#codependancy

[sacredsaints]

I always think that Jackie never really bothered or came across the idea of resentment or remotely feeling any type of the ways that Shauna felt (i know this is of course because she was the one putting this force onto Shauna) but in the sense that she would have loved to be Shauna and Jackie, forever tied; why she never even realized what was going on in Shauna's head and the things she was unconsciously doing to her...

I like to believe that Jackie always loved the idea of being someone and becoming someone thanks to Shauna; moulded, traced, formed, perceived around everything and anything that meant Shauna's presence was meant to be tainted all over Jackie's skin and soul. Turning them to be not two separated individuals but this jackieshauna all at once, merged into one, never knowing were she ended and the other began. She grew up with her so dependantly blinded; therefore, that had to meant something in the way she turned out to be. How she acted the way she acted when she saw how Shauna had grown apart and kept things from her, how she couldn't say anything meaner than that "Beaches" quote because she liked the idea of everyone thinking they were attached to the hip, how she cried and stumbled out of that door and not coming back into the cabin even though the freezing cold was all over her; just like once Shauna's presence used to be within Jackie's every inch.

Shauna was always behind her being, she was what made her feel entirely whole, if she didn't have Shauna at all then she didn't have herself at all, so why would she spare a single glance to the life ahead of her if it meant losing these every bits of herself.

Because without Shauna she feels nothing but pure solitude.

Love is natural and real but not for such as you and I, my love.

[bebemoon]

vittoria ceretti & mona tougaard in "codependancy" for 032c, ph. sebastian faena .

[loudmouthdreamsindatrap]

The perversion of love is that there is a subject of our fixation which must be preserved at all costs. Therefore, the very existence of what we love is faith enough for that we pronounce beloved. And thus so triangulation must be respected in the nature of our expression and developments in any environment. Meaning there is time to be basking and encouraging love and a separate time to be earning the visitation of this basic honourable right; admist a world of rages and horrors.

[pastorpresent]

Dean isn't supposed to be awake. He's supposed to be in his bed opposite Sammy's, snoring softly after a long day of being stuck in the impala while they made the seven hour drive to uncle Bobby's house.

He definitely isn't supposed to be eavesdropping, peeking through the doorway into the living room where his dad and Bobby were sat on the old couch, both with matching bottles of beer.

He isn't supposed to be listening, but as much as dad liked to praise his ability to follow orders - he was never quite as good as following rules.

He had heard Sam's name. If he hadn't, he probably would've just grabbed a glass of water and headed back to bed.

"It's getting harder to keep things from him. I told Dean about this stuff when he was five, and Sam's almost 10. He's going to catch on soon and... I need to do this before then," dad sounded stressed, more so than usual, and Dean watched him take a long drink.

Bobby sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"You sure this is even what you want? He's your son, John."

Dean felt something curl low in his stomach. It was that same sickly feeling he got whenever he saw a kid push his Sammy, or when one of the things they were hunting got a little too close to the motel. A feeling he had grown accustom to ever since that night in a burning house, running onto the damp grass with Sam pressed against his chest, his only thoughts being a mantra of protectyourbrother.

"That's why I need to do it. He'll grow up normal. The family seems nice enough, and anythings better than his life now. He'd be better off," dad sounded almost remorseful, and the conversation seemed to be frantically joining up in Dean's head to create a horrifying conclusion.

"You think he's gonna be happy gettin' shipped off to live with a buncha' strangers?"

Dad huffed a sigh, rolling his eyes, "don't, Bobby-"

"I get wantin' him to have a normal life, I do. But you're not thinkin' about what the boy wants. Hell, what about Dean? He doesn't like letting the kid out of his sight, he'll never talk to you again."

It was true. He wouldn't even try to deny it. It was selfish, probably. What dad was saying made sense, and maybe Sam would find a way to be happier. He could picture him with a nice family in a nice house, complete with a damn picket fence and puppy. The picture of suburbia, instead of questionable motel bed spreads and days sleeping in cars.

It didn't matter. He couldn't let it happen. He couldn't let Sam go, and that's all that mattered.

"I'm calling them, Bobby-"

"Don't!"

Dean came out from around the doorframe, and two sets of eyes immediately fell to him.

"You're supposed to be in bed!" Dad hissed, but it didn't hold the usual edge.

Bobby didn't say anything, busying himself with a drink from his beer.

"You can't send him away, dad."

"It's for the best-"

"Is it hell!" Dean yelled.

"It's bullshit, is what it is," Bobby mumbled from his seat, earning a brief glare from John.

"He stays with us. If you send him anywhere else I swear to god I'll leave too, or I'll go long enough to find him and bring him back," he growled, and he damn meant it.

Silence filled the room, and dad glanced over to the phone.

"I won't," he finally said after a moment, and Bobby seemed to deflate a little in relief.

Dean held his stance, arms folded over his chest, eyes locked on his father.

"You swear?"

He nodded, sagging back into the couch cushions, "I swear."

"Good," Dean affirmed, turning on his heel and heading back upstairs.

And so what if he spent a little while listening to Sam sleeping? He needed to know he was there.

[plumbus-central]

i hc that the sofa in the den is a fold out and thats where they put minnie for the time being.

And since neither of them can stand being alone while the other sleeps across the hall, rick and minnie both end up sleeping in there together more often than not.

[thtm0nster]

MUAH BEACH.

😘

[crones-trash]

Y'all know I have a fascination w books in the hands of people I follow on IG. The other day in her Insta feed, Aarika presented an open book.

Naturally, I zoomed in to see what I could be read.

Naturally, I felt sad about the sweet beauty not having found someone worthy of having an affair w/ her.

Then today Google proved its worth when I searched for "book with chapter title "A Love Affair with Yourself" & got the answer.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE

A couple of quotes from the blurb on the site stood out to me:  "...codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another..." Damn. I've done that. Also, "Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent."

After the disaster that was my second marriage, I didn't date anyone again for 6 years! Despite having a couple of years of therapy, it took that long for me to feel like risking my heart again.

Anyway, spin this new insight into Aarika's state of mind any way you please.