I just wanna say that comments left on Kirkmall are the best comments in the world and I love everyone who let us know that they laughed so hard they had to cough until they barfed or scandalised people on the train. It means so much that something I wrote with my darling wife @codenamecynic can make people laugh out loud (or hot and bothered *waggles eyebrows* ).
The fic is updating like once every 6-12 months atm but I’m pretty positive that there will be more content. In the meantime, let me reread the comments and have like a weird emotion in my heart gosh.
bettydice replied to your chat “me: i wonder if there’s any [rare-pairing] smut me: *scuba dives...”
Were you looking for more tim/sparatus porn
This is obviously a bid by my wife to bring back the most EPIC smut-fic ever to be co-written by two completely sober people, SO BACK IT SHALL COME
FIRST CONTACT
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Mass Effect
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: TIM/Sparatus, Illusive Man/Sparatus
Characters: Illusive Man, Sparatus (Mass Effect)
Additional Tags: Not crack fic, Sorry Not Sorry, otp: hungry eyes, Crack Relationships, Crack
Series: Part 5 of It came from the tumblr-verse
Summary:
Two fabulous writers combine forces to bring you this beautiful love story.
The Scandalous And Altogether True Adventures of Blobby & Pastey Hawke [Fic Update]
Kirkmall AU written by @codenamecynic and @bettydice (Fenris/f!Hawke, Cullen/f!Hawke)
Chapter 35: Fenris vs. Eggplant
No Alistair today. No. Alistair. Today.
Quiet.
Merrill had to pop out for a little while to buy… something… bee related, possibly. He’d just nodded and not really listened. His mind was busy playing the entirety of Rachmaninov’s Prelude in C Sharp Minor. It helped him tune out the incessant chatter of the rude people deciding the best place to come and talk to each other was a café. He felt sorry for the clearly superior people who came here to read or write or nap. If it were up to him, every table would only have ONE chair in front of it.
“A mocha latte with whipped cream, please.”
Fine, if it were up to him, he probably wouldn’t be working in a coffee shop at all. He liked it well enough, not too many customers (apparently the capitalist’s wet dream of a promenade had more appeal), the pay was decent and free food. But…
“I said de-caf, didn’t I? Also, skim milk, do I look like I want to drink pure fat?”
“You still want whipped cream on top?”
“Yes?”
Yeah… if it were up to him…
People ruined everything.
[READ THE REST OF THIS GRUMPY DUDE’S MUSINGS ON AO3]
The Scandalous And Altogether True Adventures of Blobby & Pastey Hawke [Fic Update]
Kirkmall AU written by @codenamecynic and @bettydice (Fenris/f!Hawke, Cullen/f!Hawke)
Chapter 31: Cullen & Bobby vs. Trying to Not Try (Part 1)
“I’m almost done here,” Bobby called apologetically over her shoulder. “Just gonna let this reduce a little more.”
“It’s no problem,” he said, almost by route, turning reluctantly away from the large cork board with its clutter of candid images to rejoin her, scooting one of the stools out to make space for his long legs on the bar side of the island that separated the rooms. “Though you didn’t have to go to so much trouble just for me.”
Bobby laughed, easing a tray of crostini onto a trivet shaped like a sunflower with - he was never getting over this - pot holders that looked like smiley face emojis. “Patsy thinks I can only cook in servings of twelve, which is… apparently true. Anyway, she shouldn’t complain, it just means she gets to eat for free.”
He grinned, took a sip of his wine. “If it tastes anything like it smells, she’ll have to fight me for the leftovers.”
“Well, if you’re still here in the morning, you can have first dibs.”
A couple of question! One, how does the co-writing thing actually work? For Patsy and Bobby - have you ever successfully kept a secret form your twin, and if so, what was it? If not, what's the one thing you most wish you had kept secret?
How does the co-writing thing actually work?
It’s 80% us talking through random scenarios involving the pasties (e.g. what would happen if they actually had to get rid of a body; planning their futures, which, if we ever wrote all that, we’ll write this FOREVER; Bela and Zevran as Cupids/Love Gods AUs - or is it actually canon? hehe), 15% crying over how much we miss the pasties but we forgot how to write and 5% actual writing.
We try to have a sort of timeline of what chapters are coming up and usually Cynic writes the Bobby/Cullen heavier chapters and I Fenris/Patsy ones, but it all depends on which one of us is actually able to bring words to paper. Sometimes we actually manage to write a chapter together and we take turns writing paragraphs! That’s a lot of fun and involves a lot of yelling (as everything having to do with Kirkmall lbr).
Patsy and Bobby - have you ever successfully kept a secret form your twin, and if so, what was it? If not, what’s the one thing you most wish you had kept secret?
Patsy: Bobby doesn’t know that the Hanna Solo Frozen In Carbonite toilet seat actually cost me like 500 bucks and I had to eat ramen three times a day for like a month to make my rent. She definitely doesn’t know that or I’d never hear the end of it.
Bobby: Patsy doesn’t know how many dates Mother actually arranges for me and that I go to most of them. Which is fine. I mean. Yeah. :) They’re just a little nuisance. It’s totally fine. :)
Not even gonna get into how this came about, I’m just gonna immortalize this here for @bettydice lmao
Cynic: Oh god, blobquisitor just met sera
Cynic: This is like the pasties playing d&d
Bobby: why are all your characters COMPLETELY INSANE
Bobby: you stole their pants, of course you did
Patsy: *backflips off a building* yolo
Fenris: dark back story *clenches fist*
Bobby: what was the mission again why am I glowing
Patsy: idk, but we need to stop at a merchant, I need to sell these pants
Fenris: reasonable
Cullen: guys
Cynic: Patsy probably leads every attack with a roll to get the enemy's pants
Patsy: I pickpocket his pants
Cullen: you successfully steal 13 gold
Patsy: No, I mean, his PANTS. I want to steal them
Cullen: ......... Why would you
Fenris: what's the situational modifier for being pantsless
Cullen: *sighs forever and calculates*
Cynic: They use this number constantly
Betty: Fenris so supportive of his gf
Cynic: He probably just wants to save money
Cynic: I MEAN BASICALLY THAT’S ALL OF DA2 ITS PERFECT
Fenris: how much did we get selling those pants
Fenris: WHAT that's not enough cant we get a better bargain somewhere else
Cullen: WHY DON’T WE GET BACK TO THE QUEST
Bobby: why don't you try this moldy scarf
Patsy: maybe I can steal their socks as well
Bobby: can't get the pants off without the shoes, so technically-
Cullen: *sighs and recalculates*
Cynic: By the end it's just the Good-Will-quisition, a resale shop for stolen/looted clothing
Bobby: I can enchant them for extra warmth ^__^
Fenris: that should bring us more money, do it
Cullen: *stares at 50 unused pages of planned out story*
Cullen: if this was an MMO, you guys would have ruined the server economy
Fenris: nerd
Cullen: who spent 4 days researching gear crafting to resale ratios?
Patsy: nerrrrrrrrrd
Fenris: *throws notebook from the table* you can't prove anything
Patsy: that's weirdly hot babe
Bobby: so is that yes or no on the socks of eternal flame?
Fenris: *Gets notebook back* you like that?
Patsy: +10 to your seduction roll *wink wonk*
Fenris: maybe you can steal my pants later
Bobby: 'underpants of perpetual chilliness' it is
Cullen: do you guys even need me
Bobby: I always need you babe
Bobby: how long would it take to enchant these gloves with lesser lightning bolt
Fenris: and would 10 gold be too much for those?
Patsy: I'm gonna steal that ladies bra
Bobby: electrified gloves, think of the applications
Patsy: nice
Patsy: do you have a vibrating spell
Ppatsy: maybe try earthquake
Bobby: I cast 'earthquake' on that lady's bra
Cullen: ............ A DRAGON ATTACKS
Patsy: is it wearing pants?
Bobby: does it want any special toys
Fenris: if we kill it, can we sell it for parts
Cullen: SESSION IS OVER
