Counting stars and scars...

This is the sideblog for Vic Fuentes. Triggering things may appear here. All knowledge is ooc.

[thehopefulquotes]

Such wounds to the heart will probably never heal. But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

— Haruki Murakami

[xpropsandmayhemx]

You have me feeling something but that comment was definitely not what I meant to say. I just overflow sometimes and my thoughts get spoken/written out loud. But I did mean it.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Deathwish was not the song of yours that needed to come on shuffle right now...

[philosophybits]

“What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?”

— George Eliot, Middlemarch

[fighting-ghosts]

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Your metaphor for us once was that we were always in the same room.

But even when I left, even when you left, we were always in the same house. If you die, there won't be a room. There won't be a house.

There will just be me and the world. Alone. Homeless.

I don't know how well I'd survive that.

Going through almost losing someone I love to something like this a third time. The hospital. The pain. The appointments. It would be really hard. Not as hard as watching you die by degrees. I can't force you to get checked out if you don't want to but I wish you would.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

If I sing you to sleep, maybe I'll at least be useful again. It's not like I'm doing much good elsewhere. I'll pour all the love that has nowhere to go into every note and hope it makes it's way into your dreams and brings you peace.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

I hope one day both of us will recover from what he did. Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing coming back to you because how will the wound close if you're worried about me being hurt again all the time? But I know both of us so well and no matter how we tried we were never any good apart. Fate brings us back into each other's arms time and time and time again. We were written on the stars, sung into existence by the wind, together when the universe took it's first breath.

And if you're going to die on me now. If this is more than just a headache, I will be there with you when you take your last breath. And I'll love you until I fade. I will find you in the next life as I always have and always will. And this time I'll be different. I'll be stronger. My heart wont be a million times too big. This time I'll protect you instead of the other way around.

I'm still counting every blue sky for you like I promised. I'm still keeping the list going of all the things we've always wanted to do. I always will. Please don't die on me. Please don't. I know maybe I don't deserve a happy ending. But I won't accept this one for you.

I wonder if I can make another deal. And if I do. What part of me will I have to sell to get it?

[i-wrote-you-a-poem]

grief, i’ve learned, is really just love. it’s all the love you want to give but cannot. all that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and the hollow part of your chest. grief is just love with no place to go.

-1:25am

[intimatum]

David Mitchell, Slade House

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Talking to you the last few days has been making me feel more like myself again. Making me feel brave and understood and connected. I'm drawn to you. I want to know your stories and what makes you feel whole. I want to know you.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

I wish I could say you're not right to worry. I've learned since then and there will never be another him. But I also love the darkness in people.

I'll try to be more careful for you. I hope it's enough.

[wordsnquotes]

There are parts of you that want the sadness. Find them out. Ask them why.

Yrsa Daley-Ward (via wordsnquotes)

[xpropsandmayhemx]

I think I've lost myself lately trying to distance myself a little from everyone except Mike. It's just that when I really start talking to people, they tend to want a lot from me. And I give without thinking until it becomes too much and then I have nothing left for myself. But I'm also not me when I'm not connecting to people and loving them. So I'm trying...I hope it doesn't backfire.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

The stars keep trying to tell me something but I can't seem to hear them tonight.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Is this happily ever after? Will my heart settle here and only here forever? I love you more than anything that ever was. But I also know I tend to love more than one person. Maybe this time I won't.

[xpropsandmayhemx]

Please ignore anything below this post as it is outdated and no longer accurate. Thank you.