coming back to you because how will the wound close if you're worried about me being hurt again all the time? But I know both of us so well and no matter how we tried we were never any good apart. Fate brings us back into each other's arms time and time and time again. We were written on the stars, sung into existence by the wind, together when the universe took it's first breath.

And if you're going to die on me now. If this is more than just a headache, I will be there with you when you take your last breath. And I'll love you until I fade. I will find you in the next life as I always have and always will. And this time I'll be different. I'll be stronger. My heart wont be a million times too big. This time I'll protect you instead of the other way around.

I'm still counting every blue sky for you like I promised. I'm still keeping the list going of all the things we've always wanted to do. I always will. Please don't die on me. Please don't. I know maybe I don't deserve a happy ending. But I won't accept this one for you.

I wonder if I can make another deal. And if I do. What part of me will I have to sell to get it?

[floralxfade]

[xpropsandmayhemx]

I wish I could say you're not right to worry. I've learned since then and there will never be another him. But I also love the darkness in people.

I'll try to be more careful for you. I hope it's enough.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Is this happily ever after? Will my heart settle here and only here forever? I love you more than anything that ever was. But I also know I tend to love more than one person. Maybe this time I won't.